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I Have Become an Agent of The Universe!

Li Ao had always been the most infamous troublemaker of the Holy Capital. Though he was talented, he spent most of his time reading rubbish novels by mortal writers, wreaking havoc in the family estate, and angering his grandfather to death. After creating a huge blunder in the Royal Palace, his grandfather locked him into the family dungeons as a punishment. But right after being locked in the dungeons, a mysterious voice called out to him, assigning him to the position of an Agent of The Universe! What is this weird system, why does it shit-talk him, and what does it mean to be an agent of the Universe? [Also on Royalroad!]

TheMonkeyMonk · แฟนตาซี
เรตติ้งไม่พอ
69 Chs

BROTHER! (2 in 1)

''Halt!''

Watching the incoming duo with careful eyes, the captain of the Northern gate frowned. The two of them looked quite worn-out, with dirt and dust all over their robes. They also had few scratches and light wound marks over themselves. From their posture they were close, and the burly fellow at the front seemed to be the decision maker. But most importantly, and thinking this the Captain squinted his eyes, both of them were men.

Stretching his divine sense, Captain saw two bright sources of Yang energy rolling out of them. But...the one behind looked like a woman, right? Right?

No, Bai Dynasty was a progressive place. It did not matter if there were people who wanted to dress in a particular way. But this man looked like a woman! He looked like a delicate, shy woman!

Was this his luck?

''Your token.''

The burly fellow with his great beard took out one and passed it to Captain's subordinate. Inspecting it for a brief moment, the subordinate nodded.

''You don't have one?''

His question was, of course, directed to the person trailing the big fellow. At his question the pretty man—the man! The man nodded, then cupped her—his hands.

A ball of sweat rolled down the Captain's back.

''What happened to it?''

When the burly man stepped forward to speak, the Captain put a hand forward. The fellow retreated.

''She's my maid.'' He said.

'She?'

'Maid?'

'Holy fuck!'

'This brother is being scammed!'

His face twitching, Captain cast his fiery gaze to the man behind. He fumbled and played with his fingers, but no word came out of the pretty man's lips.

''Speak!''

The man bowed, then spoke in a voice that could only be described as a scratch against a metal pan. He tried, he really tried, to soften the voice, but the boyish tone couldn't be anymore visible.

''I had my belongings stolen.''

'Oh good heavens—'

Few of the guards felt like passing out, slightly glimpsing at the truth of the situation at hand. One locked himself in the watchtower from embarrassment and kept watching through the glass window.

Trembling, the captain pointed his hand at the burly fellow. ''Can you vouch for him?''

''Him?''

A dark look dawned on the burly fellow, and he cast a confused look back.

''But he is a woman?''

'Brother! Brother, don't be like this!'

Captain could imagine the beautiful memories this burly brother had imagined—perhaps this man had truly been robbed, or that was a part of his scam too. They had taken a long path together, slept under the same sky, and, with a faint hope in his heart, this brother believed that he had found his chance to land a lady for himself.

''Brother, are you deaf?''

''I am a woman!''

Listening to the thick shout, a traveler's eyes rolled over, then fell, limp, on a cart.

His lips twitching, eyes trembling, the burly fellow shook his head. ''She said so!''

''Brother, don't fall into despair! You are still young! Think carefully about this!''

''Please stop meddling with my business—can we go in or not?''

''You are allowed!'' One guard pushed them both further into the city, and two others kept their captain back.

''Brother! Don't be deceived! You still have hope! There is hope!''

Watching the burly fellow's slumping back turn thinner, the captain started to cry. Then, however, the pretty man glanced over his shoulder, glared, and stuck out his tongue at the Captain.

''Brotheeeeeeeeer!—''

*********

''I'll never do something retarded like this.''

Since they had left the vicinity of the gates, Zhu Qiu freely laughed at Li Ao.

''Everyone needs to sacrifice at some point.''

''F*ck off!''

Grumping all the way, they walked through the streets and asked around for inns and brothels that could house cultivators. Then, they picked the best one among them and proceeded to the same establishment.

