Chapter 12- Adapting

By the time I woke up it was too late to go to uni. The house was too quiet. Just as I thought, dad's gone for his lectures.

'Mae', Uncle Wen said, 'You need to give him some space today alright? I know you want answers but now's not the right time'.

He was busy rushing about the kitchen for bacon and eggs.

'I know', I said, 'I decided I don't care. I was fine all these days. I'll help dad, I know he liked her a lot. I didn't because I knew something was wrong'.

Uncle Wen paused with the pan in his hand, 'Mae, I really have no idea how to handle this'.

'You don't have to', I said sitting down, 'I will'.

He chuckled, 'You sound like a grown up all of a sudden'.

'I am one', I muttered, 'I just didn't bother being one'.

'Don't let things change who you are Mae', He said, frying an egg.

This is me.

'By the way', He said adding salt, 'I did tell your dad everything. About what happened last night. He said…. He'll have a talk with you once he gets home. But-'

He turned to me.

'Don't ask him if he doesn't tell you'.

'Mn', I said, gobbling up the egg.

'Uncle Wen?', I asked.

'Ah Mae?'

'Do you know how to do full braids?'

And both of us just spent our time messing around the entire day till dad came home. He looked so exhausted and done, he didn't even notice my new hairstyle. He set his bag on the coffee table and collapsed on the sofa. His hair seemed to have gotten gray-er.

I sat right next to him and cuddled into his chest.

'I'm sorry Mae, I'm so sorry', He said, his voice breaking.

'Don't be', I said, 'Look at me'.

He didn't look.

'Dad!'

'Hm', He looked.

I took his face in my hands.

'She's gone', I said, 'But I'm not. I'm right here Dad. And I always will be'.

Sometimes you learn from your past. No matter how painful it is, I've learnt so much from Jae-Sung.

'You're all I have right now', Dad agreed, pulling me closer.

'What about me?', Uncle Wen appeared, 'Am I gone too?'.

'And you too', Dad said laughing, 'At least you can make some food'.

I giggled.

This was good, I thought. We really don't need her.

'Mae?', Dad said, 'Listen. Nobody can keep a horse tied up for too long. I have to do this alright?'.

'I know', I said, 'I'm fine with it. What's the point of keeping someone who doesn't want to stay'.

'She loves you, it's just that-'

'She's found somebody better', I finished for him.

'Which is perfectly fine, I totally understand', Uncle Wen said.

Dad scowled.

'But we have each other', He said, 'And as long as we're together, we can do anything!'.

'Pfft', I laughed, 'I have both of you and that is more than enough'.

'Yeah Hyun', Uncle Wen said sitting next to dad, 'So let's forget about these troubles and have a nice dinner'.

'Hm!' I agree, 'Come on dad! Family dinner!'

I grabbed him by one arm while uncle took the other. We hauled him into the kitchen and made an entire mess. It was totally worth it though.

After dinner I lay down on my bed and thought about mom. Or at least the brief moments I had with her. Like I said, even when she was here, she was running from this job to that. She was never at home. It was almost like she wanted to get away from her responsibilities. That bright smile she keeps for work was never to be seen at home. I vaguely remember grandma saying something about their marriage being arranged.

Between mom and dad, there might have not been any love at all.

I might've been something that just happened along their strained relationship.

It just hurt to know that she didn't mind parting with me without so much of a goodbye. People change so fast. One moment she'd been braiding my hair and the next moment…..she's gone.

I raised my hand and observed the ceiling light through it. Jae-Sun loved me just like dad did. Only to lose me in some stupid battle.

How would he feel if he remembered all those memories? The good ones and the bad ones. I really want his past self. I want him to awaken all those memories. Maybe we didn't have a chance in the past, but now we do.

'I can do this', I told myself, 'I will'.

He wanted to be a musician in the past, but I've never heard him play any sort of instrument. Is it because he's my brother's knight and he's supposed to be tough and unyielding?

I liked painting those days, I only remember a few of my past paintings. I suppose I didn't have time like these days to paint. I remember painting koi. The ones Jiao-Jiao raised. She liked to feed them….

'Princess don't you like fish?', She asked one day, throwing pieces of bread into her small pond.

'I do like watching them', I said, bending down to inspect them, 'But I love cats more'.

Eek!', She squealed, 'They might eat my little fat fishies!'

I laughed, sunlight warming my face. Jiao-Jaio's purple dress flowing in the wind. Birds chirping in the trees overhead. A fat red koi staring at my face.

I reached out to touch it-

'Sun-Hee run!'

I woke up with a gasp.

I'd fallen asleep somehow.

His voice sent a sharp pang through my entire body.

I'm going to paint them, I thought.

I've never painted Jiao-Jiao or her koi. I went over to my stool and sat down with a new canvas.

My hand paused over the tube of red paint.