Chapter 93

Bastian sat with Dimitri in the loft, waiting for something to happen to distract him from his thoughts.

"Do you ever think it'll work between you two?" His friend asked as he was laying down on the couch.

Bastian shrugged with a melancholy expression, "With her reaction this afternoon, I don't think that we'll ever even be on friendly terms."

Dimitri got up and sat next to him, "Yeah, I'm sorry about that."

Bastian nodded. His friend appeared to be having better luck in the area of women.

"But, we are good with the ladies." Dimitri said stretching his legs out and crossing his arms behind his head, "Remember that week in Waxingville? You told all those girls that we were from Crescent with that accent of yours?"

Bastian chuckled at the memory, "We sure did many things that week, not all wise."

"I was not the one who suggested that inn." Dimitri raising his hands.

Bastian chuckled again at remembering the unfortunate incident that occurred in that inn.

With his features lit with a smile he said, "No, no you were not. But then again I didn't invite those girls from Bobian, and I also didn't suggest as a shortcut to go over the rooftops."

Dimitri frowned and said in all seriousness, "Girls from Bobian? I don't remember any of the woman not being Cadaraman."

Bastian nodded, "Yes, they were sisters; Hien and Hai. They were visiting their uncle I believe."

"Ah, yes." Dimitri said nodding and both men smiled at the fond memories.

"Will you ever tell Brigitte about that week, and all the others?" Bastian asked, his thoughts returning to where they'd previously lain.

Dimitri sighed, "One day. One day I will tell her, but now?" He shook his head, "I don't think she'd understand."

Bastian squinted his eyes, "That woman is wiser than you give her credit. And as your friend, Dimitri, I suggest that you tell her before it's too late."

Dimitri was silent as a reply and only watched the wooden floor, "What would too late mean?"

"When or if she finds out on her own, things could end badly. Not as bad as me and Hydrangea." He added as a joke but his heart felt truly heavy at his words.

"If you want her love-"

"I don't want her love." Bastian interjected, "I simply want nothing but for her to cease in her hatred, of me."

Dimitri nodded, "Very well, I understand." His friend stood, "Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to check on my woman." And as he descended the ladder Bastian felt the keen prick of jealousy. Dimitri had always had it easier than him, Premier Hector had never given him as many duties as his father, Sovereign Esteban, had.

"Can I come up?" He heard one of the twins ask. He called down a reply in the affirmative and the green eyed twin appeared from the hatch.

As the young man organized something by his bed Bastian asked, "Why did you not have any anger towards me?" He was feeling vulnerable. He hated it but it seemed to be his constant state recently; he always felt weak and worthless.

Linden turned and regarded the leader of his country, his brother-in-law. With careful words he said, "I did, I felt the same as Rowan, but after I saw you and my sister together I could see that you meant her no ill will."

Bastian winced, he had though. He had meant to hurt her, many times. His mind flashed back to when they'd first met, the clear fear in her eyes, when he'd slapped her the day before the Union, when he'd squeezed her wrist so hard that he saw bruises the next day.

'This guilt.' He thought miserably. Would it never leave him? Would it follow him around forever like a fetter, weighing him down with each and every step?

Linden sat down on the old, red couch, "You don't wish her any injury. Did you once?" He asked.

Bastian nodded, "I had no care for her when I first met her. To me," A heavy sigh escaped his lips, "To me she was nothing but a woman to serve as Queen."

Linden nodded, his gaze becoming distant, "When we discovered that mother had sold her, me and Row did everything we could possibly do to get her back. Rose stopped us when we tried to sail to your island." He chuckled sadly then resumed, "But we still felt as though we'd failed her, we still do. And even though I can see that she's fine and alive, I still feel as though I should've been there, I should've done something."

He paused and Bastian let the brother's words sink in. He'd never had a sister, never had anyone to fill that role. He attempted to imagine how the twins had felt and found another layer of guilt pressed to his shoulders.

"But… I can see that she has survived. She's always been strong and tough, never letting her emotions show unless she can't hold them in anymore. But between you and me, I think she's terrified."

'There is was again,' Bastian thought, 'Terrified.'

"She won't let anyone see her fear and she's blocking it out. She doesn't want to show it because she's scared of something." He finished, his green eyes staring at Bastian with a purpose.

Bastian sighed, "If she's scared of me tell her not to be. She's no reason to fear me. I will never hurt her." Again, he said in his head.

Linden nodded and stood, "You know," He started when he was at the hatch, "I would say it's better not to let the guilt get you down. Row let his guilt and anger make him bitter, I did my best to not let it." Then he climbed down the ladder and Bastian listened as his feet walked into the house.

He laid down on his bed and closed his eyes. How was he supposed to stop the guilt and shame from drowning him? Even now it threatened to break him.

Before he could finish his thoughts though, he fell into a rare blissful sleep.