It was a four-story building made of a marble-like mineral, except that it could hold its integrity against the strikes of cultivators below 8th-Level of Qi Condensation. Most taverns, inns, brothels, restaurants, and shops had such qualities. Of course, this only included cultivator-housing establishments. General populace were separated from the site and sight of the aforementioned group for their safety.

Once inside, Li Ao rushed to the counter and slapped the desk. His strike disturbed the patrons eating and drinking at the same floor, but when Zhu Qiu showed off his aura no one made a peep. The fat man behind the counter shook and looked back and forth at the pretty and burly duo.

Of course, Li Ao couldn't change his face this early, and for caution's sake would have to keep it on until they left this city.

''Do you have empty rooms?''

Glancing at Zhu Qiu, then at Li Ao, the fat man showed a sly, businessman like smile.

''We've only got one room available—''

''You!''

Li Ao picked a random man sitting alone.

''Me?'' The man pointed at himself. He looked a little old, around fifty, and had the aura of a Fourth-level Qi Condensation Cultivator.

''You are renting a room?''

''Yes—''

''Take this and fuck off.''

A light whistled in the air and, under the shocked gazes of others, five mid-grade spirit stones appeared at the old man's table.

His chopsticks clattered on the ground.

''Really?''

''Really.''

''Really really?''

''Will you go or not!?''

Li Ao's manly shout dumbfounded the entire brothel. After a series of gasps and silent bowing of heads, the old man took the Spirit Stones away and bowed at them. In a flash, he disappeared from the door, trailed by a few other patrons.

Still angry, feeling humiliated by the amused gazes on him, Li Ao glared at the fat man. ''Now you have two rooms.''

''Ah, yes, yes. Please, let me lead you—''

Their rooms were opposite to each other, and Li Ao saw that they had more than a few rooms empty. Realizing that fact, steam rose from his nostrils, but the fat man escaped before anything unfortunate happened to him.

Since no one came to disturb them anymore, both of them retreated into their rooms to rest. It was their first relaxed sleep in months.

The next morning they ate a bountiful meal that would fill two dozen men, then went for their own business. Li Ao returned to his room to cultivate, and Zhu Qiu remained at the main hall to make small talk and get to know the other patrons.

This way, while protecting the cultivating Li Ao in case of a mishap, Zhu Qiu could also obtain information about the First Capital. He did not poke around, nor made any suggestive questions, but spoke as a rather honest man and told his own tale coming here—minus the important details. This propelled others to share their own travels, as well as their destinations, and why they would be going there. The discussion spiraled out of control as a dozen different topics rose. Drinks and snacks came and went from their table.

It was simple, everyday talk, cloaked with a net of biased information, but that was enough for Zhu Qiu to infer what he needed.

They spent five days there, and Li Ao broke through to the Ninth-Level of Qi Condensation Realm. Zhu Qiu also used a window of time to buy Communication Talismans send several Qi Transmissions, all of them random words with no inherent meaning, to places that had no real person to receive them. That being done, they were back on the roads to the next border town.

Zhu Qiu changed his robes to a rather flamboyant blue, cut his mustache and trimmed a part of his beard, while Li Ao, to his dismay, was forced to keep the same appearance. Now, the travelers here were more in number and stronger in strength, and any witness to their 'strange' pairing and vehicle would prove an easy link to find them. As such, they also forgo the use of the bike and walked on foot.

They spent three years walking across several border towns, staying a day at one, then five days at another, but still in a continuous state of moving. Zhu Qiu did not achieve much except stabilizing his foundation while Li Ao had long ascended to twelfth-stage of Qi Condensation, and now only had the last one to achieve before Foundation Establishment.

They met ambushers just a handful of times, and this newfound strength helped Li Ao to 'contribute' better and stockpile some coins.

Another two and a half years passed. Li Ao was now on his sixth year inside the mission, and his features were a little more refined under the Hundred-Faces Skin Mask. But he put on no weight, turned thinner, making his bones visible through the fabric of his robe. He was still in the twelfth level of Qi Condensation, but had the feeling that he would achieve the thirteenth level soon.

