Chapter 1

"Stop it Mom!" I yell as I see my mother holding a knife. No not at me, herself. "If I don't have him then I have nothing to live for" she screams. Well Mom I guess thank you for confirming I don't matter to you. I think to myself watching in horror not knowing what to do. She gets the knife closer to her throat as she sobs and wails. Her boyfriend had broken up with her and for her that was it. So me being 13 and not knowing what to do, I lunged. I wanted to save my mother from herself. We wrestled over the knife. We fall to the ground, her trying to rip my hair out of my skull with her free hand.I grab the hand she holds the knife with and give her one good punch in the ribs and she loosens her grip on my now sore head. She tries to kick me but fails.I stand and use my foot on her chest as leverage to push away from her. "DELILAH JUST LET ME DIE!!!" she screams at me in despair as I finally get the knife from her grasp. "I hope I never depend on a man the way you have." I said as I looked at her with disgust. "I should have aborted you! I only got pregnant because your Dad said he would leave me if I didn't!!" my mother shot back at me with venom laced on her tongue. Ouch that one stung a bit. I called the cops and waited for them to arrive. They came and got her and escorted her off to the psych ward leaving me all alone once again. I say once again because this has been a regular occurrence in my life as far back as I could remember. My mother so desperate for love but didn't concern herself with the quality of such. She had terrible self-esteem. She wasn't ugly though. My mom was a small woman. She stood maybe 5'1 and weighed 120 lbs. She had long brown hair. Her hairstyle needed an update as she was still stuck in the 80's with her rooster bangs she curled back. She had an amazing smile and chocolate brown eyes. Half of her boyfriends were pedos who always tried to hit on me while she wasn't around and then would blame me when she found out. Sorry I don't want no fat hairy dude. When she wasn't spazzing out about some piece of crap guy she was sleeping. She would wake in the morning, pop a sleeping pill and back off to Dreamland to avoid her depression. When I was hungry she would wake long enough to throw money at me and tell me to walk to McRonalds and get some food. I wasn't abused per say, well not physically. When she would throw her temper tantrums she would say some hurtful things. People had it worse than me to be honest. Where is your dad you may ask? Well he has always lived 15 minutes away from us but once he started a family with his new wife I didn't matter to him either. Despite all that having a mom that slept all the time and not having a dad had its perks. It meant I could do whatever I wanted. Now that she was gone for another suicide watch trip I could really do what I want. I walked out of our apartment and walked down the hall to the apartment to the right of mine. KNOCK KNOCK. The door opens instantly. "Guess she's at it again? I saw the cops here." my best friend Renee asks. "Yep, you called it." I respond with a tinge of sadness. "Anyways do you wanna come over for tonight?" I hated being alone. "Yeah sure let me just tell my mom." Renee responds and walks away. She quickly comes back and we walk the hall back to my place. Once there we turn on the tv and start watching The L Word. We have a banquet of snacks and order pizza since I had mom's wallet. We pig out and chit chat until we pass out. "CUZ I FELL IN LOVE WITH THE GIRL AT THE ROCK SHOW!" my alarm starts blaring. Time for school I suppose. I give Renee a gentle kick "Wake up hoe time for school." I say to her jokingly. She flips me off and groans as she rolls over. I walk to the bathroom and look at myself in the mirror. I had some work to do this morning. My long blonde hair was all over the place. My makeup was smeered everywhere and I had bags under my eyes that looked like Santa was hiding his presents in there. I brush my teeth quickly and get in the shower. Once done I go back to my room to pick out my clothes. What should I wear today? Black and red, black and white, black and pink? You get the picture. I only wear black with a bit of color. Yes I am that emo girl. Sorry not sorry. I finally pick out some distressed skinny jeans and a Nirvana t-shirt and some Converse. I cake on my eyeliner and mascara and straighten my hair. I do a quick check in the mirror. I look good. I'm not the prettiest girl in the world but I do okay. I am small like my mother. I am 5 ft even and 100lbs. I have long blonde hair and blue eyes. I have a little nose that slightly slopes up at the tip. some have called it a who nose. Like the Grinch type who. I have sharp cheekbones that could probably cut glass and sultry lips. The top one was thinner than the bottom one but was proportioned well. Since I'm so small I don't have many curves but I do have a butt. All the makings of a popular girl but seeing as I was poor that wasn't the case. My best friend Renee was the complete opposite of me. She was the country girl. She had shoulder length brown hair and green eyes. She had chubby cheeks. She wore flare jeans with cowgirl boots, belts with huge shiny belt buckles and had curves everywhere especially her chest. I would never admit that I was secretly jealous of her. Once we were down we went outside down the stairs to the bus stop to wait. We got on the bus and sat in our usual seats in the back. As you know that's where the cool kids sit. I stare out the window as the bus drives us to our hell. "Hey you two!" a male voice says as he sits down. "Hey Mitch, what's up?" I respond still half asleep. "Nothing much."he says with a look like he's eager to ask me something. "Do you wanna come hang out tonight? My brother is coming home for a visit this weekend and it might be cool?" He says while looking with pleading eyes. "Brother you say? Alright I'm in." I say nonchalantly. "Renee you coming with me?" She just nods her head yes."Okay then it's settled. We'll be there at 6." I say to Mitch. He tries to high five me and I look at him with a playful disgusting look. Little did I know that tonight would change the whole course of my life. School went on as usual. Going from class to class. Renee trying to fight someone. It really was almost a daily occurrence. I love her, but damn is she drama. Lunch time came which was my favorite. I am small but I could eat more than a grown man. Today was pizza and bread sticks. Renee interrupts my food coma saying "so what do you think his brother is like?" I think for a moment. "I don't know but I hope he is hot!" I make a fan waving motion with my hand. "Then we could have a double date since you secretly like Mitch." I say to her with smirk and she rolls her eyes in response. I couldn't help but laugh. The bell rang and it was off to class again. The day drug on and I couldn't focus. I was excited to meet this guy. Finally the last bell rung out. I rushed to my locker and fought with the lock. "stupid thing." I mumbled to myself. I finally got it open and threw my books in and slammed it shut and placing the lock back in place. I found Renee already waiting for the bus. She started talking but I was zoning out which usually happened when someone was saying something that didn't interest me. I feel a slap on my arm jerking me out of my daydream. "Hey Bitch are you listening to me!?!" I shrug my shoulders. "Sorry I was zoned out." She rolls her eyes and pushes me playfully. "Come on the bus is here." She says pulling me along. We get home and part ways. She goes to her place and I got to mine to get ready for tonight. This was going to be fun or so I thought.