Shikamaru Rides the Airwaves

"Hey, aren't you bigger than you were yesterday?" Ino asked Sakura, leaning forward and peering suspiciously into her cleavage, in the depths of which Team 7's heaven scroll was still concealed.

"I'm sure it's just your imagination," Sakura responded, covering her front with her arms self-consciously.

Sakura glanced around at the tree tops, hoping to catch a glimpse of Neji and Tenten, who would ordinarily have dropped in to save their teammate Lee, but since Lee had never come, they hadn't bothered to come either.

At the rate things were going, Tenten would be ending up with less screen time than the swing set from Naruto's constant flashbacks…

"Then I suppose these are filled with imagination?" said Ino enviously, poking Sakura in one of her fat breasts. "Come on, help a girl out…?"

One of the greatest misconceptions about Sakura's and Ino's relationship was that their common crush on Sasuke had shattered their childhood friendship, but that wasn't exactly true.

The story of their friendship began a long time ago, when they had still been young children. Back then, the original Sakura had possessed no self-esteem; as proof, she had used to be one of Ino's flunkies, of all people. But as bitchy as Ino could be, she could also prove to be a true friend…

Deciding that Sakura would be better off finding her own way through life, rather than letting her follow her around like a handmaiden, Ino had used the fact that they were both pining after the same bloke to break off their friendship; thereby allowing Sakura to become her own woman.

Unfortunately for the original Sakura, instead of taking this opportunity to make something of herself, she had decided to base her new personality entirely off of meatriding Sasuke. And then, for better or for worse, the original Sakura had been replaced by the new Sakura, who couldn't possibly understand the subtle dynamics of female interpersonal relationships and the unspoken agreements of sisterhood!

Even so, as thickheaded as the new Sakura was when it came to these things, she definitely understood the bonds of comradery. Ino was a friend from the Konoha 12, so Sakura was prepared to let bygones be bygones; even if it was for all the wrong reasons.

"Well…" said Sakura hesitantly. "There's this cream I use, and it works pretty well…"

"That's an understatement if I've ever heard one," said Ino sarcastically.

Sakura was thinking of the Breast-Refining Medicinal Recipe (E-grade) that she had received as a newbie gift from the System. It was supposed to help promote breast growth, or whatever; Sakura had never really had a use for it, so she had never checked it out; she'd have to ask the System about it later.

"A little help, here?" came Shikamaru's strained voice. "These guys are tougher than we thought!"

While Sakura and Ino had been chattering away, Chōji and Shikamaru had still been locked in combat against the Sound-nin. At first, things had gone rather well for them. With his fat as insulation, Chōji could easily block out Dosu's sound-based paralysis attack, and by turning himself into a Human Bullet Tank, he could also overpower Zaku's shockwaves by spinning rapidly.

However, at this point, Chōji still needed Shikamaru's help to redirect himself if he missed the enemy. At first, they had used the Human Bullet Yo-Yo combo to rampage across the battlefield (which was just Chōji's Human Bullet Tank attached to Shikamaru's shadow, which helped to manipulate where he rolled), but the two Sound-nin had got wise to the weakness in the formation: Shikamaru.

Without Ino helping to sense and detect the enemy, Shikamaru hadn't been able to increase Chōji's accuracy by that much, allowing the Sound-nin to survive the initial assault. Sakura's new allies were losing steam to their more experienced adversaries, so unless Sakura and Ino helped soon, they would lose!

"I don't think I can take much more of this, Shikamaru," Chōji moaned, as he rolled to a stop and cancelled his Expansion Jutsu, turning back into his regular fat self. "I'm gonna be sick. Urp…"

Chōji might have been safe from the enemy's sound attacks in Sphere Mode, but he wasn't immune to making himself feel seasick from spinning too much!

Just looking at his greenish face was making Sakura feel queasy as well; and the fact that the fluids in her semicircular canals were still disturbed from the enemy's earlier attack wasn't helping either. Sakura was beginning to feel rather glad that she hadn't had time to eat breakfast yet…

"He's finally stopped rotating!" Dosu roared. "Get 'im, Zaku!"

"Oh no, you don't!" Shikamaru grunted, his hands assuming the seal of the rat. "Shadow Possession Jutsu!"

Zaku, who'd been about to fire a shockwave at the stunned Chōji, suddenly turned his palms towards Dosu instead.

"Capture complete," Shikamaru announced with a self-satisfied smirk on his face.

What little of Dosu's face that could be seen beneath his bandages was visibly blanching.

"What are you doing, Zaku!?" he barked. "Aim at him, not me!"

"I can't control my body!" Zaku said in a panic. "Dosu, dodge! I can't stop my Jutsu once it's started!"

Suddenly, Sakura was overcome with a feeling of foreboding…

"Wait, Shikamaru, don't—"

But Sakura's warning came too late; Zaku had already fired off his Jutsu. All Sakura could do was jam her forefingers in her ears, guide chakra to her fingertips, and hope for the best.

"Zankūha: 100% Ultrasound Mode!"

Unlike his previous attacks, which had basically only been shockwaves generated by releasing pressurized air, Zaku had released a sound wave-based attack; an ultrasonic one, to be precise. Having been forced to aim at a comrade, he had increased the frequency of his acoustic waves beyond human hearing range, hoping to avoid injuring him.

Except… one could still be hurt by things that one could not perceive. For example, things such as toxic gas, ultraviolet radiation, or even… ultrasounds. Zaku clearly hadn't been listening when Orochimaru had performed surgery on him to insert tubes in his forearms!

At first, Sakura didn't notice anything strange happening; Zaku's attack hadn't even made the air ripple, and Dosu had appeared completely fine. But just as Sakura was about to remove her forefingers from her ears, Dosu's facial bandages bloomed red, tinged with crimson blood, and then he fell over limply. One by one, every single person present, save for Sakura, began keeling over, unconscious.

First was Zaku, who'd been closest to Dosu, and he was in turn followed by Chōji, Shikamaru, and lastly, Ino. Blood was seeping out from all of their orifices; something had gone horribly wrong…