First Time?

Huh.

What happened? All I remembered was my shitty life and nothing else. Wait, where am I? What is this....void? What's happening?

*BANG*

???:HO HO HO.

Santa?

???:NO, ITS GOD DUMBASS.

Okay?

God:And for my next trick I will throw you into another world!

Oh cool... Wait, just like that?

God:Yes, well, you get 3-no, 2 wishes.

Why only 2 tho?

God:Because you suck.

Like your mom sucking my-

God:2 wishes. Take it or leave it.

Fine. For my first wish I want UBW and GoB.

God:That's illegal.

Take it or leave it.

God:You do know I can make you go to another world without anything right?

Yes.

God:Wow. I'm impressed by your stupidity on challenging a God.

Well I do want to kill a God after all.

God:Good for you I guess? Well I'll allow it just this once. What's your next wish?

Hmmm..... How about every single authority.

God:What?

Oh you know, Authority of Sloth and etc.

God:No.

Why?

God:You only get to choose three of them only. And no Vainglory.

Tch.

God:Did you just click you tongue at me?

Nope. Just your imagination.

God:Okay?

Anyway, I want Sloth,Greed and Lust.

God:Right. I can do that.

Okay.... Let's start this adventure!

God:...

Uhhh.... Hello?

God:heheehehe...

I don't like where this is going....

God:You fool! You just activated my trap card!

The what now?

God:For every wish that you want..... There will be drawbacks of course!

Ah shi-

God:And your drawbacks are...You don't get to choose which multiverse you get to travel into.

That's all? It doesn't make any sense actually.

God:And also you get the EX Harem skill.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

God:That's what makes you mad? I had some doubts at first when I saw that drawback but I guess some people have different taste huh?

YOU THINK!?

God:Anyway, have fun!

COME HERE YOU BAST-

=---=÷=---==---=÷=---==---=÷=---==---=÷=---==---=÷=---=

5 Minutes later

Flint:Damn that shitty God. I really don't want to deal with a tsundere and a sadist. Well it's a good thing I'm in a forest right now. I'm gonna live in here for a while. That being said why do I look so young?

I am currently looking at myself in a river. Hi, my name is Flint Lightwood. Not a very creative name I'm sure. I'm (presumably) 21 years old. I don't actually know how I died but it's probably for the best if I didn't know how. My favourite anime is-

*Growl*

What ze heck?

I turn around and see two wolves in front of me.

Flint:Well isn't this a good welcoming gift.

(Prepare to cringe)

Wolf 1 pounce on me but I managed to dodged it. After that attack wolf 2 tried attacking me from behind. It almost worked.

(God I suck at making fight scenes)

Flint:Shit! God dammit. I need to get out of here.

I summon a yellow portal and go inside it.

Flint:Phew...I'm not ready to fight yet. Let's take a look around here shall we?

As I take a stroll around....What should I call this?

I'll go with Babylon for now. I see some weapons from different animes. Weird, but okay. I guess that's Murasame, a red glove? And... EXCALIBUR!?

Flint:What the? Is this some kind of mistake? I don't think this belongs here.

And suddenly, one of the old landlines rung.

*DULULULULULULU*

FLINT:SHUT.

I answer the call.

Flint:THE FUCK YOU WANT!?

#Jeez, no need to be so loud. It's me, God.#

Flint:Oh, it's you. Wazzup?

#Now you might be wonde"ring" what Artoria's Excalibur is there.#

Flint:That's true, I am wonde- did you just made a pun?

#Yes, I did. Anyway, remember how the concept of GoB is having every single thing in the world?#

Flint:Ye. Why u ask?

#I just make it so that it LITERALLY HAVE EVERY SINGLE THING IN THE WORLD.#

Flint:oh. thanks.

#And you know how the items is a one time use only?#

Flint:ye. y u ass?

#Well I made so that it 'regenerates' the items and depending on how valuable that item is, it's gonna take the longest being 48 hours and the shortest 5 minutes. Of course, this only works when the item is broken or missing.#

Flint:Isn't that just the same as U-

#NOPE.#

Flint:Is that all?

