5

{ === + === }

[My Summer]

I flew to the States on Dumbledore's magic ticket.

It really is a magic ticket, too: it automatically changes its information to the flight I'm trying to board AND confuses the people looking at it so they think it's already checked in when it, y'know, is just a piece of paper.

Anyways, uh…I spent the months at public libraries and got some really weird looks for the types of books I was trying to read. I got a lot of knowledge on human and horse anatomy.

The human anatomy is for the sake of making spells in the future that specifically target organs.

And why horses?

I feel like trolling Riddle a little bit.

I also managed to gain access to a local shooting range and got them to teach me about guns, of which I have preciously little knowledge.

…not to say that I can do anything with it now, of course, but it's a start.

How did we pay for our two month stay in the States?

Uh…lying, cheating, and stealing? A lot of people lost twenty dollar bills over the two months.

For an eleven year old we are incredibly morally corrupt.

We've gotten accidentally involved with two gang fights.

I stole all their money afterwards and felt no guilt whatsoever…it was a good day.

…

Other than that, I streamlined the Wind Of Sleep a little bit (by default it left very detectable traces in the air of a spell being used) so now we just send a package directly into the target's nose and it cuts down on the spell cost.

I also learned how to turn a brick into a handgun.

It's…not as good as it sounds, largely because the gun itself is kinda useless if I don't have bullets, and I currently can't transfig material into bullets (can't get the primer to work right) so I'm stuck carrying around live ammo all the time if I want to make a gun.

Otherwise I'm better off just throwing the brick itself at the target.

Icing on the cake? Doing the transfiguration is draining enough that my aim suffers to the point where it's just easier to use wind of sleep instead.

But I know how to do it now, so that's certainly a plus.

What else, what else…

Oh! I also figured out how delayed spells work.

Like Portkeys.

I can't make Portkeys, for the record. Besides, a delayed spell is not like Portkeys, since Portkeys are activated upon touch, and delayed spells just have fuses.

So, first things first: delayed spells cost mana to maintain. This means that, due to my innate low (but improving!) magical power, delayed spells are a way for me to finish a fight faster. In contrary to pretty much everything that delayed spells stand for, I actually have LESS flexibility upon using them than otherwise.

In other words, holding a delayed spell cuts down on how much mana we have for other options.

With that out of the way, our first delayed spell is…Thunder Axe.

Of Negima fame.

By holding electrical charge within our (left hand) fingertips, we can release a charge of lightning strong enough to vandalize a steel streetlight.

Said Streetlight can't resist magic though, so it will probably be less effective on actual mages.

It also burns the fuck out of my hand when I'm holding it…so I've adapted to using a battery as the catalyst instead. The HP overreliance on wands is really hampering to magic use in any other combat situation besides a standoff.

Unless, y'know, your area of expertise happens to be transfiguration.

Lastly, the Prismatic beam has more power as I've gotten stronger learning these other spells. The remote controlled lens thing is cool but impractical, so I've scrapped the spell.

And lastly lastly, we've learned to transfigure dust into brass knuckles.

Because we're Muggles and Muggles fight like men.

Our brass knuckles have spikes on them.

And muggles cheat. It's no big deal.

…

[Storyline Summer, 3rd Person Camera]

…

At the Burrow…

"Fred, George, I've got a favor to ask."

The twins don't look too kindly upon their youngest brother intruding upon their conversation, but seeing as Ron was unusually wild-eyed, the two decided to let it slip.

"Anything for the youngest brother." Fred grins. "What do you need, Ron?"

"I need to get Harry Potter." Ron looks around to see if he was heard.

The fact that Ron was sending letters to Harry on a regular basis was not news, as he had all but announced it during the beginning of summer vacation.

Didn't stop George though. "You know Harry Potter?" He gasps theatrically.

Ron just looks at him like 'really?'

"Worth a shot." George shrugs.

"He's not returning your letters, right? You think something happened to him?" Fred frowns slightly.

"Yeah." Ron nods. "It's been all summer."

It's been a month, Ron. George thought…but he did agree with Ron's thought process. It was highly unusual for Harry to have avoided contact with his friend, especially given what he's heard (via eavesdropping) from the Hogwarts Professors about Harry's upbringing.

"Alright, we'll see if we can do something about…" Fred's eyes happen to fall upon his father's car, the blue Ford Angela. "…that." Fred's face becomes covered by a mischievous grin.

George had the good grace to remember about the letter that Ash gave them one month previously, and figured that now would be a good time to dig it up. He had respected Ash's wishes to avoid opening it (despite his curiosity) as his intuition had told him that Ash would be a very good business partner in the future.

