Twelve

It has been seventeen days since I traded places with Aspen. Seventeen days since I saw my brother and the village he calls home. Seventeen days Lucas has had me running rampant for him killing people...people I can't get out of my mind. I'm exhausted and barely fed. He feeds me only enough to not drop over onto the ground. He only lets me rest enough so I am not dragging my feet. My arm has healed, but my stomach wound continues to ooze green and yellow stuff, and I'm beginning to think it's infected. I'm beginning to think I'm dying, but I continue to feel pain.

What is going on inside my head is something I would like to know. I feel like I'm losing things or memories. They are never memories of the people I kill, but good memories. I can't picture my brother anymore, only remember his name. Roan. At least I haven't lost that... I don't remember what it was like before coming here. I don't remember anything after meeting Roan. I remember my father for some reason. I can picture his face. But I can't remember Roan's face, or...or...there was someone else. Maybe his friend? It gives me a headache to try and remember.

On the eighteenth day, Lucas has me up at dawn and sends me out to kill someone named, Holly. I don't recognize this name, and so I don't react. I turn on my heels and start searching for anyone named Holly.

It takes me three days.

"I'm Holly!" says a nice looking woman with dark brown hair and warm brown eyes. Her eyes are like someone's I've seen before.

"I need your help," I say and fake keeling over.

"Mason!" she calls then bends down to help me up. "Hold on, we'll get you help."

A handsome young man comes running over to us and again, I get a sense that I've seen someone like him before. "What's going on?" he asked and helped Holly pick me up.

"She needs help." She moves my shirt and gasps. "This is infected!"

"Who hurt you?" the man, Mason, asked.

I shake my head. "I don't know." It wasn't a lie. I don't know who stabbed me. I don't remember.

"Holly, get mother. And don't let Blair see this!" Mason orders.

I close my eyes, starting to feel a pain in my stomach. I haven't got much time left...

"Help me...!" I moan, and this time, it's real.

"We will, just hold on."

"Keep her away!" I hiss. "Might hurt her."

Mason snaps his eyes to me. "What are you talking about?"

I grab his shirt and grit the words out. "Keep Holly away! Don't let her come near!"

"What's going on!" he demands. "Why are you trying to kill her?"

I shake my head. "Please...keep her away! I can't stop!"

He glares at me, but then seems to come to a conclusion. "I will."

I nod and let the pain take over my body. Screaming, I feel myself being lowered onto a bed and hands keeping me from thrashing about. I want to let the pain overwhelm and consume me, want to dig my wound until it's too damaged to properly heal.

"Keep her down, Mason!" I hear and know it's not Holly.

"She's stronger than I thought! I can't hold her!"

I hear a pair of footsteps approach and then, "Zahra?"

I recognize that voice...I know that voice...but where?

"Tobyn, can you hold her legs?" Mason asks.

I feel hands push my legs down and I struggle against them. "What is she doing here?" I hear him ask.

I hear Mason say, "It's seems to be a complicated story."

"Boys! Stop chatting and hold her!" I hear the woman demand.

After that, it was silent except for my screaming every time some hot poker was pressed to my skin or a needle was pierced through to sew my wound.

It felt like an eternity later when the woman poured some kind of liquid into my mouth and then some time after when the pain faded away. The men let go of me and I laid there, exhausted once more.

A face appeared and I stared at it. He had dark hair and near black eyes. Those eyes! I furrowed my brows. "I can't keep trying to remember! Please, just go away!"

The man didn't go away. Instead, he said, "You aren't Zahra."

"I am Zahra."

He shook his head. "No. You are different. Something is wrong with you."

"Tobyn, we need to talk."

Tobyn looks behind him to Mason and nods. Turning to me, he says, "Stay here. You aren't healed and if you try to move, you'll open up your wound again."

I glare at him. "No need to be bossy!"

He narrowed his eyes. "I'm serious."

I rolled my eyes and obliged. He and Mason went some distance away and began whispering. I stayed on the bed, my head going haywire with the near black eyes. I know I've seen them...but I don't know where. Or when...

"Mason!"

I sit bolt upright and focus my gaze on the woman coming. Mason curses and tries to push her away, but it doesn't matter anymore. I stand and stalk up to my prey. Only to be held back by Tobyn. "Zahra! You're not a killer! You're a good person!"

I smile darkly at him. "You don't know me, then."

He glares. "I know who you were!"

Pausing, I look at him. "You do?"

"I know who you were. Just come with me and I'll show you." He holds out his hand and I absently take it. I want to know who I am. Who he is. Why I was losing my mind.

I let him lead me into a shelter and sit me down in a chair. Then, he sits on the bed and puts his head in his hands. I lean forward. "Who are you?"

He looks up at me. "You really don't remember?"

