CLUMSINESS

When I arrive in the kitchen I finally breathe. I love Inès with all my heart and I want to make an effort but being in the middle of all these people is a real challenge.

I head for the veranda and then to the garden to get some fresh air and I'm once again surprised by the cold. One thing is for sure, I won't be outside for very long.

I'm used to the cold since I decided to move to Canada, but tonight I didn't choose the warmest clothes in my wardrobe.

I curse myself for choosing this light blouse.

After a few minutes I tell myself that it makes more sense to go back. It will certainly be less dangerous to face the crowd than to catch pneumonia.

Then I go back to the kitchen to pour myself a well-deserved glass of wine and a slice of cake before jumping back into the deep end.

I'm just about to walk through the swinging door from the kitchen to the hallway when at the same time someone bursts in. I let out a cry of surprise.

The contents of my drink have spilled all over my blouse, along with the appetising slice of cake I was looking forward to devouring. I look at the damage with a grimace and then look up to see John looking completely confused.

He hesitantly addresses me.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Lys...I didn't think anyone was in the kitchen..."

A little tense, I put my empty glass and what's left of my cake on the table and shook my head.

"You must have made a mistake...I'm here!"

Looking up at him I realise that my words came out a little too sharply. His face has become livid...He is about to speak but I cut him off with a calmer tone.

"But I guess I should have been a little more careful...It's not the first time this swinging door comes after me."

As I smile at him his face seems to relax.

Then his gaze falls on my blouse, the fabric of which has become transparent in certain places, and it is my turn to be embarrassed. He lifts his head and blinks a few times, then addresses me, pointing to the huge purple-red stain on my blouse.

"Is that...wine...?"

I nod, wrinkling my nose.

"It sure is! In other words...it's a total goner..."

He clears his throat and runs his hand over his neck.

"I'm sorry...I'll pay you back...Tell me how much it cost you and..."

"It was a gift."

He frowns and looks even more confused. I can't help but laugh at his broken face. He looks at me puzzled. I shake my head while addressing him in a light tone.

"You can relax...I didn't like it much anyway."

He widens his eyes.

"Really?"

"A gift from one of my father's ex-wives."

He smiles shyly at me running his hand through his dark hair.

"Well...in that case, is it necessary for me to apologize again as I was about to do?"

"There is no need! You did me a favour!"

A broad smile now lights up his face and I am struck by the beauty of his deep blue eyes as slight wrinkles form at the corners of them.

"I'm glad I could help you "- he laughs.

Touched by his frank laughter, I can't help but smile as I grab a towel to try and clean up the mess. When I finally raise my head, realising that my efforts to clean up the mess are in vain, I catch him staring at me and I notice that his embarrassment has returned.

Without waiting I nod towards the door.

"I'll go and change. I'm not really presentable anymore..."

He answers me with his eyes now riveted to the ground like a child caught in the act of a huge mistake and part of me wants to smile at seeing him like this.

"Yes...yes...of course..." - he says to me almost in a whisper.

He pushes open the door to let me through while looking away. I must say I appreciate this gesture and the reserve he shows.

"Thank you, John."

He gives me a slight nod without saying a word before disappearing into the kitchen.

I grumble as I smell the wine on me. What a start! It's time for me to go upstairs and clean myself up and get rid of this blouse.

When I get to the guest room I find my suitcase that Julian had taken care of earlier. I open it and choose a beige turtleneck sweater-dress and exchange my pumps for tennis shoes for comfort. I change quickly and go downstairs to find Inès.

When I arrive in the living room I find her in the company of Erine and Julian. Inès and Erine are laughing out loud. I walk towards them with a smile on my face.

"Well! It's pretty lively around here!"

Inès turns to me and laughs even louder.

"Oh beauté! You came at the right time! We were talking about the time Julian had to do Mrs. Elmer a favour for a whole week because he had run over her flowers with his scooter."

Julian and I look at each other for a second, suppressing a slight smile, and then I turn to Ines with a falsely serious expression.

"I think the punishment was a bit too harsh...Being a slave to this woman was pure abuse if you ask me."

My heart stops as Julian smiles at me with a raised eyebrow before replying with a serious look.

"To be honest I don't really have a bad memory of it. It was a life experience...very interesting."

Inès shakes her head and laughs.

"You're getting wise!"

I smile at Inès' mocking tone and then I see Erine looking at her watch before addressing her.

"It's getting late. I'm really happy to have been part of this little party but I have to get an early start tomorrow...I'm going now, sweetheart."

Inès gives her an encouraging look before taking her in her arms.

"I understand! I hope we'll see each other again soon. Have a good rest!"

Then Erine turns to me with a big smile on her face.

"Lys! It was really nice to see you after all this time."

"It was great to see you too! I hope we'll have a chance to see each other again before I leave."

She nods as she hugs me and then turns to Julian.

"I'll see you at the association meeting, won't I?"

"Yes, I'll be there! Send me a message when you get home, okay?"

She nods cheerfully and bats her eyelashes. The way she looks at him stirs me. I don't know what to think. Things have obviously changed a lot since I left.

Then she gives us another smile before leaving the room.

Inès then turns to Julian and me.

"It's not that I'm bored with you but my colleagues have been waving at me for a while now."

She gives me a mischievous look.

"Are you coming with me or are you staying in your cave?"

I look at the group before glancing briefly at Julian. It's a difficult choice. I've had enough social interaction today and at this point it seems wiser to stay here despite Julian's presence.

"I'll stay here for a while if you don't mind. I'll join you afterwards, okay?"

"As you wish, beauté!"

Then she turns on her heels and walks confidently towards her colleagues leaving Julian and me alone.

For a minute I watch my best friend in total silence, then Julian's voice breaks it as I'm about to leave.

"She hasn't changed, has she?"

I turn to him. His gaze is unusually gentle.

"Indeed." I say. "She's still the same. I don't know where she gets all that energy from."

We exchange a brief smile and then he speaks again in a light tone.

"...I really like what you're wearing."

I give him a confused look. I'm not a fan of compliments and I don't understand Julian's behaviour at the moment. He has never been the demonstrative type. I sketch a smile that says a lot about my state of unease.

"Thank you, Julian..."

He sighs before continuing.

"I'm glad you came into the conversation earlier...I felt a bit embarrassed to talk about the Mrs Elmer episode..."

I tilt my head to the side and smile slightly.

"I should have been the one to feel embarrassed...You lied to keep me out of trouble and took the punishment for me."

He then looks at me with that intensity I know so well...He puts his hand on my shoulder and brings his face close to my ear to address me in a whisper.

"It was worth it. If I had to be punished again I would do it without hesitation."

He then pulls away from me, leaving me with a strange feeling of nostalgia and utter incomprehension. My body struggles to recover from this physical contact. My signals are on alert as if I have just faced a great danger.

I decide to go back to Inès at once to think about something else. It is out of question that I let myself be submerged by old demons.

The rest of the night is filled with laughter and lively conversation. It's almost three in the morning when everyone leaves.

It's finally time for me to go to sleep. I'm exhausted but I don't know if I'll be able to sleep after this emotional moment.

Seeing Inès has completely stirred me but that's not the only thing.

Julian's words echo in my head as if he were still there whispering them to me.

Two years and a betrayal later I am still here. I curse my heart and its anarchic beating. I curse my weakness. I hate myself for not being able to stop being affected by Julian. His betrayal should have shielded me but I have to face the facts...I am still fragile.