Childhood Crush

Now, before you start thinking I'm just another dirty, home-wrecking tramp, or that he is a two-timing, cheating loser, let me back up and explain a few things. There's always a back story to every screwed up situation and here's mine.

I have known Darren most of my life because of his younger sister, Amy is and has been my best friend since we met in the first grade. I have been in love with him for just about as long, though I was little more than an added little sister-ish type annoyance to him. Amy accused me more than once for only being her friend to be close to him. "I loved you first," I'd remind her. "You love him more." she'd remind me.

They shared the same deep blue eyes, milk white skin and coal black hair, though his was loosely curled while hers was bone straight. I envied them both as I didn't care much for my auburn red hair and green eyes, mostly because of the ginger jokes. Well, that and the fact that vampires would have better luck surviving in the sunlight than me. They were white, yes, but both tanned well in the summer and rarely, if ever, got sunburned.

Once in the eighth grade she told him about my crush on him and he dismissed it rather cruelly in my opinion. "You're just a kid," he said flippantly. "Too young to think like that. Stop it!" He was right, I was only thirteen, but it still hurt. After that, I did my best to not let my true feelings for him be known and to just be myself whether he was around or not.

My freshman year in high school was also his senior year. It would be the only year we would be in the same school at the same time. We shared three elective classes together and were scheduled for the same lunch break time. I kept my feelings for him a secret and even learned how to interact with him as easily as I would anyone else. Amy, who knew I was still hopelessly devoted to him, made fun of us as often as she could. "He's such a jerk, Erin." She would say when she knew he was listening. "I don't know why you like him so much." Darren and I both would shoot her a 'shut up' look while she just giggled mirthfully before walking off to class.

Many times, throughout that year, I caught Darren looking in my direction with a disconcerting gaze, like he was annoyed all the time. I'd ask him about it when I was over at his parent's house, well demand is more like it. "Why do glare at me at school? What did I ever do to you?"

"What?" he said, seemingly shocked. "I wasn't looking at you. I was looking at the jerk behind you. Geez, I didn't know you were so narcistic."

"I'm not!" 'Wait, what does that even mean?' There were days I just wanted to slap that perfect white face of his. But I'd just get lost in those deep blue eyes and melt. I just couldn't stay mad.

The one boy that did ask me out, bailed on his quest after Darren had seemingly befriended him. Same thing happened with the second and the third. A pattern was emerging that I tried not to entertain. Surely, he wasn't chasing off prospective boyfriends from a girl he claimed not to have feelings for. Still, it seemed odd that the boys that were interested, changed their minds after Darren got involved. What kind of stuff was he telling them, anyway? I had asked Amy about it once but only got the "Told ya he was a jerk," response from her. "He does it to the guys I like too."

I confronted Darren about it and he responded with a simple "I don't know what you're talking about." And "You're too young to date anyway." Really? Too young? Who was he to determine my appropriate dating age?

I thought I would have better luck in the boy department once he had graduated but my sophomore year would prove to be more of the same. Boy meets girl, boy likes girl, boy becomes friends with Darren, and then boy ghosts girl. It probably was for the best as I was still so hung up on Darren that any boy, I did manage to go out with would probably suffer as a result. So high school would prove to be a chaste time. As it should be, of course. I needed to focus on my studies and getting ready for college anyway.

Summers were spent working odd jobs and hanging out with Amy. We alternated houses depending on work schedules and days off. My days off were spent at Amy's and Amy's were spent at mine. Amy's brother lived in the apartment above their garage but still ate with the family at dinner and stayed for movie nights. I loved movie nights at Amy's, though I rarely ever actually saw the movie as I usually fell asleep midway through the film. You could almost set your clock to it. I don't think I have ever seen a complete movie in my life. More than once I would wake up with my head in Darren's lap. I'd bolt up pouring forth my apologies while he grumbled about me drooling on his pants. Although, you would think after the first time I drooled a big wet spot on his thigh, he wouldn't sit on the couch next to me. You'd think he would sit in the recliner or something to avoid me.

Oh, and there was one time I didn't wake up until morning, I had slept the whole night on their couch with my head in his lap and his hand was on my shoulder. I. was. In. heaven! He smelled so good. My pleasure was rudely and abruptly ended by Amy chortling and snapping pictures with her phone. Darren tossed me aside like a weightless pillow and chased after her demanding she delete them. I would've killed her myself but watching him chase her around was far more fun.