The epiphany he waited came at a rather fortunate time—

*********

Two days ago arrived at the last of the border towns, also called Last Bulwark. It was a small city that housed two hundred thousand people, which remained in the bounds of average, and had more than a dozen Foundation Establishment cultivators manning the governance.

After leaving here and traveling for a week, they would reach the First Capital.

Since that was the case, Zhu Qiu sent transmissions to his real contacts. He repeated the same use of misinformation and diversion tactics on each town on their way, and only once sent a true transmission when the news of the Crown Prince being poisoned spread throughout the realm. He never received an answer.

After that, they again rented the best establishment in the city. Li Ao's breakthrough would bring them an extra layer of security.

Thirteenth level of Qi Condensation was not actually a foundational realm. From the 10th level to 13th, anyone could enter the Foundation Establishment realm. The consequences to that were, of course, vital to later progression of the cultivator. As a young master of a big clan as well as the grandson of a Great Cultivator, Li Ao never had the thought to hurt his foundation to ascend early.

After all, the distance between Foundation Establishment and twelfth and thirteenth levels of Qi Condensation were minimal. Of course, the difference between the second-layer Foundation Establishment wasn't something to be ignored.

Thinking of his previous knowledge, then of his experience, Li Ao ate one last meal and retreated to his room. They picked a pair of rooms on the second floor, where the stairs were narrow and the hallway was wide.

Once he saw Li Ao disappear from sight, Zhu Qiu took another sip from his wine and stretched his legs over another chair. Swaying back and forth, relaxed, he put the glass back on the table and cast a look over the room.

It was late at night, and the establishment, being a brothel, had quite a crowd dining and drinking. Servant girls with long sleeves and big trays of wine served all around, some of them pouring personally at the tables. Over at another section hidden by a red curtain were servant men serving the woman customers in the same manner. All this sight had been enveloped with a bright, golden yellow light from the chandeliers.

Loud clunk and clangs of cutlery, laughs, giggles, shouts—they were all natural, as they should be. Yawning, Zhu Qiu picked up his glass to drink. Nothing hit his lips, so he put it down to call a servant girl over.

''Spirit Wine for two!''

Zhu Qiu looked at the man who pulled over the seat under his feet and sat down. He had thin, dark gray robes, and a great sword on his back. His round face was handsome, his eyes looked like slits, and his smile carried a fawning aura most merchants would cultivate over their lifetime.

His shout cut across the room, displeasing a few people, but no one made a complaint.

From the counter, a hurried servant girl brought a large glass bottle, as well as two silver cups.

''I will serve, thank you.''

Bowing, she left.

Zhu Qiu pulled his chair under him, rested his back, crossed his arms. His raised brow regarded the man in suspicion.

The man cupped his hands. ''Good evening, fellow daoist.''

''Good evening:'' Zhu Qiu repeated the motion.

Picking up the purple bottle with both hands, the man poured the cherry-tinted wine into the two cups. He pushed one to Zhu Qiu, then took the other one under his palm.

Taking a sip, he let out a breath. ''This is good wine!''

Zhu Qiu also took a sip. ''Good wine.''

''What is your name, fellow daoist?''

''Weng Duan,'' Zhu Qiu replied. ''May I ask the same of you, fellow daoist?''

''So it is fellow daoist Weng! I am Han Yemu.'' he took another sip and let out a pleased hum.

Zhu Qiu tasted another two sips, then downed the entire cup. His hand reached before Han Yemu's and, with a grand motion, he poured another cup. Few drops overflowed on the white table cloth.

''I assume brother Han is treating?''

''Since I occupied your table, and am intending to do the same for your company, of course it will be my treat.''

Zhu Qiu raised a hand and another servant girl came over.

''Four more bottles of Spirit Wine—'' he pointed at Han Yemu with the cup. ''On Brother Han's tab.''

''Sir, we don't keep tabs.''

''Do as he says. I will pay it.''

Bowing, the servant girl went away.

''What job does Brother Han do? You are quite generous.''

''I'm glad you asked.'' Downing his own cup, Han Yemu put both hands on the table and inched closer to Zhu Qiu's face. ''Well, care to take a guess?''

