Chapter 11: Say you don't love me

Song recommendation: "I know I should leave you" (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=86poJjY978Y)

The night was lonely and forbidding. The desolate bloody moon hung itself in the sky. Ace kept his eyes fixed on the courtyard beyond. He wasn't alone.

Clover never emerged from the hall. Nevertheless, Ace waited there all night. He couldn't sleep. He knew what would happen if he did. As the hours passed, a strange feeling crept over him. All his fears and anxiety grew dimmer and dimmer. A cold numbness took over. Ace wondered if it was the just piercing cold of the night or something else.

There was a familiar feeling of ice running through his veins. In the past, there were so many nights spent alone, willing himself not to wake in the morning. The weight of it all anchored him to the ground like a force of nature. His body was gripped by the stillness of the night.

Time in the demon world always passed that way. Was it an hour or a day? Ace couldn't tell anymore. The night blended into the day seamlessly, one could never know how much time had passed.

Ace's eyes kept returning to the doors of the great hall. Was Clover in there somewhere? Would he ever see that light again? Ace kept replaying all the moments they had spent together. Why was it so hard to love and be loved?

At dawn, the great doors opened. Ace was barely conscious of the figure standing above him. His eyes were open but he couldn't feel his body anymore. Clover crouched down and wrapped their pale skin against Ace's shivering body.

"Why won't you just let me be?" Clover said, clinging to him.

However, Ace couldn't speak. The sweet release of their touch made his body yield. He passed out in Clover's arms.

It was several hours before he woke again. It was as though he woke from a dream, a sad and lonely dream. His eyes opened heavily. The nostalgia momentarily convinced him that he had somehow gone back in time. However, his eyes quickly fell to Clover who was sitting on the edge of the bed.

Ace sat up quickly. He felt dizzy the moment he did, his arm came down hard against the bed as he steadied himself. He blinked, still disorientated. He expected the abnormal loss of sensation to recede but it was more overwhelming than before.

"What are you doing here?" Clover said flatly, "I told you to go home,"

Ace shook his head, "I can't,"

"Why not?"

"Clover," Ace tried to gather his thoughts, but they were all a jumbled mess, "We...have to go back together,"

Clover remained silent observing him with a blank expression. They turned their eyes to the window and burnt sky.

"They have my necklace," Ace exhaled restlessly, "We have to get back. They're going to..."

"I don't care," Clover said categorically.

Ace stared up with his jaw clenched.

"They're going to destroy the demon world!" Ace exclaimed, "We have to leave here as soon as possible,"

"You have to leave," Clover said in a low voice, "I'm not going anywhere,"

"Why are you acting like this?" Ace shook violently, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry about what happened before! Will you at least let me explain? I made a mistake!"

"What exactly are you sorry about? You made the right decision," Clover dismissed.

"No! I didn't" Ace snapped, "I wish I could take it back, I do."

"Why?" Clover remained unmoved, "because you regret not choosing me? Or is it because you know what's going to happen now?"

Ace gritted his teeth, "You are the one who made me choose between them and you,"

"I never made you do anything," Clover said quietly.

"That's bullshit!" Ace rejoined, "If you didn't keep so many secrets..."

Clover abruptly turned to Ace with unflinching dead eyes:

"Do you know what I find most annoying about you?"

Ace swallowed hard but he didn't break from their gaze.

"You say you love me but you don't understand me at all," Clover rose suddenly.

"I want to understand you!" Ace cried.

"Tell me when you're ready to go. I'll send you back," Clover turned unceremoniously and left the room.

Ace fell back into the bed with a pained breath. He threw his face into the pillow and screamed. What was wrong with him? He didn't come here to fight. It was like he couldn't control himself. It was as though he was gradually sinking under a wave of chaos and darkness. He didn't have much time left...

Ace came to feet shakily. He looked around. He recognised the tower room. He slowly made his way down its dim and narrow passage. As he approached the doors, Ace gained momentum. He came to the great hall and pushed open the doors. Ace stumbled inside.

The throne was empty.

"Where's the demon lord?" Ace said, turning to the guard.

"Who knows," he answered with a shrug.

Ace took off into the courtyard. He began to trace Clover's old hiding spots. However, they weren't found. Then Ace realised there was one place he hadn't checked. It was the one place he had never set foot. Yet, it seemed to be the most obvious place they could be. Ace re-entered the castle and took the passage up to the southern tower. He had never been there before.

