Chapter 9: Someone, Somebody, Something

While I was meditating, a serenity I'd never felt before coddled me like my… mother. I dismissed that thought and focused on advancing to the second Jolt.

I needed more mana. I stayed unmoving; I had a feeling that I'd need to face a human part of me that I'd never want to relate myself with.

If I ever wanted to get out of here and see… what exactly? There was something wrong. Zothozeft knew he'd be a shell for another great spirit. Something was pushing him either way to use the ritual.

I'm at a midpoint. I have eight consciousnesses of the same great spirit. I'm also in a human body that isn't supposed to even have two lesser spirits inside their mind, no less eight great spirits added to the two… This isn't good for my mind. I shouldn't have succumbed to that whisper of greed…

But it's too late now. All I can do is gain more power to accommodate the guests in my mind. No. What will we do? Die? Over and over? Just because we don't want to gain more power at the cost of us?

'That isn't the point… If you know what's good for you… You'll get back into the deep corners of my mind.'

Why should we do that? We only suggest. You're the one listening. You're the one that succumbed to your greed to accommodate us.

'What? No, I never agreed to this.'

Then who was the one that called out to us back on loop 12? We gave you a portion of my …our consciousness, and you used that to block off some information about the loop. We gave you even more on the loop of 23 and you used that to block all information about the loop. We even changed the past to cause the ritual to allow us to enter your body. Zothozeft might have been in control of the body, but he would've never known we urged him to erase you instead of capturing you.

You called out for our help and we're just trying to help you.

'This… is familiar. Who are you?'

You wanted to know what happened to your memories, right? We attracted you to us. Or in better words me. It. Him. He. I don't care. As long as I stay as a corpse it doesn't matter. That's where you come in. I have your memories and I'm in your mind. I wouldn't control you, but if… by some chance, you disagree I could always end this loop and cause you to forget like last time. If you always remembered the past, you'd never agree to it. But now that we're both in this deal, we're both obligated to complete our sides of the agreement.

'What? You're speaking too fast in my mind. What the fuck are you saying? Something about my memories? What'd you do to me and an agreement?'

It'd be easier to show you.

***

I was in the pit of a belly. A mechanical? And Biological? Stomach. It wasn't natural. But I was there.

It was transparent. The previous loops. The eyes with clocks on them. The brains with different colored aspects. The actions of my previous loops. The group that was killed each loop off-screen after Hyftri arrived.

Sometimes they would wait. Sometimes Zothozeft would. Sometimes I would be the one to do it. Rarely it would be Solteq who easily snapped their necks at only the first Jolt.

I saw myself on the second loop getting eaten. I felt it. What is this? What am I? Where am I?

I looked at my hands. I wasn't a human. I was a formless thought. Only looking.

I didn't know what to do. What is this supposed to show me? WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO SEE?!

I went into a fetal position and felt my mind giving up. It wasn't me. This place is corroding my mind. I don't have much time to find what I'm supposed to see.

I remembered he spoke about an agreement. I looked over to loop 11.

I don't remember much from it. Zothozeft was the one moving.

I could see what he saw and heard what he heard. But… I heard something new. I said it. It wasn't audible. It was in my soul.

-IwanttogobackIwanttogobackIwanttogobackIwanttogobackIwanttogobackIwanttogobackIwanttogobackIwanttogobackIwanttogobackIwanttogobackIwanttogobackIwanttogobackIwanttogobackIwanttogobackIwanttogoback-

Only eleven loops to put me in this state? What caused me to be like this?

"It was right after our agreement." A voice was heard to my right.

I looked over and got tense. It was an old man with a book in his hand.

"You didn't expect me to be like this? I guess you weren't the first." The old man said.

"I'm the elder spirit of Memories. You can call me Henry. If any lesser beings heard this boring name, they'd probably go insane and turn into an aleomorph."

Aleomorph? And You're an elder spirit?

"Sure am. I've been an elder spirit for hmm… Five million eight hundred and two thousand with an added eight years. This is my home. See yourself to the door before you lose your head."

After that sentence, I felt a pulling back and opened my eyes to the spot I was in… I closed my eyes and I was back there in that mechanical and biological stomach of clocks and brains… I opened them and I was back in the waking world.

***

What is happening to me? I just planned on beating Solteq and figuring out things from there.

I never expected to almost lose my mind.

I felt a chunk of my mind go. The consciousness of the elder spirit which pretended to be a great spirit was still in my mind. If I go insane, I don't want to what could happen… I need to fix this… Quick. Can I trust myself? Can I trust him? Who? Where?

I looked over and didn't see… nobody. I shouldn't be going crazy right? I'm not. I calmed myself.

I brought a sharp rock and… wait…. There are the squirrels.

I saw them looking at me. They were the ones that were looking at me. They were the nobody I was referring to, right?

Right? Must be. I walked up to them to give them a.

My home must have done a number on you.

'WHO'S… Oh, you're there. What do you want?'

Now that you're more applicable to listening, I guess I'd say to advance to a lesser spirit and keep advancing and… Kill me? Yeah, that's the right word.

Now off you go and keep forgetting.

***

The old man was watching me. He was staring at what I was doing. It was eerie. I was right there. That was my body. I had two sets of visions. One from here and one from out there. My mind here was fine. My mind out there got worse the longer I stayed here. I was stuck here and couldn't go. I didn't even know where to start. The old man was an elder spirit, and this was his home.

Even if I had a plan, it'd be pointless.

I could only watch as I saw myself become more deranged and the old man tricking my insane outer world counterpart into doing his bidding.

I must have been cursed when I was born.