21

Notes 

Closing out the AoU arc, and easing into the next one.

Chapter-specific warnings: the usual [unreliable narrator, not Team Cap friendly, etc.], with an added emphasis on mental health issues and unhealthy coping mechanisms, because there's a panic attack [Tony's, and it gets...not graphic, but close?] in here, plus the tense situation and emotions associated with it that really aren't helping.

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Thor was weary after having fought the Chitauri, but that did not mean he was any less aware of his surroundings than before.

In their youth, Loki had helped ensure he would not fall victim to an ambush, typically by pranking once their foes had been vanquished. The stakes were now far more serious than having indigo hair for a week, of course, but said tricks had helped hone Thor's instincts, and saved his life countless times since.

Now, centuries after Loki had stopped, [and why, why had he not noticed? When had he lost touch with his brother?] it was that same awareness that helped him notice what some of the Midgardians had not.

While his shield-brothers were worn, they had regrouped and leaned against each other with a familiarity that would have warmed him to see…if not for the way Lord Anthony had conspicuously kept his distance.

That would have been worrisome, if not for the ease with which he embraced their latest ally, the man in the silver armor. Or the familiarity Thor had noticed, when Lord Anthony had smiled at Vision…then again, Steven's ardent support for the recruitment of the Scarlet Witch, and Quicksilver, had also been at fault for the alienation between the Man of Iron and the rest of the team, apart from what he had previously seen.

Thor was doing his best to bridge the gap, was trying to make everyone feel welcome despite his private reservations, but he could not help but feel that their esteemed leader had erred in doing so.

Even now, the Scarlet Witch being regarded warily by the man Lord Anthony had introduced as Lieutenant Colonel Rhodes, and he had not missed the Man of Iron's careful distance. The loss of Doctor Banner had also been keenly felt, and Thor suspected he knew the main cause for his flight.

But he could address that at a later date, once everyone had rested and in such a manner that would not sound like he was questioning the way Midgardians ran things on their planet.

He felt a quiet pang, at the thought, and once again wished he had Loki at his side, with his way with words that would have doubtlessly addressed the situation without sparking ire despite questioning the intelligence of the choices made…perhaps later, once Thor knew how to word his quiet misgivings in such a way that did not have him erring more than he already had in the past week.

He may not be fully aware of the nuances of Midgardian traditions, after all, but he was acutely aware that this was not the time to do so.

After all…Thor had not known him well, but Pietro's death had made for a somber atmosphere, interspersed with quiet sobs as the Scarlet Witch tried and failed to contain her grief, and he could not help but sympathize with the pain that came with the loss of a brother [he'd been so close, why, why had he let go? Why had he—]. Their archer was similarly distraught, and he had noticed their Captain had taken losses hard and this proved to be no different. Lady Natasha's stony silence also did not help matters.

Meanwhile, Lord Anthony had not once removed the armor, which did not help, given Thor was trying to make amends for his prior actions. [It stung to see how rigid the man went whenever he tried to approach him, though he understood why.]

Not only that, but after having gotten to know him, Thor could not help but be discomfited by his reticence; where before, Lord Anthony had filled the air with whatever he had in mind, now he was far more reserved than even when they had first fought.

It was not so much that he was quiet, however, so much as the air around him; he was on edge in a way that had worried Thor, because the battle was over and yet Lord Anthony's countenance had not relaxed since the opening of the portal.

Where the rest of his shield-brothers had relaxed once the final Chitauri had been slain, he had approved more resigned than anything, and the traces of weariness in his face reminded Thor of Heimdall, or the Allfather, more than anything else.

No, this was not the time to voice his personal concerns. Later, perhaps.

Tony was still in the air, when he first felt the Emotional Glass Barrier start to crumble.

It'd held up very well during the battle, and he had absolutely no complaints about whatever it was that Vision had done, but now he took a deep breath and ignored the slight quiver in his hands.

The fight with Ultron was over, Ultron himself was taken care of, now he had to get somewhere safe before the wall completely came down, because Tony trusted the team about as far as he could throw them without the suit.

He could do this.

He could pretend, for just a few hours, could pull through. [Just like last time.] The Emotional Glass Barrier would hold for that long, the battle was over, just had to get back to base.

Just a few more hours, just a few thousand miles.

Tony could do this. Even if the swell of belated panic in the back of his head said otherwise, but he could.

He swallowed, and tipped his head forward.

Just a few hours, just a couple hundred miles. Then this would be nothing but another nightmare, something else on the 'Stuff That Nearly Killed Tony Stark But Failed Because Of Reasons' list.

