Chapter III - Not a Married Life

Mirah’s Pov

Day after day I spent waiting for the time to pass. I could even do all the tasks with my eyes closed because I got used to it now. I just wished things to end soon. It’s seven months since I lived in this house with him. We barely even said hi. Everything just happened like a mandatory daily routine. All I do is now according to his wills, with no single debate. I feel more like a mute suppressed personal assistant than a wife, but whatever. As long as he does not touch and lay his hand on me, I’m not looking for any more trouble with him.

Tonight, he came back home very late. Usually he arrived home at 9:00 at night, but tonight I had to wait until 1:30 in the morning. I opened the door and he entered without saying hello, just like any other nights as if I were invisible. His steps were rather unsteady, I guess he was a little drunk.

"Do you want warm tea?" I offered, he didn't say anything and slowly climbed the stairs instead. He stopped and asked whether his pajamas were ready, which kind of surprised me since he never asked me to talk especially at night. But I also forgot whether I’ve prepared it or not.

"I'll make sure, I'll come with you to the room," I said a little doubtfully. I walked behind him to his room, even though I was so sleepy. I glanced to the side of the bed where I usually put the pajama, apparently, my doubts were right, I forgot to prepare it!

"Sorry, I'll get it right away" I ran into his closet, getting the pajama he asked in a hurry. When I returned to the room to put his clothes, Pey was locking his room and putting the key in a drawer and locked the drawer again.

"Pey, I have prepared your clothes, can I now return to my room?" I asked, a little bit confused seeing him putting the room key.

"Yupp, only after you provide additional services for me." he answered coldly while removing his dirty clothes one by one and throwing them to the floor, leaving his tall body full and full of muscles wrapped only in boxers.

My heart was beating fast, all of a sudden my head felt dizzy. "Additional services? What do you mean?"

"Your duty as a wife"

"I've done everything you asked for."

"But this one, not yet." he replied.

"I'm not in the mood to play around" my hand fumbled around the drawer cause Pey's room lighting was a bit dark, I tried to open the drawer where he kept key. It's locked and I don't know where the drawer is. My chest feels heavy and I’m really scared. Pey ambushed, pulling my shirt tightly, I landed hard into his big chest, the scent of his perfume mixed with the scent of alcohol made me even more panicked and nauseous. I don't have the strength to escape from it. My body felt numb. I can’t do anything. Once again, Pey dragged me and pushed my body against the wall of his room. My back ached against the wall of the room hard enough, his left hand strangled my neck and his right hand was grasping hard against my jaw.

"Listen, you are my property, I am free to do anything to you, including selling you, remember that." He whispered.

My heart and body ached, for some reason it hurt even more when he said that.

Once again, he pushed me, hard this time onto his bed. He forcibly pulled and removed all my clothes, and those things happened. His left hand was still choking my neck. I was in extreme pain between not being able to breathe, panic, both mental and physical pain. It seems like he really doesn't care about me struggling, trying to catch a breath, seeing me cry screaming, he even seemed to enjoy it. He continued without stopping until I lost the energy to even fight back. I just resigned myself to all the pain. He kept enjoying me until the morning came.

At 4.12 in the morning, it seemed like he was fast asleep. I tried to stand up and force myself to be able to walk, even though I had no strength at all. I forced myself. Trying to stand holding on to the wardrobe. I started to wear my clothes and looked for the key to his room drawer.

Got it! It’s apparently inside his trousers pocket which he threw to the floor, slowly I opened the drawer and looked for the room key. I felt the drawer, got the room key, and slowly I opened the door of the room. I cautiously ran towards my room, locked it, covered my face with a pillow, and shouted with all my might.

"Oh Good God, I can't do this !!" I closed my eyes, forced myself to be able to forget what happened last night, but I couldn’t. I just couldn’t. My body felt so exhausted, but I still couldn’t force myself to sleep.

At 7:30 in the morning, I gasped, Pey banged on my door furiously again. That maybe if he kept doing this, the door might just collapse, considering how old the wood was. I got even more frightened by his behavior. Bi Asih was outside, seemed to be trying her best to calm him down, until he stopped banging on the door of my room. It became quiet and because I went back to sleep until 11. Bi Asih was outside knocking on the door, I had no intention of opening it, but she had been doing that for almost 30 minutes I supposed and I thought I couldn't make her continue knocking on the room any longer, so I opened the door for her.

"What's wrong, my dear?" Bi Asih asked.

Bi Asih has never had offspring even though she has been married twice. so maybe she has considered me as her own child, especially since she took care of me since my Mom died. I was still huddled in the corner of the room, the pain in my whole body could never beat how hurt my feeling was last night.

"I want to die," I replied simply.

"Why dear, don't say that, it’s not good. I'm sorry," replied Bi Asih, hugging me, her voice suddenly shaking, for some time we shed tears together. Bi Asih began to wipe my tears, pulled me to the bed, and fed me the food she had brought before.

"Eat" she pleaded, "You haven't eaten since this morning?" But my mouth was still tightly closed, I wasn't even able to open my mouth just to chew.

"Do you want me make you some porridge, dear?" she offered. I just shook my head slowly in reply.

"I'll leave for a bit, you have to eat. I'll send the dinner here again. please don't lock the door for me." pleaded Bi Asih. I just kept quiet and did not reply her words.

I fell back asleep and woke up at 8:21 p.m. My stomach ached and my head felt heavy. Seeing the darkroom lights, I tried to turn it on. Not long after I turned on the lights, Bi Asih was accompanied by her niece Sukma who was working with us, bringing some food. Bi Asih asked Sukma to immediately leave us both.

"What is it, dear?" Bi Asih repeated the question this morning, which I haven't answered.

"You can always tell me anything, you still consider me your aunt, right?" Bi Asih tried to lighten up the mood.

My lips trembled. It’s still hard for me to say a thing. Tears fell and my head felt heavy again. I began to tell her slowly what happened last night, trying to remember the details of what happened last night which made me occasionally sob tightly.

"What? put pajama beside the bed?" Aunt repeated

"Yes, that's what he asked at the beginning when he returned home." I answered softly while sobbing.

"Wait. Last night, Mr. Peyton called Sukma. She was a bit confused and told me his request. She said it was so bizarre, Mr. Peyton asked to re-enter the pajama that you have prepared with ease, into the wardrobe.” said Bi Asih. I was startled

"So, he planned this, Bi? Not because he was drunk? "

"It seems so," Bi Asih replied. While endlessly hugging and rubbing my back gently.

"But, why should I wait more than six months to do that? Why not at the beginning of our marriage?"

Now my feelings were increasingly mixed, with all this confusion.