[XXXIX] — Withdrawn Apology

An elegant looking person was standing in the doorway to my room.

Struggling with Silen, we both haven't heard and expected anyone coming in.

It was the old man from before, whose name I didn't know yet. Standing tall, with a straight back and chin rose high up, his face was being reflected by the light coming from the ceiling. I could see every wrinkle make crevices on the elderly face of his, yet the eyes were still shining with youth energy and passion.

Yet, this passion turned into irritation now. A dangerous gaze, a glare of a higher-up, whose orders couldn't be failed.

We've both looked at his overwhelming person, freezing us with his stare. Me kneeling over Silen, pulling his hair, all being messed up, this looked obviously like he was the victim in here. His face was all grimaced from pain and the weight of my body.

But I was the real victim in here… Wasn't I?

The realization came up to me like a sudden light bolt, announcing the coming storm.

What am I even doing with him?!

I…

Before I could think about anything rational, I jumped back from his lying body, and withdrawn to the furthest wall. I supported myself against it with my arm, observing the place of the so called abusement. He didn't hold me anymore, so nothing blocked me from escaping.

His face was all red, like if tears would come out any minute. But it was probably for not letting him breathe easily with me weighing his lungs. Silen exhaled deeply, loud breaths fading with every second.

Why… Did I even do that to him?

I…

I don't recognize myself.

Would I ever… Hurt anyone like that?

If the old man didn't come in, how far would have I gone? Could I suffocate him to… death?

But… He… Deserved it… Didn't he??

The doubts were fighting with each other, making me lose the sense of what is right and wrong. And that was until Silen got up from his place, looking all messed up.

He unsteadily rose up from the ground, and grabbed his head, which was tormented minutes ago. The skin on his skull burned with fire, like a migraine.

"I've come to scold you for exiting without previous notice, but oh my, what graver situation have I came upon…" — The old man started to walk around the room, firstly throwing a judging gaze at Silen.

He… Went away without a permission?

What does that mean? I don't know every of the rules in here yet…

"Would you mind explaining yourselves to me?" — He returned to the place where we first saw him. His eyes went for a second towards me, but returned looking at Silen.

Both of us could see him clearly, a headmaster waiting for an answer from the students.

"I-"

"I apologize, Mr. Vanus. It was entirely my fault, I provoked him with my words, as I always do…" — Silen suddenly interrupted me, I was blocked from saying even one word.

He then suddenly turned towards me, and said most unexpected things, I would never consider coming out of his mouth.

"I'm sorry, Asha."

He was still holding his head, as if gently rubbing his fingers into the scalp, massaging the hurting places.

His doubtful eyes were glaring at me deeply. I couldn't realize what was happening, nor what was the meaning behind all of this. His stare was mysterious, I wasn't able to describe the emotion that was overflowing, yet it hit me thoroughly.

Why… Did he apologize to me?

Would his ego ever permit him to do such things?

I was surprised above all.

Silen is truly strange. Being an enemy and an ally at the same time. What is the benefit from it? Maybe just personal satisfaction?

My eyes were questioning this situation.

…Am I alright with all of the fault going to his side?

He entered my room unexpectedly, he also tried to take a look at my most precious possession…

But we're any of his actions actually wrong? Maybe he really thought no one was inside, and just wanted to leave me some food. He did even go out just for this, apparently breaking a rule.

Maybe taking the photo was an outburst of curiosity toward a newcomer to this facility.

…

Yet everything else…

I didn't want to recall that.

If he apologizes, then he does the right thing. Although I also should. My emotional outbursts aren't the right things, either.

"I… I want to apologize too. I was too harsh and didn't want to listen. Sorry for taking control over you." — I spurted out these words hesitantly, without even looking in his eyes.

I was afraid of the lethal silence that would fall in here, but nothing like this happened.

"Well… That went better than expected. And I'm happy that it came out this way, you're both maturing in the matter of admitting to mistakes and taking fault as yours. This is one step forward towards the ultimate goal…"

The uneasiness melted away, as Mr. Vanus twirled his mustache with glove covered fingers. His mouth widened a little, showing us a faint smile. Both me and Silen breathed in ease, as we expected a big argument to come out here. But was it the end?

"This is your last reminder Silen. Do not venture outside without informing anyone. What if something happened to you?"

"…Man I just wanted something to eat… Your kids burned the kitchen." — Silen blurted out annoyingly.

It seemed like I wasn't the only one whose stomach was empty.

"Ah… The youth… So ebullient…"

It seems the topic was ended as quickly as it started. Well, enough for me, I hate being scolded, so I couldn't tell I didn't get calmer.

Mr. Vanus searched around the room with his eyes, just to stop his gaze at me.

"Asha. I once again apologize for leaving you be in the corridor. I relied on Stella showing you the dining room, but as it came to my ears, sadly nothing good happened in there. Sorry for the inconvenience. Let's once be glad for Silen's disobedience, him bringing some goods." — His gaze landed on the package that was tossed on my bed. — "I hope you met everyone already. Seeing you're acclimatizing here, I won't wait any longer from making our plan come to life, since all of you are here. A first official meeting with all of the members, in an hour at the conference room. Both of you must come. Asha, the place is just right at the end, when you turn left from your room. I will explain everything in detail then."

