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HP: Bruno in Dumblegame

[Word Count: 42.76K] Meet Bruno Green, the bloke who's got the inside scoop on all things Harry Potter. He's just transmigrated right back into the thick of it, returning to his original eleventh-year body in that wizarding world, without any actual memories of his previous life. What a return, huh? Now, brace yourselves for some serious butterfly effects as the story kicks off, starting in the blazing summer before Harry's first year at Hogwarts. There'll be a new prophecy around, one that's got Bruno on a collision course with Dumbledore, while Harry's gearing up for his showdown with Voldemort. So, expect the unexpected and enjoy the journey! General Approach & Style: I'm crafting a narrative that remains as true to canon as a Hippogriff, but with a distinct twist — it might start with a leisurely pace, embracing the slice of life element, and as we progress, the tempo accelerates, with a primary focus on adventures that'll warm your heart. However, there's an epic journey waiting in the shadows, concealed by a mysterious prophecy. Well, looks like I'll be accidentally cooking up some suspense and tossing in a sprinkle of action here and there (in chapter six). Before that we have heartwarming dramatic moments, a sprinkle of humor, exploration of familial bonds, and the joyful chaos of friendship. Plus, yes, there'll be hints for the gradual development of a romantic subplot, and a promise of smut to add some spice when the time is right. Alright, folks, let's set the record straight from the get-go. Don't go expectin' a load of smut right outta the gate. We're talkin' first-grade students here, and as our dear Bruno once wisely put it: 'I'll give it a shot... But come on... They're just a bunch of kids...' Hah. As for calling my fic a comedy, well, maybe some of the goblins might not catch the drift, but it's all in good fun for me. So, why not? Updates: Now, for a bit of more serious business. I might be a fresh bloke in this bloody scribbling, and these updates might be a bit unpredictable at least for starters. Let's ease into it. Target word count for each chapter: 5K+ enchanted words per week, but I'll start biweekly until I get used to it, to prevent burning me out. Note: Oi, and a little heads up – English isn't my native tongue, but hey, I'm pretending like a pro! So if you spot a few quirks and blunders here and there, just play along, won't you? After all, we're all in for the adventure! Hah. But seriously, let me know if your eagle eyes spot anything odd. Disclaimer: Nope, I'm not a Sirius Black. I'm not the one who can summon Butterbeer on demand either. These characters and the whole magical gig? Courtesy of J.K. Rowling. I'm just adding my two Knuts for fun and mischief.

SeriousBloke · หนังสือและวรรณกรรม
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8 Chs

The Trap Number Seven Hundred and Thirteen

The snow-white steps led to the entrance of Gringotts. A goblin in scarlet robes standing beside its burnished bronze doors bowed to them. Bruno and Olivia nodded in response and hurried inside, paying no attention to the inscriptions on the second silver doors, warning thieves of the consequences of their greedy intentions. On the other side, two more goblins greeted them with bows. Stepping into the vast marble hall, Bruno was taken aback. There were truly too many goblins.

"Alright, so we gotta figure out which one to approach," he muttered to Olivia.

There were at least a hundred goblins here, and it was unclear where to go next. Some goblins were making entries in large ledger books, weighing coins on copper scales, and examining precious stones with magnifying glasses. Others were admitting and releasing people through doors that led somewhere further in. 

Olivia just shrugged and gestured that he could choose anyone.

It seemed that she didn't have a personal client manager or maybe such a concept didn't even exist here. Now all of Bruno's thoughts were occupied with the decision of which goblin to approach. A young one or an old one? Which one might be more talkative? It was difficult to determine as, in his view, all the goblins were equally ugly.

Bruno moved to the far end, where there were fewer people who could overhear their conversation. He doubted that pulling out his wand in the bank to cast silencing charms would be a good idea. After a couple of minutes, they arrived at the last counter.

"Good day," Bruno addressed the red-haired goblin. "Do you believe in Prophets?"

Serious Bruno's business look made the goblin raise that hairy line which could be called eyebrow. The black eyes, dark as soot, slowly tore away from the book's records and fixed on the boy's brown-green eyes. In response, Bruno attempted the most charming smile he could muster. Then he waved his hand as he had during a photoshoot for the Daily Prophet, adding a touch of recognition.

"Goblins study various sources of information," the red-haired goblin replied.

