A Lost soul

Firstly I would like to introduce myself. I am Sam . I can make any conversation awkward by being myself. Thus I mostly had to pretend to be someone who I am not. I had studied in a mixed school from my kindergarten but still I am not comfortable talking to the opposite gender. I know we live in 21st century where anyone can be anything they like and gender is just a psychologically created barrier, still I struggle . The main problem is my self confidence. The problem is not that its extremely low or extremely high . It's not consistent it can go upto the moon and come down to the core of the earth . Consistency is something that I struggle with my entire life. I can do amazing work if I put my mind to it but the next day it vanishes. my enthusiasm and the work that I put it the other day , everything's gone . Where have I gone wrong? Have I no passion in anything? or am I yet to find myself. I can say to myself that I am just in my early 20s and I still have time. But that would just be comforting words without any push . It can bring back my passion or did I have it in the 1st place? Everyday I find myself scrolling through my phone browsing Google, seeing YouTube videos, Netflix etc without any passion. It's as if I am going with the flow . I feel like a robot. I know people using these platforms and enjoying . The problem with me is that I am stuck with guilt every time I use these. I feel lost in a cloud of negative thoughts. You might tell me to stop since it gives such a bad impact to me . But I am doing this every day, its somehow became addictive. I have a weak willpower. I am not capable of doing this myself. I did ask for a professional help but its effect also didn't last so far. I want to move forward .