Please Don't Say You Love Me

Word Count: 1617

Pairings: Lucifer Morningstar x Reader

Warnings: angst, sad fluff, fluff

A/N: Request from anonymous

Summary: You always left, always changed the subject or cut him off, just before he could utter those three words. The three, not so little, words that would change everything, the words you feared you might not say back.

............................................................

People gathered around as you downed another shot. The small crowd that had begun to steadily grow cheered as you slammed the now empty glass down on the bar. You smiled victoriously, turning to your opponent, who had finished his own shot only seconds after you.

"Pay up Morningstar." You grinned.

Lucifer laughed, handing you a wad of cash. The crowd, sensing that the fun was over began to wander away, resuming whatever they had been doing before you challenged the devil himself to a drinking contest.

"Are you absolutely certain you're human darling? That amount would have knocked any normal person on their ass." Lucifer said.

You shrugged, sliding onto the stool beside him.

"You're just upset I beat you." You teased.

Although it was seldom that you got drunk, but when you did, you could drink with the best of them. It's one of the first things that had drawn Lucifer to you. It was one of the rare nights you decided to party and you had drank three grown men under the table. More accurately when they hit the ground you were still going strong.

"Well I'm sorry my dear, not all of us can unhinge our jaws like a snake. Honestly it was a little mortifying to watch you drink those." Lucifer chuckled.

You moved to give him a playful shove but missed and almost tumbled off the stool. Lucifer was quick to catch you, your face red with embarrassment as he helped you to your feet. His chest shook with laughter, which you found contagious in your intoxicated state.

"Perhaps you're a bit more inebriated than I thought, we best get you home." Lucifer said.

Your laughter faded to a lazy smile, and you nodded. You reached for your keys in your pocket, common sense seemed to have abounded you for the time being. Luckily Lucifer was there, and he quickly snatched your keys from your hand.

"Oh no, I can just see the headlines now, Local woman dies in a fiery crash, honestly love did you think I was going to let you drive yourself home." Lucifer scolded.

You shrugged, laughing a little.

"Guess not."

You pinched his cheek, making him swat your hand away as you broke down in more laughter.

"I've got the best boyfriend, but that supernatural metabolism of yours is so unfair!" Your words began to slur as Lucifer helped you walk towards the exit.

He merely chuckled, agreeing with whatever your drunken mind decided to have you blurt out. The car ride was filled with you insisting you were sober enough to get home on your own. Then following it up with an apology for him having to cut his night short. Lucifer finally pulled into your driveway.

"You are beginning to sound like a broken record, darling I don't mind driving you home." Lucifer assured you.

You smiled, a little more sober than you had been earlier. You swayed only slightly as you stepped out of the Corvette.

"Wait, wait, how am I going to get my car?" You mumbled.

"I'd hardly call that rusted deathtrap a car." Lucifer muttered.

"Hey I've got a lot of memories in Bertha. Besides, I didn't hear you complaining a few days ago, when we were fogging up the windows in the back." You winked.

Lucifer raised an eyebrow, shaking his head a little.

"Please don't ruin that memory for me by referring that mutation as Bertha." Lucifer sighed.

"Oh you love that car."

"The car no, you on the other hand yes, I lo-"

Lucifer let out a surprised noise when you suddenly leaned over the side of the car and pressed your lips against his. You pulled away just before he could start kissing back.

"Goodnight!"

By the time he came back to his senses, you were already inside your house. He sat there for a moment confused before pulling out of your driveway.

~

You watched the black as night car fade from your sight and you sighed. The sound of your jacket hitting the floor could be heard in the quiet house. You stumbled your way to your bedroom, falling forward onto your bed. You turned your head to the side so, you weren't smothering yourself with your pillow.

"That was almost bad."

The thing was you knew exactly what he was about to say. Knew exactly how that sentence would end, and you didn't want to hear it. You just couldn't let him say it. An almost inaudible sigh left your lips and you curled up into a ball, letting yourself drift off to sleep.