"Let's start fresh. My name is Bruno Green, and this lady next to me my loving mom, Olivia. And, before I continue, might I inquire about your name?"

"Brogded," the goblin answered with a curt nod or perhaps a cough.

"Pleased to make your acquaintance, mister Brogded. I'm genuinely curious—have you happened to read about me in the Daily Prophet?" Bruno said with honorable voice.

"Goblins do read the news," the goblin replied again, shortly.

"Fantastic! Thank the stars for that, saves me a ton of talk." Bruno cracked immediately giving up on his serious tone. "So, here's the scoop—I'm no ordinary kid. I snoozed right through the baby days and then bam, woke up with the knowledge I shouldn't have. Got reading, writing, arithmetic, and a bunch of other school smarts. Plus, I've got the lowdown on the future's greatest hits like a true Seer. What do you say we share a glimpse of tomorrow for all of goblin kind? And I'm talkin' 'bout not some set-in-stone future, but one of them possible timelines that could be changed."

The goblin's black eyes narrowed, but Bruno remained unfazed.

"Tell then," the goblin said unexpectedly sharply.

Bruno made a clucking sound, his head bobbing in disbelief.

"Seriously? You're playing it like that? I show up here with good a friendly attitude, ready to drop some knowledge on goblin honor, and you're all tight-lipped, expecting me to be an open book? That's not exactly polite, right?"

After mentioning honor, the hall grew considerably quieter. Bruno sensed that the goblins at the neighboring tables were casting glances their way. Brogded's mouth widened, revealing his teeth, but Bruno continued without hesitation:

"Also, how am I supposed to spill the beans in a room packed with an audience?"

Bruno gestured at other wizards, who were too far away to hear their conversation. Strangely, this phrase made Brogded's expression change. His black eyes flickered greedily.

"Just wait a moment," the goblin said, quickly writing something on parchment.

He rolled up the message and deposited it in a glass cylinder on the table. Brogded then opened a lid that concealed a small hole. A sucking sound signaled air being drawn in. With a muffled pop, the cylinder vanished inside. After a few minutes, a fresh cylinder emerged. Brogded read the received message before writing another one. This time, the reply took much longer, but judging from the goblin's tone, it was worth the wait.

"Would you mind accompanying me so we can discuss matters in a more appropriate setting, Mr. Green?" Brogded said, unusually polite.

Bruno glanced questioningly at his mother, but she stood there with an indifferent expression, seemingly disconnected from their conversation. Olivia raised an eyebrow and twisted her face as if to say, "Do as you see fit." Her confident demeanor reassured Bruno and bolstered his resolve.

"Of course, Mr. Brogded," Bruno replied, mustering his smile. "You're the guide, lead the way."

The goblin hopped off his chair and led them to one of the doors, which concealed a staircase leading to other floors. Wandering through various corridors, they encountered numerous portraits, armors, and weapons hanging on the walls. Brogded seemed to prolong their arrival at the intended place, and Bruno could guess why. Nevertheless, he didn't object, enjoying the unplanned tour. Bruno paused by one of the canvases.

The inscription beneath it read:

"Ragnuk the First. The king of the goblins. The finest silversmith."

At the end of the summary under the portrait, Bruno also read:

"...buried in the tomb at the cemetery behind St. Jerome's Church, in Godric's Hollow. Being one of the greatest and most powerful goblins, he did not exhaust his magical powers even after death. Ragnuk's ghost still wanders the burial site, awaiting the return of his sword, which the treacherous Godric Gryffindor deceitfully stole from him."

"Something interesting?" Olivia asked.

"Don't know, just find it curious how many things I gotta learn 'bout," Bruno mused.

Bruno began to look more carefully at everything around him. He was relieved that they weren't led to the underground areas. After all, there must have been a reason why Gringotts was the tallest building in Diagon Alley. The upper floors must have served some purpose. Bruno wondered what they were used for. Interestingly, in the corridors, they only encountered wizards who were all busy going somewhere. They came across only one goblin who emerged from his office. He cast a strange but interested glance at them before retreating behind his door.

"We have arrived," Brogded barked after twenty minutes of slow wandering through the corridors.

