Monster

I am in front of the 201-hotel room, which was written here in the invitation. I took a deep breath before I did my first knock. This is my first time doing this, having a party that a teenager does. When I knocked on the door, a little second became silent and after that, I heard raucous and many footsteps making inside the room. I took a glance in a small peephole in the door and I saw them acting like they needed to be quiet. I guess they thought that I'm Miggy, so before they opened the door, I spoke something first.

"Before you open the door. This is Millie" I stated, it takes a long time before they eventually open the door. The two young ladies are the ones who open up to me. They're both shocked when they saw me, and I was staring at them in the same way as 'What happened? Did you see something?' look.

"MILLIE!!" they called me so earsplitting. I was about to run away when they planned to go after me but we are so close that I can't escape the hugs that now they have given to me.

"Thank you for coming here!!" the one girl said, I guess that is Sheila because I remember her voice a while ago. Our hug has come to an end and it was relieved inside me, they just hugged me so tight.

"We appreciate your present tonight," the other girl said, maybe it's Sisi. I presented them a light smile as a welcome to the things they said to me. They invite me to enter the hotel room and I accept the offer. The room is quite spacious, this is the first time I went into this kind of place. As I said, I only had two places to go and that is my house and my university.

The room is full of balloons and confetti, some of the balloons are on the floor while some of it is on the edge of the ceiling. The guys that are invited here are bloating the balloons and the other guys are arranging the snacks and drinks. I asked myself, what should this place be? I feel like they are all doing something while me, standing like a mannequin and doing nothing. I can't take this anymore. I went to Shiela and asked if there's something I need to do in this event.

"Shiela, is there something I need to do to help you?" I asked while I felt shy about it. After I said it, she just smiled at me then she went to the kitchen area so I followed her. I saw she went to the refrigerator and took something inside of it. It's a box, I think that's Miggy's cake.

"Just hold this cake while we all sing him happy birthday" I nodded, I guess it's good to do something rather than nothing.

A few moments after our conversation, we heard the knocking on the door. We turned off the light, and one guy walked ahead to the door because he is the one who will open the door for Miggy. Everyone is quiet, I just follow them until the door is open and the light is turned on at the same time.

"SURPRISED!!!" Miggy was shocked when he saw the surprise birthday that his friends planned for him. He stood at the front of the door speechless while his jaw was like reaching the floor. All of his friends ran towards him and hugged him tightly. I realized that I'm the only one who's not there together with them. I just stood here, far away while looking at them.

"Happy Birthday to you" I just sang a birthday song to escape that embarrassment.

"Happy birthday to you" this time, I unhurriedly walk in the direction of them. I gave them a stare like 'guys, sing with me' and they were nodding at me so that it seemed they would sing together with me.

"Happy Birthday, dear Miggy. Happy birthday to you" when the song ends, all of us are clapping and shouting, happening to all celebrate. I looked at Conrad, he seemed happy tonight. His smile a comparable mile wide. He's grinning from ear to ear. Who sure wouldn't be happy at a surprise party?

"Blow the candles, Miggy," Sheila said. Miggy shyly smiled at the cake while me, I looked at them one by one but they just smiled at me, widely.

"Where's the candles?" I asked right away. All of them are saying 'oh' when they figure it out. Sheila hurriedly went to the kitchen to get the candles and the lighter. She returned quickly and lit up the candle and put it on the top of the cake. All of his friends are shouting to make a wish and I was confused why he's staring at me. Is he waiting for me to tell him to make a wish? I guess not.

"Blow the candle, bro. What are you waiting for?" One of his guy friends said while having an irritated tone.

"Her," Miggy answered, making me glance at him. I'm surprised to see him staring at me.

"Is it me what you're talking about?" I asked, he just nodded while giving me a beautiful smile.

"What do I need to do?" I whispered. Everything just stops when his face comes near to my ear like there's something, he needs to tell me.

"Tell me to make a wish" I gulped when I felt his breath touching my skin.

