32 - "I want to win"

"Look who decided to show up?" Rumi heard the little girl's voice as soon as she entered the innerworld.

"Yo, Kazehime, long time no see." Rumi waved towards the little girl and said. The little girl turned away with a pout. "You idiot Rumi, you promised to play with me, then disappeared for weeks."

"Uh...sorry, I forgot?"

"Forgot? That's it, Rumi. You and I are going to have a nice little chase game." Kazehime crossed her arms and said before she turned into the wind.

"W-wait, Kazehime..."

But, it was too late. Kazehime had already turned into a big tornado and Rumi knew she had to run now. Utilizing her Shunpo and wind reiatsu to the max, Rumi had to run at her fastest speed as Kazehime chased her around in the innerworld. 

She was mad at Rumi for not coming and playing with her, so much that not even calling her name and trying to offer peace was working. 

In the end, Kazehime chased her for nearly two hours until Rumi was out of breath and on the ground. 

"Hmph, now don't you dare break your promise again, idiot Rumi." Kazehime said.

"Okay.." Rumi replied, "Truce?"

"Fine." Kazehime replied, "I had fun chasing you so I guess that's fair." 

"Great, now I kinda need your help." Rumi clapped her hands and said.

"You need Shikai?" Kazehime asked, confused, "You know you can just call my name and the phrase for Shikai, right?" 

"Yeah, it's not Shikai that I need help.." Rumi replied. 

"Then, what?" Kazehime asked, before her eyes widened in horror, "Don't tell me you want to start training for Bankai!"

"What-no!" Rumi quickly replied.

"Good, if you said yes, I would've started chasing you again." Kazehime said with a giggle, "You aren't ready for that yet. You need to thoroughly master my Shikai first."

"I know that," Rumi replied, "This time, though, I wanted to ask you about Zanjutsu." 

"Zanjutsu?" Kazehime's eyes lit up as if the topic interested her.

"Yeah, I was kind of beaten up by someone today and he told me my Zanjutsu lacked power." Rumi said.

"And?" 

"How do I get more power behind each attack?" Rumi asked.

"Seriously, Rumi?" Kazehime sighed. 

"What? I wasn't sure what was lacking. Do I put more reiatsu? or do physical training and stuff?" Rumi said. "Since you're my Zanpakuto and all, I thought you could help me figure out what to do."

"First of all, Rumi..." Kazehime asked, "How do you swing your sword?" 

"How I swing my sword?" Rumi muttered as she pretended to hold a sword and made a fake swing. "Like this?"

"Not the fake swing, Rumi." Kazehime facepalmed, "What's your motivation behind each swing of your sword? Is it victory? Is it to kill? Or is it for the thrill?" 

"Motivation?" Rumi fell silent at that as she tried to recall every fight she had with her sword. So far, she had used her Zanpakuto for killing hollows and sparring with others. Surely, the motives for each fights were different. When she was fighting hollows, her motive was to kill, but when she was sparring with her former classmates or fighting Kaien, her motive wasn't to kill. 

Every swing of her sword had to carry some kind of motive behind it, according to Kazehime, but Rumi found that she had no such strong feelings or purpose. She wanted to win, everytime, but when she swung her sword, she put none of the will in it. She had just swung the sword when she found that there was an opening. 

Could it be that she needed to put her intentions with every swing of the sword? 

"What do you want to achieve when you draw your sword, Rumi?" Kazehime asked.

What did she want? Rumi asked herself.

She remembered the first time she held a wooden sword to fight. She used a wooden sword to spar with Renji during their travel to First District of Rukongai. Back then, she wanted to simply see how she could fare with a sword but it quickly evolved to her wanting to win against Renji everytime they fought. 

Then, the pattern continued at the academy as well. Almost everytime she fought, Rumi found that she simply wanted to win and show them that she was better. She didn't want to lose and get beaten up. 

Even when she fought with huge hollows in the living world during the practical, Rumi wanted to win, or at least not lose. Whenever she found that she couldn't win, she had ran away. She didn't want to fight a battle she wasn't sure to win. 

But even as she ran away, Rumi could still remember the feeling of helplessness and desire to get stronger so that she could stop running away and win. 

"Win. I want to win." Rumi found herself answering. 

"You want to win, huh?" Kazehime smiled as she repeated Rumi's words. "Then, when you swing your sword, you aim for the win." 

"Aim for the win..." Rumi muttered. 

Could it really be this simple? 

Would simply putting her intent behind the swing of her sword make her stronger? 

Rumi left the innerworld with lingering thoughts and questions. 

----------------

Kaien was busy the next day, it seemed, and didn't call Rumi to fight him again until three days later. 

In the three days, Rumi had been visiting the innerworld and spar with Kazehime to test out her newfound intent. She had tried putting her resolve to win as she pulled out her sword and swung it but every one of her moves were blocked easily by Kazehime. 