The goblin opened the door before them, and Bruno wasn't surprised to find several others already waiting inside. It seemed like the big shots of the society had gathered. In the center of the marble floor, there was an empty table with two chairs in front of it, obviously meant for humans. Behind the table, to the right side, opposite the window, was a long low couch occupied by five goblins. They immediately ceased their conversations as soon as Bruno and Olivia entered the room.

"Greetings to the esteemed goblins of Gringotts," Bruno addressed them. "Well, ain't this a heartwarming gathering? Mister Brogded here actually managed to take my words seriously and rallied you all up for my little talk."

Brogded emitted a barely distinguishable growl from behind before speaking up, "Mr. Green, Miss Green, please take a seat," he said, quickly circling them to take his place at the table.

If Bruno read the situation correctly, Brogded seemed displeased that his prepared speech was taken away from him. Since it wasn't about money, Bruno didn't concern himself much with such petty grievances. So far, the goblins reminded him of ugly children, and Bruno considered himself good with children. Neville was an excellent example.

Before taking her seat, Olivia nodded to the goblins, and they responded in kind. Brogded leaned back in his chair, interlacing his long fingers, showing his authority. He resembled a judge with the jury sitting beside him. Although, the bald goblin with the grey beard seemed rather displeased, frowning constantly.

"Before we proceed," Brogded said, mimicking Bruno's speech style, "you must understand that we'd like to hear some evidence to verify the truth of your words."

Bruno leaned back, choosing his words carefully. It seemed that the newspapers had shed some light on his story. This made the goblins take him seriously, and he had to make the most of it.

"You gotta understand, a sample ain't just somethin' you toss around for free. I mean, come on, I bet you wouldn't forge a test sword for me either. Look, I get it, my claims need some backup, and I'll provide some evidence of how crucial my insights are," Bruno replied, his tone softer. "There are, or there will be—whatever—two things that might cause some trouble for your goblin nation in the future. But before I dive into the details, I need to know if you're able to offer what I'm askin' for."

Brogded turned to his kin, seeking hints, but they merely ignored him. On the couch, the bald goblin whispered something to his neighbor, who held a cane, and they continued observing.

"Very well," Brogded squeaked. "What kind of 'asking' are we discussing?"

"I need elves," Bruno declared.

"We do not trade in elves," Brogded retorted sharply.

"I ain't asking you to put 'em up for sale," Bruno countered. "Maybe there's some loser who owes you a favor, and you could hook me up with an elf in return. Throw 'em a bone, extend their debt or something. Or whatever, you handle your mess how you want. All I care 'bout is getting those elves. Like, a good ten of 'em, if you can swing it."

"Ten elves? Swing it?!" Brogded growled louder than usual, even jumping in his chair with indignation. "Goblins will not waste their time finding you ten elves! It seems greed has clouded your mind."

Bruno arched an eyebrow, caught off guard. A pregnant pause hung in the air. He was tempted to parry with a remark about pride clouding the goblin's judgment, but he opted for silence. Goblins supposed to have more pragmatical minds, and Bruno expected a measured counteroffer at the very least. Instead, he was met with a near-feral intensity. On his left, Olivia maintained her composure with unwavering poise, displaying no hint of fluster.

Leaning back in his chair, Bruno scanned the room once more, taking in the scene. Brogded, before him, was a complete farce. His gaze locked onto another goblin. He was bald, decidedly better dressed, seated on a petite sofa amidst the assembly. Unlike Brogded, this one's demeanor exuded refinement. And it seemed this wasn't Brogded's official office; he was merely seizing an opportune moment to savor a slice of pie that was clearly beyond his reach.

"Mr. Brogded," Bruno shifted his voice to something akin to a lecturing fatherly tone, "we are both business... uh... individuals, and let's face it, a bit of haggling's gotta happen. I'm just laying out my wishes here. My bad if asking for ten elves sounded like too big a favor for the honor of all the mighty goblins. I didn't mean to—"

Bruno didn't finish his sentence, as the sight of what happened next left him speechless. One of the goblins struck the marble floor with his cane, and Brogded became paralyzed. Two others quickly jumped off the couch, rushed to Brogded, and pulled him from the chair. The bald goblin with the grey beard approached from behind, drawing a long dagger, and swiftly sliced through Brogded's neck as if it were butter. Brogded's head fell to the marble floor with a thud and rolled away, leaving a trail of green blood. A small goblin emerged from nowhere, immediately scooping it into a bag.

