Meeting with The Regressor (2)

Everyone got around a larger marble table to enjoy a meal. There was this Teleporter Tron 900– it's got to be the most random name I've heard for a machine– in the middle where you can basically customize any food you want and it will send it fresh to your table. Bleu became too lazy to keep up with the orders.

"Pork cutlets and spicy ramen.." Kaito ordered the next dish from the Teleporter Tron 900.

"Ddukbokki.. I should consider making rice dough next time."

Crunch. Dip. Crunch.

Everyone was eating at their pace.

"How many hours left?"

"3 hours."

Okay. So we still have time to talk about the important things later.

Laura was just eating whatever dishes the Regressor was pulling out from the Teleporter Tron 900. Based on her expression, it seems like she's' never seen these foods before. The regressor is like, trying to come up with the recipe for each dish based on taste and sight alone. I think he plans to replicate them back in reality.

"Excuse me. I've been wondering," Takata raised her hands.

"Yes. I've made it so you won't feel full after eating so much. You will feel satisfied, but it would maintain a level of satiety just below full capacity."

"Thank you very much!" Takata went on and took an entire tiramisu cake.

"To clarify this. You are the Goddess that brought Laura to this regression?" and finally, the Regressor is now in the mood to talk about real shit.

"Yes."

"Thank you."

"No problems. I took pity on your situation so I thought to help out a little."

"That's not a little," Nine retorted.

"It is a little little."

"Not."

"Is there anything I can do to repay you?"

"There is one thing. Keep an open mind," Bleu stuck her tongue out.

Laura dabbed her mouth with a handkerchief, looked at us and nodded.

"I think we'll talk about that a little later.. thanks Bleu. First of all, it's more important to clarify that issue with Aoki-san and Takatan-san."

""Right,"" Nine and Bleu said in unison.

"Hm?"

"Heh.. so you mean to say.. Nine isn't the Goddess of Comfort?"

"What other proof do you need?" Bleu picked up the fork from the chocolate velvet cake she was eating and pointed it at him– the crumbs falling off the tip.

"S-So that means.."

"Ain't no way I'm going to form a party with the two of you at this rate!" Nine said.

Takata and Aoki looked at each other.

The regressor had a difficult to describe expression on her face while Laura kept a straight face as if to say: you reap what you sow.

That idiom is being overused by this point.

"W-What do we do now.. the only plan we had was to form a party with you.."

"Look. I don't know crap about being an adventurer. If you tried to fight with me one-on-one, you'll come out on top for sure. You're looking at the wrong person," Nine said, crossing her arms.

"Then.. how are you.."

"So you're overly dependent on your Unique Skill is what you're saying?" the regressor raised an eyebrow.

"What you said is true if overly simple stated. The reality is more complicated, so don't get too full of yourself, Jiwon-san," Bleu showed him a scary smile.

"My apologies."

"The only reason why you've been blessed with physic-defying abilities is because of that cheat [Reincarnated Otherworlder] title you possess. The moment that's gone, you're no different from kids fooling around in a world of death."

"Bleu, I too will apologize on his behalf," Laura lowered her head.

Wow.. shit got intense real fast.. um..

"My bad, I lost composure. I too will apologize.. to move on with the topic, what do you intend to do about them, Nine?" Bleu asked.

"Well.. maybe you two should form a party with the other heroes that will leave the castle."

"And as for whatever vow you made about partying up with a goddess in front of the nobles.." I added, "I don't think we can do anything to help you with that."

"Hah.." Takata sighed.. "Then do we at least get to eat supper like this ever again?"

"No," Bleu stated curtly.

Takata and Aoki hung their heads. Truly.. a pitiful sight.

"How about you follow me on my journey?" Jiwon suggested.

"Is that alright sensei?"

"I don't think I have any problems with that either. It would be nice that Jiwon had an accomplice of his same gender."

"Thank you," Aoki bowed.

Then everyone went on an eating spree.

I'm starting to get a little impatient here so I spoke up.

"Jiwon-san. Can I have a moment?"

"What is it?"

"There's something important you need to know. I get where you're coming from if you're going to show a bad reaction, but you have to understand that first, we mean no harm, second, we're not allies of Javiel, and third.. try to sort out your differences with Laura-san later about this issue."

"So what is it?"

"Noel, are you sure you want to do it now?" Bleu asked.

"They've been waiting so.."

By that I mean.. Rin and Liliath. It's something I forgot but was glad Liliath didn't. Which was the fact that the Regressor probably recognized Rin. So Liliath hid her away from his sight..

"I have a question of my own. Is it alright if I ask it?"

"Okay."

"If the Goddess of Comfort is Bleu-sama, who are the rest of you?" he asked.

