35

Hermione walked stiffly into her parents' kitchen on Monday morning. 'Good morning,' she said to her mother, who was seated at the table.

'Good morning, Hermione. How are you? You look a bit creaky.'

'That's how I feel as well, unfortunately—I did rather too much dancing on Saturday night, and it's caught up with me. It seems I've become too sedentary since leaving Hogwarts.'

'I suppose that's the downside of magical transport,' said her mother. 'You aren't walking to bus stops and transferring through tube stations like most people.'

'I've realised that, and I can see it's a problem. Lucinda was right—I need to start exercising regularly if I don't want to be dependent on pain potions for most of my life. Do you have any suggestions?'

'We can probably rule out horseback riding,' said Emily. 'But I'm sure there are any number of options at the leisure centre.'

Hermione felt a wave of discomfort—she had long made a practice of avoiding the nearby leisure centre. Her primary school tormentors used to congregate there, and the lack of teachers meant no one was around to stop them from teasing her.

'It's been years since I set foot inside,' said Hermione. 'What sort of facilities do they have now?'

'They improved it quite a bit while your father and I were in Australia. Now there's a 30-metre swimming pool, and quite a large gym with weights and cardiovascular machines. They also have fitness classes, which I'm always meaning to attend. The timetable should be in the folder next to the fridge.'

'I can't see myself attending a fitness class,' said Hermione, 'but perhaps Ryan could show me how to use the machines.' And protect me from bullies, she thought.

'Good idea. And maybe you and I could develop a habit of going there together—I suspect it would be good for both of us.'

'I'd like that.'

She'd felt closer to her parents since their evening with the Bellamys. Emily and Daniel were deeply affected by the story of how Walter's parents had been murdered, and although Hermione knew she wasn't forgiven for what she'd done, they seemed to understand her motivations better. It had also been a relief to discuss her own grandparents, whom she'd scarcely mentioned in the previous year.

'May I invite Ryan to dinner tonight?' asked Hermione. 'If we're going to talk about the situation with Nan and Grandpa, he'll have a lot to contribute.'

'I imagine he would. But would takeaway be all right? I have a late appointment this afternoon and won't have time to cook.'

'He'll eat anything, particularly if it's spicy and comes in vast quantities.'

Emily chuckled. 'Yes, I can believe it. We should be ready to order by half six, so make sure he's here by then, or else we'll have to surprise him.'

Hermione's morning continued as usual, travelling to the Ministry via Floo and riding the lift to her department. But she received more than the usual amount of sidelong glances, and she quickly realised why.

'He had no idea about the Chocolate Frogs in advance,' she announced, 'and the Prophet grossly exaggerated his net worth. And if he were anywhere near that arrogant, I'd let him have it.'

There was a collective sigh of relief, but also a new round of whispers. 'What about the threesome?' asked a wizard in the back.

'Er, that part is true,' said Hermione. 'But he didn't select them from the guests the way Rita described it.'

'And the vampire?' someone asked.

'There was no danger—the thralls were there to keep him in check. He was very interesting, actually. Former Gryffindor.'

'Oh, it was Alistair,' said the wizard. 'That's different.'

Hermione's announcement had the desired effect—that morning she noticed more than the usual quantity of people standing around gossiping, and her sharp hearing caught the phrases 'didn't know about the Chocolate Frogs' and 'not nearly that rich.' She also observed that a number of wizards, both young and old, were wearing flowers.

During their team meeting, Octavia announced that Director Ragnok had approved the written manifest of goblin artefacts the Ministry proposed returning. The next step was for Hermione to arrange a time for Harry to make the delivery. His name drew more whispers, prompting Hermione to repeat her lift announcement. She was dimly aware of some other inaccuracy in the article, possibly involving the schools, but she couldn't recall the details.

She'd arranged to take a long lunch, during which she joined Minerva and Bill in Hogsmeade at the Three Broomsticks. 'How are you?' she asked the headmistress. 'I hope you're not in any hot water about the house-elves.'

'No, not at all,' said Minerva. 'Although I never expected to see my name in an article with the words "Sex-filled bacchanal" in the headline.'