Olivia stood next to Bruno, holding her wand but not raising it, ready to use magic if necessary.

"What the heck just went down?" Bruno asked, peeking over his mother's shoulder.

The bald goblin with the grey beard, returning the dagger to its sheath, bowed before them.

"I apologize for this incident, Mr. Green. Miss Green, you need not worry. You can put away your wand. Brogded brought shame upon us, and we couldn't let it pass. Please, have a seat," he said, approaching the table.

Seeing that new goblin had taken a seat, Olivia followed suit. In the background, other goblins swiftly removed their kin's body through a side door, while the small goblin cleaned the bloodstains from the floor. Only the old goblin with the cane remained on the couch, observing as his bald companion took ex Brogded's chair.

"My name is Gornuk," he introduced himself. "I am the manager of this bank. You may continue the conversation with me."

Bruno felt that the name sounded familiar. It must have been mentioned in the canon. He won't recall where he read about him, as it seemed irrelevant at the moment.

"I ain't gonna lie, I'm still kinda reeling," Bruno remarked, the whole decapitation thing still fresh in his mind. "Honestly, didn't expect my blabbering to end up with someone's head rolling. Like, angry relatives coming after me later?"

"You have nothing to worry about," Gornuk calmly replied. "Brogded questioned the honor of goblins with his words. Just because we don't trade in elves doesn't mean we can't fulfill your request."

Although the incident occurred due to Bruno's words, he had no desire to clarify that now. The main thing was that there was a chance to get the elves. If the goblins believed Brogded was to blame, then so be it.

"Why did he speak to us like that in the first place?" Olivia interjected. "I know goblins usually don't behave that way."

Gornuk grimaced. "That's why we kept him far away from the entrance. Usually, no wizards venture this deep into the bank."

The Fully Headless Nick theme wasn't exactly thrilling, but it seems like it might lead to a positive outcome now. Bruno had no doubt that Gornuk kept the more abrupt goblins away from the entrance to minimize their interactions with clients. Perhaps there were rules preventing them from firing Brogded, and Bruno inadvertently provided the opportunity. He weren't sure yet if he should thank fate for landing them in this situation, but now all of them needed to talk about the other thing.

"Perhaps we could get back to discussing the reciprocal services?" Gornuk asked.

Bruno could only mentally snort at the change of topic.

"Yeah, maybe we could," he replied, tapping his fingers on his knee. "You're already clued in on my need for a bunch of those pointy-eared helpers. I'll spill a bit of my intel, but if you're aiming for the whole deal, let's work out the details of elf delivery. How does that sound?"

Gornuk remained emotionless. His black eyes only narrowed slightly.

"Mr. Green, you must understand that free elves aren't found every year, and the wait for obtaining all ten elves could stretch on for decades. Of course, we could allocate all our resources to expedite the process, but then the number of elves we provide would reduce to two. One elf for each matter that could tarnish goblin honor. Naturally, only if it's deemed worthwhile."

If a wizard were sitting across from Bruno, stretching the payment over several years wouldn't be a bad offer. However, there was no doubt that negotiating such an arrangement with goblins would drag on for more than a decade. The term 'decades' is plural and didn't inspire any enthusiasm. With such a timeline, Bruno might not even have his first elf anytime soon, while he needed the resource today.

He mentally applauded Gornuk's foresight. The goblin surely understood that two wizards didn't need more than two house-elves, and he quickly calculated that. Surely, if Olivia bonded with more than one at once, it would negatively impact her magical powers. There had to be a difference between already having an elf when obtaining the second one and acquiring two at once.

In any case, Brogded's reaction hinted that Gornuk didn't make it cheap. Things could have gone entirely differently with gold involved.

"That's a pretty sensible proposition," Bruno said slowly. "But before I lay down the proof of how crucial my know-how is, tell me, how do you feel about Voldemort?"

For a moment, the goblin's eyes narrowed again, then they assumed an indifferent expression.

"We don't have any, as you say, feelings towards him," Gornuk simply answered.

"But hey, you do stash some of his goodies here in Gringotts, right?" Bruno pressed.