"Make a wish" because it is his birthday that's why I granted his wish. He gave me a smile after he closed his eyes and made a wish. All of us are clapping our hands as he blows his candle. I laid my eyes to everyone to see their smiling faces until my eyes captured him once again. He stills wears his angelic smile while staring straight at me. I took away my eyes on him because I felt awkward about it.

His friends decided to move to the living room where the banquet was. I step beside it because I block his path towards the living area. I let him go first after I make a move. I returned the cake to the kitchen after I joined them.

There is only space beside Miggy. He put his hand to the top of the sofa and made a sign to take that space to sit. I could do nothing but walk there and sit next to him. Everything was okay. They always lend me a drink but rarely drink it because I'm terrified that I can't control myself after being drunk and wasted. Gladly, they didn't force me to drink, they just let me do whatever I wanted.

I grab a bottle of beer after I excused myself for the reason of, I want to ventilate on the balcony and see the whole city. It's a great way to unwind and escape reality in little time. This feels great. A pleasing cold wind hugs every inch of my skin and it feels so good. I couldn't help but close my eyes as I felt the wind come across me.

"This feels good," he commented. I didn't even see his face but I know it's Miggy, he's the only one who has that kind of voice.

"Indeed," I agreed, "By the way, thank you for coming here." I travel my eyes into him. He didn't have that iconic angelic smile he always wears, but I see a sincere face with a lot of emotion through his eyes. I felt unusual about this. "Oh. It's not a big deal." I took my glance to the building in front of us.

"I'm sorry." I mumbled, "I'm sorry, if I became a bad bitch when we first met. I don't like people doing that for me because I don't have the audacity to do that for them. In short, I don't like others' company" I don't know what's the purpose of explaining this to him, like we're not friends. However, I think he must know about it, I don't know why. I'm confused as fuck.

"But you like my company, aren't you?" I rapidly take a glance at him. I don't know why I felt that it's kind of true, that he's assumption is right.

"Your friends rather" I answered and then I took a sip on the beer I'm holding. I heard him chuckle but I didn't bother to look at him.

"Happy Birthday, Miggy" I greeted him without looking at him. I felt really awkward when our eyes met every time. "I've never been to this kind of place but once again, I felt happy." I can't explain why my eyes travel into him, and again, our eyes meet—and this unusual feeling is blooming once again.

"So, I need to go. I have a morning class tomorrow" I said goodbye to him. I was about to enter the living room but suddenly I sensed his warm hand touched mine. An eccentric sensation flows between our hands.

"I'll drive you home" he offered me but I immediately declined his offer, "No, please let me" he insisted. I smiled at him to grab my hands that were holding for me not to go anywhere, "It's your birthday. You should have fun, so don't worry" I gave him a smile after I went inside and told his friend that I needed to go. They persuade me to let me stay, but I can't. They just invited me to eat lunch together with them tomorrow and I agreed to it.

I went home. While I'm riding a bus, I can't stop thinking how happy Miggy was a while ago. How great seeing smiles on their faces, laughing about stupid jokes, and having fun together. I can't remember when was the last time I felt this. I felt happy, indeed. How I wish I could feel this feeling every single day.

I stood up because I'm pretty much close to the station I'm about to get off. I walk towards the door and let myself leave on that bus. As I walk in the direction of my house, I still can't erase his face inside of my head. I didn't recognize myself smiling and smirking as I entered the gate of my house. Gladly, no one saw me smiling so I just headed to my house and allowed my body to lie on my bed.

Few days after that celebration, I didn't catch Miggy together with his friends walking inside of the university, and that lunch we planned—is never gonna happen. The school planned to make a festival week, which every year takes place. Thank, God. I'm not freshmen anymore. I don't know what school officials are thinking why they make freshmen do this event? I wish all of the freshmen a Goodluck.

Wait a sec. Freshmen? I stood up right away when I figured out why I didn't see Miggy these past few days. That's because he's busy preparing they're booth for the festival event. Is he okay? Has he eaten yet? Maybe I can go there to see if he's okay, great idea? Fuck. No

I shook my head so bad to wipe out all the things I'm thinking right now. Why am I thinking about this? I sighed heavily first after I sat down and did the things I'm doing right before Miggy struck my head. I pushed myself to continue what I'm doing when all of a sudden, I heard the clinging sound coming from the door of the café.

