14.

Farah's pov:

Past...

Farah: What are you doing Bhai(brother)?

Adil Khan: playing with you.

Adil Khan is my cousin's landlord's son. We have come to Lahore for a month. I am five years old. And Adil is 15. He is a good boy and plays with me and gave me chocolates. I came to Lahore with my aunt as mom and dad were busy with some work.

I thought to myself what kind of game is this. May be hide and seek but why he is then with me. I asked innocently.

Farah: What kind of game is this?

Adil: it's a special game but don't tell anyone, otherwise I will not play with you. Now turn around.

I became upset and thought If I didn't play this special game with him then he will not play with me nor give me chocolates so I obliged. He removed mine lowers.

Farah: What are you doing?

Adil: shush!

I felt strange but didn't understand a thing. I felt something at my back.

Present:

I closed my eyes and tears shed from my eyes and shahid came to me and hugged me and say in comforting words.

Shahid: shush baby. I am sorry.

I felt his veins pop from his arms even though he is comforting still I feel how much angry he is.

I continued but shahid stopped me.

Shahid: no need to continue, I know what you want to say.

Farah: no it's not just that but I want to say. I felt like I dying of burden. I have not told anyone not even my best friend Ahlam. And nothing happened after that he just only touched with his...

I saw the rage in his eyes like he want to murder someone.

Past...

A few years had passed after that incident. I didn't realize what had happened to me and completely forgot that incident. I was in middle school and I was watching a movie with Ahlam and there was some sex scene on tv, suddenly past memory got into my mind and I realized that I was sexually abused. I thanked God that nothing further happened at that time maybe I would have not been alive this day. I feel rage for that Adil but I don't know anything about him or what he is doing? where is he? So I controlled myself and move on with my life and try to forget the incident even though it sometimes comes to my mind but I ignored it. I didn't tell anyone.

Soon I found someone in my life but he didn't propose to me. I felt something for him but not that much.

I didn't know what is this. He tried to kiss me but I didn't kiss him back because I literally don't know how to kiss him.

But as soon I reached high school I realized it was nothing but a minor crush and nothing serious. I become busy in my life. I was shy in middle school but in high school I become brave.

I met a guy online and fall in love with him. I was madly love in with him and it affects my life terribly. Now let me tell you why? Because the guy treated me like shitt. But still, I was madly in love. We never fight, now let me tell you why because I never because I was in love. You may understand when you are in teenager how your hormones are and how everything feels especially feelings. But he treated me terribly but it didn't stop me from loving him. He never expressed his love. He was only with me for my body but I didn't want to leave him. I don't know what it was like some kind of black magic. Everyone tries to tell me about it but has no effect on me. I was in a great depression and took depression pills. My family was so much worried about me. So after finally a terrible 2 years, I decided to break up with him and move into my life. Thanks to my all family, friends, and my Ahloo.

She always told me in order to move on in your life you have to find a guy. Like she moved with her 1st love by falling in love with another boy. And I think it was her biggest mistake like mine.

Let me tell you why? even though terrible child abuse I never breakdown but because of my teenage hormones my life become he'll after falling in love still I gave chance to love even though in my heart I know it was not a good decision I follow my heart and Ahlam's words come to my mind. She tried everything so that I can move on. I looked at her and how she is happy even though with heartbreak. She moved on with the guy and the person treated her well and loved her. So I decided to try and gave chance to love again.

When I met Sahil Shah, he was madly love in with me. At first, I didn't fall for him. I had a minor crush on him but he showered me with his love. He literally begged me for his chance. After seeing his love and dedication. I finally gave my heart to him. He was so loving boyfriend. He gave me love and respect which my ex-boyfriend never gave me. I fell intense love with him. I felt good with him. I feel like I am luckiest person in the world. I was not regretting my decision. I didn't know love is like this. I become bold. We fight sometimes but it brings us close. I never dared to say anything in my defense to my ex-boyfriend but with Sahil. I become bold and I felt everything that a girl felt while she is in a relationship. Sahil showed me respect and I become addicted to his love, and respect for everything. It become my habit. I have told Sahil about my ex but not everything and he treated me very well. But after 2 years, things changed but not too much still there was love but I missed his attention, his priority, his respect, his everything. We fight often. Within passing years Sahil become distant to me and my pain and terrible past again came to me. I felt like suffering but it's like that Sahil didn't feel my pain. He always tells me to grow up. I always told him that you changed. I felt like he is not Sahil whom I fall in love with. We break up lots of times but I found myself going back to him because I remembered his love, his attention and everything which he gave me in 2 years. Soon after 2 years I decided to not fight anything with him, bear everything may then he will change become my Sahil back but deep down I know it's impossible because by the way Sahil treats me, manipulates me. It's worst. My ex would never have shown a dual face. He was the same at all times terrible but Sahil treats me as a doll shows affection then becomes distant. It hurts more than my ex's behavior. What he'll happen to him. Does he not love me anymore, Is he seeing someone else but still I bear everything. Then one day after 5 years Sahil called on 31 December 2018 to meet him.

Sahil: I can't carry on this relationship anymore. I am sorry I had other priorities in my life. You are right you are not my 1st priority. With everything going on in my life I can't.

I remained silent. I felt terrible pain. I was knowing this day will come. My Mind was saying this to me but I didn't let my heart listen to my mind.

Sahil Shah: I think everything is clear now, stand-up I will drop you at your home.

I couldn't speak or see In his eyes, how could he say it normally as if there was nothing between us. I just stood up and followed him in his car. My heart was fully broken, I was devasted and but there was no tear in my eyes. It was like my pain was killing me.

I decided to change everything about myself.