Bill chuckled and said, 'Poor Harry—I hope the article didn't upset him too much. Rita Skeeter certainly has it in for him.'

'She really does,' grumbled Hermione. 'It turns out she also added Veritaserum to the bottle of Firewhisky she gave him. Thank Merlin he didn't drink any.'

'No, it sounds like he saved his drinking for later,' smirked Bill. 'But is he doing all right?'

'He wasn't pleased—he was mortified in fact. I should state for the record that he doesn't have nearly as much gold as the sidebar alleged.'

'I didn't think so, but with the Blacks you never know.'

'How did Gabrielle take the news about the threesome?' asked Hermione.

'She was delighted, actually. She's very French and expects him to be a seasoned man of the world by the time she's old enough for him.'

'He seems to be heading that way,' said Minerva. 'Hermione, do you think he's all right? This seems like a lot of change in a short interval.'

'I think so. He's rather heartbroken over Helena, unfortunately, but he's bound to recover quickly with everything else happening in his life. And his teammates seem to be a good influence, for the most part.'

Minerva sighed. 'We were so focussed on just keeping him alive all those years—I don't think we dared anticipate what he might need in the aftermath, in order to recover.'

'I suppose it's a good problem to have,' said Bill. 'But anyway, we're here to talk about the Hogwarts wards, and how the process is going.'

'I was wondering why you wanted to see me,' said Hermione. 'What's going on with the Hogwarts wards? Is something the matter with them?'

Bill sighed. 'Minerva, as you can see, someone tampered with the Ministry wards as well.' He turned to Hermione and said, 'There are wizarding schools in Britain other than Hogwarts.'

Hermione blinked and shook her head quickly. 'Yes, of course. I got zapped again by the Ministry wards. Normally Ryan rings when he gets home from practice to remind me.'

'I'm certain that's not the only reason he rings,' said Bill wryly. 'Anyway, how are things going at Hogwarts?'

'We've made good progress,' said Minerva. 'We found the correct spot on the anchor stones, and Filius used a charm to verify that the wards were added during Phineas Nigellus's tenure. Bathsheda was able to remove them without any damage.'

'Excellent. Have you noticed any effect?'

'I still can't remember the other schools whilst I'm inside the castle, but you'll notice I didn't need reminding just now.'

'Good point, yes. So now it's just the secondary wards inside the pipes.'

'Yes,' said Minerva with a heavy sigh. 'But I still can't think of a way to locate all of them, much less remove them. If only Harry still spoke Parseltongue.'

'Are there any other small creatures who could fit, and who would be willing to cooperate with us?' asked Hermione.

'Not that I'm aware of. Fairies would fit, but they're far too capricious, and they don't like metal.'

'I can't believe I'm suggesting this,' said Hermione, 'but could a house-elf shrink to fit?'

'No,' said Minerva. 'I already asked Tufty.'

'Ghosts,' declared Bill. 'A ghost could do it.'

'Good thought. A ghost could help us locate the wards. But unfortunately they wouldn't be able to remove them.'

'Peeves could,' suggested Bill.

'You can't be serious! He'd probably add more wards, and flood the castle in the process.'

'Myrtle!' cried Hermione. 'Moaning Myrtle could do it. She's sometimes corporeal.'

'You're right,' said Minerva. Her eyes grew wide and she added, 'Which means she'd also be able to interrupt the pipe that's supplying the potion.'

'Good lord, she could fix everything,' said Bill. 'Do you think she'd be willing?'

'Good question,' said Hermione. 'She's not what I'd call cooperative.'

'Can we even talk to her outside the castle?' asked Bill. 'I thought ghosts can't usually travel beyond whatever building they haunt.'

'Myrtle can. Harry said he saw her in the lake during the Second Task.'

'Interesting. I wonder if that's related to her corporeality. But no matter ... how do we find her?'

'As far as I know she's usually in the second-floor girls' lavatory,' said Minerva. 'We'll need to ask if she'd be willing talk to us somewhere outside the castle.'

'We should eat lunch first,' said Bill, 'but let's go find her afterwards.'