My sixteenth birthday was by far, my most memorable birthday. Being in late July, my birthday was met with a large outdoor party. Barbecue, volleyball, water balloons, you know, summery stuff, but innocent; followed by a movie marathon at Amy's house. Her parents had early mornings scheduled so we were sent to Darren's apartment for the night since he was spending the weekend at his friend Rocky's. My legs were like jelly standing in Darren's apartment. It was a small studio with a kitchenette and bathroom. There was a single armchair with a side table next it, the TV was mounted to the wall and his gaming system sat on his dresser. The only other piece of furniture was his king-sized bed which I assumed doubled as his couch. Amy made popcorn in the microwave and propped herself on his pillows. "C'mon Erin, sit." She patted the bed next to her.

"Why does he have such a big bed?" I asked as I crawled to the center of the bed. "Who needs this much room?"

"Well, he is really tall," explained Amy. "This is the only size long enough."

"I'm not exactly short but I've never been in a bed this big. It's huge!" It was big enough for me to make snow angels in the sheets, which you know I did. I grabbed the pillow closest to the nightstand and hugged it and breathed deep. "It smells like him."

"Ew." Amy grimaced, smacking me with a pillow. "Are you ever going to get over your obsession with my idiot brother?"

"Never! I'm hopeless." Using another pillow, I smacked Amy, eliciting retaliation. Once our energies were spent, we chose a thriller, a romance and something funny to watch. As per usual for me, half-way through the romance movie I fell asleep on Darren's pillow. And yes, I drooled on it.

I woke up with the keen awareness of two things. One, the sun was up, as evidenced by the sunlight peeking through the drapes. Two, there was an arm around my waist and breath on my neck that did not belong to Amy. Darren had come home while we were sleeping and got in bed with us! 'Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god' I reached over to Amy and shook her shoulder to rouse her from her slumber. She mumbled something about wanting five more minutes and rolled over, turning her back to me. Then I attempted to remove said arm to get up, but instead his arm wrapped itself tighter around me, pulling me into his chest. 'Ok, I'm gonna die now, I just know it. Think Erin! You got to get out of this. Wait! Why do you want out of this? This is Darren! The boy you have only ever dreamed about snuggling up to. Relax, Erin. Just enjoy it while it lasts.' I put my hand over his and focused on the sound of his breathing while trying to steady mine. 'This is stupid, Erin. You're playing with fire.' He mumbled something like "You smell good," as he buried his face in my hair. His hot breath sent shivers up my spine. 'He's probably dreaming of his girlfriend, right now.' That was revolting thought. A second attempt to remove his arm was met with him shifting his grip to my hips as he stretched out behind me. 'Wait. What is that?!' "Oh my god!" I jerked out of his grasp, waking them both up in the process. "What the hell was that?!"

"Oh, my god! I'm so sorry." He shrieked covering his lower body, cheeks as crimson as mine.

"What are you even doing here!?" He and I demanded simultaneously.

Amy chimed in, "Mom said you were gonna be at Rocky's for the weekend so she sent us up here to watch movies so we wouldn't bother them. They had to leave early this morning."

"No one asked me if it was okay. Had I known..."

"You didn't notice us here before you got in bed?" I smacked him with a pillow.

"Um," he sneered holding the blankets tightly over his mid-section. "I live here. What are you two doing here?"

"I told you! Mom sent us up here!"

"Again. You didn't notice we were here before you crawled in with us?? And you'd think, if you didn't at first, you certainly should have when you got in bed!"

He quirked up an eyebrow. I glowered at him. "Maybe... I had too much to drink."

Funny, he didn't smell like he'd been drinking; more like freshly showered. "Geesh, Mom would kill me if she knew I slept with you!" Amy snorted. Darren choked with wide eyes. 'Oh my god, Erin, watch your mouth.' "I mean, in the same bed. In our, uh, I mean your bed... with you... sleeping. Not...Ugh. I gotta get home."

"C'mon, Erin. It's not a big deal." Amy said. "It's not like anything happened." She paused, "Right?"

My face enflamed. I looked at Darren and saw a tinge of pink on his face as well. "Right!" we responded simultaneously.

"You girls shouldn't have been in here in the first place! I pay rent for privacy, you know. You kids can't just use my place whenever you want, you know." He smacked Amy with a pillow. Kids!? He still looks at me like I'm a kid? That hurts.

"I said, Mom sent us up here." Amy snapped.

"Yeah, well... she shouldn't have." He tossed a pillow at me and missed. "Get out!"