Humility

"Vali's in place, nyaa," Kuroka said, sliding along the bench to cuddle up to Eren and rubbing her face affectionately against his side.

"Hm," Eren grunted in acknowledgement, tapping his cane rhythmically against the ground.

Kuroka looked up to the boy, glad to be able see his eyes since he decided to get rid of those annoying bandages when on the bench.

"Nyaa?" She rumbled in question at his distant look. "Did something happen? This was an important step, right? Vali said you nagged him a lot."

"It is," Eren answered absentmindedly. "I can't see why it's important, but it is. Otherwise, the entire plan falls apart. And I'm glad we can get rid of that annoyance."

Kuroka hummed, continuing to rub her face against his chest.

"Is it because you can't see it because of the bench?"

"Yes and no. There is a blank spot the entire time I'm on the bench, and I can't check it now. But my presence with Vali would also lead to failure. I know what happens. Vali has told me in other futures, but I don't know what the exact steps are because those are not this future, the one that will happen."

Eren paused, sighed, and stopped tapping with his cane.

"That's how it has always been. I see the end I want. I try to replicate the steps to get there. I try and try and try to find the best way to get there, one where I don't hurt people. But there isn't a future like that. I can only control myself. I wouldn't control others even if I could. So I have to focus on certain key steps and moments that have to go right to get the future I want."

As always, hearing about Eren's powers was endlessly fascinating to Kuroka.

Not only because any future Titan Kittens might inherit the same powers and because she wanted to be able to help her children but also because it allowed her to understand Eren more. His mindset. His burden.

His limits.

"Any new discoveries, nyaa?" Kuroka asked curiously as Eren started scratching behind her ears just the way she liked it. When he looked at her blankly, she elaborated: "About the bench and your powers?"

"I think it is time-based, not proximity," Eren said. "I think if I don't sit on the bench for a while, my vision will return. Either all at once or slowly. I haven't tested it. Longer than a few hours, at least longer than twelve, maybe a day. I don't know."

It was an interesting tidbit but not really what Kuroka had hoped for. Still, it was something.

"So you knyaaow when you'll leave the bench?" Kuroka couldn't help the yawn that escaped her as she stretched lazily, laying across Eren's lap.

She didn't forget to flaunt her breasts, of course, but Eren was still lost in thought and didn't react.

"Not the exact date," Eren denied. "I've been here for over a year and been unable to use that form of my power. But I do remember the general time frame. It's getting closer."

Kuroka looked up at the young man as he gazed at the sky.

"Is that why you are like this? Or is that woman?"

Eren's hands froze on her head.

Only for a second, then he resumed.

"Mikasa is part of it," Eren admited, not looking at Kuroka.

"Are you certain it is her? It could be a trap from one of the factions of the Brigade or the New Satans."

"It's her," Eren denied immediately. "She knows things I never told anyone. And even after all these years, she is still... her."

So many feelings roiled in Kuroka's chest at the thought of Mikasa Ackerman.

There was jealousy abound. There was jealousy at the emotions in Eren's voice when he spoke about her, to her, or around her. There was jealousy at the way the pair could silently communicate so fluidly. There was jealousy at the secrets the two shared only between each other, secrets that even Kuroka was ignorant of.

She was jealous that the love that seemed to have been reserved for Kuroka was now something she had to share with a woman who came out of nowhere.

Apart from jealousy, though, there were many other emotions.

Hatred, for one. 

Kuroka had always known there was a woman in Eren's past he had loved, even if he never spoke about it. The way he danced around the issue had made that clear.

While Eren never said anything, Kuroka had put enough pieces together to know that this woman, this Mikasa, had hurt Eren. Whether it was accidentally or on purpose, Kuroka didn't know, but she hated the woman who had hurt the man she loved.

If that had been all, Kuroka would have had no problem hating Mikasa Ackerman.

But life and emotions were never so cut and dry.

After discovering the pair together on the bench, Kuroka had watched them over the last few weeks and realized something.

She saw it in the wonder in his eyes when he looked at her, like every time he saw her, Eren couldn't believe she was real and with him.

She heard it in Eren's voice when he asked Mikasa about their old world. The closure Eren had always been missing as he listened to what happened to friends he had left behind.

She felt it in the touch of his skin, the omnipresent tension that had lightened ever so slightly as if a burden he had carried for so long had been taken from his back.