Their food soon arrived, and they discussed their strategy for dealing with Myrtle. Hermione prepared written instructions for what they'd say to her, since they wouldn't be able to remember everything once inside the castle, and Minerva resolved to contact Minister for Magic Angela Budgeon to discuss the wards at the Ministry and the Prophet.

After eating, they went to Hogwarts and eventually found themselves outside Myrtle's bathroom. 'I'm not certain why I'm supposed to go into a girls' loo of all places,' said Bill. 'But apparently it's important, according to Hermione's notes.'

They entered and Hermione took the lead. 'Myrtle?' she called. 'Are you there? It's Hermione Granger.'

Myrtle passed through a closed stall door. 'What do you want? Why are you here during the holidays? Have you come to make fun of me?'

'Of course not, Myrtle. How are you doing?'

'How do you think I'm doing? I'm a ghost in a loo. Nobody wants to be a ghost in a loo.'

'I'm sorry, Myrtle. That was very insensitive of me. But I have a favour to ask.'

'I should have known,' grumbled Myrtle. 'Nobody ever visits me unless they need something.' She flew off and dove miserably into one of the toilets, causing water to splash on their shoes.

'It's a very important favour,' persisted Hermione. 'You would be doing something of historic value.'

Myrtle's head peeped over the rim of the toilet. 'Historic value?'

'Yes,' said Bill. 'They'd surely write about you in books.'

Myrtle narrowed her eyes. 'I know you. You're another Weasley. I was hoping your brother Fred would stick around and haunt the loo with me, but apparently he made a clean exit.'

Merlin, that's a relief, thought Hermione.

'I'm sorry to hear that, Myrtle,' said Bill. 'I think Fred would have made a splendid Hogwarts ghost.'

'Perish the thought!' exclaimed Minerva. 'He was enough trouble when he was alive. We'd have a second Peeves on our hands.'

'I think we're getting distracted,' said Hermione. 'Myrtle, would you be willing to talk with us somewhere outside the castle?'

'This is a trick!' cried Myrtle. 'You're trying to get rid of me.'

'No, of course not. It's just something we can't discuss inside Hogwarts.'

'Why not?'

Hermione had no idea how to respond, but Bill rescued her. 'It's top secret. It's essential that none of the other ghosts find out.'

'If no one can find out, how will I ever get written about in books?'

'Nobody can know in advance,' said Hermione. 'But after it's done, you'll be a heroine.'

'I don't believe you,' said Myrtle, who was still mostly submerged within a toilet. 'But I admit I'm curious, and that almost never happens when you're a ghost.'

'Will you meet us somewhere outside the castle, then? It doesn't need to be far—anywhere outside the stone walls is fine.'

Myrtle thought for a moment and said, 'How about the broomshed, near the Quidditch pitch?'

'That's perfect,' said Hermione. 'I imagine you can get there faster than we can, but we'll meet you straight away.'

When the three living humans arrived at the broomshed, Myrtle was hovering with an annoyed expression. 'I was ready to leave—I didn't think you were going to come. I thought it was another trick.'

'No, of course not. It just took a while to get here. But now we can tell you the whole story. Minerva, would you like to explain?'

'It was your discovery, Hermione. You should tell her.'

'All right. Myrtle, we've discovered that there are wards on Hogwarts and elsewhere that prevent people from knowing about the other wizarding schools in Great Britain.'

Myrtle looked puzzled. 'But there aren't any other wizarding schools in Britain.'

'No, that's just it. There are actually more than thirty other schools,' said Hermione. 'But the wards have prevented us from knowing about them until very recently.'

'Other schools in Great Britain?' Myrtle's eyes grew wide behind her enormous glasses. 'I must say, this answers a lot of questions I've had about wizarding society! Are they all boarding schools like Hogwarts?'

'No, they're mostly day schools.'

'I could have gone to a day school? I might still be alive if I'd gone somewhere besides Hogwarts!' She flew angrily about the broomshed and even knocked some of the brooms from their hooks.

'That was my reaction as well,' said Hermione. 'And they even offered summer electives on Muggle subjects.'

'I could have studied Muggle subjects during the summers?' cried Myrtle.

'Exactly!' said Hermione. 'It's an outrage, isn't it?'

'It is! But what do you want me to do about it?'

