Season 3 Chapter 24

[Trigger Warning]

"your parents must be proud to have a daughter like you." Victoria's words kept on repeating in my head as I stared at my mathematics score with a faint pride. My heart started pounding fast, there was an unknown hope, "I wonder….will they feel proud?....". Taking out my phone, I started dialing their number, those buried expectations rushed through my body, I gulped my spit, my hands trembled with anxiety along with the ringing tone. Like a happy child, excited to be praised by their parents, I could hear my heart beat increasing, and dopamine secreting. The phone stops ringing….no body received it, "might be busy", I thought to myself trying not to lose my hopes. I redialed the number, still there was no answer, I sighed putting my cellphone on the bed and stared at the ceiling blankly, I was confused with my behavior, why am I doing this to myself? After all these years, why do these expectations remain deep inside my head?

My phone started vibrating, I picked it up in my hand staring at the screen blankly then a bright smile spread over my face seeing the name. I received the call hurriedly pressing it against my ear, eagerly waiting to give her good news.

Me: Mom…(I couldn't control my excitement)

Anna: Ah….Anne, sorry I couldn't pick your call, I am kinda busy right now, if it isn't important, can you call back later? (Her voice seemed distracted)

Me: (I bite my lower lip hearing her words) Actually…..it's nothing important…..but…..

Anna: Please tell me fast, I have other things to do. (She says in a hurried manner)

Me: Ah….(with each passing second, I could feel my happiness turning into disappointment) it's nothing special….I just….I got a 100 in my maths exam. (I said while showing as much excitement as possible)

Anna: oh….that's great, I never had a doubt in your capabilities (she said in a soft voice then turned into a cheerful tone) Ah! Right! I forgot to tell you! Your sister got 60% for the first time! So we are celebrating her success, we had been really worried regarding her scores, but she is such a hardworking child, you should congratulate her. Angela! Come here! Anne wants to speak to you! (She says before handing over the phone to Angela)

"That's it?...." no congratulations, nothing?....my heart started aching for some reason, it felt like a mirror shattered into pieces after being broken by unachieved expectations.

Angela: Hey sis! I miss you so much! (She says while trying to suppress her tears) I miss you….

Me: I miss you too, congratulations for getting such a good score….(I said half heartedly)

Angela: When are you coming back?....I want to celebrate with you. I wish you were here, I know you would be the first to congratulate me. (She said happily but there was a hint of sadness)

Me: (guilt seized me) Angela….I have something to do, I need to go now, take care. (I said before disconnecting the call)

I sat there feeling disappointed, but on whom?.... Should I be disappointed that my parents neglect my existence….or should I be disappointed in myself for existing?....I nibbled on the flesh of my thumb while trying to control my emotions when my phone started ringing again….I glanced at it before ignoring the call, second…..then third….. finally the fifth time I picked it up after contemplating over it. I could hear the furious voice of my parents from the other end of the call. Apparently, Angela must have cried after the call was disconnected, because she was missing me.

Anna: Anne, how can you make your younger sister cry on such a day? I am really disappointed in you. (She sighed)

Douglas: she is already trying to overcome her loneliness, yet you have to act selfishly. (He tagged along)

Anna: Anne, I know that you might be feeling bad that we aren't able to celebrate your success, but that doesn't mean you would take it out on poor Angela, please call her and apologize. (She said in a scolding tone)

Me: I am sorry…..(I said in a murmuring tone) I am sorry for being a disappointment…..(I said before disconnecting and switching off the phone)

Even after turning off the cellphone, I kept on murmuring 'I am sorry', my lips were dry, thirst seized me, my eyes moved like a pendulum, my body trembled with anger, devil whispered in my ear, I clenched on the phone while biting on my nail. "Was I overreacting? Am I jealous? Doesn't it mean that I am a bad sister? Do I deserve to die? Should I disappear? Would it matter if I disappear?" negative thoughts rushed through my mind as I moved my body to and fro due to agitation.

Jules: Hey Anne!! (She walks in my room as usual without knocking) dang bish, you were a rockstar today, should have seen Victoria's face. (She grins)

Me: (I stared at her coldly) Knock…..then enter…..how many times do I need to tell you? (I said while hardening my jaw)

Jules: Come on, stop being so serious, today is a joyful day. (She says carelessly while approaching me)

Me: (My grip got tighter around my phone, my expressions were unreadable, I said in a low warning tone) Get….lost…..

Jules: Anne, now you are being rude….(she pouts then laughs) come on, stop giving me those scary expressions, I am sorry, okay? (She giggles) you look like a pig when you are angry.

Me: GET LOST!!!!! (I screamed at the top of my lungs while throwing the phone aiming at her direction making sure it doesn't hit her, rather the wall behind her as the phone breaks into pieces leaving a dent on the wall)

I started panting while trying to calm my anger, there were regrets in my eyes, Jules glanced at me in disbelief before running away from the room. I slammed the door after her, locking myself in, my eyes moved from the broken phone to the wall, something felt stuck in my throat. I knew that if it had hit Jules instead of the wall, she would have laid on the floor bleeding….I was glad…..I was glad that I could control myself even if it was for a second, I was glad that it wasn't Jules' head. "AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!" I screamed while grabbing my hair and pulling them, my head made noises making me feel nauseous, I felt like I will lose my shits, "you deserve to die", the devil whispered in my ears, or rather it was my own inner voice which wrapped into the mask of evil. Grabbing the pocket knife, I stabbed my arm hard to stop the uproar inside my mind. Warm blood gushed from the fresh cut, it felt soothing, the immense pain ran through my body until I got numb, I stood there contemplating if I should stab deeper or pull out the knife from my flesh. The voices stopped ringing, slowly I was regaining my rationality, I heard loud banging at the door. It was Naomi, her worried tone snapped me back to reality.