She understood it in the way Eren acted. The life that had been absent in the automated machine for years was slowly bursting to the fore.

Eren had changed from his time on the bench. He would continue to change, Kuroka was sure.

But Kuroka also realized something, watching the man she loved look at another woman with evident love: He would not change alone. It took these young devils to get him started, Kuroka's support to carry him along, and more.

Eren needed Mikasa.

If Eren was ever to heal, he needed this woman.

And Kuroka couldn't bring herself to hate someone who could be the key to Eren's smile.

But it hurt. 

It hurt to not be the one Eren needed.

So yes, Kuroka's feelings about Mikasa Ackerman were mixed, complex, and not easily dealt with.

And they hadn't even properly met yet.

"It's her, then," Kuroka said, pressing her face into Eren's chest so she didn't have to look at him. "She's part of it, nyaa. What else are you thinking about?"

Eren didn't say anything for a long moment, just running his hands through her hair.

"It's... everything," he eventually answered. "Mikasa, me, our world, this world, how we got here, why we are here... Everything."

"You are still trying to find out why you are smiling in the end, aren't you? Leviathan's Pawn is not the reason."

"...No. She's not. I am happy to see her. So happy. Learning about what happened after I died is more than I could have ever hoped for. I am so glad I got to wrap that scarf around her again."

His hand stopped moving through her hair.

"But?"

Kuroka felt Eren start to shake.

"But her presence makes everything so much worse."

"Nyaa?" Kuroka asked, pulling her face away from him to judge his expression.

Eren stared resolutely at the sky, teeth biting his lower lip and his fist clenched.

"She'll understand," Eren spat as if accusing the sky. "Mikasa will understand the horror of what I am going to do. Nobody in this world would have, but she will. And... I don't think I can do that to her. Not again."

"You love her."

It wasn't a question.

They both knew the answer.

"I hurt her," Eren eventually said. "I hurt everyone, but of those I... cared about, her most of all. And she didn't deserve it. None of them did. None of you do. But it's all I do. Hurt people. More than anyone, I hurt the people I love."

Eren took a deep breath, and his shaking stopped. 

As he let it out, the rage left him with the air.

Leaving a husk.

A simple Senjutsu technique Kuroka had taught him to maintain control.

She hated seeing him use it.

"I didn't want to. I still don't want to. But I will. I know I will hurt everyone. The future I've seen, that terrible day, is getting closer. I can't stop it. So why? WHY?! Why was I smiling?"

It always came back to that smile.

Mikasa's presence was necessary to help Eren change, but it wasn't everything.

So Kuroka did what she always did.

She took all those complex feelings, jealousy, pain, and hurt, and she buried them deep within herself.

Kuroka didn't deny them. No practitioner of Senjutsu ever would. They'd have their time.

But that time was not now.

Right now, someone she loved was in pain, and she was the only one who could help them.

Kuroka sat up, adjusted her kimono, and, in as fast a move as she could make, grabbed Eren's chin and pulled him down for a kiss.

Not even two years ago surprising him was impossible.

Now? Eren froze at the brazen act of affection, mouth opening in surprise, and Kuroka deepened the kiss.

Long, deep, and filled with every emotion she could convey, Kuroka kissed Eren.

Eventually, the surprise faded, and Eren began to kiss back.

Satisfied, Kuroka pulled away with a smile and a rumbling purr.

Which immediately turned into giggles at the embarrassed flush on Eren's face.

"That's better, nyaa," Kuroka said, leaning against Eren's chest again. "You need to stop obsessing about the future. You said it yourself. It will happen. You might not know why you are smiling in the end, you might not know until that moment, but you will know then, right?"

"Yes, but-"

"No buts!" Kuroka held a finger to Eren's lips and gave him a saucy smile. "Stop worrying about the smile. Maybe you can't understand it because you are trying to, nyaa? Instead of asking why you're smiling, ask a different question."

Eren looked like he was going to say something, but he stopped, bit his lip again, and hesitantly spoke up.

"Why me?"

"Nyaa?"

"Not—" Eren cut himself off, took a deep breath, and started again. "Not just why do I keep doing this. Why her specifically? Why Mikasa and me? It's not a coincidence. It can't be. Out of everyone from our world, it's both of us. And this bench happens to be right where the sister of Serafall Leviathan is going to school? It's obviously someone's plan." 

"Why they want you is obvious," Kuroka said. "Your power and what you will do with it."