'Quite a lot, actually. We've solved the first part of the problem, which was to remove a memory-modifying ward from the anchor stones. But it turns out there are numerous secondary wards inside the pipes, so we're hoping you can find and remove them.'

'Without destroying the pipes,' added Minerva.

'Did you study Ancient Runes?' asked Bill.

'Of course I did,' snapped Myrtle. 'I was in Ravenclaw, after all.'

'Yes, naturally,' said Hermione. 'The second part of the task, and the most important one, is to find and disconnect a pipe leading from the lake into the castle's water intake system. It's adjacent to the Slytherin dungeons apparently.'

'I know the place,' said Myrtle. 'I've often wondered about that pipe.'

'Are you willing to help us then?' asked Hermione.

Myrtle looked coolly at her. 'What's it worth to you?'

'What do you mean, what's it worth to me?'

'You heard me. I want something in return.'

'But there's nothing we can give you,' said Bill. 'You're a ghost.'

'You don't think I know I'm a ghost?' snapped Myrtle. 'I realise you were all Gryffindors, so you're probably daft, but I assure you I'm not.'

The Sorting Hat offered me Ravenclaw, said a small voice in Hermione's mind, but she didn't repeat it aloud.

'I apologise, Myrtle,' said Hermione. 'Of course you know you're a ghost. But we're not aware of anything we can offer you in return.'

'I can think of something,' said Myrtle, smiling. 'I want to go on a date with Harry Potter.'

All three of them were stunned, and Myrtle took advantage of their silence to continue. 'I want to go on a date with Harry Potter. I saw the articles in the Prophet—I want him to wear robes and flowers and take me out on a date.'

'Where could he take you?' asked Hermione tentatively. 'How far are you able to travel from Hogwarts?'

'I don't know. Definitely not Diagon Alley, which is unfortunate, because I'd love to go to that French restaurant. But I could probably manage Hogsmeade.'

Bill turned to Hermione and Minerva. 'They have private rooms at the Three Broomsticks. He could take her there.'

'No,' said Myrtle. 'It has to be in public. And I want to be photographed as well.'

'Do ghosts even show up in photographs?' asked Minerva.

'I don't know,' said Myrtle. 'But we'll find out.'

'And you won't help us beforehand?' asked Bill.

'I might look around the pipes, just to satisfy my own curiosity. But I won't fix anything until I go on my date. And I want the Prophet to run an article about it.'

'But why?' asked Hermione.

'So Olive Hornby finds out, of course.'

'I thought she was dead.'

'She is,' said Myrtle with satisfaction. 'But some of her friends are still living, and if she can see them she'll surely learn about it.' She looked at them squarely. 'So what's it going to be?'

'We can't give you an answer yet,' said Minerva. 'It's up to Harry.'

'I can wait,' replied Myrtle, folding her arms.

Hermione sighed. 'All right, I'll talk to Harry this week and owl Minerva his reply. Thank you for being so cooperative.'

'I hope Harry is cooperative too,' said Myrtle, waggling her eyebrows.

Minerva walked Bill and Hermione to the Hogwarts gates. 'We certainly made progress, but do you think Harry will agree to a date, in public?'

'I'm sure he will,' said Hermione. 'He feels as strongly about the problem as we do. But heaven help him when this appears in the Prophet—the other Seekers will tear him to pieces.'

'Yes, you're right,' said Minerva. 'As much as I'm a Magpies fan, he should definitely wait until after Saturday's match. Gilstrap is apparently a menace in that regard.'

Bill smirked and said, 'At least she didn't demand a threesome.'

Minerva chuckled and Hermione laughed out loud. 'Good point,' she said. 'I'll have to use that on Harry in case he protests.'

After saying goodbye, she returned the Ministry for the afternoon and then went home to wait for Ryan's call after practice.

She didn't have to wait long. 'Hermione, I've spoken with my mother, and she has some ideas about charms for repairing the tapestry. She's at home, so we can meet there if you like. I'll wait for you in the back garden.'

'That's perfect—see you soon.'

Hermione followed the protocol he'd taught her and Apparated into the garden shed. The flame was green, so she stepped out and found him standing there, ready to embrace her.