"This wizard doesn't have a vault in our bank. If any of his items are stored in any of our vaults, it doesn't violate any rules. We simply do our job and do not interfere in wizards' affairs. That's why everyone knows that Gringotts is the most secure place. Even if you end up in Azkaban or hiding somewhere, we'll always preserve your belongings as long as you have the gold for the subscription fee," Gornuk spoke with pride in his voice.

Bruno managed only a forced smile.

"Nevertheless," he began slowly, "Nevertheless, Gringotts keeps an item that helps Voldemort remain alive. Just this fact alone might lead many wizards to consider it as a choice of allegiance."

"What item are we talking about?" the goblin asked, squinting his black eyes even more.

"It's a Horcrux," Bruno replied, satisfied with the goblins' reactions. "And it's in one of your vaults."

A growl echoed through the hall, with the old goblin on the couch producing the loudest one, still clutching his cane. One goblin even cursed at what he had just heard.

"Mind your language; here are some quite young ears," Olivia admonished.

"Hey," Bruno said.

"What? I was speaking of myself," Olivia clarified proudly. 

She adjusted her glasses slightly, as if to say, "Look at my beauty." Bruno stifled a chuckle. But the tension in the room grew palpable. The air felt charged, the weight of their words about Horcrux hanging heavy in the room.

"Do you know what it looks like?" Gornuk asked abruptly after this.

This question puzzled Bruno slightly. It seemed that goblins couldn't detect Horcruxes. On the other hand, it explained why the Horcrux was so easily placed in storage.

"Yes," Bruno simply replied and said nothing more.

"We'll provide you with one house-elf immediately after verifying the authenticity of this information," Gornuk said, once again quickly figuring out the reason of that dramatic pause.

"Fine," Bruno agreed without missing a beat, figuring it was time to cut the crap. He breathed a sigh of relief, tired of speaking in hints. "So, there's this magical thing made by Helga Hufflepuff. A little golden cup with all these fancy doodads on the handles and a badger etched on the side. Ages ago, Voldemort swiped it from some lady named Hepzibah Smith. He made it into a Horcrux and squirreled it away in the Lestrange vault. I know a guy from the future who's gonna forcefully nab this thing from the vault down the line. Your best bet is to get rid of that Horcrux inside within, say, six years, unless the future goes wild after I poke around. Come year seven, a piece of Gringotts is gonna go kaboom, and Voldemort's gonna go berserk when he figures out what went down. That's it."

The goblins immediately became busy. Gornuk didn't ask any other questions. He gave some orders to the goblin aides and then hurried out of the conference room with the old goblin holding his cane. Bruno's stomach grumbled, and they were brought lunch from the restaurant across the street, helping pass the time.

"You really handled that quite well, Bruno," Olivia remarked, her voice carrying a touch of pride.

Bruno shrugged, a wry smile tugging at his lips. 

"Let's just say it wasn't exactly the way I saw it playing out. I figured this Seer look-like idea ain't a bad trope from other fics to try."

"It's definitely not. Remember, getting that elf is quite the achievement. Your godmother had a point about your 'power'. Trust your instincts, and don't underestimate the value of your knowledge."

Bruno's brow furrowed in thought. 

"You mean that part about 'With great power comes great instability'? Because, honestly, it still sounds like a crazy idea to me. I can't believe you didn't talk me out."

Olivia's lips curved into a gentle smile. 

"I just believe in you," she said, her words instilling a much-needed sense of reassurance in him. "Still, it's quite curious how they react about Voldemort. Looked like they knew he's not entirely gone."

They both delved in their thoughts.

After an hour or two, the goblins returned. Their mood seemed sour. They entered the room silently, and Gornuk took his seat at the table.

"We've confirmed that it's a Horcrux," Gornuk said.

"Only confirmed? Not got rid of it?" Bruno inquired, setting his cup of pumpkin juice aside.

"No," Gornuk replied.

"Why not?" Bruno asked.

Olivia chimed in with a light chuckle, as if expecting this outcome. 

"I'm sure Gringotts' rules don't allow the retrieval of a client's property if it's already been placed inside." 

"That's one of the reasons," Gornuk confirmed. "We could send a notice of rule violation to the vault's owners and ask them to visit the bank for further investigation. However, the Lestrange's property has already been checked after their imprisonment in Azkaban. According to Gringotts' rules, we can't suddenly declare their verified items as illegal."

