The Wedding Announcement

Few weeks later, exactly six months after we left camp, and 7 months since my service year, I wedded Sonia at the State High court at Lokoja. 

Two weeks before then, she had called me and informed me that everything was set. She had taken care of almost everything; secured a date and booked a venue with the state high court, informed her zonal inspector and local government inspector, officially inviting them for the ceremony, printed few flyers which she used in notifying few people, bought both the wedding dress, my suit and the clothing for a best man and her braids maid. 

All I needed on my own part was to get a best man, then invite my zonal inspector and my L.i and a few of my friends I had wanted present as witnesses. I had tried to make it as discreet as possible, but it was obvious that Sonia didn’t care about being discreet. 

When she sent me the flyers meant for my L.i and Z.i, I had given it to them, inviting them for the wedding. I needed them to be there so they can sign as witnesses and fill some forms which will be forwarded to the Ministry as a valid claim for payment, together with other documents. 

A week to the date, I went for the month’s clearance at the local government, together with Esther. The L.i had announced that everyone waits after the clearance for an important announcement. 

I and my angel sat at a spot, waiting for the clearance to be over so we can listen to the ‘all important’ announcement and head home. Chifawu came and joined us at the spot. I had not seen or spoken to her for a long time, since secondary school was on vacation then.

I remained silent as she and Esther conversed freely. I'm still awkward around her. I had not completely forgiven her for her actions toward me; I simply forgot about it and went about my business as usual.

As it became clear that I couldn't avoid or ignore them, I joined them in their talk. We had gathered around the L.i when he eventually stepped out to make the announcement.

As usual, he emphasized the need of not neglecting our CDS days and other important things, which had become his signature. He never addresses us without mentioning those things; it was like a follow-up to any news.

So we had to wait for him to finish the preliminary announcement before we could hear the main event. "One of our colleagues is marrying as soon as possible." He eventually said it and paused for a while to let it sink in. This was not the first time such an announcement had been made.

During the service year, one or two girls married. We didn't go because the location was usually in the girl's home state, so we made our normal contribution and sent our gift instead. We all assumed that was typical wedding nonsense; perhaps he meant to remind us of the necessary contribution for such an occasion, which would be collected by the c.l.o. I truly agreed with others in that camp. "There is something magical about this wedding." He went on. "This time, a corper from this local government is marrying another corper." Then it occurred to me. He was preparing to announce my alleged marriage to Sonia. When I heard that, I froze. I never expected him to make it public information.

It was supposed to be as discreet as possible. I gave him a flyer, just for him and him alone! I didn’t need the entire corpers at Idah local government to know about this. More especially, Esther, my angel. How on earth was I going to explain this to her? I had not told her of the wedding; it would have led to me telling her the truth about the scam. 

Now she was going to hear it from another source; a week to the wedding. The excited hush sounds from the corp members brought my mind back to the announcement the L.i was making. 

They were all anticipating the full gist. The L.i went on to announce of the prize tag of half a million naira made available to any corp member that marries his/her fellow corp member, like the wedding and the money was related. Then he reminded us of the contribution, and encouraged us to go, since it was going to take place at Lokoja, the same state. Then he announced the wedding proper, reading from the flyer I had given him. 

He called on me to come upstage and I went while my fellow corp members clapped and hailed me, some, who still remembered me from camp hailed me as fainter, some hailed me as platoon leader, while majority just screamed “Mr. Lecturer!” 

Two girls were quite right inside the crowd, Esther and Chifawu. I looked in their direction and the look on their faces was disheartening. Esther managed to avoid my gaze, looking downwards and sideways in disappointment while chifawu stared blankly at me. 

We went home in silence that day. I tried to explain to her when we got to the bus stop but she didn’t want to hear me out. 

“Something that huge and I only get to hear it from the L.i?” she retorted angrily. I wasn’t helping matters, she was looking up to me for something that will explain the situation, but there was nothing forth coming. I wasn’t going to blow my plan that would fetch me half a million naira just for her. 

I felt it was better I do the explanation when things work out fine, after I must have smiled to the bank with my share of the money. I had to let her go. There was nothing I could really do about it, as at then. I decided to wait until the deal is ripe and mature, and then I will go for her with flowers and chocolate. 

A day to the wedding, I travelled to Lokoja together with Mike, his girlfriend and the ugly one.  I and the ugly one spoke on the phone few days to the wedding and I somehow mentioned the plan to him. He took exactly 45 seconds to laugh at me and the plan, and after he was through with his laughter, I had asked him what was so funny about the deal.  “I smell something fishy!” he said.

“I smell something fishy!” he said.

 _____________________ 

That was his only words. I had pressed for more answers but he said he was not in a position to put asunder what God was about to join together. It was a funny remark, but I pushed further, asking what it was that could be fishy. “If it smells like a fish, tastes like a fish, then it certainly is a fish.” He had told me. 

“When did you start speaking in parables?” I had asked and met with another long session of laughter. I could swore he was certainly going mad! He insisted he was coming for the wedding. I tried discouraging him, telling him it was just for the money. He said he wasn’t going to allow me walk down the aisle alone even if it was for a nollywood movie.  

“I have some other things I want to do at kogi also.”  He had informed me and I asked what they were. “I need to fvck some poly chics.” He said and continued his session of mischievous laughter. And he did get the poly fvck he wanted. 

Two days to the wedding, he came down to idah. I went to the park and picked him. He had asked that I arrange a sweet poly chic for him. I informed him that school was not in session, even the cec students had rounded off their program for the semester. 

I didn’t know how it happened, but when we went out to drink that evening, the ugly one came home with a girl.  

I remained with him the entire evening, and when I returned to the table we were sitting at, there was a gorgeous female seated on it with him. I had just left the table to accept a call in a location with less background noise. Since the girl had actually sat in my chair, I was forced to look for a new one despite the fact that the place was extremely crowded at the time.

After a few moments, I went back to check on them, and they had moved closer together, such that his hands were carelessly resting on her laps, and they were laughing as if they had known each other for a very long time.

Soon after, he took control of the evening and proceeded to play it the way he was most skilled at playing it. He threw money around, ordered expensive drinks, danced to the music with his new date, and boasted the whole while. It was a mystery to me how he had managed to fvck a poly chic on the very first night he was at idah, despite the fact that he had always been a jovial gentleman.