…

Later on, as George found the time to read the letter of instructions, he found himself both dumbstruck and a little weirded out.

"Read this." He handed the letter of instructions to Fred.

Fred scans it, then does a double take, and then reads it seriously a third time. "He can't be serious." Fred manages to say after the fourth read.

It reads:

Fred, George, if either of you are reading this then it means that Ron has decided to rescue Harry by doing something rash.

Enclosed is a letter addressed to the Dursleys, who are the current legal guardians of Harry Potter. Make sure the two of you dress well according to the muggle standards as detailed at the bottom of this instructions page before presenting the letter to the Dursleys. Do not, under any circumstances, open the letter.

Fred looked at the letter: it was sealed with an important-looking wax stamp. On closer inspection it could be seen that the stamp is crude and obviously handmade. The stamp bore the letters 'USA' under an attempt at a bald eagle…a very bad attempt.

The letter continues:

I've also included a set of lines you should memorize for your operation.

If neither of you know how to behave like proper politicians, go watch Percy for a few days. Being able to act will be important for the message to make sense.

Fred stares at George in shock.

Feel free to randomly assign who says what for the next part.

"So…he knew that Ron will go help Harry—"

"And he knew that Ron will come to us for help—"

"And why wouldn't we? We're the best brothers anyone can ask for—"

"And he knew that father had a flying car—"

"Despite never having talked with father—"

"And he gave us this a month in advance."

The two looked at each other.

"Brother, we need him on our side for the future."

"Definitely."

…

[Fateful Day]

…

The Dursley household awoke to a strange sight one morning: a trio of red-haired boys dressed like men.

Fred, George, and Ron were all dressed in crisp, white button down shirts and long, black pants.

"This is excruciating." Fred grumbles.

It was summer, and it was a tad hot…and humid. The humidity was what was making the weather unbearable.

"Just grin and bear it." George chides his twin, takes a deep breath, and knocks on the Dursley family doorstep.

Per Ash's instructions, the two of them had stolen their father's blue Ford Angela and parked it along the side of the road as best as they could. Not having had driving lessons made that part hard, but they managed to make it look reasonable.

The three of them then put on the muggle sunglasses that Fred and George had left over from Ash's luminescent reign of mayhem before making their way to the Dursley doorstep.

"I don't like this place. Let's get him out of here as quick as we can." Ron mutters.

"Easy there, little brother." George reminds him. "All in good time."

Fred knocks on the door.

Vernon Dursley, never the one to be careless, opened the door a fraction and peeked out.

His first impression of the three kids was that 'one was very short, and they all looked very official.' His conscience, which fortunately did not sit very well at the thought of the unsightly bars on his windows, caused him to wrench his door open in order to receive these important-looking people.

It also helped that Fred and George were reasonably fit and were about as tall as Vernon.

"Vernon Dursley?" Fred asks in his best 'authority' voice.

"Y-y-yes?" Vernon was still a little starstruck.

Fred squares his shoulders. "We're here as representatives of the American Institute for Troubled Children. I understand from my contact at Saint Brutus's that you have a child in attendance under your care."

Within the bounds of this story, the school is an actual institution…in America. Vernon knew about this (the man's an asshole, not an idiot).

Vernon, surprised that his manipulation of information would actually reach the school, was momentarily aghast.

"Is there a problem, sir?" George asks in a level tone.

"Uh-no, no. It's just…we weren't expecting a visitor at this hour!" Vernon laughs nervously. "Please! Come in! Come in!"

"That will not be necessary." Fred says calmly. "Judging by the bars on your windows, you seem to be having some trouble with your child."

"W-well…" Vernon's brain worked furiously and ended upon the action of 'wheedle'. "We had to ensure that our poor nephew's well-being was the most important of our concerns…"

Fred felt like he shouldn't punch a grown man in the face. "Be that as it may, we at the institute would like to make our position clear on the matter." Instead, he handed over the letter Ash wrote.

Vernon took the letter, eyes glazing over the wax stamp, and started sweating. He opened the letter with shaking hands and the Weasley twins inwardly sighed in relief.

The letter read as thus:

To the esteemed parents of Harry Potter,

It has come to our attention that the household where Harry Potter resides may not be the most conducive environment to his mental wellbeing. While we at Saint Brutus are in full understanding of the hardships sustained by the families of our less fortunate children, it nevertheless falls upon the family to establish a warm and welcoming environment for the sake of the child's continued growth.

Thus, it is with great reluctance that we demand for Harry's movement to a local adoptive family, to both help foster his continued growth and to reduce the undoubtedly high stress that rearing such a child has placed upon you.

