Birthdays and a 10 year plan

Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

What is your 10 year plan?

Interviews are the worst.

One of my peeves is going to an interview. I hate it. They ask you bunch of stupid questions that are not just unessesary like hobbies and interests their shitty question of seeing yourself somewhere down the road is like i'm in Hell because i don't know where I will be tommorow or next week, and I am pretty sure I'd still be broke and I'd still be living at my parents house, so 5 years seems so ridiculous to even think about, much less 10 years.

I used to be so optimistic. Until...

My 7th birthday. I was in 2nd grade, it was raining so hard, i had to wear slippers to school so my shoes would not get wet, the the worst part is my school bag broke on the way, so I had to use a plastic bag intstead. And to top the icing my uniform got so dirty I had to wear shorts and a t-shirt. I cried the whole day. No party, no fuzz, and no cake. There is only constant crying and lots of rain.

I was born during a storm, and every year my Mom could not give me a proper birthday party with kids and balloons and the whole shebang due to the monsoon season and tropical cyclones in and out of the country. August is the most rainy of all the months of the year. And my last Good birthday is when I turned 28.

I thought I would get married by the age of 28. I thought if I started young by the time I turned 28, I would have been hitched or has a teenage kid or kids. I dated since my pre teen years, my first kiss is when I was 16 years old. I could not have been so naive, the guy was a jerk. He was my prom date. He was a friend of my best friend, I was so infatuated by him, he was handsome, tall, and can kick a ball. He was an athlete, most girls fall for him because of his good looks, but i liked him because he was kind, and gentle and very religious he's Catholic, an altar boy, his name is Jay.

He pulled up on our house the night of the prom, this was in February, so it was very chilly that night and I was wearing a strapless baby blue dress, I had my hair done and makeup at a salon, so I was really prepared and be stunning hoping he would fall for me too. I looked at him and saw his white tuxedo and I instantly blushed and he saw me and said, "Wow", You look great, you look like a Princess.

I almost lost my virginity to him, but weeks after the perfect prom night where we kissed and danced all night, hugged under the moonlight, we fell asleep on a bench, and by midnight we parted ways, thinking if I will ever feel that way again, I found out he was dating another girl, she was prettier than me. And I also found out he was a smoker and a player. So much for my prince Charming, and a goody good boy. But I did really like him.

I turned 19 and I took off my purity ring, on a cold December, Christmas Eve, it was the worst night of my life. My boyfriend from another side of the Country, after we had sex he dumped me when he got back on his turf. He said he couldn't see any future for us but the truth was he's screwing with 3 other girls at the same time. And after 8 years I was strung in two more unsuccessful relationships, and I had several sex partners, all in my 20's. I had one pregnancy scare, he was my boyfriend in College, his mother loved me so much, and begged me to get back with him. After a very bad break up left me questioning even my own faith, my self worth, and was crying for 3 years, after that I pretty much gave up on love. My last relationship was a secret, he was cheating on his girlfriend with me. I was so blinded by my emotions and selfishness that I never even considered I was hurting another person. His girlfriend.

I heard they broke up after I finally had courage to leave. He hurt me, but I was the biggest asshole for staying too long and believing he loved me too.

So back to being 28. On the eve of my birthday I took lots of picture of me, i said to myself, If this was the last time I would look this young and pretty, and my breast still perky, I will photograph myself document it, like a piece of art I will archive this moment, record it in my head and hope to see myself some 10 years after, finally happy. Truly happy with where, and who I am just like everyone hopes to be.