Zhu Qiu glanced at his sword—the handle was too thick for the man's palms. Its sheath was a pristine chestnut brown; it was either wiped clean, or bought recently. Collars of his robe seemed tucked in, and his sleeves, although loose like a government officials, seemed to cover just right above his knuckles. Under his collarbone, the faint sign of a chest muscle bulged out. Most importantly, he had a very faint presence that was hard to catch. Like a ghost.

Right then the servant girl brought the purple bottles of wine. Retreating from the table, Han Yemu picked one, and Zhu Qiu grasped the other three and put them to his right. After the servant girl left, Zhu Qiu drank the entire bottle in his hand and opened the lid of another. Sound of the merry crowd disappeared from his focus.

''I guess Brother Han is a warrior? You have an impressive sword on your back.''

When the clanks and laughs returned, Han Yemu smiled.

''I see. What kind of a warrior, brother Weng?''

Zhu Qiu gestured at the bottles. ''Since you have a lot of money, I suppose you work for the lord?''

''Very close!''

''For one of his lieges?''

''Which one?''

Zhu Qiu took a big chug of wine and slammed the bottle on the table. The huge impact startled the few tables closer to them.

''Sorry, sorry. I am a stranger to Last Bulwark, you see. I don't know much of him or his subordinates.''

''It is in good spirit, Brother Weng.''

They sat a while in silence, only taking occasional sips or chugs.

''What is the reason?''

''Excuse me?''

''Why did you pick my table, brother Han?''

''Ah, well. I was a little intrigued by your companion's unusual beauty, I must confess. Then I saw you alone and thought to myself, would he be bored? He didn't seem to talk to you that much, and since my other companions were not the most pleasant company I decided to try my luck.''

Zhu Qiu smiled. ''Thank you for your consideration. What part of my maid catch your eye?''

''Well, he has a very charming expression.''

''She is mostly frowning, though.''

''Well, I do like that part of him.''

Zhu Qiu's smile became wider. ''I see, I see. So you have been observing 'her' for quite some time?''

Zhu Qiu, after the weird encounter they had at the first border town, had a identity token forged for Li Ao. He had been acting as his maid in most cities, only changing his face out of town at secluded spots, and spoke almost nothing even if there was no company around them to hear. Their entire social exterior was built upon a rather wealthy young master and his silent maid. With his current cultivation, no one under Foundation Establishment could sense Li Ao's abundant Yang energy.

There laid the crux of the problem.

''Ah.'' Han Yemu shook his head. ''I failed?''

''For quite some time.'' Zhu Qiu put down the bottle and shrunk his head away in a subtle manner. ''Did you not look at the mirror?''

''I think I am rather handsome, brother Zhu.''

That was enough of an admission.

''How did you find us?''

''We found 'you', not you.'' Here Han Yemu, or whatever his true name was, let out a sigh. ''I know you think yourself clever and cautious, brother Zhu. But you don't seem to really 'think'.''

''Why is that?''

''Well, I, myself, do agree with the image you two created. It is impressive that your companion can change his face to such perfection. Indeed, if it was not for his voice, and the early sightings of his Yang, I too would be fooled. I would rather think of him as a real maid that you have hired.''

''So you've been around for a long time...''

''When you can't crack a rock open, what can you do? You sharpen your knife, bide your time.''

''And find a place.'' Zhu Qiu swung his cup as if drunk, spilling some over to the feet of a passing servant girl. ''This doesn't seem to be a good place.''

''It depends.''

''You still haven't answered how you found me. Divination?''

''Nothing so costly. No one would hire a shaman or clairvoyant for a mere envoy.''

''This mere envoy cost you two hundred men.''

''Two hundred cannon fodder. Does it matter?'' Han Yemu shook his head. ''But you see, brother Zhu, you don't 'think'. You think that it is a good idea to make simple talk to random travelers, and indeed that is a good thing to do. It is a good skill to pick apart information from everyday talk.''

''But you see, any spy has a dangerous instinct.''

''Instinct?''

''Indeed. They are always hungry for information. When, and that is never an if, there happens to be a source, they are drawn to it. Some create that 'source' by themselves, and others are only drawn to it. Sometimes, everyone at a table, unbeknown to each other, happens to be a hungry man.''