He'd done it before, he could do it again. He could.

JARVIS noted Sir's gradually rising stress levels, and immediately made the arrangements for his arrival to his private workshop, even as he set to informing him of the implementation of the Iron Legion's Phase 2.

Though the evacuation had been implemented as fast as possible, there had still been some people left behind in the rubble. Even as the Avengers regrouped, presumably to go home, the request for more Legionnaires from neighboring countries was quietly filed.

Meanwhile, the scant number that had survived the battle proceeded to work with the burgeoning search-and-rescue operations the local military had started. Another, equally discreet set of requests were also forwarded to their proper channels in short order, this time for airspace permissions and Stark Industries-affiliated humanitarian interference due to extenuating circumstances.

The Public Relations department would be facing a formidable workload, after all, but Phase 2 would undoubtedly help their collective efforts: JARVIS', by falling in line with alleviating the strain of Sir's workload, and PR's by giving more fodder for the press, presumably with a few by-lines about SI's speed and efficiency as well.

That done, JARVIS shifted more processing power to ascertain Sir's condition. He was still stressed, but apparently JARVIS' discussing the progress of Phase 2, had appeared to alleviate part of the strain. Col. Rhodes' presence helped mitigate it, as well.

Sir's quiet warning of an impending panic attack, meant JARVIS quickly cleared his schedule for the rest of the day, and another, equally quiet conversation confirmed that Sir wanted to be in a safe place for when it would inevitably happen, and that the Avengers were not to be informed.

Acceptable parameters, and bettered after mentioning Col. Rhodes' free schedule for the rest of the evening, and clarifying that he was amendable to providing support should Sir have need of it.

Things were proceeding as planned, Phase 2 was underway, and the Primary Protocol was not in danger; as far as JARVIS was concerned, things were looking up.

Tony was only vaguely aware of what has happening around him, with how focused he was trying to keep it all together.

He only tangentially registered JARVIS' informing him of Pietro's death; and Rhodey's and Vision's worried looks weren't missed either. But for the most part? He had his hands full trying to keep the Emotional Glass Barrier as intact as possible, even if it was crumbling by the second. 

He wasn't, however, out of it enough to not notice the team's regrouping, though it felt like he was only going though the motions as they wearily leaned on each other with an ease and familiarity that felt downright alien at this point.

Really, though; Tony knew Maximoff was hurting, that she was apparently an Avenger now—though he would've vetoed that if he'd had a say. While he sympathized about losing family [even if it'd been years and decades and why did Obie's death still hurt, dammit?!] he couldn't…Tony just couldn't wrap his mind around it all.

He was only going through the motions, but he didn't miss Clint's talk about retirement, and wearily removed his helmet to chip in about his own withdrawal from the team. It felt like an afterthought, at this point, and Tony wasn't sure if everyone's lack of reaction was because they were tired or just didn't care if he left. [They didn't care when he'd been attacked—no.]

He was nearly out for the count, but not enough to miss Dr. Banner's conspicuous absence. Or the Helicarrier's figure in the distance, their ride home, according to JARVIS, and signaling SHIELD's arrival [late as always].

Tony was exhausted, in a way that reminded him of DC and New York and Afghanistan, but he held it together. [Same as usual.] The Emotional Glass Barrier was slowly fracturing, and he could feel the wave of desperation-helplessness-panic that it was staving off through the cracks, but…he knew what he needed, now, and he could stave off his breakdown for after he was away from the Avengers.

Just a few hours, just a couple hundred miles. He could pull through.

Thor had planned on starting to make amends, when Lord Anthony had announced his imminent withdrawal.

Dismay did not even start to describe what he was feeling, and the self-deprecating tone when hearing him joking about "not quitting being Q" and…this could still be remedied, surely.

Surely Lord Anthony did not believe he was only welcome for his wares? Surely he knew he was a great ally, surely his shield-brothers would protest this?

But no.

Thor paused, and leaned back, as he regarded the group carefully. They might have been weary [certainly, when eating shawarma after last time, he himself had been nearly falling asleep] but the lack of argument, coupled with Lord Anthony's self-deprecating smile, meant…

He had to fix this. He had failed Loki, had never bothered to so much as ask after his brother, back when he'd been pulling away from his friends and family, but Thor refused to let it happen again.

…now to figure out what he had to do.

Last time, he had never really talked to his brother, not until it was far too late and Loki was lost to them. Thor may not have been as skilled with words as his brother, but he could very well try. And afterwards, he could perhaps delay his departure, if only so as to help mend and foster better relations.

If it was possible, he could very well do his best. He had to help.