"Why not just destroy the darn thing then? No need to retrieve it," Bruno suggested.

"If we'll try to destroy the item in the vault, other belongings could be affected, and we can't allow that either," Gornuk patiently explained. "That's the rule."

"Rules can be rewritten," Bruno said, recalling Fudge with a smirk.

"Only wizards change rules when it suits them," Gornuk responded disdainfully, as if reading his thoughts. "Goblins complement and improve. We respect agreements made in the past, so we can't currently act against this dark object, as it would contradict Gringotts' rules."

"So you're saying the Horcrux stays locked up here?" Bruno asked desperately.

"I didn't say that. There is a clause prohibiting the storage of living beings in the vaults. It also extends to magical items containing souls. The Lestrange vault showed some damage, rendering it unsafe for further use," Gornuk explained, his smile revealing his teeth. "We've already placed their belongings in the queue to be moved to a new location. Once the vault's owner visits Gringotts, we'll transfer all their possessions to a different vault and prevent the placement of the prohibited item. There's a clause about the limited time for using unsuitable vaults. If the owner doesn't come to approve the change within five years, we have the right to move all the items ourselves. The same happens in case of their death when their possessions are inherited by whoever is named in the will. We've informed the owners about this situation, but it seems they don't understand what it means. So, there is no worries that they will find out about the thing that you mentioned."

Another grin appeared on the goblin's face, but Bruno's expression grew somber. Now he had additional work to do. He needed to prevent Voldemort from freeing the Death Eaters in his fifth year at Hogwarts.

"Wait," Olivia said with a hint of anger in her voice. "So, you won't retrieve the Horcrux? You won't just prevent it from being placed back in your bank? Do I understand you correctly?" she asked, and seeing the grimace on the goblin's face, she became even more angrier and upset at the same time. "So... that means you're essentially warning Voldemort that he can no longer store Horcruxes here!"

A tightness gripped Bruno's heart as he recalled Olivia's words about believing in him. It left him feeling uneasy. If Bellatrix returned the Hufflepuff's Cup to Voldemort, he would hide it somewhere else, making Harry's task even more challenging. Bruno shouldn't rely in goblins as another heroes in fanfics do. On one hand, Bruno felt reassured when his godmother said dealing with Voldemort was not their concern. On the other hand, making Harry's mission harder was not in his plans. It seemed like the butterfly effect began. With each passing minute, the situation may be worsened.

"We don't interfere in the affairs of wizards," Gornuk said again, starting to get angry too. "If you were hoping we'd do some work for you, you were gravely mistaken."

"But..." Olivia began, but Bruno interrupted her.

Looks like his brain found a solution.

"Wait a sec, mom. We can't play puppet-master with goblins on how they ought to wrangle my knowledge," Bruno interrupted, meeting Olivia's gaze that held a mix of confusion and curiosity. "Mr. Gornuk, maybe we should move on to the next item... Though, you did mention that the house-elf would be delivered pronto once you've check if the Horcrux is the real thing."

Silence fell in the conference room. Gornuk hesitated and observed Bruno for a while with his slanted black eyes. Then he snapped his long, slender fingers, and the side door of the conference room opened, revealing two creatures entering. At first, Bruno assumed it was a goblin accompanying a pregnant house-elf, who was about to give birth and provide them with an elf. However, he quickly realized he was mistaken.

On the marble floor next to the table stood a house-elf with a towel draped over his shoulder, partially covering his rounded belly. If he didn't try to keep his back straight, it wouldn't be as noticeable. In Bruno's imagination, he appeared as some businessman who liked to have a pint of beer after a working day. The house-elf's big eyes darted nervously from goblins to humans, not knowing what to expect.

"To whom would you like to bond the elf?" Gornuk asked, causing Bruno to hesitate in his response.

Olivia just shrugged. The thoughts of defiance returned to Bruno. If the elf didn't resist, it would improve the bond with the wizard. He also remembered sometime Olivia's notice that it's better to bond the elf only to one person at time. Bruno stood up from his chair and approached the elf.

"I'd like to have a little chat, if that's alright," Bruno stated, turning back to Gornuk for approval before addressing the elf. "Tell me, what's your name?"

