Worth Living

Word Count: 835

Pairings: Lucifer Morningstar x Reader

Warnings: possible trigger, angst, comfort (is that even a warning?)

A/N: Feel free to drop me a request, and enjoy the story! Also this has heavy mentions of depression which I do struggle with myself, so if anyone needs to talk please feel free to message me.

Summary: You didn’t smiled, you never laughed, you just couldn’t anymore. You felt safer, closed off and alone. You wanted it that way, you were less likely to get hurt, or abandoned. It was better this way. Wasn’t it?

………………………………………………………

“I’d rather stay home.” You sighed.

You had been enjoying a quiet night in, curled up on your couch with a book in hand. Your peace had been short-lived whenever Lucifer, had broke into your house. He practically forced you out of the house, ignoring your protests.

“You’ve been staying home for the last few months darling.” He reminded you.

He was right, you barely left your house in almost two months. Not since you lost your family in a fire. You blamed yourself, convincing yourself that had you been there, maybe you could have saved them. You had withdrawn from everyone, including yourself. You buried your emotions so deep, that you had also cut out your friends, especially Lucifer.

You were closer to him than anyone, and you knew you shouldn’t have buried all your emotions but it made you feel safer. If there was no one close to you then you could never be hurt again. Lucifer, disagreed with you, and was determined to get any sort of emotional response from you. To try to get you to open up again.

“I prefer it that way Luci, I’m fine. I just like to be alone is all.”

You didn’t even force a smile, just remained emotionless. It had been so long since you had smiled.

“But love, I haven’t seen you in so long, and getting into trouble isn’t nearly as much fun without you.” He said.

You pulled your wrists from his grasp, and he turned to look at you.

“Another night maybe, I’m too tired tonight.” You lied.

You attempted to walk back into your house, but he stepped in front of you blocking your path.

“You said that the last three times darling, I’m beginning to think you are avoiding me.”

“I am.” You said bluntly.

Lucifer didn’t look offended or even upset. He smiled at you, seemingly undeterred.

“So, I’ve noticed. Shall we stay in tonight then? Watch a movie perhaps?” He offered.

You shook your head and stepped around him.

“Not tonight.”

You grabbed the door handle moving to open the door.

“And not tomorrow right darling?”

The way he said it, the tone of his voice, it was as if he was making an accusation. You turned your head to look at him and his smile was gone.

“That’s the point in all this, isn’t it? Push me away until I stop trying?”

You ignored him and walked inside, Lucifer stopped the door from slamming closed on him as he followed you in.

“Lucifer, not now.” You shook your head.

You felt something building in your chest. Something that made your heart feel heavy.

“No? Then when my dear? When exactly are you going to have time for the people who are still here?”

Anger, that’s what it was. That heavy, hot, feeling bubbling in your chest. It was the first thing you had felt in months, and you hated it.

“I won’t! I don’t want to! Ok!?”

Lucifer seemed shocked by your sudden outburst. He had gotten so use to your monotone voice and blank expression he had forgotten how fierce you sounded when you were angry.

“I don’t  anyone!  I don’t  anyone to care! Leave me alone Lucifer! Haven’t you figured it out by now? I don’t need anyone, I’m fine on my own!” You yelled shoving him.

He of course didn’t budge, but he did reach a hand out to try to console you but you slapped it away.

“No one should be a lone Y/N. You can’t honestly be happy living like this.”

You took a step back, holding yourself as if you were cold. Your expression relaxed and your anger melted back into nothing.

“No, I’m not.”

Lucifer was silent, worry, and concern flooding his eyes. You looked at him your eyes devoid of any emotions and for a moment he wished you were angry with him again.

“Why are you still trying Lucifer?”

He frowned looking at you as if the answer was right in front of your face.

“To see you smile love, to see you happy and living again.”

“I am alive.”

“Alive yes, but you’re not living, you’re not experiencing life anymore. You’re not… … not anymore.”

You slowly uncrossed your arms, looking at him, furrowing your eyebrows. He was right, you’d become a shell, empty and lifeless. You went through the motions but you weren’t living. You had become a completely different person.

“There’s still things worth living for darling.” Lucifer said softly, placing a hand on your shoulder.

He was surprised when you wrapped your arms around him, burying your face in his chest. Your tears stained his shirt, but he didn’t seem to notice.

“I’m sorry Lucifer…”

He smiled, wrapping his arms around you, encasing you in a warm embrace.

“That’s quite alright love, you could never get rid of me that easily. I’ll always be around for you, even when you don’t want me to be.”