''But you see, here is the important part,'' Han Yemu put his hands together. ''You can't be at the center of the 'source' all the time. That is a giveaway. You know this. So you only do it once, then spend the rest of your time drinking and sleeping.''

Zhu Qiu glimpsed the truth of what the man was about to say.

''Yet you do it all the time. Is it not evident, then, that if there is one person at the center of a source, who always happens to be at the center of a source, and is repeating the same formula at different towns, may be as bright as the moon on a cloudless night?''

''You like long monologues?''

''You seem to dislike them, I noticed.''

''It is on purpose.'' Zhu Qiu cast a glance around. ''I see where I failed. I'll do it better, then.''

''When?''

''Who knows? It depends on you.''

''You are exactly right!'' Han Yemu tapped the table. ''But you seem unfazed? Does it not scare you that we have been trailing you for six long years?''

''I have a good head on my shoulders. I would be a fool to not see through.''

''Ah, so you know we were testing waters with our visits?''

''Maybe.''

Taking another chug, Zhu Qiu smashed the bottle on the table, rattling its legs. The round surface seemed fine even then.

''Since the wine is fine, and the crowd is loud, how do you intend to hurt me? For what are you here?''

Han Yemu laughed. And he laughed a good deal more, almost in tears, and swiped them away. His slit-like eyes opened to show a green pupil, glinting with Qi.

''You overestimate your worth, brother Zhu. It was not 'you' who cost us two hundred men, nor was it you that outrun our scouts. Without your friend, how could you have accomplished all of this? Or even just survived?''

''You...''

Zhu Qiu cast a look behind—two figures were making their way across the room to the second floor.

''He is quite talented, this friend of yours. Breaking three realms in six years—any sect would be fawning over his talents. Or they might have already? The Two-Fold sect is a friend of Zhu's, yes? Imperial Authority is far reaching after all.''

His speech continued in a whisper that mixed with the loud chatter around them, hence no one took notice of the outrageous nature.

''They are already aware something is wrong, thanks to you two. Only, they don't know what this 'something' is, and it is eating up that old monster from inside. Perhaps it is more beneficial to us for you two to be alive and make you run all around? If it keeps going, 'he' might suffer from Qi Deviation.''

Zhu Qiu grasped a bottle of wine, held it in reverse grip, and smashed it on the table with all his might. The bottle shattered, spilling cherry-red wine all over the cloth and the ground, but only left a scratch on the table.

''What do you think you are doing?'' Han Yemu laughed. ''What will attracting attention do for you?''

A servant girl rushed at them at that point, and by her side was an elderly woman that seemed to be the manager of the establishment.

Prying his gaze from them, then glancing into Han Yemu's amused eyes, Zhu Qiu shook his head.

''You aren't as clever as you think.''

His gaze landed on the trembling fist of Han Yemu's. Across the room, Zhu Qiu could pin point five different people who watched them. Even if they acted aloof, uninterested, and seemed to be enjoying their company, he knew they seemed interested.

This seemed was crucial.

Zhu Qiu was aware, and anyone as trained as him was also aware that one tended to be most vulnerable at two stages; the first step, when one was inexperienced, and the last step, when one was too experienced.

He was caught red handed indeed, struck from an unexpected observation that he could study in future. But he still had his instincts, and he could read the room even with all the loudness and the chaos.

''I'm just testing the table.''

Right as he said so, Zhu Qiu kicked the table up. The leaping Han Yemu crashed face-first, groaned, and fell back. The dagger in his fist clattered on the ground.

The air froze in the brothel, then screams erupted.

Four daggers flew inside the large room towards him. Zhu Qiu rolled under the next table and heard them clinks and clanks of their falling. He rushed under the leg of another man to the next table, flashing past like a shadow.

The crowd started running around; some pulled their swords out to rush at the baffled assassins, others stumbled and fell under the stomping crowd. In the chaos, Zhu Qiu appeared in the midst of the crowd and leaped towards the direction of the stairs of the second floor.

