Hikigaya want's house husband 'workplace tour'

One side of the staffroom was set up as a reception area. A partition separated a black leather couch and glass coffee table from the rest of the room. There was a window immediately nearby, from which you could see an extensive view of the library.

A brilliant early summer breeze came in through the open window, and a thin sheet of paper danced in the wind. As I was waiting I followed the movements of that scrap of paper with my eyes, curious as to how what would happen to it. Gently, now. Like a trickling tear, the paper drifted to the floor.

And then - rip. A stiletto pierced it like a spear.

A pair of supple legs flexed in front of me. I couldn't help but notice how long and shapely they were through the tight suit and pants that covered them.

Suits are quite stylish, but their appeal often leaves much to be desired. Pantyhose would have fulfilled the sexy requirement if a woman was wearing a skirt. And yet the legs before me were different. They had such perfect symmetry you could say the Golden Ratio was at work.

Ah, but that didn't just apply to her legs. Her tight vest revealed the gently sloping shape of her curves, and those curves would arrive at the summit of her splendid bust. Her body was finely tuned from head to toe like a violin - but not just any violin. She stood proud, as perfectly crafted as a Stradivarius.

Huh, it appears that when I am bored and waiting, my mental defences are lowered enough for hormones to temporarily take over. It should have been good thing that she was livid. Which should have killed any lustful thoughts yet the idea of her full of anger and passion made my mouth dry and my heart pound.

She looked at me as she chewed absent-mindedly on her tobacco filter. My Japanese teacher Hiratsuka-sensei sent me a withering glare. "Hikigaya. You know where this is going don't you?"

Please say the bedroom. NO! Bad hormones, bad! This is serious.

"Sorry."

I was sorry for many thing, one of which the thing she was upset about, the others about my lewd thoughts. In my defence she is very attractive. Plus I think it is the heat, kinda making me go into heat. A cold shower should solve all my problems either that or relieve myself when I get to be alone at home. Hey don't look at me like that, most guys do it, and the rest lie!

The intensity never left her large eyes, and I quickly turned my face away.

As soon as I did that, Hiratsuka-sensei started cracking her knuckles. All I could hear was the sound of someone being over dramatic. "Don't tell me you don't really know?"

Ah, let us review the situation. We are rarely called up to the office, the last time we was here was because of that sub standard essay... oh.

"Ah. I guess you did not like it. We have a problem."

Normally I would roll over and satisfy whatever she wanted just to get her to leave me alone but not this time. I was actually serious about what I had written and I was going to stick to it.

"That goes without saying. I want you to rewrite it. Geez… and here I thought you'd changed a little."

"I disagree, with the rewrite part. I stand by what I put down," I said with a serious expression.

I could sense a vein popping in Hiratsuka-sensei's forehead.

"…so my only option is beat you up after all, huh? People beat each other up on TV whenever they want to get a move on with the story."

"... I am being deadly serious here I would appreciate it if you were as well."

"Oh but I am."

"Sensei, I have thought long and hard about it, I have also given legitimate reasons."

Hiratsuka-sensei plopped herself on her seat, unsatisfied. She was looking more and more pissed off at my defiance.

"Now then, Hikigaya. I'll ask you this just to be safe. What is the purpose of this shitty answer of yours?"

You're not supposed to swear at your student…

If she couldn't understand after reading it, that was her problem.

Hiratsuka-sensei puffed out smoke from her cigarette and glared daggers at me, as if she could see right through me and knew exactly what I was thinking. "I understand what a messed up personality you have, but I thought you'd grown up a little. Didn't spending time with the Service Club influence you at all?"

"Yes," I answered, giving her what she wanted to hear.

The point of the Service Club was, to put it simply, listening to the worries of other students and solving their problems for them. But in reality, it was merely an isolation ward where all the school's misfits were lumped together. I'd ended up in a situation where I was forced to help other people in order to correct my messed up personality, but since none of that had rubbed off on me exactly, my level of emotional attachment to the club was pretty much nil. What can I say?

Meeting Totsuka was a nice side benefit though. Yep, that was about it.