Who are we huh? Where should I even start explaining?

"The creator of this world," I said bluntly. Yeah.. that should make sense right? Against someone as dangerous as him. Who knows what would happen if I tried to diminish myself.

"The creator of this world huh.. you sure have some guts to put us in this sort of bullshit situation don't you?"

"Sorry about that. It's not like I could control what happens anyways."

I take back my words, I didn't think I would be in the red here. He's right. I created this shitty world he had to suffer through.

"It's algorithmically generated, it's not like you have full control over it," Bleu said.. probably trying to console me.

Yeah. I get it. There are just some things I have no control over.

"So? Is this what you're trying to say? You're new in the cycle aren't you?"

"Oppa."

"What are you going to do about those damn demons? You're their enemy right? So you're going to eradicate them? All those innocent lives you've culled at the expense of allowing such shitty bullshit to continue–"

I took in a deep breath.

"Was it fun? Watching us suffer? Was it entertaining? Did you think creating enemies as a way to unite people is fair? Wanting our cooperation to defeat the demon Monarch? If you're God why would you need my help?"

There are three ways I can think of this. First is that I'm wrong. It's my fault that people died. As previously said, there are some people who wish they never existed, that wished they were dead. The Regressor's thought process was probably in this loop.

I'm the one at fault for bringing Liliath into my life– creating this world, as the person responsible for creating so many casualties, sorrow, hate, anger, anguish, pain, lament, fears, suffering, distress, angst, torture, grief, misery, torment, despair..

The second way to think of it is that the Regressor is venting. He's pushing the responsibility of saving the world to someone else– me. His wish for revenge, fueled by his hate. He had decided to take into his hands to bring his 'justice' to the world by ridding it of demon lords, yet was blaming me for not doing anything to support this 'revenge' of his. That the reason he chose revenge was my fault when.. the choice was his to begin with.

The third was to accept both. He's not wrong about me being an ignorant asshole, nor is he right about putting blame on me. Well.. that's the same for me too.

Remove 'right' and 'wrong' from the equation and it becomes: what next? Knowing I've done or might not have done anything to cause someone to suffer, what should I do?

What should I do..

Was there anything I could do?

"Bleu."

"On it. Please calm down. We'll see if we can arrange talks next time, see you and take care," with a snap of a finger, Jiwon fell forward, Laura holding him up by the shoulder.

"W-What do you mean? What's going on? You're the creator of this world??" Takata spewed a torrent of questions.

"Yes. Noel here is the creator of me, the world, and everything else. This world is..."

"This world is not fictional," I said to interject Bleu, "Everything about you, the things you put into your mouth, the feelings you hold, it's as real as you can imagine."

"Noel.. calm down," I don't know when Prune stood up but she started patting my head.

"Sorry.." I pressed my hands to my forehead.

"Bleu, can you get me a tissue?" Nine asked.

"Here,"

"Noel.. sama. I'm really sorry about what he said, really.. I may not understand the full context of the situation but it's really not your fault.."

"It's impossible that this isn't my fault.. everything is my fault. It's my ability that created this world.. I'm the creator of this place.. of everything here.. I just have to accept what it is and move forward.."

"Here.." Prune passed me a tissue.

"T-Thanks.." I used it to wipe the tears from my face.

"Why did you have to say that.. sensei.." Aoki cursed.

"Sorry Laura.. I couldn't persuade him. We hadn't even talked about the main point yet, and you'll have to face him later in the morning" I smiled bitterly.

"No.. the fault is mine. I shouldn't have requested this meeting, please.."

Haha.. we're entering this infinite spiral of everyone is at fault huh?

Bullshit. This is all but some bullshit drama to manipulate my emotions– that I'm being overly emotional about the issue– when life is simply just..

"Damn it.."

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry Liliath,

I'm sorry Prune.. Rin.. Jiwon.. everyone. I'm sorry you had to go through all this..

===

Did he have a choice?

The Regressor?

Was it the world's fault that he became vengeful?

Was it the environment?

Or was it a choice he made?

Even if it was both, how much of a percentage did each contribute?

If it were you, what would you choose?

Or what would you let?

Is it the environment that controls 'you' or is it 'you' that controls the environment?

Do we have a choice or.. is choice just an illusion?

===

"Would you rather exist with a life of bitterness or not exist?"

Was Liliath-sama's question.

Noel-sama was on her lap, sound asleep.

"What do you mean by bitterness?"

"Slavery, pain, being tortured all day long."

"I'd not want to.." Prune-san voiced her opinions honestly. Was that even an appropriate answer?

"It depends.. what about not existing? What happens then? No. It's not like we had a choice in life, so we just have to experience it wholly, the good and bad," Nine-san said.

