Rapid Heartbeats and Shallow Breaths

Word Count: 1025

Pairings: Lucifer Morningstar x Reader

Warnings: angst, fluff, possible trigger

A/N: request from ,this one really hit close to home for me lol

Summary: That feeling of your chest tightening, the way your throat felt like it was slowly closing. It was nothing new to you, but you managed it well, at least you thought so. But there were times you just couldn't ignore it or bury it, and those were the times you tried to hide away. You didn't want him to know.

............................................................

Your breathing came out shallow, and you tried to stop yourself from wringing your hands, but the gesture was oddly comforting. Despite how red the skin had become you continued your nervous habit.

You thought bitterly, biting your lip. The little orange bottle sitting on the table seemed to taunt you. Just one would ease the rapid beating of your heart, knock the edge off your panic. However, you were determined to make it through this attack without the aid of your medication.

You stood, walking around to the back of the couch. Your leg bounced as you stared at the bottle longer. If anything, it was only making your current predicament worse. Rather than causing yourself more stress, you began to pace. Thoughts of tomorrow consuming your mind as you desperately tried to distract yourself. If you could just focus on something else maybe your pulse wouldn't be racing.

~

You lasted at least fifteen more minutes before the panic had settled in more. The breaths that escaped you grew shallower and shallower, verging on hyperventilating. Your chest hurt, and you were almost convinced your heart was about to beat out of your chest.

With trembling hands you snatched the small bottle from your coffee table, swallowing the white pill. Labored breaths escaped your lips as you sat with your head in your lap. Your fingers were tangled in your hair and frustrated tears clouded your vision.

'

The time it took the pills to kick in seemed to drag on for an eternity. As they began to work, you were slowly pulled from the dark haze that had surrounded you. Tiredness began to replace your panic and you settled back on the couch, staring up at the ceiling.

"Y/N! My darling I've just come from the most interesting case!"

You sat up quickly, eyes wide as you heard your front door close. You scrambled to stuff the bottle under a pillow on your couch. How could you forget about Lucifer's tendency to show up unannounced.

"There you are!"

He walked into view, smiling happily and you cast a quick glance towards the pillow to reassure yourself the pills were out of sight.

"Here I am." You muttered.

You flinched, your voice sounded so drained of energy, and you silently prayed he didn't notice.

"What are you doing here?" You smiled.

Lucifer sat on the couch, making your heart jump in your chest. If he sat back even a little, he'd feel the bottle.

"Oh I was in the neighborhood, thought it might be nice to see my beautiful lover, while I was here." He flashed you a charming smile.

You rolled your eyes at his flattery and crossed your arms.

"Cute, now why are you really here?" You laughed.

Lucifer sighed, reaching for the glass of water you had placed on the table earlier. You watched him drink it, growing more nervous the longer he sat on the couch.

"Perhaps I just wanted to see my girlfriend, I've made dinner reservations, and I figured we could-"

"No!" You said a little to fast.

Lucifer looked at you surprised, and you gave him a sheepish look.

"I mean, tonight's not a good night." You tried for a smile, but it came out more of a grimace.

He stared at you a moment, before slowly nodding.

"Alright love, how about we just stay in tonight, yes?"

You breathed a quiet sigh of relief and nodded. With a tired yawn you collapsed on the couch beside him. His eyes studied you carefully, drinking in all the details on your face.

"You seem unusually tired today." He noted.

"Just a long day." You lied.

The answer seemed acceptable to him, and he leaned back, placing an arm over the back of the couch. Your eyes had just begun to drift close when Lucifer sat up a little.

"I believe I'm sitting on your remote."

Your drowsiness vanished, and you sat in a desperate attempt to stop him but it was too late. He held the taunting bottle in his hand, looking at it with curiosity.

"Oh what's this? Have you been hiding these fun little things from me?"

You snatched the bottle from his fingers, shame spreading through you.

"They're not those types of pill Lucifer." You muttered.

He watched you clutch the bottle, almost angry with yourself, and he frowned.

"I'm sorry my dear, I hadn't meant to upset you."

You loosened your crushing grip with a heavy sigh. A sigh that made it sound like you were carrying the burden of a secret that was slowly crushing you. You tossed him the bottle, and Lucifer caught it, slowly looking back down at it.

"You have anxiety?" He sounded surprised, and it made you laugh a little.

"I'm pretty good at hiding it huh?"

Lucifer frowned as you sat down on the other side of the couch, like you were avoiding him.

"Why would you feel the need to hide it?"

You inhaled, resting your elbows on your knees as you intertwined your fingers behind your neck, hanging your head.

"Because it makes me feel helpless. It's crippling sometimes, I feel weak."

Lucifer chuckled, and you lifted your head to give him a glare.

"Forgive me love, I'm not laughing at you I promise, but you're anything but weak."

Lucifer motioned for you to move closer, wrapping his arms around your waist to pull you to his side once you were in reach.

"Now, I'm not sure what that feeling is like, but I do know you're not weak for having it. Rather, you're stronger than most people." He mused.

You looked at him, confusion swimming in your eyes. He tucked your hair behind your ear.

"You live with this every day, and every day you win, although you might have days when it becomes too much, you still pick yourself up afterwards and you carry on."

"That-"

Lucifer smiled, his thumb gently caressing your cheek. He silenced your protest before it even began, he looked almost proud of you.

"That takes a far greater strength than even I possess, and I love you even more for it."