While Eren had never confided every step of the plan to anyone, not even her, Kuroka knew more than anyone else. She could think of a hundred different beings who would want Eren to follow his plan and at least a half dozen factions.

"Maybe it's Ophis' big plan, nyaa?" The Stray Devil said with a giggle, and even Eren snorted dismissively.

Ophis might have the power to organize something like that, but the Ororboris Dragon was... not a long-term planner.

"I understand why they want me," Eren nodded, starting to tap his cane again. "It's Mikasa's presence I don't understand. If they know me, they'd know I am less likely to go through with it with her here."

Kuroka suppressed the twinge of jealousy again and seriously thought about the matter.

"She must have some role to play in the plan. You can't see her, right? But she's Leviathan's Pawn. She's important." Kuroka's words didn't ease Eren's worries, so she tried something else. "Maybe it's not about your plan. Maybe she's important after?"

"After?" Eren asked as if the word was foreign to him. Tap tap.

"After you... die." Not that Kuroka would let that happen. "You can't see after that either, right? Maybe her part comes later."

"After," Eren repeated, trailing off. Tap tap.

"You never thought about what will happen after we're done, nyaa?"

"I know what will happen," Eren shook his head. "It will be the same in my world. Devil, angel, human, it doesn't matter. People are the same everywhere. Even now, when the world knows about the Chaos Brigade knows about Ophis, they aren't changing. A common enemy will never unite people for long. They'll get right back to fighting each other as soon as they can. Some haven't even stopped."

Tap tap.

"Sure," Kuroka nodded. "But I don't mean in general. I mean her specifically. You don't know what she'll do after, right? You said she'll understand. Maybe she's here to understand you?"

"Understand me? Can anyone ever truly understand anyone else?"

Tap tap.

"Never completely, nyaa," Kuroka shook her head. "It's impossible to completely understand someone. But, with enough time and effort, we can understand parts of each other. I might not understand the Eren from your world, but the Eren with me now? I understand him a little more every day."

The tapping stopped.

Eren's mouth opened, but no sound escaped.

Kuroka continued.

"You'll hurt her. I'm sure you don't want to, but you will. Either when she finds out who you are or when she finds out what will happen."

Just as Kuroka could see the love in Eren's eyes, she could see it in Mikasa Ackerman's every movement around the boy.

"She'll fight us," Eren said slowly, not looking at the woman beside him. "She won't succeed, but she'll fight us. They all will. They're good kids."

It took Kuroka a moment to realize Eren was talking about Shirone, the Gremory Peerage and Levithan's sister, on top of Ackerman.

"You'll hurt them too," Kuroka nodded with a grimace. Shirone wouldn't be happy, but she'd understand in the end. Kuroka was sure she'd understand. Still, best to cheer up Eren for now. "But they are strong kids. She lived after you died once, and they will, too, right? They have their entire lives ahead of them."

Eren would, too, if Kuroka had anything to say about it, but she didn't tell him that.

"You're right," Eren still spoke slowly as he looked into the distance. "They'll be here long after I'm gone. So will she. Mikasa's strong—the strongest. She'll never give up."

While it didn't feel nice to hear him complimenting the woman, Kuroka was at least glad Eren wasn't brooding anymore.

Then Eren looked at her, something in his eyes that even Kuroka had never seen before.

"You too," he said. "You'll be here. You all will be forced to live the world I'll build. Mikasa will understand, but you won't. You can't."

She didn't know why her survival was a revelation to him. Eren had flat-out told her that she didn't die.

This also wasn't the first time Eren had spoken about their inability to understand what he was doing.

It wasn't like he was concealing it either, so it wasn't a secret. It was more like Kuroka was missing some context, and she still wouldn't get it even if he told her flat out.

If Ackerman would understand, then it had to be related to their home world. Something only people who had lived there, who had experienced it first hand, would understand.

"Kuroka," Eren suddenly demanded, grabbing her shoulder and continuing to stare into her eyes. "I can trust you, right? Fully?"

Her heart skipped a beat.

Did he know? Had he always known?

Still, Kuroka knew how his ability worked, so if she ever admitted to it, even if caught, he could peer into a future where she did so and know the truth.

So Kuroka lied.

"You can," she nodded. "You know you can, nyaa."

Eren continued to stare into her eyes.

"Not just with the plan," he continued. "With everything. Can I trust you even after I die?"

This was getting too close for comfort for Kuroka, so she deflected.