A servant girl stabbed at him from the side. The white glint entered his eyes like lightning, then with a kick flew away. His fist struck true at her skull, left her dazed, and another kick broke her left knee.

Without watching her fall, he exploded forth with Qi. His body turned ephemeral and a few flying daggers through his ghastly chest.

Pieces of table and bottles flew across the room then. Constant cracks and clanks and booms echoed, and blood spilled across the white floor. The golden chandeliers cast the shadow of a person behind the curtains.

Zhu Qiu noticed just in time.

A longsword cut through the red curtain and grazed his shoulder. Zhu Qiu grunted, spun, and pulled the man's throat through the curtain.

The man slammed on the ground, trapped by the curtain, and Zhu Qiu smashed his head in.

As he evaded and struck back, gathering more than a few light wounds across his body, the last few patrons left the establishment. Now he reached the stairs where only one man could pass undisturbed and turned his back to the second floor, ascending backwards. Five people rushed over, a dozen more blocked by the few brave cultivators wishing to help.

Watching them come one by one, unarmed, Zhu Qiu felt his spine tingle. Only now did he feel the danger of not mastering swords and blades. In the heat of the moment, he had also forgotten to pick up a spare sword or dagger.

The stairs were narrow indeed, but the opponents of his carried long blades coated in black slime. Most likely venom. He? He only had his fists.

The first one rushed, and the other leaped above him, doing a pincer strike.

Zhu Qiu stepped forward and punched, his Qi a flying whip of black shadow. The man stabbed his shoulder, but couldn't endure and fell backwards, slamming his companions back to the first floor.

The man above cut at the same spot, intending to sever his arm.

Zhu Qiu made a turn, but the wall blocked his back, and a good chunk of his arm fell in a burst of blood. With a punch, he disarmed the landing opponent, then got into a bare-handed duel.

Their blows were always true, all attempts to evade were thwarted by the narrow walls. Their heads flung back and forth and Zhu Qiu's blood dyed the ground red. He barely held up, and then saw the other three rushing up again. Their stomps rattled the stairs.

'Fuck.'

A boom echoed across the building.

''You motherfuckers!''

Zhu Qiu let out a loud laugh at the shout. The building quaked, booms echoed, and the man before him faltered at the tremor.

Punching out, Zhu Qiu sent the man crashing onto his companions and ran up. He saw a figure fly through Li Ao's room to his own. The man destroyed both doors and vanished with a wail.

With a heavy step, Li Ao emerged. He still had the woman's face, but blood poured out of his mouth, and his Qi seemed unstable. Still, he had broken through to the thirteenth-level of Qi Condensation!

''How?''

Zhu Qiu turned around and saw Han Yemu at the stairs, gaping. ''How is he so fast! How did he defeat a Foundation Establishment cultivator?''

'That man was a Foundation Establishment Cultivator?'

Zhu Qiu glanced back and indeed, the man rushed back onto the hallway without a scratch on him. Now, they were pincered on both sides.

Or were they?

''Liao!''

With his shout, Zhu Qiu crashed onto the room before him. With dust and splinters he entered, shocking the couple on the bed, and smashed out the window. The next room's window exploded as well, and they both landed on the street with pieces of glass.

''Bike!''

Li Ao took out the vehicle and Zhu Qiu planted himself in the backseat.

''Wait,'' Li Ao said, then took a deep breath.

''HOW DARE YOU CALL THE EMPEROR A TWINK, YOU TREACHEROUS SUBJECT!''

His scream echoed in the street, then with the help of his cultivation spread to the entire city. Then he smashed the pedals and ran through the crowd.

The patrons waiting outside, who already looked horrified, almost fainted at the shout.

As the duo left, heaving and sweating, from the top of the city a trembling voice exploded.

''WHO DARES!!!''

Four voices accompanied the shout, and five dots of light came on flying swords. Their aura smashed through the roof of the brothel.

Han Yemu, horrified, had no chance to speak. Five strikes dyed the night sky in a plethora of colors and broke the building to smithereens. Dust and debris flew out, injuring many in the reeling crowd, and through all the confusion and chaos another person ran away on a flying sword.

''Catch him!''