Memories

I could not understand why or how I ended up in my room when I remembered being at Faith's housing, conversing with her. I had complications getting out of bed because I felt awful due to feeling pain. I had to endure the pain even though it was unbearable when I was getting dressed. I was getting dressed to head over to Faith's residency.

After getting dressed, my doorbell rang as I was heading downstairs to answer the doorbell; it got shot at with an AR-15, a shotgun, and a Glock. I believe I got targeted by professional assassins hired to murder me. I ran back to my bedroom, and my only choice was to jump out of my window. I instantly regretted jumping out of the window because I was already in terrible pain, and now I doubled the pain. I ended up with deep lacerations from the glass, and landing on the ground made me gasp for air from the pain. Being in distress made it extremely difficult to move, let alone walk. The unbearable pain made me believe I was dying slowly but surely.

I wanted to know who those people were and what they wanted from me. I was surprised that no one chased after me. Since I was barely able to move, let alone walk or run from them. I felt like I got set up for a crime I had not committed. I have a feeling they are keeping me away from Faith. I will not allow anything from being framed to keeping me from seeing Faith since I fell in love with her.

I do not become scared or give up easily. The assassins were probably looking for something that had sentimental value to me. But I had no pictures of my family or favorite gifts, such as my shape blade. I did not understand why I became a target of assassins known to kill and torture people to get the information they wanted. I could have gotten easily found since I had left a trail of blood behind me. Also, they could have easily knocked me out and tortured me for their entertainment. I have had a feeling that everything will get worse than it is now.

I am surprised I have not bled to death from my injury of jumping out my window. I needed to know why I did not have good luck. I, instead, must deal with a horrible fate, and I got shot a few times in the military and stabbed numerous times. I've gotten blown up as well. My body has many wounds. I think they look fantastic, but it might scare someone if they see my injuries. One of my scars looks like a cross I received when stabbed. My scar goes down from my stomach and across my chest. I had come close to death numerous times, but my will to continue living was fiercer than most people. My pain is unbearable and makes me wish I were dead already.

I once fought with Rod Huntsinger, whom I considered my brother from a different mother. Because he mistreated his wife, Scarlett Noelle Cross, and treated her like garbage. Rod claimed his wife is promiscuous and fools around when he goes on deployments. Rod punched Scarlett so hard that she had to get surgery because he messed up her nose and mouth. Scarlett got covered in blood. I defended Scarlett by hitting her abusive husband, Rod, who was my best friend. It did not help that he was drinking alcohol.

The fight got so bad that the police and ambulance were called. We started stabbing each other with broken glass, which was not fun getting cut by the sharp glass. I ended up getting another scar on my body, but this time it was my forehead, across my right eye, back, and legs, and each one got worse than the previous ones. The only injury I gave Rod was on his face, which he cherished more than anything. I felt sad for them because they had six children together.

I mainly did not appreciate remembering the horrible experiences of my past. My reason is that it was a nightmare I wanted to avoid from my past like a nightmare from a dream, instead of accepting it was real. What I needed currently was medical treatment for my injury. I felt like my life was slowly fading away since I remembered things I had forgotten about returning to me. The more I moved my body, the more I kept bleeding out. If I were to die, I want to perish on my terms, not how I am bleeding out. I want to die as a "Hero" for someone. I did not mind if I got stabbed to death or shot or fought to the end if I was protecting someone important to me.

I wondered how or who would help me get access to the hospital. I need to get treated as soon as possible before my life expires. I have always wanted to protect people ever since I was a child. I was raised as a Christian but struggled with my beliefs. My struggle with my conviction began when my parents divorced when I was ten. I had to see my parents with their partners.

I once caught my dad sleeping with a gorgeous woman who was moaning loudly. The woman had big breasts and was fit and healthy. I once saw my mother sleeping with multiple men. I was traumatized for life since I could not erase those images from my head. I always thought I was the cause of my parents getting divorced.

When I was younger, I attempted to take my own life. Slowly, as my eyes closed, I remembered the first time I lost my virginity. I first lost my virginity as a freshman starting high school. It was with a beautiful girl I liked a lot. This girl had bright blue eyes, long blonde hair, big breasts, a big butt, and was in great shape. This girl was not my girlfriend but my friend with benefits.

I once found myself in a situation that scared me because I once slept with a different girl. I thought she was dying because she kept saying her heart was beating fast and kept increasing the pace. I dialed 9-1-1 so the ambulance could arrive before it was too late to save her life and die on me.

The ambulance arrived just in time because she was slowly closing her eyes. The emergency medical technician (EMT) did their job of keeping her alive. I visited her out of guilt, not because I felt obligated to see how she was doing. Everyone kept telling me to form a real relationship with her because people who suffer traumatic events will eventually escape the nightmare and try to commit or attempt suicide. If anything, I understood how she felt because I was with her the night; she was having a heart attack when I had to dial 9-1-1. I do not know why nobody is taking my feelings into account.

I did not realize that someone could die a painful death slowly because my pain made me wish I was dead now. I hated feeling the pain I was currently in. I wanted Faith to be by my side. I guess this is what I deserve for not having much love in my heart but just living a hateful life instead of following God's teaching. A bible scripture to support this theory is 1st John chapter four, verse eight, which states, "He who does not love does not know God, for God is love," from the New King James Version (NKJV). Additionally, a verse from 1st John chapter four, verse eighteen, says, "There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love," New King James Version.

I guess love has different meanings for different people because I thought that when my parents were together, laughing, holding hands, smiling, and being around each other was the purpose of being in love. Does lovemaking factor in being in love or thinking you are in love? If the lovemaking is excellent, will that constitute being in love? If so, will lovemaking confuse someone in a relationship? I know I did. After all the lass I was with, we had nothing in common. My parent's lovemaking life must have been good at one point because they were together for over fifteen years until they decided to fool around with different people instead. I want my parents to be happy, not with other people but with each other. I want my mother and father to rekindle their love for one another. My parents need to figure out what made them fall in love with each other in the first place.

"Tobias Washington, do not close your eyes," I heard. I kept wondering who was calling me. Am I dead to be picturing my version of how Heaven and Hell would be for me? The person reaching out to me sounded familiar, but I could not put a name or a face to them since the voice I was hearing was faint. I am not dead since I did not see a white light, but I felt like my life had ended.