'Hello,' she said after they'd kissed. 'How was practice today?'

'A bit brutal, actually. We were instructed to taunt the hell out of Harry, and he took it rather hard at first.'

'Oh dear. I can't say I like that aspect of Quidditch.'

'Normally it's more fun than anything, but with Harry it's entirely different. And it's only going to get worse now that he's proven he's such a good Seeker. If he were mediocre the others wouldn't bother.'

'He wouldn't be playing league Quidditch if he were mediocre. Even if some team wanted to hire him just because he's famous, he wouldn't have done it.'

'Certainly not,' said Ryan. 'Shall we go inside?'

'Yes, though the garden is so beautiful that I hate to leave it.'

They walked inside and found Lucinda sitting at the dining room table, engrossed in one of several open books. Without looking up she said, 'Hermione—I'm glad you've come. I think I have just the spells you'll need.'

Hermione was surprised Lucinda didn't acknowledge Ryan, but she knew she herself had tunnel vision when books were involved. 'That's great news,' she replied.

Lucinda looked up. 'It's an interesting problem, but the solution is actually quite simple. I know Harry's had some very proficient casters in the house, but they were never going to succeed using a Latin-based charm.'

'Of course! The tapestry is bound to be Middle Eastern!'

'Exactly. So you'll need a Turkish or Iranian charm—I've found both.' She handed Hermione a piece of lined paper torn from a spiral notebook. 'The wand motions are similar ... if we had a Persian carpet lying around I'd scorch it just for the fun of repairing it, but unfortunately we haven't.'

'That's quite all right,' replied Hermione, moving her wand to match the diagrams Lucinda had copied for her. 'Do you want to witness the repairs on the actual tapestry? I'm certain Harry would like to meet you.'

'I'd love to see it, but what I really want is to look through his library. Do you know if there are any books on healing? They're a bit hard to come by, unfortunately.'

'Yes, there's a whole section—I should have thought to mention it. I imagine Harry will be home tomorrow afternoon between the end of practice and his broadcast at seven o'clock. Would you be available sometime in there?'

'For a chance at the Black family library, I'll make the time. They must have remarkable old spellbooks.'

Hermione lit up. 'There are healing charms and potions in the Grimoire!'

'You've seen their Grimoire? How did you manage it?'

'We fooled it into believing Harry and I are married. Nothing serious, it only required a few drops of Harry's and my blood on a charmed detection plate.'

'That's good—I'm certain Ryan would be heartbroken if it turned out you were married. He's awfully sensitive for such a hulking beast.'

'I'm right here, you know,' interjected Ryan.

'Of course you are, dear,' said Lucinda, who stood up to give her son a kiss. 'How are you? Did you enjoy today's bout of Quaffle-tossing?'

Hermione had to bite her lip to keep from laughing. 'Yes, Mum. And how was your brewing?'

'No brewing today, just charms, charms, and more charms. But I wish I had someone to experiment on—it would be unethical to practise on pets. And I can't make your father sick for scientific purposes. I'm ashamed to admit I've caught myself wishing he were more accident-prone.'

'Should I ask if my parents are willing?' asked Hermione.

Lucinda's eyes lit up. 'Now there's an idea! Two more middle-aged Muggles to play with ... do they have any ailments?'

'My father has a bad shoulder from an old rowing injury, but otherwise they're pretty sound, as far as I know.'

'That could be fun, I've been working on charms to repair muscles and tendons. Do you think he'd be up for it?'

'I don't know. Is there any risk of it going wrong somehow?'

'I shouldn't think so. I certainly haven't had that problem when I've worked on Walter. But please don't exert any pressure on my behalf—it's your father's decision entirely.'

'I'll ask him tonight. I confess I've been thinking about how you might help them, ever since I first learnt about your project.'

'It would be nice to treat people without having to modify their memories,' said Lucinda. 'I always dread that part. You know how it is ... that horrible lost look after you've done it.'

Hermione sighed, remembering how her parents had looked that awful morning. 'Yes, I don't think I could ever forget it.'

Lucinda shook her head in disgust. 'And to think there are wizards who use memory charms as a matter of course, simply because they can't be bothered to use a ticket machine or wait their turn in a queue.'