~

Lucifer had gotten back to Lux not to long after he left your house, however his desire to party had vanished. Instead, he went up to his penthouse, and settled into one of the tan chairs across from the couch. He placed a hand under his chin, thoughts swimming through his mind.

You had kissed him to keep him from finishing his sentence, to keep him from saying those last three words. The question on his mind though was why.

Why would you stop him?

Why was he just now noticing it wasn't the first time you had stopped those words from rolling off his tongue?

~

To say your head hurt when you woke the next morning would have been an understatement. It felt like there was a marching band playing in your skull, and you groaned pitifully. You almost considered just going back to sleep but immediately pushed that thought aside when you heard someone rummaging through your kitchen.

"Lucifer?" You yelled, almost instantly regretting it when your headache got worse.

"Just making you some lunch!" He called back.

Luckily his voice was muffled from being in a different room. You rolled onto your back staring at the ceiling a moment before swing your legs over the side of your bed. You almost cursed when you opened your bedroom door to be hit with a bright beam of sunlight pouring through the window in your hallway.

"Good afternoon, it's about time you got up." Lucifer smiled.

You weren't feeling particularly peppy at the moment so, you gave him a small smile that more resembled a grimace than anything. Lucifer resisted the urge to laugh at your miserable albeit funny state. He placed a bottle of water in front of you when you sat at the table, followed by a few pills. You smiled gratefully at him, taking it quickly.

"Oh I nearly forgot I made you lunch!" He announced a little too loudly.

You flinched at little, and he apologized as he stood to get you a plate. He sat it down in front of you, before retaking his seat beside you. The entire time you ate, Lucifer was silent and patient which immediately made you suspicious. Because Lucifer wasn't a silent nor patient person.

"Ok, what did you do?" You asked swallowing the food in your mouth.

He looked at you confused.

"Nothing."

You narrowed your eyes a little.

"What do you ."

"Nothing."

You set your fork down, sitting back a little, just staring at him. He was silent for a moment before finally caving in.

"Last night, why didn't you let me finish what I was saying?" He asked.

It was your turn to look confused.

"What do you mean?"

"Well cut me off, just before I tell you that I-"

"Oh right that."

Lucifer frowned at you.

"You did it again."

You forced a laugh, trying to play it off as if nothing was wrong.

"You're overthinking it Luc."

He didn't look like he believed your phony laugh nor your poor excuse.

"No, I over thought it last night, and you know what I realized my dear? You've never let me say it, you've cut me off or just changed the subject before I could ever even finish saying love. Why is that?"

Your body tensed and your eyes looked everywhere but at him.

"I... is it really that important?" You muttered.

Lucifer's frown deepened, and he began to get a little angry.

"Yes, we've been dating nearly two years, yet, you've never let me tell you that-"

You sat up, grabbing his hands to silence him. Lucifer peered into your eyes, you looked so vulnerable and so scared.

"Please don't say you love me. Please, because I might not say it back." You begged.

"Why, do you not love me?" He sounded hurt and you quickly shook your head.

"No, that not it! I do Lucifer, so very, very much, but if you say that, if you tell me that and I say it back, then this becomes something even more important to me than it is now. If it does then if I lose you, or something happens, it'll hurt so much more. And I just can't handle anymore heartache right now. I will say it to you one day because you mean the world to mean Lucifer. But for now please don't say you love me, because I can't say it back yet."

You weren't sure what response you were expecting from him. Maybe anger, or annoyance, maybe assurance. Lucifer however, simply smiled at you, and raised a hand to your face to lightly caress your cheek. He kissed your forehead.

"I understand Y/N, it's ok, I don't mind waiting to say it."

You pulled back to meet his eye, grateful tears blurred your vision and you laughed a little when he wiped your tears away. He pressed another kiss to your forehead, whispering just loud enough for you to hear.

"But although I can't say it, I want you to know that I do, very much."