62. Chapter 62

A late birthday present from me to y'all - the best gift would be a review :) Thanks for continuing to be patient!

"Daddy?"

"What's up, kiddo?" Jay set his phone down on the kitchen table and met his daughter's curious gaze, "Everything okay?"

He was waiting for a text from Erin to confirm that she had boarded her flight. While he wasn't in love with the idea of her venturing to New York by herself around the anniversary of Nadia's death, he knew that she was doing what she had to for the case. He only wished that he had been able to go with her, but he was needed to run point back in Chicago.

After about an hour of just sitting on the couch and comforting his little girl, Kate had finally calmed down. He had decided that some coloring was in order, and had set up a few of Kate's activity books on the kitchen table while they waited for Will to join them for dinner. Goose was lying beside his little friend, but kept his eyes trained on the door, as if he was waiting for Erin to return.

"Do I got magical powers?" Kate held her hands up tentatively, "Like Harry Potter?"

"Uh…" Jay instinctively glanced to his left for support from his partner and grimaced when he realized she was on a flight to New York. "Well, Squirt, Harry Potter is a fantasy book. Which means that it doesn't exist in the real world." He furrowed his brow again, trying to come up with an answer for an almost five-year old. "But I think that you have special powers that aren't necessarily like Harry Potter's, but they're special to you."

"So then I don't gotta leave to go to Hogwarts, right?" Kate asked, exhaling heavily, "Cause if I don't go real magical powers, then I don't get a letter."

"Nope, you're here forever," Jay smiled, "As long as you want to be with Mommy and me."

"I'm glad," Kate said softly, "Cause I thought 'cause Harry Potter saw his bi-logical parents get killed and had to live with bad people, that meaned I would have powers too." She let out another breath, "But I'm glad I don't gotta go far 'way."

Jay felt the color drain from his face.

Maybe reading Harry Potter hadn't been such a good idea. He hadn't even considered the fact that the story would resonate with Kate and wanted to kick himself for the oversight. His sweet and brilliant child had connected Harry's magical abilities to his tumultuous upbringing and had related it to her own.

Again, he desperately wished that Erin was beside him in that moment. She would know exactly what to say. He took a deep breath, "Um, well, Harry Potter is a little different than you, because uh, he um, never really had other parents. But what's important how is that Harry Potter found his friends, and Mommy and I, we found you." Jay winced at the pained response.

Kate furrowed her brow slightly, "But I got special powers?"

Jay nodded slowly, "Yeah, uh, you do. Like…you always make me smile whenever I see you." He stuck his tongue out playfully at the little girl and she giggled. "And… whenever Mommy needs something, you always know just how to make her feel better. And you make the best chocolate chip cookies. And Hank is never grumpy when he's around you."

"Oh!" Kate exclaimed, "I got luckier than Harry Potter, 'cause I got my parents." She smiled widely as Jay jumped up from his chair and boosted her into his arms playfully. "Ah, Daddy!"

"I think I'm luckier than Harry Potter, too kiddo," Jay breathed, holding her against his chest. Goose pressed his nose against Jay's leg, asking to be included in the family hug, "I know, we see you buddy."

"When's Mommy's plane landin'?" Kate asked after a moment, resting her head on Jay's shoulder, "How come she didn't call yet?"

"Let's see." Jay reached for his cell, which was resting on the table. "Mommy just sent a text message, they're boarding the plane now. So she'll be in New York in about two hours."

"But she still gonna call to say good night?"

"Yep," Jay kissed Kate's forehead, "Should we text her back together? What if we say, 'Have a safe flight, we love you'?"

"I-I wanna hear Mommy's voice," Kate whispered sadly, "I miss her ah-ready."

"I miss her too, kiddo. I can't promise she'll pick up, but we can try, okay?"

Kate nodded eagerly, gaze fixated on the cell phone as the dial tone played.

"Babe?" Erin answered, "Everything alright?"

"We just wanted to hear your voice before you take off," Jay smiled at Kate, "You're on speaker."

"Hi Mommy," Kate murmured, still resting her head against Jay's shoulder, "I miss you."

Erin felt her heart clench hearing her little girl's sadness through the phone. "Oh, I miss you too baby. But I'll see you and Daddy real soon okay? I'll be back before you know it."

"New York's not too far away, kiddo," Jay assured his daughter, "Only a two hour plane ride."

"And I'll give you guys a call when I get to my hotel, sound good?" Erin blinked rapidly, trying to keep her emotions in check. "Will's coming for dinner right?"

"Yep," Jay confirmed, "Have a safe flight babe, we love you and we'll talk soon."

"Bye Mommy," Kate said, her voice still laced with sadness, "I love you."

"I love you both so much. I'll call you when I land." Erin hung up and took a deep breath, waiting for the plane to take off.

