Roman Empress Horny, Local Man Confused, What The Fuck?

The Divided Lands, a respectable piece of land once filled with danger.

Millions of years ago, this region... or rather, most of Arcadia was a perilous place, riddled with cursed-like energy and hazardous weather. It was hostile to the remaining life forms that had survived the clash of the Gods.

As such, countless beings have perished on these very plains, their remains forever buried deep in the ground as fossils.

Nonetheless, within this very same land, countless drops of rain poured down, shrouding the skies in a veil of darkness.

The rainy season has begun... but this time with some needed change.

Civilization has once again begun to take root, bringing a sense of liveliness that the godforsaken world had once long forgone.

A towering infrastructure stood illuminated by a dazzling array of neon lights. Other smaller but tall buildings surrounded it in a neatly arranged place.

The smooth metallic roads were continuously drizzled with raindrops before the water flowed into the drainage system.

However, numerous Legion soldiers still hovered over the multitude of buildings, transporting various construction materials even amid a storm.

In the distant mountain ranges, some of their colleagues could be seen constructing some sort of infrastructure, with occasional sparks of electricity and fire illuminating the area.

On the opposite side of the mountain range, several tiny figures operated a massive telescope, adjusting its long rod to scan the obscured skies.

*SNORE*

Despite all this... a certain someone was sleeping on top of a hill.

Yet, said hill was also moving, or rather, breathing for some odd reason.

A hill that had characteristics oddly similar to a modern-day rhino...

"Wuuuuuu..."

"..."

She was used to this.

In fact, too used to this.

Turning her head to glance at the budding city, her crimson eyes shone for a moment before they dimmed down again.

"Hah."

Just as she was about to plop down, a sudden prompt echoed in her mind.

"Val?"

"It is you, Lothric."

Calmly sitting down on the ground, Valkyra continued to communicate with him.

"What seems to be the matter?"

"..."

Upon not hearing anything for several seconds, she was about to inquire, but he then spoke.

"The Empress was right. Our enemies this time around seem to be different... if that's the correct way to put it."

"How so?"

"I will send you the data. We will inform our brigade about this soon."

"Ok."

"..."

Valkyra tilted her head in confusion, unaccustomed to Lothric's prolonged silence.

"Lo-"

"The war will be brutal. The Empress herself said so."

"...is that so."

"Hmm. Then, take care-"

"Ok."

"—and please ensure that Jin is awake before visiting him or if you're already in his presence. The Empress has requested him for several days now."

DING!

With an unreadable expression on her visage, the war machine was at a loss.

Lotric was more restrained than usual, she noticed.

Nonetheless, it was understandable though.

A war again...

Barely three months after being summoned, they were about to participate in another war, a planetary scale at that.

Clenching her fists, she glanced at Jin peacefully snoring away on top of the Titanhorn, whom he had dragged over while it was hibernating under a tree's canopy.

Unsurprisingly, this event occurred several days ago, marking the fifth consecutive day that both of these lazy ass mofos had been sleeping.

"Urgh!"

Valkyra clutched her head with both hands.

"Y-you!"

Actual fumes propelled out of her war frame before she stomped her way to them.

She cranked her neck up, her hand about to yank Jin from below-

*DRIP*

"..."

Her hands suddenly froze in place, as she noticed a drop of saliva plastered upon her knightly visage.

She blankly looked at this... guy being so-

Fwoosh!

Aggressively tugging on bro's arm, she hoisted him into the air, his feet comically swaying below like limp noodles.

*SNORE*

With a drop of saliva about to drop off from the corner of his mouth, Jin continued sleeping.

"Do you feel that safe around us?"

Suppressing her mild annoyance, a sudden question came forth.

Considering the freakish level of strength, speed, agility, endurance, and every other physical aspect he had displayed, his senses should have at least detected someone disturbing him.

But-

"Or is it because you-...!"

"Heyy, whatcha doin'?"

A sudden voice startled Valkyra as she almost dropped Jin on the ground.

She stiffly turned around to find none other than the Empress nonchalantly standing there, her gaze curious as she looked up from the ground.

"My Empress!"

"Umu!"

Nero's gaze was from beginning to end fixated on Jin.

Extending her hands, she spoke.

"Give me Praetor!"

"Yes?"