*click* *dooot* *dooot* (I suc at making sfx)

Flint:Welp. That explains almost everything.

If what God is saying is true then...

=---=÷=---==---=÷=---==---=÷=---==---=÷=---==---=÷=---=

Several hours of searching later

Flint:Aha! I found you at last.

Lo and behold!

The genie lamp. And the only thing holding me back from this, is just my sense of touch.

Flint:Here goes nothing.

I rub the lamp and waited for the magic to happen.

....

Any second now...

...

He's gonna come out any second now....

.........

Flint:Hey wait a minute.

I rub the lamp again.

...................

Flint:Holy mother of God I am one stupid motherfu-

=---=÷=---==---=÷=---==---=÷=---==---=÷=---==---=÷=---=

Another hours searching for the right oil lamp

Flint:Finally! I found the right one. Why is there 38 different oil lamp in the same shape and material here anyway.

I rub the lamp.

.....

Flint:Oh come on! I'm too lazy to find another-

???:WHY HEEEELLLLLLOOOOOOOOO THERE!

Flint:Huh?

Suddenly, a big blue cloud came out of the lamp and turned into a smurf.

???:IT IS I! THE JINN THAT WILL GRANT YOUR WISHES!

Flint:FUCKING FINNALY.

???:The name's Genie. Like I said, I can grant any of your wishes that you want.

Flint:Rly?

Genie:With three conditions of course!

Flint:Of course. And pray tell those conditions are?

Genie:Ah, rule number one: I can't kill anybody. So don't ask. Rule two: I can't make anyone fall in love with anyone else. Rule three: I can't bring people back from the dead. It's pretty disgusting if you ask me.

Flint:Pussy.

Genie:Speak for yourself. Anyway, take your time thinking on which dream that you want coming true.

He then summons a stereotypical lazy chair, a blue hawaiian shirt and a cosmopolitan. (No, not the magazine, the cocktail)

Flint:Well my first wish is gonna be-

*DULULULULULULU*

Genie:SHUT.

He answers the call.

Genie:This is Genie speaking, how may I help you?

*inaudible words*

Genie:Oh. Why thought?

*more inaudible words*

Genie:Okay. Makes sense. Bye have a nice da-

*click* *dooot* *dooot*

Genie:.....

Flint:What did you talk about?

Genie:I have a fourth rule.

Flint:shit.

Genie:Soul No.731,168,952,864,225,709,753,226,907,512,785,423,689,642,703,228,532,753,475,842,157,960,580 cannot be granted wishes until further notice.

Flint:Bruh. That's not fair.

Genie:And life too. Look kid, I'm just following orders.

Flint:Fine then, you can keep your wishes.

Genie:If that's all, then I'll be taking my leave. Ciao!

Flint:Bye bitch.

He then turned into a cloud again and go into the lamp.

Flint:Well there goes my chance to become stronger. At least I still have my powers.

Suddenly, in the corner of my eye, I saw a red button.

Flint:Ooooo. What does this button do?

And I pressed the button.

=---=÷=---==---=÷=---==---=÷=---==---=÷=---==---=÷=---=

Hmmmmm... Where am I?

It appears I'm in a large field of sorts. And there's a clock in the sky showing a timer counting down. There's a modern house behind me but it doesn't make the field any smaller.

Flint:This seems familiar somehow. Where have I seen all this before?

I look at the timer. It's still counting down. I think it starts at 100 million or so. Wait a minute. I think this is from Th* f*il*d sw*rdsm*n wh* b*c*me th* str*ng*st *ft*r sp*mm*ng th* 1** m*ll**n y**rs b*tt*n. I don't know why it was censored but I know that the red button is drom that one novel. I guess I'm stuck here until the timer finished huh. Well I think I can brute force myself out of here but I don't have the strength to do it yet. I also don't want to develop a second personality so just need to train hard enough until I can tear through the fabric of time and reality itself to escape. Sounds easy enough.

Spoiler alert:It was not easy.