"Jay Halstead," Jay said into the receiver, placing the phone to his ear and stifling a yawn. He reclined in his chair, tempted to put his feet on the desk, but he knew that Hank wouldn't be pleased if he saw that.

"Hi Jay, this is Alexa Carlson, Kate's teacher," the young woman began, "I'm just calling to-"

"Is she okay?" He interrupted, sitting up straighter in his chair, "Is Kate okay?" Ruzek turned his head and raised his eyebrows at his squad member's sudden change in demeanor.

"She's alright, really," Alexa emphasized, "I just wanted to check in and see if things were okay at home. Kate seems to be completely exhausted today, almost falling asleep in her chair, but she says that she feels fine."

"Oh man." Jay rubbed his face with his free hand, "Uh, yeah, things are fine but um, Erin's out of town for a few days, got called to help with a case out in New York. I didn't realize she was so exhausted though." He glanced down at his watch, "I can come and pick her up? What is she doing now?"

The night before, Will had arrived shortly after Jay and Kate had said hung up with Erin. While Kate was typically agreeable when it came to eating Italian food, the little girl was particularly out of sorts without her mother and just pushed the noodles around her plate, barely taking a few bites. Jay was growing increasingly nervous about Erin being in New York, both for her sake and for Kate's. Kate had gone to bed reluctantly and appeared to be sleeping when Jay periodically checked in. Though Goose had been a welcome distraction, the little girl was seriously missing her mother and as such, probably didn't sleep. As he sat at his desk, Jay cursed himself for not recognizing his own child's exhaustion.

"Well, she didn't want to go to the nurse to lay down," Alexa informed him, "and the kids are at lunch, but I think she just needs to rest. To be honest, Jay, I'm not sure she slept. She's wiped."

"I'm on my way," Jay decided, getting up from the chair and shoving his phone into his pocket. "Ruze, man, can you cover for me for like a half hour? I gotta go get Kate."

The younger office nodded quickly, "Yeah, totally. Everything okay?"

He shrugged, plucking his coat off the back of his chair, "I don't know, I thought she was sleeping last night but her teacher just called and said she's practically falling asleep in class. I know she's really anxious with Erin being in New York and that we've both been busy with this case but-"

"Say no more, go get your kid," Ruzek instructed, "If anything pops off, Kev and I will handle it."

"Thanks," Jay called over his shoulder, hurrying down the steps to get to his daughter as fast as he could.

Jay arrived at the school just as the children were heading into their classrooms from lunch. He instantly spotted his little girl in the middle of the line, slightly smaller than the rest of the kids. As the others raced into the classroom, Kate shuffled alongside, clearly exhausted. "Hey, Alexa," Jay greeted, following the group into Kate's classroom, "I'm here to pick up Kate."

"Hi, Jay," Alexa said warmly, gesturing to his daughter. Kate had taken a seat at her table and rested her head on one hand while her classmates seemed to be extremely energetic. "Thanks for coming. I think she just needs a good sleep."

He nodded and entered the classroom. "Are you a policeman?" A little boy looked up at Jay with eyes the size of saucers, having immediately taken note of the badge of Jay's waistband.

"I am," Jay nodded, offering a kind smile, "I'm also Kate's dad."

"Kate, your daddy is a police officer?" A young red-headed girl looked at Kate incredulously after witnessing the interaction between Jay and the blonde boy.

Kate widened her eyes and lifted her head off her hand, realizing that her father was standing in her classroom. "Yeah!" She broke out into a big smile, "My daddy and my mommy are both detectives," Kate said proudly, "And my grandpa is a sarge-ent."

"I'm here a bit early," Jay squatted down so he could meet Kate's gaze, "How do you feel about stopping by the district to see Grandpa Hank and Sergeant Platt, and then headin' home?"

She nodded and then yawned. "Goose is gonna be at the district too?"

"You bet." Jay stood and extended a hand, "Let's grab your backpack."

"Daddy comed to get me early from school," Kate informed her mother, who had called to check in after a long day working with the NYPD, "I got to leave before all the odder kids."

Jay bit the inside of his lip—he hadn't yet mentioned that their little girl had been so tired from not sleeping the night before that she had to be picked up early. It wasn't a conversation he wanted to have over the phone, because he knew that Erin would blame herself, as he would have done the same thing.

After stopping back at the district to say hello to Goose and Hank, the sergeant insisted that Jay take his granddaughter home, immediately recognizing how tired the child was. Jay and Kate settled on the couch to watch a documentary, but within two minutes she was fast asleep.

"Oh yeah?" Erin asked, holding the phone to her ear with her shoulder as she accepted her takeout, "Well, that must have been a fun surprise, huh?"

"Uh-huh," Kate agreed, snuggling in closer to Jay, "We went home and watched a documentary on emper-or pe-gwuins. But I falled asleep, so me and Daddy are gonna finish it later."