Still confused and startled by the sudden presence of Nero, she carefully placed him in her arms.

However, as she bent down, she saw a weird smirk creeping up on the Empress' face.

The hell?

"Oh! Val, please continue your hard work!"

Not giving her a second to respond, Nero quickly disappeared, her figure blurring as the wind breezed through the surroundings.

"..."

Dumbfounded and baffled by the... overall shitstorm that took place, she shook her head, seemingly trying to make sense of what happened.

"Those two-"

After keeping an eye on the Empress and her Advisor for over three months straight, her analysis ought to pay off now, right?

Let's also ignore the fact that Valkyra's probably the only one who had a sudden interest in this...

So, let's see.

Constant smile whenever she's with him? Check!

Abnormal body language suggesting a sense of attraction towards the other gender? Check!

Holdings hands?! Fucking hell, that's a green flag!

"The Empress seems to have taken a liking to our Advisor..."

With a nod of apparent understanding, Valkyra rocketed into the distance, heading toward one of the nearly completed utility poles.

"Wuuuuuuuuu..."

While everyone was focused elsewhere, the Titanhorn, left alone, just kept doing its thing.

Sleeping, breathing steadily, and sending out these dark energy pulses like a well-timed rhythm, it snored as its unusually long tail wagged from side to side.

And one couldn't miss the fact that it was getting seriously massive.

Its size was way beyond the time it first got domesticated by a Zangief main, aka Jin... -though let's be real, it's not like it knew what that was anyway.

For now.

There's an entire repertoire of moves left to be used!

...

...

...

"Mhmm~"

His eyes groggily opened up, and the man in question blinked into space, his expression hollow as if he hadn't quite woken up yet.

"Hey."

Jin blankly looked down and saw Nero in his embrace.

Sensing this oddly reoccurring situation, he pried her away from his body.

"Why are you-!"

"Nero... say what would you do if an elephant barged into your room with a monkey riding on top of it whilst aiming a shotgun straight at you? 'Cause the- mhmm?"

Jin: ( •̯́ ₃ •̯̀)

Watching as her hand clamped around his mouth like it was grabbing a bag of chips, he stared at her with a lifeless expression.

"First of all, where's your hidden stash of sativa? There's no way talk like that is coming out of you without a puff of heaven!"

'I was in heaven before you came. Now it's hell on earth, you dumbass.'

Jin: ¯\_(- > -)_/¯

"Bullshit!"

Nero reluctantly let go of his lips, before burying her head into his chest, her arms tightening around his waist.

Having gained his freedom of speech back, he turned over, unbothered by the fact that she now lay on top of him like a housecat.

"Uh... how long did I sleep this time?"

"Mhmm~ 5 days, give or take."

"Anything strange happened lately?"

Noticing her ahoge swaying in a specific way, he knew that she was pondering, even without seeing her expression.

"Well, aside from keeping tabs on our 'friendly' neighbor planet that's DEFINITELY not plotting to take us over-- and making sure those satellite disks and utility poles keep on being built, not much else is happening... I think."

"What about the remaining blueprints?"

"I'm planning on using the rail cannon schematic..."

"That's neat."

"Umu..."

That umu sounded off.

Way off from the usual shit she spouts.

Jin suddenly propped himself up from the ground, now in a sitting position with Nero on his lap.

Casually grasping her chin, he made her look into his eyes.

Now mere inches apart, he could see a dreamy look looming over her visage as she tilted her head.

"Hah."

Exhaling a hot, steamy breath, Nero rested her hands on his shoulders, then began to move her hips in a swaying motion, almost as if she was grinding against him.

"Jin~"

Suddenly, as if someone flipped a switch, a crimson-red light illuminated within her lime-green irises.

{DING! Nero Claudius' bloodline is reaching its boiling point!

Host! (⸝⸝⸝O﹏ O⸝⸝⸝) She's going to eat yo-}

THUD!

With a force incomparable from before, she slammed him back onto the ground.

"Ahn~"

Her whole vibe seemed to have shifted.

And to top it off, a draconic horn began to sprout from her head, twisting upward into a menacing form.

Ignoring the change happening within her, she bent down, hands planted beside his head.

"Jin... I want you, now~"

"I'm going to bonk you, you horny draco-counterpart."

"That's so hot."

"Wait-"

"I will as well~"

...