As Harry Potter is a transfer student from overseas, please understand that your cooperation is vital to avoid any international complications that will arise should you opt to disagree.

Sincerely,

The Department of International Relations,

College of Saint Brutus

Fortunately, Vernon was too terrified by the last line of the letter to think about the authenticity and any actual legal standing the letter was supposed to have.

"I hope you understand our current situation." Fred pokes Vernon further.

"Y-yes, of course, of course…" Vernon stammers, before excusing himself and rushing upstairs.

Fred and George exhale slowly. "That went better than I thought." George mutters.

"Yeah." Fred then realizes that there might be eavesdroppers. It is, after all, that kind of neighborhood. "Here's to hoping that we can get Potter to leave without it making a mess."

…

In ten minutes, Vernon had Harry packed and ready to leave. Harry, on the other hand, was utterly confused at the current situation, especially as Vernon managed to leave out the name of the school coming for him in his rambling mutterings.

Harry did understand very quickly when he saw the two ginger boys dressed very sharply standing at his doorstep.

"Fred, George…what are you two doing here?" Harry couldn't help but utter.

While he didn't know them well, Ash's hijinks had let Ron introduce Harry to his two mischievous brothers earlier than usual. Something about 'making friends with the devil'.

"We're here for you, Harry." George said warmly, which creeped Harry out a little bit.

Ash's letter had also cued the brothers on the fact that Harry was going to blow their cover if they acted as if they never met him, and thus they were to behave as if Harry was their favorite stupid student and be a little condescending if necessary.

Fred was advised to be the slightly sterner one. "I know how rough it must be for you to travel overseas for school, Potter." He says stiffly. "You'll be happy to know that the rest of your summer will be spent in the company of a home closer to school."

Harry had no clue what's going on. However, his years in the Dursley household taught him to just nod and agree when confused, lest there be beatings.

"Now come along, Harry." George says quickly, shooing Harry out of the house. "Not to worry, sir." He says with a grin to Vernon. "Harry will be home next year until his birthday; the new family won't be ready to take him until the beginning of August."

"Wonderful." Vernon says with a rather convincing fake smile.

…

[In the car]

…

"I can't believe that worked." Fred laughs as he drives away from the Vernon household to a secluded cul-de-sac, and then takes the car into the air.

"We need to make friends with that Ash person." George agrees. "Imagine all the doors he'll open for us!"

Ron shakes his head. "He's more likely to blow you up instead. He's mental, George."

Harry doesn't seem to care about the discussion, instead far more interested in the fact that the car is flying. Well, he's more terrified about the fact that the car is flying, but eh.

"We'll need to thank Perce when we get back." Fred notes. "His pompousness really helped us out here."

…

…

[End of Summer]

…

…

Aaand we're back in Britain! It seemed kind of dumb for me to put off my flight until the absolute last day, so we're here a few days early.

Plus I need to visit Diagon Alley for supplies.

Do we have money?

I've gotten disturbingly good at larceny over the past two months, we're fine.

Do we have wizard money?

…I've gotten disturbingly good at larceny over the past two months. We're fine.

…

I don't remember what time the storyline trip to the shop is, so instead we rent a room at the Leaky Cauldron for a few days.

During this time we luckily managed to establish a contact within a local muggle news agency. We've made a deal where every so often I'll send an owl with muggle money and he'll send a copy of the news in return. Not while in London, mind: it's easier to just buy the paper off a corner stand.

The greatest danger I can have is to be utterly unaware of what happens in the normal world, so…let's rectify that for the future…well, that, and I need to be aware of the unintended consequences of my actions, because they will happen.

Hell, they have happened. Due to the fact that we caused the internal investigation into Nimbus, their rollout date for the Nimbus 2001 was delayed. I don't know if we're going to see Malfoy get onto the team via daddy money as a result. It's not an important change, but it's a change nonetheless.

Also we caused Harry to walk out of his house rather than a jailbreak, but that was an intended consequence of our actions…also I see Lockhart.

Looks like he's going to the… B and B. I don't remember the name of the place. Let's follow him, because I'm a responsible small child.

With a now extensive history of lying, cheating, and stealing.

It's fine, I'm the protagonist.

Harry's the main character, we're the NPC.

Well, in that case, nobody cares what an NPC does behind the scenes.

…

…

Let's see…

Oh, we're actually early. Lockhart's doing his book signing thing and the Malfoys just went into B and B.

…

Can I take the journal now? It would probably be easier than trying to convince Ginny of getting rid of the book later.

Ginny will get rid of the book later though.

…true...

But I feel like that would be relying on Voldemort to do nothing overtly evil for the first two months, which, due to the butterfly effect of me existing, seems a touch unlikely.

