I'm An Asshole

i was a bit disappointed that there was ice cream but no make out. we was in the drivers seat of his car and i was in the passanger seat with rocky road ice cream and he had vanilla with chocolate chips and cherry sauce. i think he notice that i didn't like the lack of a tongue in my mouth, so he cleared his throat and scooted close to me.

"what?" i asked innocently.

"nothing" he say also innocently. he scoots away from me.

"Shawn" i say warningly and he starts to laugh. "shawn?!" he grabs my right arm, pulls me in and kisses me. i moan abd push into him. i crawl out of the passager seat and into his lap, straddling him.

"you're eager" he says chucklingly and grinds into me. "i don't think i want to do this in a car, you're too... " i kiss him so he can shut up.

i pull away and say "you're too sweet but right i really don't want you to be sweet Shawn, i want you to be the Shawn that'll kiss me until my brain doesn't work anymore, and the fact that I'm still talking means you aren't doing a good job" he cups my face in his hands and kisses me hard.

"should we go to the back seat?, I want to make you unable to talk for the next few hours"

"what are you going to do?"

"let's just say we're going to finish what we started in your bedroom" i think back to what happened and i remember his hands unbuttoning my pants and i squeak. "you don't want that?"

"i do but... i don't think I'm ready for that yet" i whisper to him. "can we just kiss some more" I'm a bit embarressed at this point and i groan amd cover my face.

"hey, hey" he takes my hamd away from my face. "it's okay if you aren't ready" he says and the he smiles. "i can still make you unable to think without going south" i can't help myself, i laugh.

"jerk" i mutter and hug him. something me while i hug him. I'm probably never going to have this with Cal, so I'm going to take it from Shawn because, i know if I'm with Shawn, I'll get the love i deserve... but, am i going to be able to give him the love he deserves?. i hug him tighter. i will, I have too

the rest of the week goes by in a blur, more run ins with mr Robitousin(the man just hates me), more girls coming in and going out of Caleb's life, More perfect Shawn giving me time and attention and more me pining after Caleb even though i had Shawn, i still wanted him.

i felt guilty anytime i stared at cal too long or smiled at him when i saw him because i knew it was him i wanted and all i was doing was stalling with shawn.

"hey, Vee" Maddie says to we as she meets me by my locker. she takes one good look at me and immediately knows something is wrong. "what's up with you, dude?"

"I'm an asshole" i say.

"what?"

"i am an asshole" i say word by word.

"care to elaborate" she says.

"i want to suck shawns tongue, i want him to suck my cock and i want him to fuck my brains out" i tell her.

"Too much information, hoe, TMI" she says and then stops. "how does this have anything to do with you being and asshole?"

"because... " i groan and palm my face.

"because... " she says.

"because i want to climb Caleb like a fucking tree, i want to choke on his dick, i want him to pound me, i fucking want him to destroy me!" i snap. i cover face with my hands, rest my back against the locker behind me, sliding down and sitting on the floor.

"too much fucking information, Xavier" she says and then gasps. "you want what?"

"i am an asshole" i repeat. "i adore Shawn, i think he's perfect, too perfect but i don't like or want him the way i like or want Caleb. I'm trying to want Shawn but i don't think i can"

"vee, have you ever watched big mouth before" she said joining me on tbe floor. it was friday after school amd she just finished an afterschool student council meeting, so no one was in the hall but us.

"no, what the hell is big mouth?" i said, looking at her exasperatedly.

"you're an American teenager who hasn't heard of big mouth?" she asked and i glared at her. "okay.. okay. so, one of the character, Matthew, he had a boyfriend name Aiden and he was absolutely perfect, he did everything Matthew liked and all that shit... "

"where's this going?" i asked

"hold on, jeez. okay so, Matthew didn't like Aiden that way, he liked this bi guy name jay, he was kinda cute but he's also a gross pillow fucking, magician dude with an uncut penis and a horrible, horrible family... " she stops and thinks for a few seconds. "sorry... anyway, Matthew didn't like Aiden even though he was absolutely perfect. even jay thought he was crazy when he dumped Aiden for him"

"he dumped Aiden for Jay?" i say gasping.

"yes, he did. it's okay to not like Shawn that way" she looks at me. "what is not okay is leading him on and breaking his heart?"

"then I'd be and asshole?"

"yeah, then you'd be an asshole" she was typing on her phone. she turned her phone to me. "what'd you think?"

she was talking about a grey hoodie, she was shopping on shein.

"Mama, gave you an allowance?" i say and she laughs. Maddie's moms have mula up the wazoo. Her mama was a plastic surgeon and her mommy was a lawyer, with money coming from left and right, she pretty much had everything she wanted.

"yup. Mommy, actually. she gave me five hundred bucks yesterday because i caught her sneaking a big mac wuth fries and a coke even though mama told her multiple time to watch her blood sugar" she say and adds two cropped cat ear hoodies to the cart

"you just added two" i pointed out to her

"i know, one is for you. you like it right?"

"i do but its a gir... and I'm going to shut up before i say something that will offend women and the LGBTQ community as well" i say. "it's cute, i love it but can you like get mine in black?"

"yeah sure"

"we'd be so cute" i say and hug her. "oh my God, what the hell are we going to wear to the party tomorrow?"

"what party?" she asks. she sits up. "oh my fucking god, the college party!!!"

"if we don't start picking out clothes today, we will end up npt having anything good to wear" i told her. i look up and she on her feet.

"the fuck are you still doing on the floor, we need to get our asses out of here or else we won't be ready on time" i hold out my hand and she takes it and pulls me up

"okay but do we really need that much time"

"yes, we do. amd one more think"

"what?" i ask.

"monday morning, you break up with Shawn, i don't want you breaking his heart more that you're already going to. he's one of the nicest people i know" ahe says. "promise me?"

"i promise" my stomach sink and i dread monday aand hope that it never comes