Hermione nodded uncomfortably, recalling the time she Confunded Cormac McLaggen to keep him off the Gryffindor Quidditch team.

'Hermione, don't we need to go to your parents' house now, for dinner?' asked Ryan.

She began to say, 'No, we have a solid–' until she noticed the look in his eyes. 'Oh right, they want us there early.'

Lucinda burst out laughing. 'I wasn't born yesterday—go on then.'

Hermione was blushing but managed to say, 'I'll ring you to confirm tomorrow evening. Thanks again for finding those charms, and I'll ask my father whether he's willing for you to work on his shoulder.'

'Wonderful, I'll talk to you soon.'

After a very pleasant hour at Ryan's flat, they arrived at Hermione's parents' house to look at the takeaway menu and place their order. Ryan offered to go collect it, which drew praise afterwards from Daniel.

'I never expected to meet a wizard who knows how to drive,' he said approvingly. 'Hermione doesn't know how, and I don't think Harry does either.'

'Arthur Weasley knows how to drive, and some of Ron's brothers do as well,' protested Hermione, leaving out the part where Ron drove his father's charmed Ford Anglia when he was twelve.

'Yes, but wasn't that an enchanted car? Arthur told me how many modifications he'd made—I'm certain a child could have driven it. Ryan, by contrast, appears to have brought our manual-transmission Vauxhall home in one piece.'

Hermione smiled, proud of her boyfriend. 'Yes, you're right that hardly any wizards know how to drive. I should probably learn how.'

'Would you permit me to add some safety charms to the car?' asked Ryan. 'Nothing too invasive—just some frame and glass reinforcements, and also Cushioning charms.'

'Could you really?' asked Emily. 'That would be tremendous.'

'Yes, I'd be happy to, and I can show Hermione the particulars. Though I'm certain she could work them out on her own,' he said affectionately.

'Actually,' started Hermione, 'on a related topic ... Lucinda has been training herself as a Healer for several years, with the goal of extending Walter's lifespan and keeping close friends and family in better health. She'll have to modify the memories of everyone but Walter, but she feels it's the lesser of two evils compared with letting someone die slowly of cancer.'

'Oh my goodness,' exclaimed Emily. 'Is that permitted? Treating Muggles, that is?'

'No,' said Ryan. 'That's why she's teaching herself—if she were to train formally she'd have to take an oath never to treat Muggles beyond basic first aid.'

'One of the reasons I mention it,' continued Hermione, 'is that she's looking for guinea pigs. Dad, if you're willing, it sounds as though she can fix your shoulder.'

'Really?' said Daniel. 'That is interesting. Is there any risk of side effects? I assume there's not much research on how magical healing affects Muggles.'

'Actually, there are numerous anecdotes about successful Muggle healings,' said Ryan. 'From before the Statute of Secrecy was established. In fact there's a connection between the two, since magical Healers were being overrun.'

Daniel looked at Emily and asked, 'How would you feel about it? I know you're squeamish about having too much magic around the house.'

'I haven't a leg to stand on, now that I've engaged Hermione to enlarge our closets and the lounge. I'll leave it up to you.'

'I suppose I should sleep on it, but my immediate answer is yes, by all means. I'd resigned myself to having a bum shoulder—I don't let it stop me from doing anything, but I'd much rather be shot of it.'

'My mother will be glad to hear it. I'll leave you her phone number so you can arrange a time. She can come here, of course.'

'House calls and everything!' exclaimed Emily. 'That might be more surprising than the magical healing part.'

Their conversation eventually drifted to Hermione's grandparents, and how the relationship might be salvaged. 'It's pretty bad,' admitted Hermione. 'I haven't seen them in years, and the last time we even spent Christmas together was when I was twelve. Ever since then I spent Christmas either at Hogwarts or with the Weasleys.'

'Really, not since you were twelve?' asked Ryan, surprised. 'I'm sorry, that was insensitive of me. I know you were already helping Harry fight Voldemort at that age.'

'Yes, I was,' said Hermione. She was a little hurt by Ryan's reaction, but she was also glad he'd stated the reason she'd avoided spending holidays with her family.