His face looked really passionate at the end. His plans finally coming to life…

I forgot that I'm a necessary pawn to his objectives. But… Will it do me anything wrong to get more knowledge about this place, and everything else?

"Excuse me for now, If we're all set and explained everything, let's see each other in an hour."

He is such a busy man, always leaving so quickly and without further notice. I never got the chance to explain something with him.

He turned around, gave us his last smile, and I saw his white hair disappear in the dark corridor. Mr. Vanus left us both alone.

"…Well, good thing the old man didn't ground me. As if I would listen to his objections anyways…"

Silen crossed his arms behind his head, and loudly breathed out, as if nothing ever happened.

He then looked from the corner of his eyes at me, and a faint smile arose, visible on the profile of his face.

"Have your mind eased at least?"

Huh?

"…What?"

"Did you pour all of your accumulated anger on me then?" — He asked uninterestingly, as if he didn't even care for an answer. A quiet voice not targeted at me. Hoped to be left in the corners of the abyss.

"…I don't understand."

He let out a soft laugh. I truly wonder what is he blabbering on about.

"Ah… Never mind. Nothing. Really. Nothing."

My anger… It was indeed poured all on him…

Was it… Intentional?

The smirk on his face disappeared, looking with a hollow expression on his face.

"Why are you like this?" — I asked, trying not to sound curious.

If there was one thing that eagered for, it was the people to be honest. Not playing mind games, hiding everything from each other. If not all of the lies, would the world look like it does right now?

"I won't be anymore.

With people like you, it's boring.

Sorry for crossing the line, let's forget all of this happened. "

Every sentence was empathized with a different emotion. The first one with emptiness of feelings. The second one with longing. The last one with regret.

I… I didn't know what to think about this man…

Should I still be mad at him?

…If I'm about to leave this place, I shouldn't mess my mind with him. It will only make me worse.

I didn't feel mad anymore. My mind was filled with frustration and embarrassment, from someone seeing me pour my anger out. I can think it's just self-defense mechanisms, but in the narrow corners of my mind, a guilt grows faintly. I'm just being the same as my oppressor. Furthermore, I'm changing into a madman, who nurtures on revenge. I can't be like that.

I need to get stronger, not to let anyone ruin me emotionally like that. I can't get provoked anymore. I can't be a wreck.

"Hey idiot, eat it before it gets cold! I didn't go out purposefully to bring someone cold food!" — He pointed the package on my bed with an annoyed voice. — "…Oh I hate being a good guy…"

And then he left the room, without telling me anything more, or even giving me the last glance.

What a truly strange person.

Collecting myself from the bed, I moved to its corner to analyze the mysterious food package Silen brought me. A glimpse of a thought passed through my mind, what if it's poison?

Well, at most, I'll die. The most important thing is that I will finally eat, after such a long time.

Opening the warm package, a large steam got outside from it, and a pleasant smell surrounded me.

Three meat skewers were covered in dark brown sauce, topped with green onion and sesame. All of the ingredients made artificially, I wondered how would all of them taste with natural products.

Yet, the smell was enchanting, making my stomach growl and saliva grow in my mouth.

Taking the first bite of it, I melted from the astonishing taste. Sweet and savory. I devoured it all in a minute.

•••

I didn't have an exact watch to measure the time, so I couldn't tell when an hour passed.

Looking around the room, I found the almost stolen photo to be still in a good state. Tears gathering in my eyes, I thanked for it not being destroyed.

I can't hang it just like that, for everyone coming inside to see it. What if the old man noticed it? What would he say? Would he react the same way?

I hid it inside of the desk's drawer, hoping that the times will come when I could hang it again.

Finally, changing into some better clothes, and fixing my hair, I got out of the room and turned left.

The meeting place was supposed to be at the end of the corridor, yet as I walked and walked, no door were approaching me.

Good, the longer I'm not with all of these people, the better. I can't stand talking and socializing, especially with all of these weirdos.

But in reality, the thing worrying me was the fact that he would be there.

A person I got easily away from at first, but now I can't escape from his presence…

…Paul…

…I just can't get overwhelmed by him. I need to ignore him. As if he never existed in the first place. I can't even get used to his new name. I wonder what it means…

I wonder how was his life since we parted our ways… How did he get here?

What force made me unable to recognize his mesmerizing eyes?

The gray door suddenly appeared before me. I was so lost in my thoughts I didn't notice them at all.

I stopped before them, gulped my worries, and grabbed the doorknob, hesitating to open them.

My guts were feeling sick, the nausea kicked in, making my body shiver. It was so warm in here, the hot air becoming suffocating.

I don't want to meet him. I would rather not see anyone.

And just when I was about to release the knob, and turn around to escape, someone from the inside pulled the door.

Making me collapse to the ground before, a loud rumble could be heard, mixed with my painful groan.

I could feel landing on someone's feet, yet they quickly withdrew, with a loud gasp.

Another mixed voices and gasps came to my ears.

"Aaaaah!! Asha!" — A girly voice yelled, coming closer to me.

Lying on the ground, my eyes covered with my messy hair, I didn't want to get up.

Oh god, why do I always have to humiliate myself.