Thor carefully made his way to where Lord Anthony stood, a distance from where the rest of their shield-brothers were, and ignored the questioning looks thrown his way.

He had to try to fix this, he'd never forgive himself otherwise. [Not again, not on his watch.]

Vision sensed Thor's turmoil, and his intent on talking to Tony.

Under normal circumstances, it would not have been cause for concern, but.

But, at James' side, Tony was doing an admirable job at looking put together when even now Vision could feel the brewing storm just waiting for the Emotional Glass Barrier to come down. [Note to self: avoid repeating, this did not look good.]

Under normal circumstances, Vision would have let him pass, would have let Thor give the speech he'd planned on giving, of unity and kinship and reassurance that Lord Anthony was a shield-brother he was truly proud to have battled alongside.

Under normal circumstances, Vision would not have put himself on standby, or interrupted the moment Tony showed discomfort. He was capable of fighting his own battles, after all, and in any other situation Vision knew he would have a witty yet scathing quip at the ready.

However…

Tony was understandably wary around the Asgardian who'd choked him not a week ago, and the determined look on Thor's face, coupled with recent events, meant Vision felt no hesitation in butting in the second Tony's emotional signature shifted, which it did not half a minute in.

He was polite about it, of course. [It'd be rather hard not to be, with JARVIS as a source code.] But Vision did not pull his punches either, and had no compunctions about using the unease in Thor's emotional signature against him.

"Thor, I have a few questions for you."

"Vision, can this not wait? I—"

Drat, he was trying to be stubborn about this. How to get him away from Tony—ah. Perfect.

"Does the name Thanos sound familiar at all to you?"

The way Thor froze and paled told him his words hit the mark…actually, maybe a bit too close, given how fast he whipped over to face him.

No matter, at least his attention was focused on Vision now, rather than Tony. [Mission accomplished.]

"Where did you hear that name?" Thor found himself biting out, and maybe it was a tad more forceful than intended given the minute flinch Lord Anthony gave […he'd erred again, hadn't he? Another thing to apologize for, again], but the mere mention of the Mad Titan was not something to be taken lightly.

And for Vision to have heard it…

"I picked it up while fighting Ultron. He mentioned serving someone, kept referring to 'his lord', and when I last encountered him that was the name I heard."

Ultron…Ultron had been…the imprint from the Scepter, hadn't he?

Thor didn't realize he had said it aloud, or just when he'd wandered with Vision away from the rest of their shield-brothers, but apparently he had, given Vision's quiet reply.

"I believe so. He did not make an appearance until…well. You know. And he most certainly implied it during our fight."

Then…oh, Loki.

He leaned back as a fresh wave of grief hit, and looked at Vision. At the brilliant Infinity Stone that had caused them all so much trouble, the Stone that had been set in the Scepter and given to Loki to serve a master he had refused to name. [This explained so much, and yet…no, grieve later. Thanos had been mentioned, and was a far more pressing concern.]

"You are certain it was Thanos." It wasn't a question, yet it was, while also a wordless plea to the universe, because for the Mad Titan to have expressed an interest in either Midgard or the Infinity Stones would prove disastrous.

Vision stopped walking, and looked him in the eye.

"Yes."

…Thor had wanted to stay on Midgard, had wanted to foster better relations and ensure that history would not repeat itself, but…this took precedence.

This was the second time the Chitauri had invaded this realm, and these rumors surrounding the locations of the Stones meant something was most certainly afoot; and if Thanos really was the one behind part of Loki's madness, then…he had to take action.

It could not possibly be what had first come to mind, but…Midgard was so, very young, and Thor wanted to see it reach its full potential. He couldn't risk it.

He would apologize to Lord Anthony, and hopefully start to mend relations between him and the rest of the team, and then…leave.

Leave, and hope his suspicions were wrong.

Tony was more focused on the Emotional Glass Barrier, than what was going on around him. [Besides, he was retiring anyway, so no big, right?] He didn't notice when they got home, didn't quite pay attention to the disembarkment, only vaguely heard but didn't listen to the quiet conversations happening around him.

Not when putting one foot in front of the other took so much concentration, to ignore the way sometime in the back of his head felt like sand, coarse and unyielding and crumbling the moment he touched anything.

It was Rhodey's bumping shoulders that alerted him it was time to head out, actually. Given the way Thor had looked at him, he probably wasn't doing a good enough job of hiding it, but…just a few miles left. He could make it.

Tony didn't remember when he removed the armor, and he's slightly lightheaded [like when he forgot to eat and sleep for over 12 straight, huh] when he's bantering with the team for the last time, waving Barton off and strangely dispassionate at the surprise reveal that apparently Legolas had a wife and kids to go home to. [Plot twist, huh…later. He'd think about it later.] Dropping Romanov was much the same, minus the chatter and family reveals.