"Hikigaya… you've got a misty look in your eyes all of a sudden."

"Huh?! Oh, just reminiscing on the good times ma'am…" I answered hastily.

"So you have improved," Hiratsuka-sensei said after a pause. "You've only a bit better."

Score! She brought it. And the Oscar goes to Hikigaya Hachiman.

"Geez…" she said finally. "Anyway, resubmit your Prospective Workplace Tour Survey Form. When you've done that, I want you to count up all the survey forms as penalty for wasting my time."

"…yes."

Resubmitting, maybe but I'll see if you could go to your superior and see if he or she could allow it. As for counting the surveys, sure, why not.

There was an overgrown stack of papers placed in front of me. Sorting through each sheet one at a time was going to be gruelling.

Well if it will calm Miss Sexy then it would be a small price to pay.

***

At Chiba Municipal Soubu High School, there's an event called a "workplace tour" which happens when you're in eleventh grade.

The survey forms are used to determine the occupation students are interested in learning more about and then the school actually send the students to that workplace. It was part of the new-fangled education program to instil in every student's heart the desire to work for a company. It wasn't such a big deal, really. Every school probably had an event just like it.

The problem was that it came straight after the midterms. In other words, doing these various odd jobs would suck up my precious time before the tests.

"So why am I the only one having to do it at this time of the year…?" I asked, semi curious at her answer.

As I sorted the pile of papers into occupation types, Hiratsuka-sensei sat at the open desk, holding a smoke in her mouth. Some people think that a woman with a cigarette in hand is sexy, I think that woman is fucking stupid. Best to keep that to myself though.

"It's because it's this time of the year, Hikigaya," she replied. "Didn't you hear that you'll be picking your third-year course right after the summer break?"

"Possibly was it during homeroom?"

"Yep, you should have heard this at homeroom…"

"Well, in my case, I was away from homeroom so I didn't hear it at all."

Not a huge fan of homeroom. The whole system of assigning your own duties at homeroom was great in theory but teenagers are dicks. You had to stand up in front of the class and give out orders. If someone like Hayama gave out orders, everyone would be all smiles and listen attentively like a happy little family, but when other people did it, people snigger at them.

Immature brats the lot of them.

"…anyway, the workplace tour takes place after midterms and before summer break. It's there so that you can take your exams with a clear purpose in mind, not so that you can be all airy fairy about them."

Idealistic. Which was my code for 'yeah, good luck with that'.

The school I went to, Chiba Municipal Soubu High School, was dedicated to preparing students for university. The majority of students hoped to advance to university and many of them actually did so. One of the reasons I choose to attend this prestigious school.

Whether it was because I'd calculated that university was a four-year moratorium from the start, my so-called "outlook towards the future" was prepared. I'd already thought clearly about what I was going to do when I grow up. I was definitely not going to work. Let me explain myself a little bit better. My one of my motto is "Work smarter not harder." There are CEOs, inventors and investors that stay home all day, working from their office room making millions. Truly they are the smart ones.

"Seems like you're thinking some good-for-nothing thoughts…" Hiratsuka-sensei rolled her eyes. Hey you do not know that for sure! "So are you entering the science division or the humanities division?" she asked.

"I plan to-"

As soon as I opened my mouth, a loud voice interrupted me. "Ah, there you are!"

Damn it woman! I was about to go into my Master plan. You know why villains gloat to the hero and not to their underlings? It is because the minions have no appreciation for the thought and energy that went into the plan. But the hero does, that's why the villain goes on about his plan because he/she has an audience that could understand and acknowledge it. Sensei was probably the only person I could boast too!

She was shaking her head in a bad temper, her bright hair (which was all bunched up like a dumpling ball) turning back and forth. As usual, she wore a short skirt and a shirt with two or three buttons undone, revealing her sizable bosom. It was Yuigahama Yui, the airhead/wannabe slut (apparently that's how today's teen girls 'fit in') who had become my acquaintance lately. The fact that we were only acquaintances even though she was in my class said a lot about her communicative powers. She was persistent. So very very persistent.