Rumi found that Kazehime was exactly the type of opponent Kaien described Rumi can't win against- she was faster, and more proficient with wielding a sword because she was a Zanpakuto spirit herself. As she got pushed back more and more, Rumi started to doubt if she had interpreted something wrong. 

"What's wrong, Rumi? I thought you wanted to win." Kazehime said, "Don't tell me your resolve is gone." 

"Shut up.." Rumi muttered, "I want to win. But how do I do that when you're simply better at every aspect than me?" 

Kazehime chuckled, "I'm flattered, Rumi. But, are you sure?" 

"What do you mean?" Rumi asked. What did she have that Kazehime didn't and what did it has anything to do with her resolve? 

She wanted to win. Her motive to fight was to win, she had made her motive into her resolve when she pulled out the sword and every move she made, she made sure to remember why she was fighting. But, why wasn't it enough? 

"Why...why can't I.."

"What did you say your motive was again?" Kazehime said as she aimed her sword at Rumi. 

"I want to win." Rumi replied, holding her own sword to defend against Kazehime. 

"Then, win." Kazehime said, coming back with another powerful swing. Rumi was pushed back a few meters at the impact of the swing and gasped for air. 

But, Kazehime's words made her grasp something she had been missing. 

She wanted to win. That much was clear. But, at the same time, it was only a desire. She wanted to win but she didn't put everything she had into the desire. 

Rumi was a lazy person, who always preferred efficiency over hard work. She preferred finishing things up in the shortest time possible than dragging it on. 

So, by that logic, she should've been putting everything she had into what she wanted to achieve and in this case, to win. 

Just wanting to win was a desire, but putting all she could in order to win was a resolve. 

"You're right, Kazehime." Rumi said as she stabilized herself. She then, held her sword with a renewed vigor and a layer of reiatsu covered her sword, and her body, "I was thinking the wrong way. Just wanting to win is a weak resolve. That's why, I would just win." 

Rumi appeared in front of Kazehime in a flash and swung her sword. "Maybe I won't fight if I can't sure if I can win. But, if I do, I'll win."  

It might sound like a cliche but Rumi knew she couldn't simply change her whole way of thinking when it came to fighting. She disliked fighting a battle she couldn't win and preferred to stick to battles she knew she could win. But, if she only fought the ones she had a chance of winning, it was safe to say that she could win everytime. So, why wouldn't she hypnotize herself into thinking she could win every battle she fought and cater her resolve according to that? 

When she fought, she would win. 

And that was a much stronger resolve than simply saying she wanted to win.

Kazehime was finally pushed back with Rumi's newfound power boost and smiled.

"Now go and show that person, Rumi." 

--------------

Kaien finally called Rumi after three days. They were now standing at the same sparring spot in Rukongai and Rumi was a bit excited to test things out.

"So, Fujiwara, have you figured something out?" Kaien asked.

"More or less." Rumi replied, "Still need to see it how it would work in real world." 

"Then, let's start." Kaien said as he threw a wooden sword towards Rumi, which Rumi caught easily. 

Holding the wooden sword, Rumi tried to prepare her mental state. She knew that fighting Kaien was going to be harder and that her chances of winning were extremely slim. For someone with her fighting style and her motivation for fighting being to win, it was still a bad match-up. 

"Come on, Fujiwara." Kaien said, "I'm waiting."

Recalling the resolve she had when she was fighting in the innerworld, Rumi charged forward. 

As soon as the wooden swords collide, Kaien felt that Rumi's attack was more powerful now. While it was still lacking compared to his own, it wasn't lacking in power as it was three days ago. 

"It seemed that you found what you're missing, Fujiwara." Kaien laughed heartily. "Great, now I can hold back less."

Things went south after that quickly. And as the sun set, Rumi found herself leaning against the tree, catching her breath. 

Her hands were numb as usual from the heavy exchange but Rumi felt that she was holding her own quite well even if she lost today. 

"You've improved quite well," Kaien said, putting his hand on the side of his forehead, "To be honest, it's a little scary seeing how strong your Zanjutsu had become in three days.." 

"Thanks, sir Kaien." Rumi replied, "It's because you pointed that out."

"I guess I did," Kaien laughed. "Well, it's nice to see your progress. If I have time, let's spar again."

"I would like that," Rumi replied. She might not have won today but one day, she would win against Kaien. 

It was a promise to herself. 

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A/N :

New chapter, here!

Finally, I wrote about Rumi's motivation for fighting?

I mean a lot of Bleach characters have their reasons to fight and I think what really suits Rumi is fighting to win basically because she isn't one for heroics and can't see her fighting to protect like Ichigo? and can't really see her fighting for justice either. Thrills? maybe, but again, I don't think she's the type to fight knowing she'll lose or put herself in a dangerous fight risking her life for a thrill like Ikkaku or Kenpachi. She hates fighting like a savage so that's also one point to think.

So in the end, I came up with this chapter, hope it wasn't too cringe lol

It was really hard to write for some reason.