Family dinner 6: Understanding

"Afraid of what?" Max asked, taking Trevor's hand gently.

"I ... I was afraid of you ..." Trevor said sheepishly, looking down at the floor.

"Wait ... What? Afraid of me? Why would you be?" Max was utterly lost at this point.

Trevor took a while to consider whether he should have this discussion now or wait until they were back home. He pondered and finally decided that since the topic was already on the table, it was best for them to talk now. Remembering his conversation with Maxwell, Trevor took a deep breath and began.

"I don't know what you are thinking at all ... your thoughts, feelings, needs, I don't know them. You never yell, never get angry, sometimes I can see a glimpse in your eyes of what you are feeling, but you quickly block it out again with a smile when you face me or just walk away..." Before he continued speaking, Trevor looked at Max, still a little unsure, but wanting to at least look him in the eye as he spoke.

"I can't guess if you are happy or angry since you always show me your best mood... I did not know you were so insecure about us... When I heard your phone call with mother the other day, I felt hurt because you don't talk to me about your thoughts. When you ask about something you only pay attention to what I said and do not let me know what you feel or what you think. Sometimes I can guess that what I said hurt you or that you can be angry but that's all... I started to be afraid to talk to you, I think. I was afraid I'd say something that would hurt you again, I was afraid I'd tired you out, and eventually, you'd get sick of me and decide to walk away." Trevor said, his voice cracking increasingly as he slowly began to shed tears.

Max was surprised, he thought it was good not to force his thoughts on Trevor because he knew the latter was doing his best with their relationship. He did not want to look like he was forcing him to do things. He figured it was pointless to tell him he was sad or hurt because he felt Trevor would not change his decision anyway. He did not realise that it was important for Trevor to know that, too. He wondered if he had done something to make his baby think he would leave him so easily...

"I love you Trevor, I love you just the way you are. I know you have your reasons, like why you do not want me to mark you or for people to find out about us, I just don't want to pressure you, so I choose not to say anything. I thought if I looked sad in front of you, you'd change your decision, but I don't want you to. I want you to do things because you chose to, not out of pity... I am sorry baby; I didn't know I was hurting you with my behavior."

"I'd rather you tell me what you think and show me how you feel. If you are okay with all the horrible things I do, or smile when I hurt you ... I feel worse for being aware of my hurtful words." Trevor sighed as he played with Max's hand, "I want to make you happy too, like you do for me. The way we are, it feels like I am just taking advantage of your love for me... I want you to know that I can handle your anger too, not just your happiness. If we are going to be a couple for a long time, I should be able to love all the parts of you just like you do.

"I am really sorry Trevor, it's just that I really don't want you to be unhappy, so I am choosing to take it all on myself. I wanted to be sad for both of us, while I wanted you to be happy for both of us... It was not the best way, I guess. It's also my first time in a relationship, I still have a lot to learn. From now on, I'll try to communicate more and tell you what's on my mind." Max talked down to Trevor, who had tears slowly running down his cheeks. He wiped them away with his fingers and gave him a sweet kiss.

Their tongues danced gently together, Trevor clutching Max's shirt as he felt his desire for his boyfriend grows by the second. The sweet kiss soon turned into a deep and passionate one until Trevor broke the kiss, remembering that they were still at a party. They gasped together; their foreheads glued to each other.

"I want to know what you think about us so far..." asked Trevor, bringing them out of their state of lust.

Max was taken aback and subconsciously began to wonder if it was okay to tell Trevor what he thought because he knew he will be sad. But he had already agreed to change, so he took a deep breath, adjusted his position, and began.

"I'd be lying if I said I am happy with the way things are turning out between us ... I keep wondering if one day you'll be able to see me as your life partner, I pray every morning to see you at night because I am afraid, you'll leave me, even though I know you love me. To me, our relationship is like we are doing something wrong because we have to hide it and it makes me uncomfortable."

Max took the time to look at Trevor, saw that he was listening to him intently while frowning here and there at what he was saying, and continued.

"You said you didn't want people to know about us because you didn't want to get in trouble at school ... I am sorry, but I thought your reasoning was ridiculous. If I have to think like you, we are never going to disclose this relationship because, after college, they are still going to have jobs, we will still have to leave in society. We are still going to have to face people because I am still going to be Max Klayne and there's still going to be greedy and fucking crazy people who will want to separate us to take your place now or later, so why don't you show that you own me, tell people that you are not afraid of them coming at you because I chose you started now? You said you are afraid of having my mark on you, that you are not ready... I can understand that. But sometimes, I think that maybe you are just not comfortable with me" He took Trevor's hand tightly.

"But what about me? Do you think I am not scared? People think alphas are all strong and confident, but babe, when it comes to you, I am weak!! I am scared every time you step foot out of the house and walk around like this without my mark on you and as a single man. You don't know how scared I get all day thinking about some shithead looking at you and wanting you. We all know what kind of problems an unclaimed Omega could have... And yet you chose to hide me, to not let me mark you, not let me protect you, can you imagine how helpless I feel? I am so scared of losing you that I am having a tough time concentrating at work, I have to ask your security team to send me a report every now and then because I am anxious."

Trevor's heart tightens, he has absolutely no idea that Max could feel this way. If he thought he was hurting Max with his words or the way he acted, it was only superficial to him, he thought Max might be frustrated or angry at the very least, but he did not consider that the Alpha might be scared or anxious because of him. He knew he was an egoist, which was not news, but now he felt like shit. How could he claim to love this man when he could not even take a step back to consider the other's thoughts before acting?

Trevor took in all of Max's confession and began to consider how he should act. He also wanted their relationship to work. No way in hell would he let Max go. He wanted to make everything right. But still, there were things he could not just risk. The fear of being marked sat deep in his soul. Even if he wanted to, it still made him uncomfortable, so he decided to change slowly.

"Honey, I am really sorry you had to feel that way. I wish I could be braver about this... I can assure you it's not because I am uncomfortable with you! I just don't know how to reduce my fear of being marked." Trevor looked sad at that moment, and it hurt Max. He frowned when he saw how Trevor's face and began to regret what he had just said.

"I... We don't have to hide anymore... I will not hide you anymore... Starting today, I will be your proud boyfriend and be with you without fear!!!! I... I love you, Max," Trevor said, dipping his green eyes into Max's glittering golden ones.