"Oh hey, Yuigahama," said Hiratsuka-sensei. "Sorry, I'm borrowing Hikigaya from you."

"I-it's not like he belongs to me or anything! It's totally okay!" Yuigahama denied vehemently, waving her hand.

A normal guy would be annoyed at such statement but not me. It was not my intention but I had found out that she has someone she likes. If people had overhead what Hiratsuka-sensei had said then there would be misunderstandings galore.

It would be super troublesome.

For me that is.

"What's your business?" I demanded, feeling slight peeved at her for ruining my rant.

The person who answered was not Yuigahama, but the girl who suddenly appeared behind her. Her black hair (which was tied up in twin-tails) bobbed up and down, matching her abrupt movement. "You never come to the clubroom, so she went looking for you. Yuigahama-san, I mean."

"I see, well I am currently busy so I doubt I'll be able to make it today."

This black-haired girl whose only redeeming feature was her looks was Yukinoshita Yukino. Like a porcelain doll, she was breathtaking to behold, but her attitude was toxic, twisted and annoying.

People with superior-inferior complexes often were.

Superior-inferior complexes, what a beautiful contradiction.

Yukinoshita and I were in the same club - the Service Club - for now. She was the leader.

Talk about the blind leading the blind.

In the course of our activities she would like to engage me in conversation but as the purpose of them was her annoying me with her crap I generally ignored her.

It was a wonderful relationship.

Upon hearing Yukinoshita's words, Yuigahama folded her arms and scowled. "I went around asking everyone where you were," she complained. "Everyone was like 'Hikigaya? Who's he?' It was sooooo weird."

It appears that my plan of keeping to myself and not being a part of anyone's business has been successful.

"It was sooooo weird," she repeated herself for some retarded reason, frowning. Sorry, I mean in a trendy, totally common way.

"I-t's no big deal, but t-tell me your cell phone number? You see! It's weird having to go around looking for you everywhere …"

I could not find a reason to deny her.

"Fine but you better not send me spam," I said as I took out my cell phone. I did not have this Snapchat, Instagram etc crap so I guess it would be ok. But if I get one stupid chain mail, I'm blocking her in a heartbeat.

As soon as I passed her my phone, Yuigahama pulled out an enormous, sparkling cell phone of her own. Before I knew it, my mouth opened, "What's with that giant brick of a cell phone?"

Was it the legendary Nokia brick?

Yuigahama jerked. "Huh? Isn't it cute?" she insisted as she showed me her cheap looking cell phone strap. Some soft toy that looked like a mushroom hung from the strap and jingled as she shook it. Ladies and gentlemen, our generation's perceived notion of popular/cool/cute. It was supremely depressing.

"Yeah, sure."

Please get it out of my face.

"Well, whatever," said Yuigahama. "You can synch your phone up with mine, right?"

"Nah. I have a smart phone so I can't."

"Huuuh? So I have to type it out?" She groaned. "What a pain."

"I don't need that kind of function. Here." I handed my cell phone over to Yuigahama, who took it casually. Probably wasn't the first time she had handled another guy's phone. She was in a clique that had guys in so it was a reasonable assumption.

"I'm amazed you'd hand over your phone to someone just like that."

"Meh, there's no problem if you see what's on my phone. I only get mails from my sister and Amazon, anyway."

I'm careful with porn on my phone anyway. Very careful.

"Whoa! Serious?! And wait - Amazon?!"

Yep, if I had the money I would invest in them immediately.

Yuigahama began typing away on the phone I'd given to her with an impressive speed. To my eyes, she was quite well versed in speed texting. "You're so fast at typing…"

"Huh? This is nothing. Maybe your fingers are shrivelling 'cos you've got no one to text?"

Pay a compliment, get an insult. Perhaps I should mess with them a bit.

"I'm affronted," I said. "I used to text girls all the time in middle school."

Yuigahama fumbled, nearly dropping my phone. Oi, watch what you're doing with my stuff!

