7 – GUT FEELING

August 15, 2024

Inhale. 'This should be fine', I tell myself.

Surely it is a risk, to trust someone you met online. Dating sites… do they insure you? And ensure your safety? Then again… life itself is a leap towards the jungle, hoping you find a bear over a man who'd not simply use you as meal. For there are worse things than death.

I smile in the mirror and make sure I have everything in my purse, enough to get me through the night. And as I do, I get a text…

'You still gon come?'

'Yes', I reply, forcing a wry smile.

The gut is supposed to know when things could go wrong. There are theories of getting pushed into a universe where your death doesn't occur, just as you die. And your gut is supposed to be a huge part of it. But curiosity… was another thing.

And so I drag myself out my room's door, with a twist in my gut. A gut feeling asking me… no, telling me: it won't go good. Something always happens after such a feeling.

Guess it might be a long night.

"May I take your order?" I hear, and look towards the waiter – almost gasping.

"No we need a minute with the menu, thank you," the guy smiles, and I look at his handsome face and part my lips a little. He only smiles. Right after the waiter leaves, he speaks, "I heard you like meat."

What a classic thing for a guy to say on a date. Why were all of them horny ass mot-?

"-which part do you prefer? They got everything here," he smirks. "They even got my favourite here."

"Which is?"

He leans backwards a little and points down at himself. "The gut."

My gut twists at that thought, in an uncontrollable urge.

"Are you alright?" he frowns at my reaction.

"No, I just… yes. I'm just amazed that I haven't tried it before."

"Never. Not a savour for everyone, but, would you like to tonight?"

"I would love to… but maybe not now," I smile.

My gut grumbles, as our meals arrive. Surely his plate looks… fascinating. He looks at me peeking, but I only smile.

"You know I really like meat. All kinds of meat. I don't understand why anybody would ever go vegan," he tells me.

I just laugh a bit pretentiously, as he starts using a fork and a knife on the pleasant looking meal which feels so soft… I feel it between my own teeth. "Me neither. But maybe… they just try to give it perspective."

"Mm, tell me more," he tells me with a mouthful.

"I love meat. But… think about… somebody just wanting to kill you," I say, gripping my knife against the huge piece in front of me, upon my plate.

"Well, not just plainly. The animals are eaten later," he tells me, pointing at his own plate. "It isn't just some meaningless… killer. It is food. Reasonable. As long as we aren't eradicating the whole species."

"Yes you're right. A killer sure is… meaningless and cruel. But… I don't know. Let us NOT talk about that when eating meat. I really love meat," I chuckle, and so does he.

"Alright then… how about a simple dare?"

"Go on."

"Purse a fork."

"A fork?"

"Simple, right?" he asks, but looks around. "Just in the middle of a restro. A little thrill. But would you do it?"

"Depends… what do I get in return?" I smirk.

He seems shaken up by that, and I just chuckle, while putting a fork into my purse. Then I call upon the waiter to ask him for another, while he seems confused of how there wasn't one already – but he does not question me.

"Smooth," he says.

"Yes, the meat… sure is smooth."

"It is the right amount of heat. If you hear it properly, you don't even need flavours added to it. Trust me."

"Ah yes. I don't usually add flavours when I cook."

"Isn't it amazing? I thought I was the only one! I usually ask my mum but… I'd like to try to meat you cook."

"Mm, we could get to that. But have you ever tried… raw meat?"

"Raw?" he asks, looking at me with a weird but smiling expression. "Tempting offer."

"Well, I do like things… raw," I say, smirking. "Sorry, no, that was bad. Let's get back to talking about meat."

"Oh we are. How about we talk about chicken breast?"

"Oh really…? Are you only interested in the breast of chickens?"

"Ah… we are getting on this road… then I'd like anything tender at all. Just surprise me."

"Oh I just might."

And we walk out of the restaurant, still laughing at our cheesy and dirty 'meat-talk' which was now drowned with wine. My gut feeling doesn't change, but we laugh it off. We laugh and walk towards the parking lot. With no soul in sight.

"Hey, are we the only ones here?" I ask, drowning my smile. As if feeling sober instantly, with my gut twisting with a feeling.

"Yeah, that is weird."

"Can we… get to the car soon? I…" I say, feeling a little breathless.

He takes out his keys and clicks the button. We hear a loud sound, and he follow the direction towards his car. As he goes ahead with his chivalry, to open the door, somebody else puts their hand upon the door. My date seems shook, and as he jerks backwards towards me, a knife slashes towards him.