…then again I can just wait until he sneaks it into Ginny's things before 'noticing' that he did it.

…yeah, I'll do that. It makes more sense than trying to convince Lucius that I'm simultaneously on his side and not dangerous…being under the right radars is a good idea.

I don't think I'm actually going to be able to sneak into his things, though. The man's got a very good grasp on his surroundings.

…

Oh, the Weasleys have arrived.

…

[Malfoy vs Weasley]

…

Lucius Malfoy wants to battle!

Lucius Malfoy descends down a staircase!

The Weasleys are ready to counterattack!

Lucius Malfoy uses 'Insult Bloodline!'

Arthur Weasley is angry! Arthur Weasley uses…uh…'Insult morality!'

Lucius uses 'Insult Company!' It is somewhat effective!

I don't quite remember if this is how it went down in the book.

Draco gets involved badly!

Hermione gets involved kinda! We're not sure why.

How are we listening in to this?

School robes, large book, and staying out of their line of sight.

For the record, I'm close enough to observe visually what's going on, but due to the gaggle of people and their muttering we can't actually hear what's being said. Maybe I should move closer.

We can't see Lucius do his drop here either.

…Let's get closer then. After fighting through this gaggle of Lockhart fangirls and fanboys.

…

Malfoy Junior almost, almost tossed out the world mudblood in a room crowded with people. Fortunately, his father did hear about this and stopped the little idiot before he could kill his family.

Assuming if anyone would actually attack the Malfoys.

Anyways, Molly Weasley jumps in and stops the men from actually devolving into fisticuffs…which is unfortunate, because I'm pretty Father Weasley could kick Father Malfoy's ass.

But eventually the two parties disperse…and Lockhart is left going back into his wait he saw me

Shit

"Ah ha! A young studious reader, hmm?" Lockhart is all grins. "I see you have a penchant for selecting the best books."

Wait what?

We're holding one of Lockhart's books for decoy.

God dammit.

"I like this book." I say innocently. "It's weird."

Lockhart just winks. "One of my many charms, my boy."

…I know this guy's just a harmless peacock (and is probably aware of his persona and plays into it), but my god do I want to cave his face in. Must be all the Dumbass Poser alarms he's setting off.

"For such a studious student, I'd be perfectly willing to provide an auto—"

Oh hey he's not surrounded by fanboys.

"I don't give a fuck." I cut him off. "Later."

He's too surprised by the suddenly very foul-mouthed child to comment and I escape.

Unfortunately I lose track of the Weasleys and my goal of obtaining the Riddle Journal ends in failure.

Welp, I guess that means waiting until the school officially starts to get it.

What do we do about Dobby?

Leave him alone, I guess? I'll arrive earlier and I'll just pray for them or something. If everything plays out as it does in the book, we need the car to go AWOL in the forest during Aragog or they'll get eaten by giant spiders and its game over.

We're not going with them?

Not if I can help it. Fuck spiders, and fuck spiders large enough to eat people.

Ron's braver than us in that respect: dude actually has arachnophobia and went with Harry anyways.

I kind of have to wonder though. What kind of magical abominations towards all things good and holy would Australia have if their current, non-magical wildlife is utterly deadly?

…which is a good reminder: what spells do we need for this year?

Spell to function while blind, spell to detect reptiles, spell to kill the fuck out of spiders…the rest are just carrots.

…

It's not too late to go buy some muggle books on arachnids and reptiles, is it?

…and also maybe a book on chemistry…I wonder if I can transfigure alkaline metals out of dust? Maybe turn the Basilisk's stomach lining into an alkali metal or something.

Like Francium, theoretically the most explodey of the explodey metals. That said, a Basilisk as old as the one inside the chamber would probably be magic resistant.

Hm. I should probably do some more research before seriously heading down a resistance path.

Also, beware of Ginny if she starts approaching us for no good reason.

Noted.

.

.

.

{ === + === }

Author Notes:

Ash's current spells (not including spells that the HP universe naturally uses):

Prismatic Beam – Deals light/heat damage in a straight line. Inflicts Blind. Requires a Prism and a free hand.

Wind of Sleep – Inflicts target with sleep. May also inflict death. Requires a bottle of chlorine and/or alcohol.

Thunder Axe – Deals electric/physical damage to a single target. Inflicts Blind, Paralysis. Requires a battery.

Transfigure things into – Bladed Brass Knuckles, Flying Knives.

Addendum:

The name of the bookstore that the Malfoy versus Weasley showdown happens in is actually Flourish and Blotts, so it would have been abbreviated as FaB instead of B and B.