"Don't worry, I'm not going to hurt her, nyaa," Kuroka said reassuringly.

"Hurt her?" Eren repeated, looking confused.

"Mikasa, nyaa~" Kuroka singsonged. "I'll make sure not to hurt her."

"What?" Eren asked, baffled. "What are you talking about?"

"Your harem," Kuroka said with a sly smile. "Don't worry, I'll make sure there's no infighting."

Eren flinched, recoiling from her and letting go of her shoulder.

"We've never- I mean, I've never..." Eren babbled, shame covering his face.

Kuroka pressed the attack.

"I never expected you to be so sly," Kuroka giggled. "You shut down everyone in the Brigade. Was it just because you have a type? Jeanne will be so disappointed."

"Wha-"

"I see you with them, you know," Kuroka leaned forward on the bench, pressing herself against Eren. "The way you have those girls eating out of the palm of your hand. It's the dark hair, right? You should have told me."

"Kuroka."

"Poor Gremory. She'll have to dye her hair. Not Shirone, though. I forbid it. She's too cute as she is now. You'll just have to learn to love white hair, too. You'll have time. She's too young right now."

"Enough."

The steel in Eren's tone froze Kuroka in place.

It took her a moment to realize where she was, hands pressed on both sides of Eren's head as she loomed over him, tails waving frantically in the air behind her and ears flat against her head. Her breasts had even spilled out of her kimono.

Eren wasn't looking at any of that, though. His grey eyes bore into hers, unflinching even though he had been pushed against the side of the bench.

"Sorry," Kuroka said softly, pulling away and looking at the ground as she readjusted her clothes.

Eren watched her, not saying anything until she had composed herself.

"Matting season," he asked.

She appreciated his voice's lack of judgment or accusation, but it wasn't needed.

"No," Kuroka denied, still not looking at him. "Just got carried away a bit."

She wasn't lying, per se. She had diverted his attention with teasing as intended, but seeing his reactions had encouraged her on.

Why was it that she had to hide when Eren could finally express emotion?

Kuroka repeated the trick she had taught Eren, taking a deep breath and letting her frustration out with the air.

"What was that about?"

"Just... coming to terms with the change, I guess."

"Change?"

"I'm not the only one you love anymore."

Eren didn't say anything. 

She didn't expect him to.

"Like I said, don't worry. I'll make sure not to fight Mikasa after everything. And I'll make sure the others are taken care of. Shirone cares for them, too, so I'll be seeing them a lot. You can trust me with them."

"That's... not really what I was worried about."

"You don't need to worry. Harems are the norm in the supernatural world. Once we can talk, I'm sure I can get along with her."

"That is really not what I was worrying about. You've been following Issei, haven't you?"

"Don't worry," Kuroka repeated. "Like I said, it's pretty standard—not just for guys but for girls, too. We nekomata are encouraged to have kids from a wide variety of races, you know? Devils are known for it, of course, but every long-lived race has some form of polyamory. Can you imagine being in love with only one person for thousands of years?"

"Yes."

"Then you are the exception, not the rule. Regular humans with no power have trouble lasting a few years, so imagine when you live for centuries, are surrounded by beautiful beings, and have a low fertility rate. Monogamy just isn't viable long-term for most of us. Even humans have lived most of their history with some sort of system-"

"Kuroka," Eren cut her off, and the nekoshou shut her mouth with a click.

She had been rambling, following a train of thought, all while unwilling to look at the man with her.

Ah, Kuroka had tried. She had really tried.

Why couldn't she just be happy?

"Kuroka," Eren asked, the steel bending into a hint of worry. "Are you all right?"

Was she?

"No," Kuroka denied, unwilling to lie. The tears came, heavy and wet. "I'm not." 

She finally looked at him, trying to give him her usual teasing smile, even through the tears.

Her lips moved upwards, but the weight kept pulling them down. 

"The man I love is going to die soon, and I can only spend time with him in secret."

It was Eren's time to look away in shame once more.

Even if Kuroka planned to change that future, she knew the odds weren't great. Everything Eren had ever predicted had come true without fail.

Neither said a word for a long moment.

Ah, she must look like a mess. She couldn't do this. 

She needed to be the cool Onee-sama. 

She needed to be the woman leading the Chaos Brigade. 

Kuroka needed to be someone Eren could trust.