"Augh!" he says, holding his hand. His finger bleeding.

I quickly grab his hand and suck on his wound. They usually say that this works, I'm sure he might have heard it too, so he doesn't really stop me.

"Hey ouch, it hurts," he says, kind of jerking his hand away.

"Sorry, I panicked," I say.

"Ah… how did blood taste? I have only ever wanted to see it drip," the other guy says. "So can I please see you bleed? I didn't get a proper look."

"Who are you?" my date asks him.

"Surely not here to give you haircuts. Must say, you both have nice hairs. And… so much blood. I just… I NEED one of you. At least one. Sate my hunger."

My gut cries and twists and pains, and I hold it with one hand while trying to squint and crush my own eyeballs.

"Go away!" my date tells him, pointing out his keys.

"You think I only take advantage of a helpless defenceless child and a person on bed? I have killed six people, and my hunger isn't sated. I need a seventh. And perhaps an eighth. Don't make me kill you both so easily, it won't sate me. Believe me."

My date goes ahead, but then stops and comes back again… the guy seems to have pulled out a gun, and points it at my date.

"I REALLY need this. You don't want me going out there and killing everyone easily… it'll take a lot of deaths then, to sate me. Do understand that I'm trying to be nice! So one of you, come with me, and I'll make sure you are saving a LOT of people, for WEEKS."

"No… I'm sorry…" my date shivers, and holds me. "Take her and spare me!" he pushes me towards the guy, and I stumble to his feet – while shivering. My gut might kill me before anything.

"So your blood is what my eyes will be blessed with tonight. Don't run away, will you? You look in fine condition…"

I curl up to my stomach, holding my whole body. My gut… it might eat my own insides at this pace. A hand touches my shoulder, and I jab my hand towards the guy… with the fork from my purse. I aim it exactly towards his lower-rib, upwards – where his liver should be.

"Ah…" the guy calmly says, as I scurry backwards – still on the floor. "The final act… my own blood. How does it look?"

He feels around the stab, and looks at his own stained hands. He just stares. Then he looks at me.

"It sure is painful… but what a bliss. So this is how it feels. Okay," he says, and lifts his blade. "Sating oneself sure is hard. Drowning… here is the floor."

He slices his own throat and falls to the floor.

"Oh no, oh no," my date panics. "What have we done? No. No. This… no! This can't be happening."

My gut twists, but I keep staring at the guy on the floor. His eyes still open…

"We need to cover this up," I declare.

"We? You fucking stabbed him!"

"And you pushed me to him," I say, shivering.

"No, I'm sorry, no. I… we can go to a place I know."

And so we put the body inside his car. I feel like my insides are burning, the faster the car goes… the further away from the city we go. My gut might kill me, if I don't stop it.

"Hey, let me take the body in," my date tells me, as we come to a stop.

It feels like ages had passed… my stomach and gut killing me. I feel tired and hungry.

But we put him inside the house. I sit besides the corpse, as my date leaves us there – I don't know why, he tells me something which I don't listen to. I feel like I'm in a blur, not sure of what is happening, unable to focus on-

"-what…" my date's voice brings me back. "What are you…"

I look at him, and stare down at the corpse upon my lap. So tasty. The sliced neck… revealing such soft and tender… it was so beautiful to just eat and eat, raw… so sating. My gut finally had calmed, this is what it needed all night.

"I mean…" I say, still looking at the corpse I'm eating. "This might've been you. At least it is not you. Aren't you glad?"

As he tries to move, I shoot right towards his stomach.

"Sit down please. Why do you… you have no one to push towards danger, this time. It's done. It's only us bath," I say, getting up.

"No, please… are you going to eat me too?"

"Jeez, you are gonna judge a girl for how much she eats? That's rude, you know," I say, and place my hand on his head. "Oh dear… of only you had not pushed me… we would be FUCKING over that corpse. I could be munching on his flesh and… I… I'd have been sated."

"Yes! Please. Yes. We could still… yes. I agree. Let's do that."

"You think so?" I ask.

And he nods like a little obedient puppy. The kind he should've been since earlier.

"You are bleeding… it is over. Go to sleep, honey. I promise not to eat you. But… I won't be letting all that blood go to waste. I liked the taste of your blood."

August 16, 2024

I hum while prepping for a meal to that un-cannibal guy. He should be waking up, right about… there it is.