I shake my head. "I can't remember anything but your eyes."

He blinks. "I helped you one night. A guy named Roan was --"

"Roan!" I say standing up.

Tobyn nods. "Roan."

"Where is he? Is he here?" I ask and look around.

Tobyn walks up and takes my shoulders. "Zahra, I don't think you realize where you are."

I look around, finally noticing that I was not in a place I recognized. There was white stuff on the ground and I found myself shivering. No trees, no bushes, nothing. I sit back down and hug myself. Then something occurs to me. I let myself cry and drop my head. "You can't let her come near me!"

"I know," Tobyn says as he kneels before me. "Mason warned me. Just calm down. I'll figure this out. You won't hurt anyone."

I shake my head at him. "I can't stop!"

"I'll keep you here then. I won't let you leave."

"Then I'll hurt you or Mason...I can't stop it!"

Tobyn sighs and then starts rushing around the shelter. After a moment, he grabs my hand. "Come on."

I look up at him. "Where are we going?"

He hands me a fur coat and a torch. "I'm getting you away from here."

I slip the coat on and watch as he tries to light the torch, but no sparks catch. I raise my hand and light it, surprising him. We stare at each other for a few seconds before he takes me outside and to a horse.

I get on, then he slips behind me. Taking the reins, he urges the horse into a full gallop away from the prey I am supposed to kill.

We ride through the night and the next day, giving the horse time to rest a few hours before moving on again. The closer we get to the forest, the sharper the pain gets. Soon it becomes unbearable and Tobyn literally has to hold onto me because I can't sit still and nearly slip off a few times.

On the fourth day, we're in the forest when a wolf howls and jumps in front of us. I curl tighter against Tobyn as the horse is spooked and tried to kick the wolf. Tobyn calms it down then keeps it still as the wolf stares at us...or me.

It begins to growl at Tobyn and I whimper as my heart feels like it's being stabbed. My hands curl into Tobyn's shirt, using him as an anchor to the world.

"Don't attack!"

Tobyn's arm immediately tightens around me as we hear the order. It is a moment before I see a man appear and step in front of the wolf. Tobyn's arm goes tighter still. "Roan?"

"Correct."

"She's hurt. And completely not herself."

"I know. I've been looking for her for weeks now. She was caught by a powerful person and he's using her as a puppet."

"That explains her wanting to kill my sister," Tobyn says. I feel another arm go under me, then feel him walking. "Ever since we left, she seems to be in constant pain and I can't help her."

A hand is on my cheek and I turn my head to look into hazel eyes. I blink and try to say his name, only to have a silent scream prevent it from coming. Tears flow down my face and I hear a rip. I realize my grip tore Tobyn's shirt.

"It's getting worse," I hear Tobyn say.

"Is your sister okay?"

"She's fine."

"That's why she's in pain. She doesn't kill within her alotted time and she gets pain."

"How do you know this?"

"She replaced a friend to save his life with her own."

I feel my body being exchanged from one set of arms to another, then feel gentle fingers turning my head. I open my eyes and see Tobyn looking at me. "I'm giving you to your brother. Whatever you do, Zahra, do not go north again."

"Hard..."

He nods. "I know. Just whenever the urge comes, you tell your brother. You don't let yourself kill anyone else, and you don't give up."

I whimper and say, "Help me...?"

Leaning down, he presses his lips to my head and lingers for a moment. "Just remember to not give up. Remember you're a good person. Remember that this is not you."

Before he moves away, I catch his arm. He looks down at me with a sad expression, but I say, "Thank you."

"You're welcome, Zahra. Now, let your brother help you." With that, he kisses my hand and walks back to his horse.

Roan turns to the wolf. "Loki, can she ride on you?"

The wolf nods as if he understood. Roan gently places me on the wolf's back and I instantly relax at the warmth radiating off the fur. "So warm!"

My brother leans down and places my hand in the fur and closes it. "Hold on. Loki won't go too fast, but you must hold on."

I blink at him, trying to keep his face in my mind. "Don't leave."

"I'll be right behind you. Loki is the better ride for you at the moment, so until we return home, I'll ride behind on the horse."

"No, please!" I beg him, lips trembling. "I can't forget again."

The wolf beneath me rumbles and I close my eyes at the sensation. Roan says, "I will keep you in sight, Zahra. Loki won't let you slip off. When we get home in a few hours, I will take you again, okay?"

"I can't forget again," I repeat, if only to tell myself.

Roan kisses me and whispers, "You won't," then disappears from view.

"Roan..." I call softly.

The wolf starts to move and I grip its fur tight. He starts out slow, then steadily begins to fasten the pace. I continue to hold on as my eyes drift close, but I force them to stay open, if only to not forget. I can't forget. I won't forget. If I forget, then I will obey.