"No way…"

***

"Um, do you realise how cruel your reaction was just now?" I said to Yuigahama. Twist the knife. "You don't, do you? Work on it."

"…oh." Yuigahama backpedalled. "I just, uh, couldn't imagine you with a girl, Hikki..." She giving me my cell phone back, smiling sheepishly.

"Foolish girl," I said. Time for a story. "When our classes got shuffled and everyone was exchanging phone numbers, I tried to leave the room but a girl called out to me and asked me for my number. She was a popular girl so I did not want the drama of turning her down so I exchanged numbers with her. I honestly expected some prank calls to happen in the near future."

"Ah, I too have had that problem in the past." A small sad smile came upon Yukinoshita's face.

"Surprisingly she only texted me, mainly for advice for some stuff. Perhaps a more insidious reason than a prank call, she was just using me."

Yuigahama leaned forwards, smelling some juicy gossip. "What kind of girl was she?" she asked with interest.

"Let's see…" I said. "She was a popular girl, surrounded by her friends but whenever I entered the room she would wave at me. She would try to come over and have a chat but I always had a book out and she always had her friends surrounding her."

Yuigahama put a hand over her mouth. "Oh, that means…" She smiled at me.

She didn't even need me to point out that the girl clearly had feelings for me.

"So she liked to talk to you and you did nothing. Hikigaya-kun, stop averting your eyes from the truth. Face reality."

You say something, Yukinoshita-san? What's with that annoyed look on your face, Yukinoshita-san? Is someone jealous?

"The only thing was I did not like her back. She was an okay person but for personal reasons I did not want to be friends with her. Or be close friends or more, with her."

This sure brought back memories.

I eventually stopped responding her texts after two weeks, I did not want to lead her on. And that, it was getting annoying being interrupted when I was reading, eating, playing sometimes sleeping. I would like to think I was being nice by not leading her on.

And then one day I overheard the girls talking.

"That Hikigaya guy stopped texting me. I wish I knew why."

"Maybe he just forgot, Kaori…!"

"I think I was just annoying him..."

After that she never texted me again. Peace of our time.

"Hikigaya…" Hiratsuka-sensei said, surprised to know I was somewhat liked in middle school. "It looks like you need more help. Why did you not have a youth romance? I best keep on eye on you." As she said that, she swiped my phone off Yuigahama's hand and started punching her number in. Her level of anger for my past and current personality was off the charts.

Please don't.

It appears that even God did not hear my pray as the two of them added their numbers to my cell phone and handed it back to me. I opened up my contacts. And there, I saw a name written out:

☆★YUI★☆

Oh come on, how would that even be listed? It didn't start with a letter from the alphabet. And plus, it reeked of a spam address no matter how I looked at it. How befitting of Yuigahama and her sluttiness, sorry, normalness. I closed the phone without looking further.

Since I was efficient at doing odd jobs, I only had a couple of sheets left. I started putting them away quickly. Manga-chan, want for me, I'm coming!

It wasn't long before I was finished.

Hiratsuka-sensei cleared her throat conspicuously, glancing sideways at me. "Hikigaya, I think today you should definitely do some club duties."

I wonder why I even try to have hope these days.

Resigned to my fate/doom I picked up my schoolbag, which had fallen to the carpet, and slung it over my right shoulder. Inside, there were a bunch of textbooks covering the content of the midterms and a manga I was planning to read at home.

It would probably be another ordinary time-wasting day with nobody approaching the club for its services.

I walked off alone as the other two had left when they saw what I was busy with. "Oh, right. Hikigaya. I forgot to tell you this before, but you'll be going in groups of three for the upcoming workplace tour. You can choose your own groups, so think it over."

Ah, that may be a problem. One of the few problems with being a loner was being forced into group work. Add the fact that I had to find two other people. Still, I could just wait until the end and join the remainder. Last year was two quiet girls, I think one of their names was Ebina?

"I really don't want my classmates coming over to my place."

"So you're really that bent on having your workplace tour at home, huh…?" Hiratsuka-sensei shuddered in the face of my steeled will.

"I'll see what I can do," I declared.