He shakes to reality, and checks his own wounds – now dressed. He looks at the clean floor, making me smile.

"Good morning," I sweetly greet.

He looks towards me… fear in his eyes, but no motto of trying to run away. Such a good boy. I knew he'd come through.

"Where's the…" he asks.

"Oh, that killer-guy? Freezer. Did you know how big of a freezer you owned? I should really get me one of those. I had to store just the meet across my entire fridge… no wonder I preferred it raw always. Couldn't add the veggies. I really like the veggies. The crunch especially, you know what I mean?"

"Go-od morning."

"Yes. Sweet. Cute," I say, and peck him on his lips. "Stinky. Go brush your teeth. But…"

"Yes. Of course… I-I… love you."

"Aw… me too," I say. "I love me too. Kidding. Go. Breakfast is almost ready."

We sit at the table, silently. He doesn't seem to touch his food. So I look up at him.

"You know… this is THE fork, which I'm using. Lovely, right?" I ask.

He nods, looking at his plate – giving a wry smile to the table.

"Look. You wanted breast. You wanted to eat my cooking. Here it is. Moment of truth. Go ahead, don't be shy."

"Oh… right, of course."

I watch him cut a piece of the meat and chew it in between his mouth. His eyes seem a bit indifferent… but he doesn't stop until he finishes. And then he looks at me as if that was everything. I smile and open the pot full of broth.

"Ta-da! I even made guys," I say.

He stares into the pot, and his eyes get wider.

"Is it…"

"I washed it well," I say.

The guy gets up and runs towards the washroom. I follow too, and he throws up everything from now and probably even last night.

"Jeez… I thought you might like it. Sorry. Didn't want to go out and get animal meat at this hour. I was a little scared. I only went out to get the breast from the doctor."

"The doctor?" he asks, staring at me.

"Yeah…"

"Why's you get chicken breast…"

I shake my head, and point at my own chest. "Hurt a little bit… what is love but to… you know, know how they taste? I just showed you the sign of my love."

"You made me eat… your…"

"Oh jeez. Don't puke at me," I say, backing away. "You're acting as if I cut you apart… I won't, until you permit me to. I promise."

"Why are you doing this?"

"You said you liked meat… was I wrong to assume this… jeez. I only took your own-and besides, you were throwing me to be dead last night. You know what? Fuck you! Fuck…"

I kick him to the wall, and try to find something to hit him with. But I only end up kicking his face. I end up tying him, and sit on a chair across him, with my hands to my ear.

"I… why doesn't anyone understand?" I cry. "I haven't done something so crazy as to cut my own self… the guy talking about his own blood and all… and I liked the pain I felt for you, thinking you'd like it, and…"

"I'm sorry."

"Shut the fuck up! You are a fucking disappointment! I just… how dare you! You scoundrel!"

"I'm sorry. No… I'll do anything."

I stop crying, and look towards him. I go to him and bite into his finger. But my teeth aren't strong, so I cut it using a knife, and chew it in front of him – as he cries.

"Take," I say, giving him the bones of his finger, to chew. "This is a bit too fun. So don't ruin this too."

He cries and puked again, but I make him eat his one whole finger. Then he sips the broth. And until he doesn't puke anymore, I only give him sips of the broth, and finally I make him chew the guy's guts. He smiles for me.

"If you puke this, I'll bake you his dick. Don't test me anymore, or give me Lowly SCREAMS. Swallow like a good little b*tch of mine," I say.

I end up kicking and punching him a lot. But he keeps puking it out. I feel like chopping his own dick and feeding it to him… but he might not survive it. Maybe I should bite his dick. I need to…

And by afternoon… I end up sitting in between two corpses. Biting into everything I wished to eat… I feel lazy, and as if I'm in heaven. But I also feel sad and cry. I bang my own head to the wall and cry… why do they just die. Why can't I find true love?

I lick my own blood, and feel nauseous.

"Hello? Yeah. I'm… eating two corpses. It is fucking disgusting. You better come before I eat myself…"

"Ma'am, this is the drive through at-"

"-DO I LOOK LIKE I FUCKING CARE? FUCK YOU!"

I punch into the two's chests, after having broken their ribs with the tools this guy has in his shed. And I just look lethargically at the officers who just stand and state at me.

"See. I knew something would happen. I had a gut feeling," I say, while biting my date's raw guts. "But in all retrospect… he said guts tasted nice. So I HAD to try his."