"Wow," Erin mused, "I'll be home in a day or two, baby, and maybe then we can head to the aquarium to see some real penguins, how does that sound?"

"Good," Kate smiled but then her face fell, "I miss you Mommy."

"I miss you too, sweetheart. And I love you so much. Can you give the phone back to daddy?"

"Bye Mommy," the little girl said sadly, passing the phone to Jay. She leaned dejectedly against his shoulder as he put the phone up to his ear.

"You picked her up early from school?" Erin asked, "How come?"

"She was exhausted," Jay said honestly, "But uh, we can talk more when you come home? How's the case looking?"

"Well, the prostitution rings are definitely connected, but all signs are pointing back to Chicago. So I'm probably going to hop on a flight home tomorrow." She let out a sigh. "I miss you."

"I miss you too." Jay stroked Kate's hair delicately, "How are you?" She shrugged, forgetting that Jay couldn't see her. But he could tell from her silence that it was not only a rough case, but bringing back a lot of haunted memories. "We love you babe. And I'm here if you need me. I can be on the next flight out."

"I'm fine, really," Erin promised, sliding the hotel key card into its slot, "I promise I'll call if anything happens, but I'll see you tomorrow night."

After he hung up the phone, Kate glanced up at her father nervously. "Everything okay, Squirt?" Jay asked, knowing full well that she had picked up on her mother's sadness and his worry.

She shook her head and blinked quickly. "I'm really worried 'bout Mommy."

"I know, kiddo, but she'll be home tomorrow. And she's strong, she'll be alright."

Jay answered his cell on the first ring. Even though it was well past two in the morning, his partner hadn't returned his last ten voicemails and text messages. Voight was eerily quiet about his almost-daughter, only shortly mentioning that she was taking furlough before slamming the door behind him.

They weren't a couple anymore, but she was still his partner, and Jay was worried sick. He saw the tell-tail sights on her spiraling out of control, but there was nothing he could say that seemed to make a difference. It had been over 48 hours since they had last spoken, and Jay feared the worst. So when Erin's name flashed across his cellphone, he breathlessly picked up, having been unable to sleep. "Erin? Are you okay?"

"Can you come g-get me?" A garbled voice hiccupped on the other end.

Jay tightened his grip on his cell, "Where are you?"

"I-I don't know," Erin slurred, leaning heavily against the brick building, the faint noise of techno music vibrating the structure, "I-I'm outside and I'm cold."

"Stay where you are, okay? I'm coming." Jay pulled a pair of jeans off the hamper and slipped a sweatshirt over his head before dialing Mouse.

"What?" He answered after three rings, "What's goin' on?"

"I need you to ping Erin's phone for me, right now," Jay rushed out, unlocking his car and climbing into the front seat, "Mouse? Are you listening to me? I need you to ping Erin's phone right now."

"I'm on it, I'm on it," Mouse replied, still half asleep, "Give me two minutes."

"C'mon man," Jay prodded, peeling out of his parking space.

"She alright?" His friend asked, "Haven't seen her in a few days."

"I don't know." Jay rubbed a hand over his face, "She called me and I need to get her right now, so-"

"She's at a nightclub on Division," Mouse interrupted, continuing to read the rest of the address, "Hope she's alright."

"Thanks buddy, me too." Jay hung up and stepped on the gas, intent on getting to his partner as quickly as possible.

He slowed to a stop outside the club, the steering wheel vibrating as the music continued to pulse. There were a few people stumbling out of the exit, intoxication evident by their uncoordinated motions and boisterous laughter. Jay squinted, trying to discern if his partner was among the crowds.

There was person sitting up against the wall in the alleyway, shoulders hunched up to their ears to ward against the late night breeze. He pulled closer to the curb and felt his heart drop after he recognized his partner's leather jacket.

Ignoring the fact that he was in a fire lane, Jay disembarked from his car and walked quickly toward Erin's shivering frame. "Erin," he called softly, bending to his knees in front of her, "C'mon, let's get you home."

Erin sluggishly opened her eyes and blinked, her eyes glazed with intoxication and whatever else she had coursing through her system. "W-what are you doing here?"

"You called me, remember?" Jay reached out a hand. Erin wrapped her arms tighter around her body and frowned.

"Why'd you come?" She narrowed her eyes, "We're not partners 'nymore."

Jay shook his head and touched her arm gently, "That doesn't matter right now. C'mon, it's late. And you're freezing."

"'m disgusting," she mumbled, making no moves to stand from her position curled against the wall.

"No, you're not," Jay shook his head again, "It's cold out here, Er. Let's get you inside and warmed up."

"Got kicked out 'cause I got sick," she slurred, her head lolling to one side, "Don't wanna get sick in your car."