The two heroes they invited and Laura-sama, together with the person that condemned Noel had left this realm.

"Rin?"

"I.. I would choose not to exist in fact.."

This was my truth.. since Prune-san had said her's. I don't see the hope in living a life full of misery, pain and bitterness.

"The problem here is that how would we know that our lives are miserable? What is it that decides life to be miserable?" the Goddess Bleu-sama said.

"It's one's perspective isn't it? Millionaires can be miserable, you know? Oh.. um, I mean, commerners that have less can be way happier than nobles you know? So it's not about the haves and have nots. It's about being able to understand that you don't need more to be happy."

"But how much is enough?"

What is happiness?

I glanced at Noel-sama, eyes red from tears.. an uncomfortable swirling feeling formed in my heart.

I didn't understand. What did Noel-sama mean by being this world's 'creator'? Bleu-sama alongside the other Gods and Goddesses were the creators weren't they?

I also did not understand why I had to be hidden away from the person Liliath referred to as 'The Regressor'. He was a dangerous existence to demon lords such as myself, so why did we decide to invite him here?

Another one was who this Javiel person was. It had been a name brought up a few times before.. I had a feeling that he played a large part in causing this situation.

It's way too confusing..

"We're getting nowhere with this discussion. Can't we just agree that everyone here just isn't seeing things straight? We are alive and have everything yet we seek problems to keep thinking about," Nine said, "What if Noel did cause all this? What if there are some people that blame others? If they wanted they should just kill themselves. We're not that one percent that's in such a dire situation to have a need to think about these things. It's a waste of time and just kills the mood of things."

"I agree. I agree that my Nine has grown~" Bleu-sama said.

"Eh.. what?"

"Fufufu.."

"I'm just saying what I know. We're just not seeing things correctly.. there's this one time I cried because I wasn't thinking straight. I took things too seriously. I didn't see what I already had. I almost caused someone to die because of what I did.. but even if that person did die– it wouldn't matter if a person died just decided then to commit suicide, right? Live as if today is your last or.. live as if you're going to die tomorrow."

Doesn't that support the notion of addictive drugs? I remember back in the Margrave's territory, this issue was quite a severe one a few years back and an incredible amount of effort was put into suppressing this growth of addicts in the territory. If this saying was really practiced then.. live everyday as if your last.. it meant that the drug addicts weren't doing wrong? I don't get it.

"Rinalanashin, it's a thought process, a philosophy to live by."

"R-Right.."

Bleu-sama corrected me… but I still didn't get it..

"You'll come to understand as you grow. It's alright not to know the meaning. You're good as you are. Liliath, be sure to talk to Rin about the truth, she's becoming confused."

"I will, thank you for the advice."

The truth.. what was the truth? I'm sure someone like myself doesn't have a need to know every detail behind this group right?

"Rinalanashina, is it alright if I called you Rin?" Bleu-sama asked.

"Yes. Please do.."

I sometimes wonder if Bleu-sama could read minds. The way she talked was as if an esper.

"I can."

"Eh?"

"I can read your mind."

"Oh, you didn't know? Actually, all Gods and Goddesses can read our minds but.. with Bleu's Blessing it doesn't work for the other Gods now right?" Nine queried.. which made it all the more confusing.

So it was a truth that Bleu-sama could read my thoughts? I better be careful.. how could I have not realized that till now.. am I becoming senile?

"We'll take things one step at a time Rina, you'll be alright," Liliath-sama showed me a smile.

I took another glance at Noel. Liliath-sama stroking his soft black hair.

"Do you want to touch him too?"

"U-Um.. it's nothing like that.."

"Boo~ Everyone knows you're lying," Blue-sama said.

Prune-san looked at me as usual, Nine-san had eyes of anticipation.

What should I do..

I felt a hand grab my wrist.

"L-Liliath.."

"It's not like he's going to bite right?"

She tugged at my hand and brought it to his hair. Oh.. so it wasn't soft, it was quite prickly, and silky smooth. I touched the skin on his forehead, his felt different from Liliath-sama's gentle warmth.

"It's like they're petting a zoo animal," Prune-san said.

"If only Noel heard that… you'd be so dead," Nine-san followed up.

Whatever they were saying, I tried to pay no mind to.

Noel-sama's face.. his bouncy cheeks, dry lips, prominent eyelashes..

I touched the tip of his nose.

"What do you think?" Liliath-sama asked.

"Think of?"

"We'd make a great family don't you think?" she smiled.

We'd make a great family… I didn't know. Maybe we would.. maybe not.. but..

It wasn't like Noel-sama had accepted me yet..

I gently looked away.