The house-elf flinched and nervously stroked his round belly, as if afraid that someone might hit it. He looked at the goblin beside him, who stared back silently. Apparently, there was an order for full cooperation with wizards, as the elf soon began speaking with an unexpected confident tone.

"Yubai, sir, yes."

"Yubai, let me ask you—whom do you have a hankering to serve? I get it, we're strangers in the mix, my mom and me. But any inclinations?" Bruno asked.

"If the young master inquires, then this elf would prefer to serve the head of the household, yes, yes," Yubai replied, bowing his head.

Bruno glanced at Olivia, who got up from her chair and stood in front of the elf.

"While I'm still in the hunt for a proper residence, it appears you're under my wing now," she said, bestowing a genial smile.

The goblin who brought the elf here untied his tie and handed it to Yubai.

"Give this clothing to your future mistress standing before you," goblin instructed.

The ritual unfolded sans the grandiose theatrics that often decked the pages of fanfics. Yubai accepted the tie from the goblin, his trembling hand tenderly extending it to Olivia. A fluttering uncertainty shrouded his action, as though he half-expected her to reject the offering. Naturally, the goblin's tie was promptly reclaimed and restored to its rightful holder. Indeed, reinstating the tie wasn't a tenet of the ritual—it was simply a matter of practicality to return the goblin clothing.

She nodded to Bruno, confirming that the ritual of bonding was successfully completed. After understanding goblins' logic better, there was no point in expecting deceit from them. 

Goblins were not like wizards.

They returned to their seats. Next to Olivia, Yubai now stood submissively, with his belly visibly rounded, which looked quite comical.

"You're an unusual wizard, Mr. Green," Gornuk said.

"Trust me, I've noticed," Bruno replied, a light chuckle escaping his lips. He was observing the goblin with a cane, who was ready to rush to check the another Horcrux. "Mister Gornuk, the second item doesn't pose a direct threat to Gringotts' reputation. Instead, it will happen after the thief breaks into the Vault it stored. The real thing is that thief is so skilled that he will easily escape from the Vault, to be more specific, Vault number 713," Bruno said, omitting the forthcoming revelation that the vault would be empty by then.

Goblin's black eyes narrowed.

"Then we'll strengthen security and prevent that," Gornuk responded.

"Hold on a tick. Let's not rush the river this time. I'm intrigued by your statement about treating Voldemort like any other wizard. Did you mean it word for word?" Bruno inquired.

"If you're implying that he'll break into one of our vaults, we'll defend it with honor to the very end," Gornuk proudly replied.

"It's not worth doing that," Bruno said, then hastened to add as he noticed puzzled expressions. "It seems I know how to solve previous problem we were arguing about." He paused dramatically, then grinned serpent-like. "The tradition of auditing the vaults every ten years is still in the game?"

***

In the next episode…

"You cannot hide. I see you! There is no life in the mirror... Only death."

Alright, wizards and witches, here we are at the end of Chapter 5! High five! Well, let me tell you, it was a right struggle tryin' to get them negotiations flowin' all natural-like. First draft was like Bruno breezes into the bank, sorts everything in a flash, and comes out like a boss – major cringe! Hah. Had to redo, goblins' ways in mind. Hope I pulled it off as smooth as downin' a glass of butterbeer.

Trope with goblins in fanfic? Cool, for me. Deus Ex Goblins? Nah. Goblins ain't miracle workers, swoopin' in to fix every blasted issue. Goblins sniffin' out all them Horcruxes, and dismantlin' 'em like it be child's play – that gets my goat. There can be only one sniffin' Snuffles around!)) So, not how they roll in my tale. My aim was to show that teamin' up with goblin partnership's tricky, like the same thing with Griphook in canon.

House elves? They ain't the main muscle either. Don't expect 'em to flaunt like a phoenix in last-minute rescue mission. Truth is, I'm still tryin' to make sense of their limits and their place in the big picture. They'll probably be lendin' a hand from the sidelines. Anyway, thought it'd be smart to ask for a few elves as a reward, 'cause I ain't got a clue how much gold I can haggle from them goblins.

Hey, I reckon there ain't no harm in keepin' my notes rollin', right? Maybe I need post them less, eh? Anyway, what matters most for me is that you're enjoyin' the PadfootFic I’m spinnin’. So, enjoy.

I said enjoy, you cheeky rascals!!!

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