GUILT

Selena stood frozen as more tears rolled down her cheeks, her feet felt stuck to the ground as her mind registered all of Damien's words. 

Selena felt empty, like her whole world was shattering right before her eyes, she couldn't, no, she couldn't take it all. The pain and everything was killing her, her heart was in so much pain right now and Selena found it difficult to breathe. Her hands gripped her shirt as more tears rolled down her cheek, she could barely feel herself right now. 

Damien watched her, her face had turn pale, she wasn't saying anything, he guessed perhaps she was still in shock. He could see the tear rolling down her cheeks, the cold wind carried her hair around leaving some strands on her face. Damien raised his hand up to touch her but then he paused and placed his hand back down. 

"So you need some time alone with her?" Damien asked. 

But Selena just stayed silent as she continued to cry, she couldn't process Damien's words. The pain had taken over her and now she felt she was drowning, was it guilt? Now Selena didn't know who to blame.

Selena had thought that Diana was the one who sold her out, the entire time she was blaming the agency. Now the truth was out, the agency had nothing to do with her mother's death, Selena couldn't help but blame herself. 

They both continued to stand there in silence, Damien didn't know what to tell the girl, at this point, no amount of words could help her right now. Damien couldn't help but notice the expression on her face, he could tell she was now blaming herself for everything. 

"Blaming yourself won't change anything" Damien spoke as he walked closer to her, he reached his hand out and raised her chin up. He gently wiped the tears off her cheek but still she continued crying. 

"But it's my fault" Selena spoke with her hoarse voice. 

She had been quiet ever since and one could here the dryness in her tone, her voice was cracked, she could barely speak. 

Damien looked at her, so many emotions in her eyes, he had never seen her so open like this. Right now, he could see everything, the sadness, the hurt, the guilt, all this burden she had been carrying by herself for so long, Damien could see it all now. 

"It's not, you were trying to help her" Damien said as he cupped her cheek and looked directly into her eyes. "The reason you agreed to join the agency was because they promised to save your mother. All you did was try to protect her, it's not your fault she died" Damien added. 

Even though he knew his words had no effect on the girl, he still tried his best. 

"You don't understand what it feels like right now...she was the only one I had...I..." Selena couldn't finish her words as she broke down in tears again. 

"Guilt, I understand what you feel, the feeling of loneliness, it consumes you. I was once in your shoes Selena, I know exactly how you feel" Damien said as he thought about what happened years ago. 

Selena scoffed. 

"I lost both my parents at a very young age, I thought I had no one, at first I blamed myself for their death." Damien said as he looked at her for a while in deep thought. "Guilt, pain, I thought I was not going to make it without them, Damn it I was just a small boy." Damien said as he paused. 

Selena could hear the hurt in his voice, she matched his gaze as she looked at him in shock, it was hard for her to picture Damien going through what she was going through right now. 

"How did you get over it?" Selena finally asked. 

"I didn't " Damien answered and then he dropped his hand down from her cheek, he placed his hands in his pants pocket and shrugged. 

"You never get over it, it's always there, the hurt, the pain, it's always going to be there, but you have to learn to live with it, accept reality and move on, trying to change it won't help you at all" Damien said as he turned his back towards her and walked away. "I'll wait for you in the car" Damien added before disappearing out of sight. 

Selena sighed as she looked around the place, the cold wind blew the leaves away allowing her to see the name engraved clearly on the stone. She wiped the tears off her cheek and took a seat on the ground, she looked at the stars for a while and then a pained smile formed on her lips.