Chapter 4

"Unique?"I ask him, a foreign word I haven't researched yet.

"It means that you are the only one," He says, "Probably."

"What do you mean, probably?" I stammer.

"Well I don't know about all the thousands of wolves and billions of humans in the world, I don't know it all."

"Billions?" I practically shout, but my tone is stuttered and husky. "What is that?"

He grabs some little red things from his pocket. "See how many there are? There are ten berries. Now imagine if there were enough berries to build all the trees in the clearing. And then imagine that for every berry, instead of a berry, there is a human, like me. Can you imagine it?"

"Yes." It's so big a number to me, to large to comprehend, "Wow! It's so many!"

"Yes, a lot of humans. You surprised?"

"It's just," And I come out and say it, "I thought your species, obviously inferior in instincts, senses and unable to become wolves at will or even at all would of made it seem apparent to any superior predator that your species would be on the verge of," I rack my brain, "Extinct." I finally stammer.

He smiles, "Oh, humans are nowhere near extinction Raphina trust me, not yet anyway, but you, when you die, you'll be practically extinct then. I mean, you are definitely unique Raphina. So when you die, there'll be no others like you. It's sad really, but hopefully you meet somebody like you someday."

I ponder on that thought, I am unique. There are, at least according to Quill, no others in this land like me.

I wonder how far the land goes, how far the forest really stretches, and what could lie beyond. If anything. Nothing might lie beyond the forest. I mean the trees go as far as I can even see, even further than that, and I walk a lot. Though never outside a certain space. Never away from the river, never too far up stream, never too far down stream.

All these thoughts are loud and yet beautiful!

They fill my mind with wonder!

I am brought back to reality. Quill snaps his fingers and I look at him. "You ok?" He says, evidently concerned.

I exhale hard, really hard, "Yeah, I'm fine, better than fine. I'm ok, just pondering the world. And what lies beyond the forest, not much I presume?" Not a single word successfully exits my mouth without me repeating at least a single extra time, almost on impulse. Every word doesn't sound like they do when they exit Quill's mouth. The words hit hard on my throat, maybe because I wasn't designed for this, for human things, for human words, to speak human, to read or do human. Because, I am a wolf.

I need to remember, I'm not like Quill, I'm a wolf, not one of his kind, a flesh bag, not covered in any fur. I am now, but that's different. I use this form only to converse with him, and I don't converse well. Why can I do this?

I don't want to become like him, not even at will. A predatory disadvantage. Easy to hunt and kill, for sport or food. But with me, I'd only kill anything only for food. Never for sport. Even if I was hunting one of the predatory disadvantaged flesh sacks who referred to themselves as humans and had their words on slices of smooth, completely un-treelike tree skin, or as people are said to put it, bark, made into paper.

But for the sake of satisfying the thing, I would stay in this form still long after Quill had gone. Just in case he came back. That's a new concept to me as well though, he and she. Quill explains.

"So there are many genders, I'll keep it simple and just discuss two but if you are curious then I'll explain the many others. Boy and girl. Different in many ways, but it all stems from blood. But I'll keep it simple. The boy has one particular defining feature."

"What?" I ask him.

He tells me, "A boy is a boy because they're knows they're a boy.

"I don't see it." I say slowly and I notice that what I say is less stammered. "What makes a girl a girl?"

"Well, a girl knows they're a girl if they say they're a girl."

Girl is probably my favourite word, "Girl. Girl." I've mastered it by now. "Girl."

"I think you've worked yours out." He say, smiling, his teeth clenching in a happy expression.

"Yes, girl. Which one are you?" I ask.

"I am a boy." He says, "The other one."

"That's interesting, and unique." I stammer over the last word.

"It is nice to be special and unique. I wish I was just as special as you though. I'm not good Raph, I'll be honest."

"You are a good boy Quill."

"Thanks Raphina, you're amazing." And he smiles again.

Maybe I'll try talking slower from now on, just to be understandable, even if only to Quill. The only human I knew. He leaves soon though, which allows me to be on my own. I change and curl up, rubbing my paws against my warm fur coat. Being human always for Quill was getting painful, but not in a real sense, all in my head. I close my eyes, and wonder if I'm going crazy.

Midnight, my eyes open, I look and see Quill, sitting by the riverside. I walk to him.

"You know," He says as he looks me in my eyes as I curl up next to him, rubbing my hindpaw against his back, covered by some garment, "It's beautiful out here, I can tell why you like it." I take my paw off his back and change for the sake of him understanding me.