I was stunned as my eyes followed him where he was going. I can't take away my eyes that glanced straight up at him. He was so drenched in sweat because of the heat of the weather. I could only see the side face of his face, where it was obvious how fine his jaw was. His perfectly pointy nose is more visible in that kind of angle, when he talks to the cashier, his laryngeal prominence is moving upside down that makes me gulped. Are eyes about to meet because he's done ordering when suddenly…

"Hey!" I looked at the person who called me and it was Shan. He sat on the chair that was in front of me.

"Are you free later?" he asked me, "No. I guess" I answered. I traveled again with my eyes on Miggy but he didn't see me because he went straight to the door. I sensed that myself felt… sad, a bit.

"Why not?" he asked again, "Look, we need to review for our midterm exam, don't you remember?" he added. I sighed before I'm packing my things because Shan is pestering me again. I told him a few times that I don't want to study with somebody else.

"I can pass the exam without studying with someone else," I said after I left him. I'm glad that he's not following this time. I don't have last class because our professor is doing some other stuff, so I went to the grounds to see the freshmen preparing their booth for the upcoming festival.

I felt nostalgic while watching them. As I remember, my block mates always brought huge speakers just to play our favorites songs. There is even, he confessed his feelings to a girl as we played a love song. We were all shocked by what that guy did and we just found out that he was a senior that time. Now, they're both happy in their relationship, getting strong together.

I noticed that some students are forcing Miggy to stand and grab the microphone that a girl is holding. Miggy continues to refuse to take the mic, but one of his friends from his party went towards him and whispered something to him. After that, Miggy was so surprised and smiled from ear to ear. Miggy took the mic and went to the stage. I'm so far away from them that I feel like they won't notice me if I watch.

My heartbeat went crazy when I heard the song that they're playing. It was my favorite song since I was a child. My dad always plays that song every single day. Everyone is cheering for him, and me too.

Hey, have you ever tried

I sensed that time stopped when he took a glance at me while he was singing. I don't know if he's really looking at me but I'm the only one here from where I am. How did he know I was here?

Really reaching out for the other side

I may be climbing on rainbows

But baby, here goes

Dreams, they're for those who sleep

Life is for us to keep

And if you're wondering what this song is leading to

I want to make it with you

I really think that we could make it, girl

Everyone was cheering for him. Most of the girls in the crowd are looking and simping for him. Who wouldn't love someone who's good at singing? His charisma on stage is over-flowing to the point some other people who've planned to just walk in the ground stopped just to watch him and listen to his attractive voice.

No, you don't know me well

In every little thing only time will tell

But you believe the things that I do

And we'll see it through

He ends his song quickly without me realizing that I had been staring at him for so long. When his eyes are about to travel in my place once again, I quickly shifted my gaze to others because I felt awkward when we encountered each other.

All of the people are clapping and shouting for him while I'm still in my position clapping for him from afar. When I saw him take down the stage, that's the time I planned to leave. I'd go home.

While walking out of university I suddenly remembered that I had forgotten to pick up something in my locker. So, I went back to our building to get what I forgot. That is necessary for our upcoming case study. I went straight to the locker; I took those paper works and locked my locker.

"Oh? Look who's here?" I close my eyes when I hear the familiar voice that when I hear, my blood boils immediately. I kept walking because I was avoiding getting angry now. I don't shoot and fight any woman.

"Bitch, I'm talking to you!" He shouted while tugging at my hair. I don't hit the girl but she really wants to test me. I held her hand which she used to pull my hair out.

"Take that hand away" I threatened her but she strengthened my grip on me even more. I hardly nudged her side of the abdomen, causing her to complain of pain and she could release her grip on my hair.

"When will you stop me from your taunts, Sofia? Do I care about your boyfriend? I don't know him and there is nothing between us!" She's Sofia, the 'mean girls' version in our university. Well, she's pretty, but naïve. I didn't know her before, however, one day she came to me and told me right in front of my face that 'stay away from my boyfriend' . I don't even know her boyfriend.

