The Admirer

"Ahah, I see we have an admirer, huh?"

" Stop fooling around. Behave like a boy your age before your father comes and steals this little joy from you. "

"Please don't play the innocent one. So, who was this gentleman who devoured you with his eyes so intensely? I saw you blush, ah ah! "

" Hey! "Stop it, lower your voice."

"Tell me, tell me!"

" Ok, he's one of our biggest donors." Every year he writes us huge checks. "

"This gentleman makes you smile and blush." It's not because of the checks. I know that. "

"Are you going to stop with that?" I admit that he is a charming, charismatic man and is outstanding above all. But it stays there. There is nothing more."

Her eyes sparkle when talking about this middle-aged, charming, elegant man. It must be said that tall, charismatic men are my mother's type.

When I arrived at the gala last night, she was chatting cheerfully with this man. She hid very badly the effect this stranger had caused on her. Like a teenager, she blushed and fluttered her eyelashes.

It was a beautiful show, so much so that I didn't have the heart to interrupt it. It was the first time I had seen her so free and happy.

I saw the boredom in her eyes when she had to greet the other guests and how she looked around for that man in the crowd.

I liked how the gentleman walked around the guests. He was following my mother. His eyes lingered on her, skirting the others as if they were walking side by side; it was a teenager's drama until they crossed paths again and again.

My mother was pleased. The smile on her face was precious, marvelous, and priceless. I was afraid for a moment that my father had arrived on a whim. The latter often avoids the charity evenings she organizes. On the other hand, she must accompany him at all costs when it comes to his activities when he buys a new device, which he nicknames '' my babies."

I found myself surveying the crowd of guests with apprehension. Strangely, I liked the look of this man on my mother. It also reminds me of Aim when he looked at me from the corner of his eye. I saw how he looked at me when I slipped into his swing, which he left on purpose for me. I imagine the first time made a good impression on him.

This man has made my mother precious and invaluable. If only she had met him twenty years ago. I sighed.

" What are you thinking about? You keep shifting away. Are you going to talk to me now? And what was that sigh?" I look at her tenderly and whisper to her in a deep voice.

"You are so beautiful, Mom," the compliment made her blush like a virgin. I laugh while telling her, "I see that the gentleman's charm is still working." I regained my seriousness and gave her a wink. "It's nice to see you so alive, mom."

"Stop talking about me." She says with a hint of authority in her voice, trying hard to fight the blush that invaded her cheeks.

"OK, ok, we will calm down, madam!" We are brunching at my parents' golf club. We're among friends there. I glanced around, looking for my father, but I didn't see him anywhere.

It's already been fifteen minutes since he slipped away to answer a call. He still hasn't come back. So, I lean a little toward my mother and say to her, "Promise me that you won't be shocked or laugh at me. It's a very delicate matter."

"OK, I see. It's getting serious here. " She chuckled, looking at me curiously. "Come on, promise me, please, it's serious," I tell her in a sad voice...

"Well," she said, raising her right hand, " I give you my word." I took a towel, wiped my mouth, crossed my legs under the table, and started to play with the towel nervously.

" Stop stressing; we're between us, and hurry before your father comes back," my mother said while glancing around us. "I met someone," I mumbled very quickly.

" Wen, articulate when you are speaking. You don't need to be afraid. I'm your mother; no matter what you say or do, we will find a way to handle the situation, which will not change my love for you. So talk to your friend and tell me everything. "

I shuttled my gaze away from hers, looking down at the crumpled towel I was holding between my bleached fingers. She didn't flinch; I can only imagine the expression on her face. Then I gathered all my courage and, in an almost audible voice, said, " I kissed a boy."

" Look at me; you have to look me in the eye when you talk to me," she said, with the same tone she had taken earlier. I felt a sudden weakness in my legs and had to uncross them. My lips became dry.

I took my glass of wine, which I swallowed in one gulp. And I met my mother's gaze. I didn't read any expression on her face. So, I'm only asking for one thing right now: to disappear from the front of the earth.

I want to get up and run away from there, but my legs don't respond to me anymore. I need some air; I'm on the verge of suffocation when my mother finally decides to speak.

" What did you do?" She snapped, frowning while casting worried glances around her. "Actually..." I stuttered, "I didn't take the initiative." "He kissed me... we kissed," and I ended up saying desperately

"You kissed a boy," she continues mechanically as if she didn't understand the message.

"Mom! It's not like... " She cut me off abruptly, "No, I'll stop you right away before you get lost." "Are you really going to give your dad something to laugh at?" He will be more and more disappointed by your behavior. What a pity. "

" Mom, I'm sorry, there's nothing. It was just an accident."

"I see," she says, still expressionless in a tone that tears my guts apart like an evil chainsaw. " But would you mind explaining exactly how it is possible to kiss by accident?"

I felt an inexplicable flame rising inside me, making me lose my balance. I can't think about the feeling of this kiss or mention it without it making me waver as if I were still in his arms. I started blushing hard! But it wasn't the right time, and I couldn't stop it either. I bow my head in shame and fear.

"So, can you tell me who's blushing now?" My mother said, with an inescapable satisfaction in her voice. I suddenly looked up at her to see two mocking eyes smiling warmly at me. I feel a kind of deliverance in my heart and body, and my whole being begins breathing happily.

" Hey! It's not good to do that to your own flesh and blood. You almost made me die of anxiety there." Her eyes were sparkling while my guts were crushing in fear and shame. "I was not going to miss this moment, darling. You've been a pain since this morning, so it's even now."

" You spent the morning teasing me." My mother is a surprising woman and completely crazy too. I knew she could be ballsy sometimes, but I didn't expect her to mess with this story just to get her revenge. "I got my revenge, naughty boy! " She poured me some wine and went back to eating with a weird smile on her face.