'It was hard for us, letting her stay at Hogwarts over the holidays,' explained Emily. 'But we knew how important her friends were to her, and we didn't want to interfere with that.'

'What she's not saying was that I hadn't any friends before I went to Hogwarts, and they were relieved I'd finally made some.'

Ryan looked at her tenderly. 'I'm so sorry you went through that. It's no wonder you threw yourself so fully into the wizarding world.'

'Yes,' said Emily, 'I suppose she'd have kept up her Muggle side if she'd been treated better. But you didn't even get on well with your cousins, did you?'

'The twins? No, they were never very nice to me.' Hermione had twin cousins a year older than her, a boy and a girl. 'How did they turn out, by the way? I've never even asked.'

'They're both at university now. Jenny's reading maths at Bristol and Albert is studying law at the LSE,' said Emily.

'And I'm the drug-addicted family dropout,' said Hermione, looking down at her plate.

'That can't possibly be what they think,' said Ryan.

'It's not far off,' said Emily. 'I haven't said anything specific to my parents in a while—they no longer ask—but they've deduced she's not at university, and they probably doubt she even sat her A-levels.'

'Oh, Hermione!' exclaimed Ryan. 'And to think, in the wizarding world you're a hero and a role model.'

'Not always. I was "Undesirable Number Two" after all.'

'That hardly counts.' Ryan turned to Daniel and Emily and asked, 'How do we fix this? Can I help in some way?'

'I suppose it couldn't hurt to bring around a clean-cut boyfriend,' mused Emily. 'What's your cover story?'

'My Muggle counterpart read history at Durham University, and now I have an exceedingly boring job as a junior researcher at a Cambridge think tank, courtesy of an unnamed friend of my father's.'

'Why Durham?' asked Daniel.

'It was nowhere near where any of my friends were attending university.'

Emily looked at Hermione and said, 'I don't think we can just plop you directly into a prestigious university, but it would be nice to get you back on track. Do you think a Further Education college would be plausible?'

'You mean say I'm taking my A-levels next June, and then proceed to university after that?'

'That could work,' said Ryan.

'It's a bit ironic, considering I had eleven O.W.L.s and will probably have ten N.E.W.T.s, but that's just my wounded pride talking.'

'Yes, and it's ironic that Ryan's Muggle relations think he's a junior researcher when he's actually a star athlete,' observed Emily.

'What's wrong with being a junior researcher?' protested Hermione. 'That's essentially what I am.'

'You're right, dear. I apologise.'

'But what about the interim?' asked Daniel. 'As far as your parents know, Hermione's been living on the streets since she finished attending her dubious boarding school.'

'That's not so far from the truth, at least during what should have been my seventh year. But we can hardly say I was living in a magical tent whilst fighting a war.'

'No, certainly not. But perhaps you were living with friends and working? That was when we were in Australia, you know,' said Emily.

'Couldn't she have come to Australia with you?' asked Ryan.

'No,' said Hermione. 'When I memory charmed my grandparents, I specifically made them believe only my parents had moved. I didn't want Death Eaters hunting down my parents in an attempt to find me.'

'I think your best cover story is an estrangement,' said Ryan. 'That reduces the need to make Hermione look like she hit rock bottom.'

'That makes sense,' replied Emily, nodding. 'I knew kids who couldn't get along with their parents and went their own way for several years before reconciling.'

'And it suits Hermione's independent streak,' added Daniel. 'She's certainly capable of taking care of herself, even without magic.'

'Do you think she could skip the FE college, then, and go straight to university?' proposed Ryan. 'She'd already be a year into it.'

'You're right, good idea. We could just claim an estrangement and say that she'd returned and already had a year of university under her belt. What do you think?'

Hermione looked up hopefully. 'I must say, I prefer that to the drug-addicted street-urchin scenario.'

'You'd make an adorable street urchin,' said Ryan, smiling. 'Though I'd just as soon leave out the drug addiction.'

'Agreed,' said Daniel. 'And where do you fit into all this, Ryan?'

'Are you saying I could have met him in Cambridge?' she asked excitedly.

'That's not what I was saying, but it makes sense, now that you mention it.'

