That girl.

She was perfect. 

She had brown hair that fell over her shoulders when the wind whistled.

She was kind to everyone, including me as well.

I'm not sure about her reason in this topic. I mean, she can't gain much from being kind. Others may like her, but that's not loyality. That's why back then I couldn't understand my teacher. 

I was never religious. I couldn't believe in anything. For this reason, I attend to ethics classes instead of religious studies. My teacher was a kind person in my memories.

I didn't know him that well, but I can tell when people trying. He tried to be good. When we talked about good and bad in ethics, everyone was skeptical about it. Me as well. But he believed there's something like "absolute good". He said kindness is one of them. Just like freedom. So, she herself was the absolute good.

In a fairy tail, she would naturally had the role "Protagonist". Sometimes I wonder if she was real. It's a bit desperating to realise that she was the protagonist in my life as well.

How could that happen?

Still, I don't want this story to be about me.

Someone may think later on that it's a diary, but I wouldn't do something that foolish.

I'm a realist. For me, it's hard to see things too idealy or melancholy. I can only see the pure reality. That's what hurts the most.

In my opinion, she was an idealist. An idealist with many delusonal thoughts with things that doesn't even matter. I wanted to be like this as well.

Fyodor Dostoevsky once said

"It's better to be unhappy and know the worst, than to be happy in a fool's paradise."

Do you agree, dear reader? 

Unfortunatly, I don't. More precisely, I can't relate. I would love to be happy even if it's fake. I wouldn't even mind dying happily with knowing nothing about the painful reality.

Thanks God that she didn't have worries like that.

She was a fool.

The most beautiful and idealist fool.

But who was her and why do I write about her? I also wonder. Maybe I just want to find solutions in her existence. So, I start my monolog about her now.

I already talked about her hair and well-knowed kindness. So, I tell you more to help you imagine her in a similar way I did.

She had brown eyes like the woods in that very forest you can imagine. That eyes always shone. How could a pair of eyes shone day and night? It's lights never fade away? Her's never did. She had a vibe. When you looked at her, you found solutions. 

Moreover, her body was perfect as well. God must have made his masterpiece when he created her. I believe she was truly a blessing. It's a bit ironic from an atheist, right? But it's true. I talked a lot about her appearance, but her personality was just as bright as her look. Kindness is a thing, but to be smart and fair as well?

I don't lie, she was just like this. 

She was righteous and had a brain like no one. A model student, friend, classmate, daughter, child and person. So many title only for one person.

She was ten years old when we first met. 

A small and fragile child that showed kindness to someone like me. I was also a child, so I let her in. But I wasn't anything like her. I couldn't make friends or talk to people. I still find this a hard thing.

Despite this, she approached me. I can't blame her, she didn't know what person I am, or what will be our relationship. 

She just did her job, making a lot of friend. She was an energic person who was always in the center. I'm glad I didn't wanted something like that. I couldn't race with her reputation. I was just happy to call myself as her friend. At that time, it was all I wanted.

Being with her made me forget about the past and future. It was only the childish present. I loved it. It was like an escape route from life.

But what happened then?

When did it end? How?

I still wonder about this.