"You scared me, mom, and your smile is very creepy." She gave me a tender look that gave me goosebumps. "So, go on. What else happened after this accident?" she said mockingly.

" Mom!" I almost shouted, pouting a bit. she would make my life hard with that. It's my mistake. I shouldn't say it was an accident; I was so anxious. "What? "That's not what you told me a minute or two ago, right?" she asked innocently.

"Now tell me, who's fooling around?" I uttered, still pouting. "Ok, I stop but admit that I had you well." She's not going to let me go so soon with this story, which is why I always wonder how someone so childish could have married my father, but hey, life has its mysteries.

"So we can say that you had me well, mom. But if I were you. I'll be careful next time, hmm."

"yeah, but I am enjoying my moment now. Do you like this boy?" she asked, looking serious.

" No, I don't know, but I can't think of anything else without going back to that kiss, and it disturbs me."

"Hm, I advise you to know a little more about your feelings and yourself."

" Uh, are you sure about that?" I nearly squealed when she suggested I find out what it was, and she responded as quickly as possible with an assurance that almost scared me, but I wanted to know a little more, as she said.

"Yes, I am more than sure." If this kiss has troubled you at this point, something is necessarily hidden behind it. You have to know what it is, if it is a brief attraction or if it is something more than that. "

"Sorry about that, baby. I know you have only dated girls before, and neither of your relationships was successful. So, if kissing a boy has troubled you to the point of spending days locked up without eating, you have to know why. Do you understand me, honey? "

"What do I do if the other person is unwilling to discuss it?" I timidly asked her in a small voice. "How come, darling? and " What do you mean by that?" She snapped at me like a slap in my back, a little shaken by my question, while putting down her glass.

It seems that she did not expect this eventuality. "Well, since that famous day, we've been avoiding each other. I don't think he's attracted to men or me. Maybe it was a passing impulse, a thoughtless act; he practically kicked me out when he broke the kiss."

" How did you feel when he kicked you out?"

"I don't know how to describe the feeling exactly, but I feel rejected, abandoned, and disoriented." She starts to smile again. " Is this boy a friend of yours, darling?" my mother asked, still smiling. " Not really, but we were about to become friends; he's weird, mysterious, a bit lonely too, and very handsome."

"Prettier than my boy?" She cooed, smirking. "Yeah, better looking than your boy, but he's different, the kind of dad would have liked to have as a son, and Zack is nothing compared to him." "Zack can't even come close to him."

"Wow, I have to meet this specimen. He must be very special to trouble my son so much. "

"And it doesn't matter to you? Aren't you confused, disappointed, and ashamed by my behavior, mom?"

"Oh, why that, honey, Why should I?

"I don't know, I..." she cut me off before I could finish my sentence.

" Listen to me, baby. You are my most precious possession, so I will not change anything in my life today. I married your father very young; I had no experience, and today, if I had the possibility of making a choice, I would have liked to do something else, choose another life, which doesn't mean that I don't love you. That idea is far from me. But I don't want my son to be unhappy, trapped in a relationship that suffocates him, makes him uncomfortable, and drains all his energy. You deserve better."

"I want to see your eyes shine and hear you laugh. I want to see you as troubled as you are today talking about that kiss.

It's the first time I've seen you so troubled. I want you to live your life the way you want to. Even your father can't lock you up in your room. Don't let yourself be imprisoned by mean spirits like your father's."

I don't know what's happening, but it's not what I expected. I'm worried about my mother and our lives. "And father, I don't want him to get mad. I don't want him to blame you."

"Go find your friend first, and then we'll talk about your father. You couldn't talk about anything other than this little boy who passed out at his parent's funeral maybe eight, nine, or ten years ago. I always knew you would have a moment like this in your life one day. Every day you asked me if there was any news about the boy. You cut out all his photos that you found in magazines or newspapers. You said, "Look, mommy, his eyes are as beautiful as the ocean." When your dad forbade you to talk about it, he burned all the pictures you took pains to cut out, and you cried for days."

"Yes, I remember; he had eyes as blue as the ocean. His eyes were so blue I thought he couldn't see well. I had a little smirk. "I even did some research on the matter."

"Exactly, honey, and since you've never shown such an interest in a boy, I thought it was temporary, that it was the circumstances in which you saw him. Then, we never talked about it again, not even once. Those girls who compare themselves to you, those who only want your gifts, although you weren't showing too much commitment. To be honest, these numerous failed relationships tipped me off."

"I thought you wanted to please your father, which worried me. I was afraid that you would never be happy. But deep down, I knew that one day you would understand why you were so interested in him, even though you were only eight or nine years old."

"Do you think I'll be much better off with a man?"

"Maybe yes, maybe no, but you'll never know if you don't give it a try, capiche?"

"I understand," I replied to her with teary eyes. She noticed it in my voice and got up from her chair to take me in her arms without caring about the eyes that lingered on us.

It is at this very moment that my father's voice comes to break this beautiful moment between mother and son.

" Aren't you both ashamed to put on a show like this? Do you want to embarrass me? Is that it? You must stop cuddling that boy, or he'll never be a proper man."

"He's a proper man, and he's my proper man," my mother replies, caressing my face tenderly, and that's all that matters.

She discreetly wiped away a tear that ran from the corner of my eyes and whispered in my ear: "Go wash your face; your eyes are red."

Without a look at my father, I move away from them after placing two kisses on my mother's cheeks.

This is how my thoughts swirl around in my head. This woman, what have I done to deserve her? And if my mother walked in my father's narrow-mindedness, what would I have become today?