"Sorry," Kuroka repeated, wiping her eyes. "It's not your fault. I made the decision to go to Stray before ever meeting you. I have to live with the consequences."

"I could-"

"You cannot leave," Kuroka cut off with a glare, eyes still wet but unwilling to entertain the idea. "Not until you have to. I will not force you to live like you did before just because I am feeling lonely."

She wanted to be with Eren, but she wanted him to be happy even more.

Like it or not, Eren was happier here, on this bench, than he had been in all the years she had known him. 

Kuroka didn't take that personally, understanding that his power, more than the lack of her presence, was the main factor. 

It still sucked balls, as Shirone would say.

"You could-"

"No, I can't," Kuroka's glare redoubled. "They find out I am here and we will have to move forward with the plan early, and you'll have to leave. It's not even Ackerman. It'd be the same if she was gone. So, no. I will not meet them until it is time, either."

Eren's jaw clenched, fists tightening around his cane.

He wasn't angry at her, Kuroka knew.

"You don't deserve this," he eventually growled through clenched teeth. "None of this. None of you do. Yet I..."

She never wanted to see that look on his face.

Kuroka raised a hand to gently caress Eren's cheek, rubbing her fingers along his shifter marks and giving him a sad smile.

"You don't deserve it either," she said softly. "Nobody deserves anything. You told me that. But I have never regretted any of it. I never regretted loving you."

Eren leaned forward, resting his forehead against hers.

"I still have time," he said softly. "We still have time."

"We're going to make the most of it, nyaa," Kuroka said with a wet smile. "I'll take every second with you I can. But..."

Kuroka took a deep breath, steeling her resolve.

She had been vacillating on this decision for weeks, ever since learning who Mikasa Ackerman was to Eren.

In the end, Kuroka chose those she loved.

She always did.

"Before you leave the bench, you need to tell her how you feel."

"Kuro-"

"And!" Kuroka cut Eren off. "And you'll tell her about me. At least everything you can without jeopardizing my role. After that... Whatever happens after that, I want you to do what makes you happy."

"Kuroka," Eren said softly, pulling away and looking at her in bafflement. "Why are you doing this?"

She knew what he meant. Eren would never be able to give her the same... permission she had just given him.

But she was not Eren Yeager.

She was Black Cat Kuroka, the most infamous Stray Devil alive.

"Because I would want the same in her situation. I do want the same. Knowing someone you love is going to die, and not being able to hold them one last time... I don't want to feel that. I don't want someone you love to feel that either."

Kuroka hadn't been lying about the polyamory aspect of the supernatural world. Everything she had said was true. 

It was increadibly common, and she had honestly never expected to 'settle down' as it were with someone. She had expected to find men she liked, certainly, but never stay with them long.

Kuroka had never forgotten her mother, nor had she forgotten what happened to the woman who gave her heart to one man alone and the tragedy that followed.

Kuroka had never understood Fujimai until meeting Eren.

She was increadibly jealous of Mikasa Ackerman. That had never changed and would never change, whether the other woman was with Eren or not.

Kuroka wasn't jealous of the kiss she knew they shared.

Kuroka was barely jealous that Eren loved someone else. She had honestly expected something like this years ago with how universally attractive power was to supernatural races. Eren had power in spades.

No, Kuroka burned with jealousy because she was no longer number one in Eren's heart. 

She had been. 

For years, Kuroka could say with a hundred percent confidence that Eren loved nobody like he loved her.

Now, she couldn't.

And that hurt.

Because there was nothing she did wrong, nothing she could do, that would change reality.

Kuroka knew emotions didn't work like that. Eren couldn't just stop loving Mikasa, any more than Kuroka could stop loving him.

There was too much history there. History Kuroka hadn't been a part of and barely knew about.

She knew.

Kuroka knew that she just had to say the words, and Eren would never touch Mikasa in that way again.

She knew because he hadn't, even after all these weeks, even kissed her again.

If Kuroka wished it Eren would live the rest of his life and go to his death having been 'loyal' to her.

And he'd never smile then.

Not when he repeated one of his greatest regrets.

Not when he was forever haunted by the love that never was.

For the man she loved, for the smile they both wanted to see, Kuroka would live with her jealousy.

"I'm doing this because I love you."

It was not a night of passion.

It was not a romantic fairy tale.

It was a kiss tinged with salty tears, fueled by grief for an inevitable parting and lament at the complexity of love and life.

And it was just as beautiful as any other moment that passed on the bench.