CHAPTER 20

"Oh, come on," she says, slapping my arm. "I just had my physical, I'm as fit as a fiddle. You can credit your grandmother for all the fresh vegetables and tinctures she made me have growing up. Kitchen witches know what's best for your health. And the job does keep me active and on my feet. No sweetie, it's nothing to do with me. I'm concerned about you."

"Me?"

"I know what it's like to be in love with someone who doesn't love you back," she says, and it feels like a slap to the face. I flinch, my blood going cold.

She notices and winces. "I'm sorry, that came out wrong. What I meant to say was—"

"What are you even talking about?"

"About you and Luke."

"Oh my god," I mumble, getting to my feet, my latte spilling over the sides of the lid as I throw my arm out. "Why is everything about me and Luke? Tina harped on about it all day long, Pagliacci brought it up last night. We're just friends. Sure, I think he's cute but that's all it is and all it will be."

"Amanda, sit down," she says, patting the spot beside her. "Please. I'm not trying to get you all defensive, but I have to speak what's on my mind, whether you like it or not. Look, I know your father, that whole relationship was just a…failure. And I know I haven't really been with anyone since Ted. But I still know something about love, and I know that you're just going to get your heart broken if you don't get out of the house more and try to meet someone else."

I blink at her, dumbfounded. "You're concerned that I'm single?"

"I'm concerned that what you're feeling for Luke won't be reciprocated. No, scratch that. Can't be. You know it can't be, even if he does feel the same way, and I think he does."

I swallow hard, my chest feeling like it's on fire. "What makes you say that?"

"Oh, come now. I was there last night when he saw you dancing with that boy. I'd never seen him get so jealous before. But he's a vampire and you're not. You're not going to live forever the way that he will, never mind all the other complications."

I'm barely listening. The fact that my own mother noticed how jealous Luke was acting makes me feel like I have butterflies in my stomach. Poisonous butterflies maybe, but still.

"You need to get out," she adds imploringly. "Meet someone normal. Humans. You know there are a lot of them in the city."

"I do meet guys," I tell her. "All the time."

"Yes, maybe. Maybe you go to Palm Springs or Los Angeles or Las Vegas and maybe you have your fun. And that's all good. But you're not getting any younger."

I shake my head. "Oh my god. You're giving me that talk? I thought you were a more forward-thinking woman than that!"

"I just don't want you wasting your time on Luke, something that can't and won't and shouldn't happen."

Her words sting, even if they are the truth. "You love Luke, Mom. If I had to be with anyone, shouldn't it be with someone like him?"

"I do love Luke. Truly. He is a good, honest man and, if he was human, I would be so happy if the two of you were together. You suit each other so well and I know he would do anything to put you first and make sure you're happy. But he isn't human, so you have to find someone else. Someone else like him, if you have to. But you need to put him behind you and move on. Maybe you're in love, maybe you just think it's a crush but either way it will only hurt you in the end. I don't want you wasting your life pining for him when he's eventually going to meet someone else, a vampire that's suited to be with him, and you'll be devastated."

I stare down at my coffee, my heart sinking. "Even more so than I already am just hearing this?"

She sighs and gets to her feet and places her hands on my shoulders, holding me in place. "My angel. You are so beautiful and funny and smart and you always say what's on your mind. You will find the perfect person out there for you, I promise you that. I just want you to be open to the fact that it won't be Luke."

I lick my lips, avoiding her eyes. Ouch. "I know, I know," I say quietly.

"And you can still have your fun," she says, her hands dropping away. "Just go into it with purpose. Don't use men as a distraction from the fact that you're in love with Luke. Instead, go in wanting, hoping, expecting to meet someone who will sweep you off your feet. Be open, be curious, all those things I know you are. But please make the conscious choice to start to move on. Save your heart for someone else, someone that can appreciate it."

"You're saying he wouldn't?" I ask, glancing at her.

"I know he would," she says gravely. "But he's been around for centuries. He knows you're not here for the rest of his life, you're just here for now." She pauses, letting out a heavy sigh. "It's a terrible place to be, I know."

I swallow the lump in my throat and take another sip of my coffee, managing a shrug. "I'm not in love with him, anyway."

"Good," she says, putting her arm around me and giving me a squeeze, the scent of her lilac perfume washing over me, making me feel comforted. "You're stepping in the right direction already. Come on, we should head back to the house and start the clean-up before Mr. Stavig wakes up and makes a snide remark about me having missed a spot."

I laugh at that, and we start walking away from Japantown. But even though the walk here did wake me up and made me less worried about last night's spookiness, I'm now scared about something else entirely.

The idea of moving on.