Naomi: ANNE! OPEN THE DOOR! (she said while knocking loudly) DON'T DO ANYTHING STUPID, JUST LISTEN TO ME! (Her voice was filled with anxiety)

I tried ignoring her pleas, bringing my arm closer to my face, I licked some of the overflowing blood while admiring my reflection on the mirror, my eyes were filled with thirst, it wanted more and more of blood, it wanted me to scream in pain. The frequency of knocking increased, I sighed rolling my eyes while gazing at the door for a few seconds.

Naomi: Open the door! Or I will break it! (Her voice started cracking due to the screams)

Wrapping my arm with handkerchief, I wiped the floor clean, before opening the door, "Why is she looking at me with those eyes?.....", my lips trembled twice watching Naomi's tears, something melted deep within my heart, those voices disappeared, everything went calm as soon as Naomi embraced me tightly. My expressions softened as I felt safe in her arms, but couldn't hug her because I didn't want to ruin her clothes. Naomi noticed my injuries, but didn't ask anything, she gave me a glass of water and went to fetch her first-aid kit, then cleaned my wounds and bandaged it. This was the first time when someone has tended scars except for my siblings. It felt warm after a long time, I cannot express the emotions that ran through me at that moment, I just kept watching her quietly. She fed me some food before laying me on the bed and covering me with a blanket. She sat near the bed staring in my eyes, there was a long silence, it started becoming suffocating, finally I held her hand wanting her to nurture me. She stroked my head while smiling softly.

Me: Naomi…..if I disappear….will my parents finally care for me? (I asked blankly)

Naomi: (her hand stops, her appearance turned grim) Anne…. Don't ask such a question to someone who has already lost her child. (My eyes widened, guilt seized me, I never knew that Naomi had a child and she lost the child) No one understands the pain of losing a person more than their own parents. When a child dies, their parents are broken apart, so don't bring such thoughts into your mind. (She says while touching my cheek) I am sure, your mother cares for you, she must be having difficulty expressing it. (Her eyes sparkle with tears) You know Anne, if my daughter was born, she would have been around your age, but unfortunately I miscarried….I couldn't get pregnant again…. The doctor said that it is impossible for me to be pregnant again, and if I miscarry for the second time, it would be difficult to save my life. (Tears rolled down from her eyes)

Me: What happened to your husband?...(I asked while sitting down)

Naomi: That bastard left….as soon as he heard that I cannot carry his bloodline forward. But I don't blame him, everyone wants their own seeds….I have managed to carry myself out of those days and I know you would be able to as well. So stop hurting yourself for those who have left you, instead live for those who truly value you. (She says while kissing my forehead) Live for yourself. If you get hurt, it aches my heart….it pains me to watch you like this….(she wipes her tears and stands up) Goodnight Anne….sleep well.

Me: (I grabbed her hand, pulling her) Naomi...mother…..mother Naomi. (I smiled faintly)

Naomi: (her lips trembled hearing my words, as her eyes welled up, she hugged me tightly kissing my face multiple times) Thank you….(her voices choked,

She cried for a long time while holding me in her arms, it was a long night, for all of us. Jules sat in her room traumatized regarding the incident, Julie laid on her bed satisfied with the progress, Bella was happy that she can finally make friends, Christina was slowly losing her patience and Victoria….. Victoria on the other hand was going through a similar or even worse situation than mine.

Greta: (she wipes her lips while staring at Victoria, she seemed calm but her words were like venom) I couldn't have imagined that my genes could disappoint me further. Even a worthless lass could defeat you, this made me rethink my decision of bringing you here from Australia, turns out that useless man's blood ruins thicker into your veins. (She sips wine while sighing) Pathetic.

Victoria: (she tries to maintain her composure, but her heart aches by hearing her words) I am sorry….mother…..

Greta: I am getting tired of your apologies, even your father doesn't want you and I am not ruthless enough to kick my own offspring out in the streets, that will hamper my reputation. So, it's better if you start proving yourself worthy of your status, or else I won't blink an eye before taking them away. (She says before standing up)

Victoria: Mother…..mom...(she gulps her spit) N-Nothing….I understand, everything is my fault….I really want to prove that I am useful….. please trust me. (she blinks multiple times trying to stop her emotions from flowing out of her eyes)

Greta: (she lowers her eyes while staring at Victoria coldly) I have made a decision for you. (She smiles) It would be your first step to make me trust you, I hope you are ready. (Victoria nodded her head) Good, leave that useless football team, unless you want to watch it getting destroyed by my hands. (She said before walking out of the dining room)

Victoria sat there crying helplessly while wiping her face with tissue papers, she cursed her fate with each drop of water that fell on her cold dinner, there was no one in that huge mansion to help her wipe her grief.

[Author's note: Happy New Year Everyone!!!]

To be continued....