"Liar!! I saw you two!" I sighed. "whoever your boyfriend is, I don't know him so you can stop hallucinating things" I said and then walked away.

"Well, what else can I expect? No one loves you so, you are just stealing love from others. That's where you're good, right?" I stopped because of what she said. Stealing love? Seriously? I turned myself and then waited for what she would say next.

"Why did you stop? I'm right, am I not? How unlucky you are. Your father has left you, and your whole family as well, so you are stealing love from others. Poor you, girl"

"Take back what you said" I said threateningly as my eyes darkened as I walked closer to her.

"Why? Does it hurt—" I didn't let her finish speaking and I gave her a loud slap that landed on her face.

"Well, that hurts," I said. "If that mouth doesn't stop, you might even slap on the palate" full of threats I told her. We looked at each other before I turned my back on her. But before I could go far, I was greeted by a strong blow from the stomach. It was as if I could swallow all the flesh inside me because of the force of that blow. I got on my knees after I got that punch.

"The audacity of you slap my cousin" he said before he gave a loud slap, I lay on the floor because of that. Many people were here and watching, none of them wanted to help because of the size of my opponent. My opponent is a weightlifting athlete, his name is Hanz. People are scared because of the size of his body; he could throw you if he wanted to.

He approached me. He used my hair to get me up from lying on the floor. I moaned and shouted out in pain. He looked at me and seemed to think differently to me, "I remember you" he said,

"HAHAHA, you were the one who beat up my colleague" Yes, he's right. I beat up his colleague and his colleague almost to be critical in the hospital just because I beat him up, so bad.

"The speed of karma. Now you are the one beating now" after he said that, he lost a very strong blow and I was the one who was hit. I was weak because of that blow. Why are they hurting me like this? My life is quiet, they are the ones who approach me but I am the one who is hurt when they approach.

"They are right. It's only right that your parents left you, because even if they are there here, you are still miserable, no one will love you. You are pathetic" he said,

How pathetic you are.

Have pity on yourself

Poor you.

No one will love you

Everyone will leave you

People always tell that to me, but even I always hear that I felt like it was like the first time I had just heard it in extreme pain. He got up and walked away, even though my stomach and cheeks hurt because of what I had achieved from him but I stood up with all my strength to chase him.

"H-hey" I stuttered, he turned to me and it was time for him to taste the pain he caused outside and inside my being. I punched him so hard that caused him to fall on the floor. The pain in my hand was not felt because the pain he said and made me feel was more overflowing. I sat down in front of him and gave him a series of punches.

"You don't know anything, so don't talk like that" I whispered as I punched him.

"DON'T. TALK. LIKE. YOU. KNOW. EVERYTHING!!!" because of my anger I lost more and more powerful blows, it seemed I could not control myself because my vision was darkened.

"Millie—"

"Millie"

"Millie!!!"

Suddenly I was stunned. My hand remained in the air that should have been on the face of the man in front of me now. I slowly lifted my gaze. I looked at the people around me one by one.

I became a monster again.

I was even more depressed because of a man looking at me, seemingly shocked at what he saw. My shoulder fell, I forced myself to stand up and run this mess I did which I didn't want but my knee was too weak to be able to stand up. I still forced myself to stand.

I haven't looked at him yet because I'm afraid of what I'll see emotions in him. I just chose to turn my back on him and distance myself from him. I was held to the wall to guide me not to stumble, but I still stumbled.

"Let me help you" I felt a warm hand land on my arm. His familiar voice weakened me even more. That is why I left because of him, but he is here to support and help me.

"Don't help me. I'm a monster" I whispered and then removed his hand that was on my arm to help me.

"No. You're not" he did not agree with what I said. Liar.

"Liar." I said, I tried to walk away from him but I should have walked faster because ...

"Take me down!" I shouted, because he carried me like a wedding that a man did to his wife.

"Let me take care of you" he turned to me as he said that. It was as if my face suddenly became hot as we stared at each other, then my stomach that was bruised by Hanz's blow suddenly had a butterfly playing in it.

He turned his gaze back to the front but I kept my gaze on him. Because I can't understand how I feel now. I feel happy that even though my body was bruised before. Am I going crazy?