Eventually, he came to a door. Ace's hand hovered over the door. Clover had never allowed him in their room before. For some reason, he was struck by this thought as though there was some secret reason behind it too. However, before Ace could even move, a voice came from within:

"Just come in,"

Ace stepped inside hesitantly. The room mirrored the western tower where Ace's own room had been. However, Clover's room was filled with an assortment of old vibrant artefacts. There were weapons, magical items and books of all kinds.. Yet, their splendour was effaced by the greater havoc of Ace's feet.

There were shattered bottles bleeding across the floor. There were red stains across the rug and torn scrolls. However, it wasn't the type of bottle Ace expected. Amongst the rummage, there were brushes and bottles of paint. One fragment of paper caught Ace's eye. He knelt down and retrieved the paper from the floor and stared at it.

It was a painting of a woman. She had white hair and sombre viridescent eyes. Ace knew who it was without asking. It must be the Empress. Suddenly Clover appeared in front of him. They snatched the paper and scrunched it into a ball which they proceeded to throw angrily on the floor.

"Did you paint that?" Ace asked.

Clover didn't answer. Instead, they went back to the open window and leant against the balcony wall. It was a small edge offset by a raging red sky. Clover looked out without saying anything for several moments.

"It was her, wasn't it?" Ace exhaled, "Is she the reason why you won't leave?"

This seemed to catch Clover's attention. They turned back to Ace with their habitual guarded smile.

"Does it matter?" the demon lord provoked.

Ace's eyes fell to the scrunched paper. He salvaged it from the mess and carefully unfurled the edges. He stared down at the image. Clover watched with an irritated smile but didn't say anything.

"The wizard told me about the Empress. She's here in the demon world, isn't she? Is that why you told the Emperor how to destroy this place? To set her free?"Ace said at length. His eyes came back to Clover unswervingly.

"Set her free?" Clover scoffed, "What a romantic way to describe it. As if we wouldn't be killing her. What freedom? There's no such thing. Not in this world anyway,"

"What about the human world?" Ace returned, "Isn't there freedom there?"

"For some," Clover replied reticently.

"The wizard said that the other world will be damaged beyond repair if you go through with this. Is that what the Empresses would have wanted?"

"Who knows," Clover smirked, "I never cared what she wanted when she was alive, why should I start now?"

"So that's it then?" Ace let out a painful laugh, "Only a few days ago, you told me you cared about me, that you wanted me. Was it all a lie?"

Clover's expression became distant once more, "I told you, I don't lie," they turned back to the window.

"But I never should have done that," Clover said quietly.

"Why?!" Ace cried, "because you don't love me or because...because you still love her?"

" It's got nothing to do with her," Clover answered ambivalently. "All I know is you shouldn't be here. It's time for you to go back,"

"I'm not going back without you," Ace retorted.

"Suit yourself," Clover dismissed. "I can just force you through,"

Ace grabbed Clover by the shoulders indignantly.

"Clover!" Ace shook them desperately. "Why don't you look at me?"

Clover stared back with a vacant stare.

"Just tell me one thing," Ace inhaled sharply, "Do you love me?"

"If you have to force me to say the words, don't you already know the answer?" Clover said coolly.

"That's not good enough. Say it! Say you don't love me!" Ace pleaded wretchedly.

Clover's eyes twitched. Their expression was frigidly strained. Ace shook Clover even more violently.

"SAY IT!" He cried. "Just say it and I'll go,"

Clover turned their face away. "Get off me, Ace," they said in a subdued voice.

Ace shook his head wildly. There were already tears pooling in his eyes. His hands fell to his side in resignation.

"If I just hear you say it," Ace faltered, "I'll never bother you again. I can let this go. I mean it this time. I can't do this anymore. Every time I think I can go on, I end up here. I can't beg you to love me anymore. This is it, I'm done. I just need to hear you say it. Tell me you don't love me. Give me this at least!"

To his surprise, once more there was silence. Clover's eyes fell to the floor and wouldn't meet him. A twisted smile of incredulity spread across Ace's face.

"You can't do it, can you?" he said, bewildered.

"Maybe I just don't want to," Clover replied.

"No," Ace returned sharply, "Don't keep leading me on. Say it, once and for all. Tell me you don't love me! I need to hear it from you,"

"I can't," Clover answered soberly.

" WHY?!" Ace screamed, "If you don't love me just say it!"

"I told you I can't!" Clover snapped.

"I don't understand," Ace breathed, " If you can't say it then why are you pushing me away?"

"Because I don't want to love you!" Clover rejoined forcefully. "It's better if we just forget this whole thing,"

The tears began to stream down Ace's face, "Am I so bad? "

Clover's eyes came up suddenly as if they had just realised the words they had said.

"No, I..." Clover started.

"What's wrong with me?!" Ace shook his head in disbelief. He staggered back. He couldn't be there anymore. It hurt too bad.