✿ Chapter Eleven

NATHANN'S POV

The moonlight was the only thing lighting the lonely, damp hospital room I was in. The cold air entering through the open window beside me, I stared out into the openness.

Wonder when I can walk around without worrying I'll vomit flowers...

I scoffed at the irony that my love for flowers would actually be the killer of mine. How sad...

Up to this time, I still don't know who I like... Scratch that, I do know... I just... I'm just in denial.

I'm not gay! Or am I? I don't know...

Overthinking became a hobby of mine every night since I arrived at the hospital. Overthinking that I might die without letting anyone know who I like...

What's the use of letting people know anyway? They clearly are not in love with me, which is pretty obvious. I don't want to get hurt because of rejection... Suffering this disease is more than enough.

I sighed loudly before I got off of bed, walking towards the small table near the window. With my diary in hand that I asked Geordi to bring to me when he last visited me, I sat on the plastic chair and opened the notebook.

There, my messy handwriting greeted me as I flipped through the pages.

I've been writing on this diary for... I don't know, three months already? Geordi gave this to me as a birthday gift.

Stopping at a blank page, I started to write my entry for the day... Or night? Whatever.

Dear Diary,

Can I at least know when I'll die? I don't know what's the use but... I just wanna know. To seize every day that I'll be alive. I want to spend my last days with Geordi. With Fredrick. Please... This is my last wish... Please...