[LI] — Surge in the dark

The hollow fillings of the underground were mesmerizingly terrifying. Tall and unmeasurable space all around us, with the ceiling reaching far behind our sight. I never could even imagine such a place existing below the surface of our metropolis. But… As I've been told, there are even more magnificent things hidden around.

"How is the view?" — A teenager with lavender hair asked. It was short, swinging in the air as he walked. His skin in an orange tone, being lightened by the nearby faint lights, was a comfortingly warm color.

"It's… Gorgeous." — I answered him honestly.

"I knew you'd like it! As I know… This is one of the things left from before the meteorite…" — He continued to talk about what's beautiful. — "Such spaces are breathtaking, in an eternal way…"

In the metropolis we're living in, anyone would think it's a hard topic. But for Icto, one of the smallest details could fill in a whole image of his pure aesthetic.

"What about you, do you find anything beautiful at all?" — He asked, stopping the walk we have been through.

I hesitated for a second.

What is the definition of beautiful, anyways…?

The first thing that came to my mind, was a pair of aquamarine gems that shone like diamond stars. Their sight always made my spine shiver, and hands get sweaty. My heart could get to my throat, but was it a description of beauty, or fear that comes within?

Is beauty about the looks, or about how does something make you feel?

I'm surprised that this was the first image that appeared in my mind…

The man, I was thinking of, was a peculiar case.

Recently, he hasn't made me feel comfortable.

Seeing that paralyzing glare full of disdain and anger, it's scary. Scary to the point I'm losing my mind, for what he really wants.

I found myself, my place in here. With them, the RR.

Constant running, it's not the same as when I'm escaping with him.

He has changed. Ever since he disappeared after that incident, the human he once was, disappeared. It's as if someone by force pushed out his teasing personality and left only the cruelty that came with it.

The wide smile he always had, the spark in his eyes when we talked…

It all vanished. Leaving an empty shell of a dark man. Passion was stolen from his stare, as if it was ever there…

Every time I'm with him, I feel as if… He slowly paints the gray colors of the world with an even darker shade.

For him, the world I chose to live in is wrong. I can see it on his face, he hates me working for the RR. Every time I mention them, every time he meets with them… Is as if he lost the grasp of reality.

But… Can I choose between him and them? What kind of decision is that anyway? What's the big obstacle between him and them? I couldn't understand.

Why has he changed? He remained silent.

The blue of the eyes have faded. But my attachment to him is still there, present.

He is my friend, I like spending time with him. However recently… I feel as if any time I turn my back to him…

…

In the distance, a metro train has swooshed through, leaving a trail of neon, blue lights on the wall. The colors are surprisingly similar.

I didn't respond to Icto, and just glared as they faded away.

"So, it's him?" — His voice has dropped down.

"Huh?"

"Do you love him?" — He asked me in a melancholic tone.

"What are you talking about?" — I really didn't know what he had on his mind.

"Stop it. You know he is dangerous. He has done many… Thing wrong." — Icto continued talking. That's when I realized we were thinking about the same person.

"Why would you ask me if I love him?" — I stepped back away from Icto.

What? Love? Me, him?

"The days when he's away, you're different. As if the whole world was falling on your head, you're restless, angry, depressed, looking around for a familiar face. And when you go away with him, things change. You're smiling, in a way you never do when with me. Sometimes I feel as if… You're neglecting us and our ideas over his dark presence."

Huh?!

Why do I feel… Gaslighted right now?

I blinked a few times, to get a grasp of the reality that seemed so distant.

"…Stop talking this bullshit! What?! It's the most stupid thing I've ever heard anyone say to me! How could you even tell this to me? This man… I'm simply afraid of him. His creepy eyes… They make me feel sick. His actions make me anxious. But I can't abandon him like that because I know… He…"

The silence fell between us.

Did I love Paul?

Do I even know what is the feeling of love?

The things I've told… They are almost all true.

It's truth that I'm afraid of him. Everyone says he does bad things, yet I've never seen them happen. It's easy to say things like that to throw dirt on someone… But proving it's a whole another story.

Every time I heard someone speak about him, they silenced immediately when seeing me. Just why?

He wouldn't do anything that bad… right?

His piercing gaze… It's true. It makes my stomach wobble, and my heart beat faster. It's the kind of the eyes you wouldn't walk past by normally… But did he ever harm me in any way?

He is always calm with me, with his smile comforting me at the hardest times.

Did I ever feel like abandoning my relations with him?

I liked him, but was it in a way lovers do?

Have I said all these things for Icto just for him to stop over exaggerating?

"…I don't love him, and I don't think I ever will…" — My words echoed in the vast space of the area.

I wanted Icto to stop accusing me of things I didn't feel. Yet deep inside of my heart, I felt bad for saying such things about Paul.

I believed in his innocence. With me, he is a good person. Or at least…

He acts like it.

"So, it's like that?" — A voice next to me has spoken.

But it wasn't Icto's.

…

The pair of two dazzling blue eyes have appeared out of nowhere, brightening the space.

I felt as if the ceiling fell onto my head, crushing my skull. The blood in my fingertips, it froze from the chilly glare he was piercing me with right now.

