Present Day: Down in the Dumps with the small part of Dandelions

I fail them

It is a smooth move but has a little trick on it.

I fail them

The chilling cold feels on my back, every time I tell myself that -

I fail them

Dangerous warning signs interfere with my mind like a projector portraying a dark shadow from the past. Every single component of action and words awakens the buried soul within. I sat in a drowsiness with the background speech of my lecturer teaching us one of the topics of our course that gradually soothed my ear with both my eyelids open wide.

How did I not notice it before? How selfish am I to be unaware of it?

My soul is already buried in a deep figment that lures me back to the past that I have locked myself beneath. The whirling of the fan lightly slapping my skin from the scorching heat temperature. Nonetheless, I went about my day without listening to any of the voices that came from the electronic devices, laptop.

Deep in the sea of waves.

How I failed to lead my choral speaking team to a victory, how I am unable to properly express my emotion to my family members, and how I fail to be a decent friend to my dearest friend. How on earth didn't I notice it?

I fail them.

My lecturer's voice snapped my haze of thoughts about the past when she called upon me to answer a question she had been asked. I sit nervously in the maze of online classes, full of written information slides on the screen that make me dizzy with the overload of knowledge, trying to solve the puzzle mirror in front of me. Which one is the correct answer? I mumbled quietly while scanning through the passage. While trying to find the answer, I tried to disconnect Google meets.

When I locate the solution, I reconnect the Google meets and inform the lecturer -

"I'm sorry, madam, my line was disconnected."

I lied to her while answering the question. I'm relieved that the answer is correct. I let out a puff of a sigh. I should stop daydreaming about the past.

Because it's almost the end of class, all of we turned on the camera, some with bird nest hair from sleeping in class, some wide awake to focus on the class online, and some trying to make our faces and clothes look more neat. Not a face that had been awoken from drowsiness. Just like me. I'm not going to tell them I'm just daydreaming while wearing pajamas and showing my sleepy eyes.

I need to freshen up my appearance by washing my face with water and smoothing my pajamas.

Not that I have trouble getting up early. I awoke ten minutes before class. Then I grab my laptop, place it on my table desk, and lay my notebook alongside it. I didn't have time to shower because it wasn't my fault that I stayed in the shower quite too long. After we finished our online classes, the lecturer assigned us a task to help us reflect on what we had learned and have a deeper understanding of the subject (Information of Management).

It's killing me to go over stuff we've already studied because I'm not the nerdy one who knows the answer with a single glance at the question. My grade from the previous semester was average, but I am not the type of person who can achieve a good mark.

I was simply fortunate to receive a good grade.

To put it another way, why do we need online classes? Why not just have a face to face lecturer?

We like this because of a new infectious issue. On January 30, 2020, the WHO declared a worldwide health emergency due to a virus known as COVID-19 spreading throughout the entire globe. The virus had everyone worried. Because many individuals lost their lives as the consequence of it. When I first heard about the news, I became anxious and uneasy. I really want to go home.

But I can't since my university hasn't announced whether or not we can return home.

A few days later, I received confirmation from the university that we would be returning home, so I packed my belongings and prepared to return home. I took the train home, and we had to wear face masks. It's difficult to breathe since there are so many people who want to take the train back to their homes.

We become like a cactus that needs to survive by seeking water. But we need to wear masks to be protected and survive from it.

Although it was breathless.

In the current phase of global virus, I began to experience depression, which causes me to become lost in the deep wave of virus that surrounds us. I lose hope in continuing to study since I am unable to think optimistically.

But I can do it as long as I can piece together my mental structure again.

Along with the journey towards finishing my studies, I am dealing with some family issues that are making me more depressed than ever. I sigh. When I think about it again, I start to doubt myself, questioning if I deserve it or not.

After I finish the task, I work on some unfinished assignments.

"I'm successfully completed now. Mother, I'd like to go to the book café." As I grabbed my bags, I told my mother about it.

"All right, make sure you don't come home late. My mother reminded me of this.

"I am an adult now, Mother. But you know what, I'll listen to you." I tell my mother, chuckling.

"You better listen to me, my daughter. Don't forget to put a mask on your face! Bye, and enjoy your chocolate book." My mother tells me, smirking.

I wore a mask on my face and I rode my bike to the book café. Yes, it's the same book café. I'm thankful that I remember him still. I continued to message him, but he never responded.

I sigh.

The wind blowing through my face refreshes my mind. With the sun firing down on me. It feels both warm and cold to me. I've been humming some songs recently that I enjoy, which are sung by the South Korean female group G-idle, allergy. I enjoy that song.

It truly draws attention to me.

I chose a spot with a table and a chair beside the window. I set down my ice chocolate, my bag, and went to pick a book from the bookshelf. My attention is drawn to the cover of a book titled "Written by the Star" by an unknown author. It's the book's magnificent cover that piqued my interest. I'm particularly in love with the stars on the book cover.

Oh my fish, the astronomy line! I was captivated by the book cover simply. There are no words to explain the gorgeousness this book is.

I took the book and headed over to the table I had chosen.

After I opened the book cover, my thoughts automatically focused on the depth of the book's journey. I guess I read for around a half-hour till I heard a chair being pulled by someone. I ignored it at first, but the person is so jealous of me and I keep hearing a fake cough in order to get my interest away from the book.

I rolled my eyes before glance to face the person who had disrupted my sweet times. My pleasantly surprised expression explains why both of my eyes are wide open.

La vie en rose as the background music.

This book cafe's staff has the perfect timing for this scene.

The book café appears to be serene, with just the sound of two hearts throbbing loudly, asking to be recognized. The gaze locked on each other. Brown eyes to the hazel eyes. Each smile shows the dimple on this person's cheek. Before anyone gets in the way between us,

our mouths were both saying the same sentence -

"Until fate meets us soon"

Poetic feels :

A fire burns

in a heart of stone.

An old story

that was never told.

Back to you

as the future of us meet.

Fall for you

once again.

Poems by: shinxdaisy