"I'm not worried about my car right now, I'm worried about you." Jay rose and helped Erin to shaking feet. He guided her over to his vehicle and settled her in the front seat, grimacing as the stench of vomit, cigarettes and God knows what else wafted off his partner.

"Can handle myself," Erin replied listlessly, resting her head against the car window as Jay drove along the dark streets, "I don't need to be saved."

"I know," Jay said lamely, exhaling softly as he pulled in front of Erin's apartment building, "I know."

Maybe it was because he hadn't had a good night sleep in weeks, or maybe it was the familiar scent of his partner beside him, but Jay slipped into oblivion almost as soon as his head hit the pillow. After attempting to help her into pajamas and failing, Erin had drunkenly attempted to take Jay's pants off. He continued to insist that she was in no right mind to have sex, and after a while Jay finally got his partner to lay in bed with the promise that he would spend the night. He hadn't planned on leaving anyway.

A sharp cough drew him from his slumber and he snapped open his eyes. The bed was empty beside him and the sheets were cool, Erin nowhere to be found. His stomach dropped as he leapt to his feet and stumbled into the empty living room. "Erin?" Jay called out, unable to keep the panic out of his voice, "Erin?"

Another cough drew his attention to the closed bathroom door. "Erin!" Jay knocked forcefully, "Erin, open the door."

"'s open," a weak voice managed. He felt his heart clench in his chest at the sound of his partner's raspy tone and carefully opened the bathroom door.

She was slumped against the open toilet seat wearing only a lace bra and tight jeans, the top that she had worn to the club strewn on the floor and reeking of stale booze and vomit. Her newly short hair was matted to her forehead as she gripped the bowl, her skin an ashy grey.

Wordlessly, Jay reached into a drawer and pulled out a washcloth, wet it in the sink and sank to his knees beside his partner. "Talk to me," he whispered softly, extending the cloth to Erin, "What's going on?"

Erin shook her head and retched, the tequila shots from the night before making an unfortunate reappearance. She was a mess, with vomit in her hair and the dark nightclub stamp standing out on her pale and quivering hands. She made a feeble swipe for the damp cloth, missing the fabric entirely.

"Let me," Jay said gently, lifting the cloth to wipe her forehead, "It's okay, Erin."

She retched again while Jay ran the cloth down her neck and let out a low whimper. "S-s-sorry," Erin rasped, running a hand over her lips, "Y-you don't have to be here."

"You're my partner," Jay replied, tenderly wiping the tendrils of hair that were crusty with the mistakes of the night before, "You're not getting rid of me that easily."

She scoffed, but her twisted features softened as he ran the cloth across her chest. "I-I-I failed her." Erin's voice cracked and she choked back a sob, "It's my fault she's dead."

"It's not, not at all," Jay stressed, pausing his motions to tilt her chin so she was looking into his eyes, "Erin, please, listen to me. It isn't your fault. You saved her. You know as well as I do that she would have been far worse off without you. You stepped in and you turned her life around."

"I got her killed," Erin insisted, her hands shaking as she pushed herself away from the toilet, "I-I need to shower, you got to go."

"Erin…" Jay looked sadly at his partner, barely supporting her body on trembling legs. "I need you to promise me that you'll call if you need help, okay? Promise me."

"Fine, fine. You gotta get to work, go." Erin shooed him out of the bathroom, leaning heavily on the doorframe, "I-I'll text you, okay?"

Jay had no desire to relive that heartbreaking night. Hearing his girl blame herself for the death of her friend brought back demons of his own, and with Kate in their lives, neither of them could afford to make those same mistakes again. "What if we do something spesh-ul for Mommy when she comes back?" Kate asked, pulling Jay from his reverie, "We could make cookies?"

"That's a great idea, kiddo." Jay leaned down to kiss the top of Kate's head. "You know what? What if we made a birthday cake?"

"It's Mommy's birthday?" Kate looked up at her father in surprise, "How comed she didn't tell?"

"Well, it's not for a few days. And Mommy isn't a big fan of her birthday, but I think if you and I made a cake, that would be just perfect." Jay paused, immediately realizing that he made the mistake of letting it slip that Erin hated her birthday.

Just as he predicted, Kate furrowed her brow slightly, "How come Mommy don't like her birthday?"

"Um, well, you remember when Mommy told you a bit about her friend Nadia?" Jay sucked in a breath, recognizing that he was about to tell his almost five year old about a friend who had been brutally murdered. When Kate nodded, he continued, "So a few years ago, Nadia was hurt by a very bad man. And it happened on Mommy's birthday. And because of that, her birthday tends to make her a little sad. But, I think us baking a cake would be a really nice surprise and make her feel a whole lot better."

Kate nodded, slowly absorbing Jay's story. "How 'bout a 'nilla cake?"

Family time up next :)