His expression, it was the one I have seen a year since now. The one he was back there in the street, where we just escaped the officers. We have first met the RR members, and the older brother of Icto himself, the chief.

"Pa…" — I couldn't speak his name out loud.

Icto instinctively walked in between us, looking down at Paul, which was only a bit shorter than him. Yet despite the difference, the shorter one was much more hostile.

He bared his white teeth, with his dark eyebrows frowning at his opponent.

"Why are you standing between me and her. She didn't finish talking." — Paul exclaimed with a furious tone.

"She doesn't want to have any ties with you anymore. Leave." — Icto responded coldly.

But… It wasn't like that…

"I want to hear that straight from her mouth. Move." — The other one stepped closer.

Their faces were now inches apart, both growing with rage.

"Didn't you hear her earlier? You're scaring her!" — Icto was almost shouting at the other's face.

"Icto! STOP!" — I yelled.

I…

I didn't want Paul to go away.

But if he doesn't change anything, the RR, the ones I have trusted closely now…

Will they see me as a foe too?

I'm trying to be a good person… While Paul…

He is possessive. Sometimes I feel as if he could, he would close me somewhere dark…

I was shaking, standing in the middle of a vast hall underground. The noises of the argument traversed the wide space, echoing around.

The two of them were holding each other by their collars, with fury sparking out of their mouths.

Just when did those two become so hostile towards each other? Every time they met, it would be just an unpleasant moment of ignoring each other. But now…

"Let. Go. Off. Me. Punk." — Paul's words were filled with venom.

"You're… The one that should go away. I asked you so many times… But you didn't listen. Now she has to listen to everything. Maybe that will teach you a lesson." — Icto threatened Paul in a way I didn't understand.

He asked him… many times?

Just what does that mean?

"Just try, and I'll bury you." — The black-haired man exclaimed harshly.

But Icto only smiled.

"A criminal. A monster hurting not only the officers, but the civilians also. That's what you really are. Under that cover of yours, which you barely keep up, inside is just a rotten soul." — Icto turned his head towards me, and I could see Paul's face cells grow apart from each other in a terrifying expression. — "Asha… Did you know that this man… He wiped out a whole backstreet of bats? The man you treasured as a friend, he just ripped their bodies like toys all over the place, and even the specialized cleaners had problems in tidying up the remains in just one night."

My eyes couldn't move away from the one he was referring to.

Icto's long monologue wasn't finishing.

Paul was screaming louder and louder for the other one to shut up, but the lavender-haired man didn't stop. Instead, he was staring right into my eyes, while telling me every little detail of the things Paul has done, and no one ever told me about.

"Back in the north-west, the mysterious murder of the couple of transitioners, it was all done by him! Their bodies smeared all over the train tracks, it was his doings! Your dearest friend, Paul Nox!"

Icto's face was morphing into a one I never imagined he could take.

Saying all of those things straight into my face, every of his words was making me closer to vomiting.

The pinching high-pitch noise in my ears was making his confessions dissolve, as the world was slowly being surrounded by a dark vignette.

Why… Why is he telling me all those things…

I…

…I don't want to listen to them.

I gagged, blocking my numb mouth with a shaky hand, getting slowly filled by the rain of tears. It hurts. It's nauseous. It's cutting me apart.

His eyes. His sight.

It's ripping me to pieces.

I don't want to believe any of this…

Icto turned himself towards Paul. He pointed at the black-haired man with a finger, and exclaimed.

"Did you know that his parents-"

And then a body was sent flying a few meters away.

It hit the ground with an impact, tumbling a few times and rolling over, like an ordinary ball.

The flying kick of Paul's happened in less than an eye blink.

While Icto growled, being sent to the floor away from me, the other one stood, loudly breathing.

He was tilted towards the ground, with his arms slightly opened. Paul was staring into the far ceiling above him, and then, out of nowhere, his hair swayed down his face, with a pair of two, empty eyes.

His blank stare, I couldn't tell if he was looking towards me at all. The vision of the world before me mixed as he got closer.

"Tell me you don't believe his nonsense." — Paul's words were quiet, as if only meant for me to be heard.

I didn't answer.

"You think I'm the villain here? Haha…" — He grabbed his head with his shaking hands. — "…Yeah. I killed everyone he mentioned. How surprising he remembered, I wouldn't… But you know what? In this world, everyone is an enemy… Him making me appear as one… Is just another proof of him not being innocent either… Right, Icto? Should I now tell Asha what y o u're responsible for? Should I lower myself to the level you are at? Garbage shit?" — Paul turned towards where Icto should have been lying, but surprisingly, there was no one there.

Instead, from behind him, a pair of hands appeared out of nowhere, struggling his neck in a tightening grip.

"…I haven't broken the taboo with what I said, neither should y o u." — The violet-haired teenager spurted from behind his gritted teeth.

Just…

What on earth was happening before my eyes.

No words coming from my mouth.

No breath coming from my lungs.

No blinks. No movement.

I just stood there, petrified as stone, and observed as two of the most important people in my life destroying each other. The peace that was being held on a thin thread just snapped, and I couldn't even do anything to tie the two, so distant, pieces of it.