The last talk with Rogers and Thor was equal parts nostalgia and shock, probably. Plus his last reserves of energy, because Tony does not know how he managed to make his voice sound so casual.

But he pulled through, and didn't flinch when Thor carefully patted his arm instead of clapping him on the back as per usual, so bonus. [Also…that's a first, normally he got winded from Thor's greetings. Huh…no, later.]

Thor's strange looks and painstakingly-modulated tone had started to grow on him, and Tony's usual self-deprecating jokes aren't as effective as usual, but Tony wants to part on a good note so he makes do. Rogers also noticed Thor's unusual bearing, and Tony's mystified as to why Thor looked so triumphant when he caught their look of shared confusion.

Good thing Tony'd said no to funding the Avengers, because the charred landscape would've probably been murder on his budget on top of everything else. [Though, really, did Thor hit his head or something? Why was he treating Tony like he was tissue paper?]

At least Rogers hadn't changed, and good thing this was a farewell because Tony didn't think he could stand this bull on top of everything else. Did nobody notice he said he wasn't retiring? Just leaving the team? [ Ha. Amateurs. They wouldn't last five minutes in a board meeting.]

He's on his last leg, when drives home from the Compound.

Just a few more miles. Just a few more minutes. He can make it.

Tony's fighting nausea, by the time he makes it to the Tower.

His fingertips are going numb, by the time he leaves the elevator.

He's fighting to keep his breathing at a normal pace and the golden flicker at the corner of his eye nearly did him in, and it's a last-ditch sprint to his personal, private workshop, the one with his robots and restricted access.

Just a few more feet, just a few—

"JARVIS, talk to me," Tony manages, and the familiar voice helps with some of the dread but the panic's just waiting and he barely makes it in, barely closes the door, when the last vestiges of the Emotional Glass Barrier go down, and he's…

He's just...

He's drowning.

Tony didn't know when he'd passed out, or if he'd fallen asleep, or gone catatonic.

All he knows is, he's curled up next to DUM-E and…was it Butterfingers who draped the blanket over him? And where'd the pillow even come from? Between that, and JARVIS' running commentary about—wait, he was reading something aloud, sounded like a research journal. Well…that worked.

A mug of something green's sitting nearby, too.

…wait, when'd Rhodey and Vision get here, anyway? Not that he's minding, but the couch doesn't seem like a very comfortable place to crash, even if he's used it—oh, wait, right. JARVIS.

They were safe. The people he cared about were safe, he was okay, the battle was over, they'd made it out.

Tony leaned back against DUM-E, quietly readjusted the blanket around him, and took a deep breath. And then another, and another.

Okay. That had happened, and now he was back at square one [on a number of levels—no].

He was in his workshop, he was safe, Rhodey and the others were safe, JARVIS was okay, and he could work with this.

He'd just take an actual nap, there was enough space on the couch and Rhodey wouldn't mind, and then…time to get back to work—wait, no, first a few very important talks with Rhodey and JARVIS and the rest, then back to business, right. [Just like always.]

Just a few things to clear up, then back to work. Back to the basics, back to the drawing board.

The Earth wasn't going to protect itself, after all.

Notes:

Thor can't unsee the parallels between Loki and Tony, now, thus the 'weird' behavior Tony's noticing. [That, and he's taking Maria's "wth humans are pretty damn fragile, Thor!" thing to heart.] Under any other circumstances, he would've stuck around, but...well. Thanos. What can you do?

SI's/the Iron Legion's Phase 2 is basically cleanup. [If I also named it that way because of other, more meta reasons, well, that's a bonus too, isn't it?]

There's some miscommunication in here too, because the way Tony worded his leaving the team sounded like he was retiring too. Thor's attempts to bridge the gap are also seen as him acting kind of weird, though Tony was slowly starting to warm up to him a hair by the time Thor's leaving.

Bruce is also going the way he did in canon, even if I'm still not caught up on how he got into space.

Tony's been hurting for pretty much this entire arc, but on the plus side the comfort starts soon, so...there's that?

——————————

This chapter was hard to write, but the transition from the AoU arc to the fallout-from-AoU/buildup-to-CW arc had always been slightly rough. Fun. Plus the mental health thing, which alternates between pulling teeth and riding a bike downhill while being pulled by an overenthusiastic border collie and shot brakes. [Long story.]

Also, I'm a student and life gets hectic, so erratic updates have been and will still be a thing.