'Do you think that would be convincing?' asked Emily. 'My mother would want to brag if Hermione were enrolled at the University of Cambridge, and someone might be able to poke holes in the story.'

'It wouldn't have to be one of the old colleges,' said Hermione. 'We could pick one of the newer ones.'

Emily nodded thoughtfully. 'Yes, that might dampen her enthusiasm a bit. I'm certain she'd be relieved you were at university at all.'

'Are you sure you're all right with this?' asked Hermione. 'It puts more of the blame onto you and Dad.'

'It seems only fair we distribute it,' said Daniel, 'considering we can't blame the actual culprit.'

'Voldemort, you mean?'

'I was going to say "evil wizards," but yes.'

Hermione felt a burden lifting—one she hadn't realised she'd been carrying. 'Merlin, what a relief! I never thought we'd come up with a solution this easily.'

'There's another problem,' said Emily. 'Your language. You can't just blurt out "Merlin" all the time.'

'Oh dear, you're right. Although it's such an ingrained habit by now.'

'My mother had to train herself out of it,' said Ryan. 'Fortunately I never picked up much wizarding slang, mostly because she stopped me whenever I started.'

'Any suggestions?' asked Hermione.

'You could say "mercy,"' said Emily.

'Or "merde,"' suggested Daniel.

Hermione smiled. 'I suppose Fleur is always telling me to practice my French. All right, I'll see what I can do. But you have to point it out when I slip up.'

'Do we need a swear jar?' asked Daniel.

'Perhaps, but which currency would she use?'

'Wizarding, of course. One Sickle for every slip-up,' replied Ryan.

'She'll never learn at that rate,' said Daniel. 'I say Galleons.'

'That's more than five pounds!' protested Hermione.

'Fine, three Sickles. That's about a pound.'

Hermione nodded. 'What do we do with the funds raised?'

'That all depends on how often you take Merlin's name in vain, and how quickly you replace it with good old-fashioned blasphemy,' replied Daniel, and everyone laughed.

'Ryan, we're depending on you to keep her honest,' said Emily. 'I'm certain you hear more exclamations from her than we do.'

'Mum!' cried Hermione, turning beet red. 'You're incorrigible!'

'I think we're getting some insight into how the estrangement started,' said Daniel.'

'You mean Mum drove me away with her lurid insinuations?' scowled Hermione. 'That seems highly plausible.'

'Don't make that face at me,' said Emily, grinning. 'I've earned the right to tease you and I'm taking full advantage.'

'Fine. But that means I get to stay with Ryan tonight.'

Ryan's eyes popped open, and his very happy look of surprise elicited laughs from both Hermione and her mother. 'May I clear the table?' he asked, by way of changing the topic.

'Yes, and you can do the washing up as well,' said Daniel, who didn't appear amused.

'Oh, Dad ... admit you like him a thousand times better than you did Ron.'

Daniel mumbled something about 'multiples of zero,' and Hermione swatted him. 'Ryan, you seem to be very good for Hermione,' said Daniel. 'And yes, I'll ring your mother tomorrow about my shoulder. I'll be very interested in whether that works.'

Before she and Ryan left through the fireplace, Hermione hugged both her parents and said, 'Thanks for being so accepting of Ryan ... I know it's hard for you, Daddy. And I'm glad we've formed a plan for Nan and Grandpa.'

'I am too,' said Emily. 'They'll be so happy to see you again—I'll gladly take some of the blame to help make that happen.'

When Hermione and Ryan arrived at his flat, she gave him a big hug and said, 'Thank you. I literally might never have seen my grandparents again if I hadn't met you. I hope you'll come meet them, in the role of my wonderful boyfriend who attended Durham University and has a tedious job at some think tank.'

'I'd be honoured to. And I hope you'll meet my Muggle friends as well.'

'So they'll stop throwing women into your path?'

'No ... so they can see for themselves how wonderful you are, and how happy you make me.'

Hermione beamed up at him, and they spent a very sweet evening together before eventually curling into bed. As she drifted to sleep she imagined introducing Ryan to her grandparents, and telling them she'd taken care of herself and started university, and hadn't been a disappointment after all.