Despair

I can't remember the last time I felt like I was really living life. Has it always been this devoid of energy, colorless and numb? Sometimes I wonder if I'm even living life at all. Am I even alive? Maybe if I go all the way back to the beginning, I could find some thing, some memory which could prove I can feel emotions.

Let's see. First off, my name is Fei. It's all I got from my parents. They both got caught up in some gang wars during the early stages of Republic City, back before the police force cracked down on crime. That left me as an orphan… but instead of going to a nice orphanage like a regular kid, me and the others in the area who lost their parents were taken in by my uncle, Kai Yudong.

Now you may think, "Aw that's great his uncle took him in!" but no, life doesn't work that way. You see, Uncle Kai is a gangster. Not just any gangster, but one of the biggest bosses in Republic City's underworld. Now what would a mob boss use some recently acquired orphans for? Well first he sorted out the benders and non-benders.

The benders were given slightly preferential treatment, as they were going to be trained as weapons for the gang. I was put in this group due to my talent for fire bending. We lived and trained in the main hideout, though living was an overstatement at times. Surviving was a better descriptor.

The non-benders were sent to learn crafts from different shops and places owned by the gang. Let's just say that they had an even worse time. I can say this confidently because less than half of those guys survived longer than a year.

The benders were slowly whittled down over the years, constantly training and fighting. Sometimes Kai forced us to participate in gang fights, where we weren't allowed to show mercy to anyone. If we did, the whole group was severely punished afterwords.

Eventually there was only me and another kid left in the gang. Everyone else had died off some time or another. His name was Yu, and he was the closest thing to a friend I ever had. He was a good water bender, good enough to teach me some things about flow, which greatly improved my bending style, as my fire began to flow like water.

It was the night after a big victory, during the gang's celebration. My uncle got drunk and decided he wanted some entertainment, so he made me and Yu fight. At first we were confused so we didn't do anything and because of our hesitation, he got angry, declaring that we could not rest until one of us killed the other.

When we realized he wasn't joking around, Yu and I locked eyes, both of us mustering the strength to kill someone we've grown up with, fought beside, and confided with.

So this is my proof of existence, the sadness I felt that day. The anger. And after that… emptiness. So that's where it started. I think I used to laugh and smile with the other kids, but because of Kai, none of them will ever smile again.

Since I'm recounting this all, you can probably tell that I won. Well, not exactly. We were pretty much even the whole time, until I slipped on a piece of scrap metal. I thought my life was over, but Yu caught me instead of killing me. This really pissed off Kai, who then preceded to beat Yu to death right in front of me.

After seeing how powerless I was to stop him, I kept training, harder and harder, so one day I could avenge all of the kids he had killed. The thing is, it was merely an objective. There were no feelings after that day, only a goal.

As I got more powerful, Kai began to use me more and more as a tool against his foes. With me, the Striking Talons rose to even greater prominence in the underworld. With each fight I learned more, got stronger, and got hurt a lot. Even when injured, I still had to fight. This earned me the nickname 'Wounded Goat Gorrilla'. I was merciless, solely due to the fact I had no empathy."

Eventually we got caught up in the business of the Triple Threat Triad and a big fight broke out, in the middle of which I blasted that scum bucket of an uncle to the real underworld. Then I ran. After the Striking Talons were completely wiped out, except for me, I realized that I had nothing to do anymore after completing my mission. So that's why I'm here, spilling my life story to you so you can lock me up and I can rot away in peace.