why am I doing this

After hours of Intercourse, they sat in the dimly red room while Jin smoked his breath away, he gazed at the floor for what seemed hours until the guy came behind him and hugged him from the back. "Why are you so out of thought?" The guy asked, Jin ignored him as he continued smoking. "Did you come here because you missed us or just wanted to have this and leave?" He questioned, Jin sighed lighting out his cigarette as he released himself from the guy's grip.

"Let me make this clear to you DaeHyun, I would never miss that shitty relationship not miss you. Just because I sought for that thing tonight doesn't mean I want you." He stated, "You're nothing but a scam bag, a liar, a cheater, and overall you fucking ruined my life." He exclaimed, "Desire took the best hold of me so this, never again." Jin walked away from his sight grabbed his clothes off the floor and threw them on.

As Jin stormed out of the room, his mind churned with a mix of anger and regret. He had let himself be drawn back into a toxic cycle, seeking solace in the arms of someone who had only brought him pain.

Outside, the cool night air hit him like a slap in the face, clearing his thoughts even as it chilled his skin. He took a deep breath, trying to steady himself as he hailed a taxi to take him home.

As the taxi wound its way through the city streets, Jin couldn't shake off the feeling of emptiness that gnawed at him from within. He had thought that seeking out physical pleasure would numb the pain, but instead, it had only served to magnify it.

Arriving back at his apartment, Jin let himself in with a heavy heart. The silence of the empty space echoed his own feelings of loneliness and disillusionment. Collapsing onto the couch, he buried his face in his hands, the weight of his mistakes pressing down on him.

———————

It's been a few weeks now since the whole game thing between I and Jin started but I don't think he knows that I'm not playing along with him, I also just found out his name a few days ago because all of a sudden he started to show up to classes just to bother me. Ignoring was no problem but avoiding this guy was impossible, it was like he knew all my hiding places. But now that I've finally accepted that there was no way of getting rid of him I just went on with my day like it was a normal day in Tae's life.

After classes today he dragged me to grab lunch with him, he took me to some fancy restaurant and now here I am at an arcade watching him play a child's game. Why was I even here, why am I following his every step today?

"Come on Tae, why aren't you playing?" He asked, "I don't want to play a children's game." I replied, "Come on don't be silly, let's play!" He grabbed onto me and dragged me closer as he handed me a guy and started the game. "We just have to defeat the other team so get your shooting aim on." He stated as he positioned his fake gun like he was a pro shooter. "Goodness gracious, why am I following his rhythm today?" I thought to myself.

A few seconds into the game I started to enjoy it a little bit, and after we won Jin suddenly jumped into my arms and hugged me. For a bit second I felt a tingle of excitement in my heart but then I was brought back to reality, "Um you can get down now." I told him, "Right, but we Won!" He rejoiced as he clapped his hands.

After that he got himself some ice cream while I on the other hand I'm just following behind him, today made me realize a lot of things. As I observed Jin today I realized that he wasn't as bad as I thought, he was just a lonely guy longing for attention and love. I also realized that being alone and being lonely are totally different, I used to think that being alone means being lonely, but Jin showed me that it's possible to be surrounded by people and still feel empty inside.

As we walked back to my apartment, Jin talked animatedly about his favorite arcade games and childhood memories. Despite myself, I found myself laughing along with him, feeling a sense of camaraderie that I hadn't expected.

When we reached my apartment complex, I turned to look at Jin who was wearing a big smile on his face, his eyes shining with a warmth that I hadn't seen before. "Thanks for hanging out with me today, Tae. I had a great time," he said, sincerity ringing in his voice.

I nodded, feeling a sense of gratitude wash over me. Maybe Jin wasn't the person I had thought he was. Maybe, just maybe, he was someone worth getting to know.

————————

Later that evening

"WHY ARE YOU SO STUBBORN!" Her father yelled at him as he threw the papers he had in Jin's face, "Is this why you called me here, for bullshit?" Jin added unfazed by the situation, "You call this bullshit," "We sent you to the highest university to make yourself a life and this is how you're performing?!" His dad exclaimed. "I don't know what the heck you guys want for me, I ace everything I get. So I don't know why you want me to attend my classes when there's no need, I do work and I turn it in I don't even see why I need to attend classes." Jin stated.

His father sighed as he leaned back into his chair, "Honestly I never know what you want for me, no matter what it does it's never good enough for you." "I've always got the top of my classes, I learned 5 instruments for you just so you can brag to your friends about it, and I've learned over 4 languages at the age of 6 just FOR YOU!" "But what have I gotten from you? Nothing, I can't even remember the last time you both said you were proud of me or that you love me." Jin spoke up.

"But it's okay!" He stood up from his chair with a smile, "It's not like you give a dame about me anyways, all you care about is your reputation, Hyung and Nonna." "So if that's all I'll take my leave." He said with a smile on his face and walked out of his dad's office.

Jin stormed out of his father's office, his heart heavy with frustration and disappointment. Despite his efforts to excel academically and fulfill his family's expectations, it seemed like nothing he did was ever enough to earn their approval or affection.

Outside, the cool evening air offered little solace as Jin walked aimlessly, trying to make sense of his emotions. He felt suffocated by the weight of his father's expectations and the pressure to live up to the family name.

He pulled out his phone and scrolled through his contacts and Tae's contact popped up, he looked at it for a while until he decided to hop into his car and drive to Tae's apartment.

Once he pulled into his apartment complex he got out of the car but the scene he walked wasn't very pleasant. As he was about to walk towards the building he spotted Min and Tae kissing outside.

Jin froze in his tracks, his heart sinking at the sight before him. He watched in disbelief as Tae and Min embraced each other, their lips locked in a passionate kiss. It felt like a punch to the gut, the realization crashing down on him like a tidal wave.

But why did he care if Tae and Min were kissing, it's not like he ever had feelings for Tae. His relationship with him was just a game to him, a game to see if he could get Tae to sleep with so why would he care if Tae was in front of him kissing his cousin?

As Jin stood there, wrestling with his conflicting emotions, he couldn't help but feel a pang of jealousy creeping into his heart. Despite his earlier resolve to view his relationship with Tae as nothing more than a game, seeing Tae with someone else stirred up a whirlwind of emotions within him.

A part of him felt betrayed by Tae's apparent disregard for their interactions, even if they had been based on deception. Another part of him felt a sense of longing, a yearning for the connection he had briefly thought existed between them.

But amidst the turmoil of his emotions, Jin knew that he had no right to feel upset. After all, he had been the one to initiate their deceitful game, using Tae as a pawn in his own selfish desires.

With a heavy sigh, Jin forced himself to turn away from the painful scene before him. He knew that dwelling on his feelings for Tae would only lead to more heartache and regret.

He got back into his car scrolled through his phone and called someone.

TO BE CONTINUED