When you decide your fate . . .

' I saw a lady, putting on a white linen and was heading towards my direction. I was on the other side of a place that seemed to be a river. She kept walking with her head bowed to the ground. As she approached me and lifted her head,behold it was Mum.

'Mum! I shouted.'

' So,it was all lies,the fire accident and the story about the death of my family'. I thought silently

' Why are you here? I have been looking for you, let's go home'. I said

' I knew you were not gone,they just want to take you away from me! I retorted.

' My daughter, don't panic! I'm always with you and will forever be.' She said and waved her hands.As much as I tried stretching my hands towards her,I couldn't touch her. I was trying to hold her,my hands kept lingering as I hit my hand on the seat. I woke up suddenly.

I was still in the car with Mrs Davis,but I discovered that Janice and Gladys were no longer on seat.

' Oh..hh! I blurted.Why will this be a dream?'

Mrs Davis looked back in awe 'are you okay dear?'.She said.

I didn't even give her a reply.

Where are my friends? I asked immediately

'I dropped them by the way to their house. They promised to see you tomorrow'.She replied.

I became calm. I thought something bad had happened.

'We are at home already'.She added.

Then, I suddenly remembered the fire and the house. I wanted to see things for myself. I wanted to be sure It was real and not that I have been daydreaming all along, from the hospital,to the car,to Janice's story and Mrs Davis' narration. I wanted to be sure of everything.

'It'd better not be real.' I thought.

I alighted from the Car and followed Mrs Davis to the house and behold,I saw everything!

It was all real. . .

I saw the entrance of the house with Ethan's spill of dry blood as it had not been thoroughly cleaned and the rock which must have hit his head. I nodded in regret.

'Maybe I shouldn't have gone out that night'. I thought.

As we entered the house, everywhere still smelled of ashes. I walked round the house,I wanted to know the cause of the fire outbreak.Then,I moved to the Kitchen, everything scattered and burnt,the fire must have been erupted from the kitchen because, virtually everything got burnt. Just then,Mrs Davis cleared all doubts and replied,' it was gas explosion'.One of the firemen said a little girl's body was found lying on the floor in the kitchen.'That must be your sister.She must have tried putting on the gas cooker...'

I knew it! I blurted.

'Rhian,why?'

She continued, 'Your parents couldn't make it too,their room was beside the kitchen and the door couldn't open,so they got choked and fell,no one was close by. So,the fire had almost razed the whole building before the firemen arrived.

The door! I remembered suddenly.

That was me,I mistakenly locked the door before leaving.

Earlier that day-my birthday(July 5,1998)

. . .

Many people had returned home after the celebration and few people remained. It was just my friends and few collegemates that attended the birthday party and they were waiting for the after party at the beach. I quickly went upstairs to take permission from dad.

'You can go,but you must be back before 8pm.It's all because it's your day o'. He Said

Dad granted me permission and I promised not to return late. Deep inside of me, I knew I would be later than than that.So, I stylishly closed the door from behind,so that dad won't know when I returned and he would have slept before I return. So, I would just make up a lie the next morning that I closed it mistakenly and had thought it was my room. Nice make-up story right?

I left with my friends. . .

Back to present*

'Oh,my goodness! I caused all this...' I blurted.

I walked out of the house and headed to Mrs Davis' house crying silently .

She followed as she kept consoling.

'Take it easy on yourself dear. It just wasn't your fault!She said.'No one can question God.' She added.

'Really? 'I replied.

'I should have just gone instead.I shouldn't have regained consciousness...' I kept muttering.

Can I ever forgive myself in a lifetime?

I just wish I could turn the tide of time ,I just wish I had the power.

All this wouldn't have happened right?

Till now, I keep blaming myself for the death of my family because I literarily killed them. . .

I promised myself never to celebrate my birthdays.

When you make mistakes that changes your entire life or when you're the cause of a misfortune,how do you feel?