"This is my home." I stutter slowly.

"This is your home?" He questions me. I nod. "Not some house, or a cabin, or anything, just the open forest?" I nod again.

He touches my hair and wraps it round his fingers, they're soft, smooth things, the feelings of them in my hair calms me. "It's a beautiful home. Not chaotic like my world." I emit some quiet, sympathetic noise. Sympathy at his kindness. I don't understand why though. He rubs my hair between his fingers more as I sigh with happiness and look up at him.

"It is a beautiful home, my forest, continuing maybe forever. I've never strolled very far away from this point."

"Remember when we met?" Quill says, like we're remembering the good old days, many years back, when in actuality we met less than a fortnight ago, a period that humans use for a description of fourteen orb cycles.

"I thought you were a predator and I hit my head on a rock."

"And then you floundered in the river for about half a minute before running away."

A question pops into my mind, "Where did you go after that Quill? Where do you live? In the forest, or beyond?"

He looks at me in the moonlight, "At least a mile beyond the forest, it ends North about a mile up. But don't come North. People aren't understanding, especially of people who turn into wolves. And most not of people like me. The world is a realm of chaos and anger, where the only thing that makes us the same is our differences, and our hatred for each other."

"And what about me?" I ask him, wondering if people would understand me.

Something clicks in his head. "The same does unfortunately apply for wolves who turn into humans. One day, I'll help you get out to explore, but no-one can ever know what you can do when you see what's beyond the forest. Your secret stays between me, you and the forest."

I stare at him blankly.

"You won't get it, it's a reference." Then, he does something unexpected, same as before, his arms lock around my body in a warm embrace. It feels warm, really warm. What's his body temperature at then, I wonder to myself as I do likewise. My arms do too lock around Quill, but my movement to place my arms in this position is less aggressive than what Quill did to me. His hug did not hurt per se, but it was certainly aggressive in his movements. But it was also warm, a beautiful contrast. Suddenly, I hear a noise, a noise from the north, maybe just a bird.

"I hear something." I say to him, and instantly, his arms leave my body.

"Run!" He says to me, pointing south. I see him run north. I run south, changing form as I do so. I make it at least half a mile south before I stop. I don't move but instead hide silently behind a tree, all four of my paws rigid, but flexible. I ready myself to pounce on whatever Quill had been afraid of. I growl, but nothing comes my way. Just the sound of a loud, angered, unfamiliar voice and the sounds of two pairs of human feet. I miss Quill, we never finished our hug truly. I wonder how you end a hug. How can you end such a beautiful feeling willingly.

I'm up til sunrise, awaiting Quill's return. But for some, unknown reason, he fails to show. I change form in the hope it'll attract him. But he doesn't show.

The sun sets, I curl up into a ball and wait. It rises the next day, sleeping all night as a human in a wolf sleeping position took its tolls. I had to click my back and mercilessly killed a rabbit nearby. I hadn't eaten all day yesterday. I had only waited, and changed form midday in the hope he would appear. But this wasn't just magic.

He might never show again.

He might never show again.

He might never show again.

It daunts me. That may of been our last moment together. I wish we could of at least finished our hug.

Suddenly, my ear twitches. Quill, I think before running towards the sound. But it's nothing more than a bird in a tree, too high for me to reach and slaughter for its deception. All around me, noises overwhelm me. I honestly have a bit of trouble taking it all in and try to instead block it all out, including the hunger, and that is the challenge. I need to eat.

Snap.

My ear twitches, but I try to ignore the sound.

Creak.

Ignore, ignore, ignore.

Snap, snap.

I can't take it anymore. I will go to see whatever the creature making all the noises is. I run toward the noises, moving everywhere, only to find a crowd of birds, a striped red and white.

I lick my lips and feel a brief drop of sweat fall down my head. I pounce, and I can only describe it as chaotic. I grab several in one go and immediately have dead birds for food. But I'm not done yet. I grab one dead bird and stick it into my human mouth before attempting to catch all the rest. Two make it out alive from my genocidal massacre of these birds. I eat all I have captured. One by one, feeling each go down my throat.

And I wonder now if Quill will ever show up again as I gulp down a whole bird, creating barely a bulge on my large throat.

Will he ever show again?

Maybe not, maybe never.

The sun sets and I lie down with my back in the muddy ground. I close my eyes. My last thought is this. Does he wish not to see me anymore?

And I guess probably so. And I don't blame him.