GACHA GACHA GAHAGAGH!

[Aster POV]

"Oh…My…God!" I said in my best Joseph Joestar voice, watching this beautiful red-haired woman approach me. 'Holy Gyaaat!' 

"Hello, young man, I am Himeko," she said while smiling and looking between my disciple and me. Her eyes then looked to see October in my disciple's arms in a princess carry. "What happened to March?" She asked with concern plaguing her face.

'March? What's that? A food?' I looked confused as she asked that. 

She watched me make my face as she reiterated, "The girl your friend is carrying…" 

"Ah!" I say as I hit my fist into my palm. "Of course! Though I didn't know her name was March…" 

'What an odd nickname you have, May 5th.'

"Well, she passed out after facing her greatest fear," I said with pride in my voice. "It took a lot of bravery to do what she did, and now she's getting a much-deserved rest." 

She raised her eyebrows at this before looking at the passed-out March(?) and then looking back at me.

"Well, thank you for getting her back to safety." She says, looking at me full of gratitude before looking at my attire. "Have you seen a certain boy around here?"

"Ah, yes! You mean that spear guy, right? Yeah, he was around here earlier, but he disappeared. He was probably doing some side quest…"

"Well, I can see that he shared his outfit with you…" She then walked over to a box on one of those sci-fi spinning office chairs. She took out a fresh-looking shirt that looked like those scientist guys' outfits.

"Here." She said as she handed it to me. The outfit included a pair of pants, a yellow shirt, and one of those lab coats the people here use. "It may be temporary, but it's better than just using half of Dan Heng's coat."

' Yooo! She's so nice.' Also, this coat thing seems to have a lot of pockets, which are perfect. I quickly changed clothes while my disciple put Saint Quartz girl down on one of the chairs.

"Allow me to introduce myself, Miss Himeko!" Using my new lab coat, I began to pose by crossing my arms across my body, covering my mouth with my right arm and my other arm going the opposite below.

'I so nailed that pose, Suck it Okabe!' 

"I… am Aster! Traveler of the stars…The best gambler ever… and a practitioner of the Dao of the bat!" I say while I use my sheer willpower to generate a gust of wind to make my coat flutter.

She looks at me for a second…before blinking.

"..."

She then begins to giggle. 'Man, she is just so beautiful.'

"That was a delightful intro, Aster." She says, looking amused. She then looks towards my disciple. "And who is this?"

"I am St-" 

"She is my disciple!" I cut her off as I crossed my arms again, smug as hell.

My disciple looked upset before continuing, "I am Stelle." she then looked at me, "and this is my "Saviour."" she said while making quotation hand signs.

"UMU!" I say, agreeing to everything she said. 'I thought her name was disciple tho…Who names their kid after a star…Weirdos.'

"Well, make yourself comfortable. We have a lot of time to wait as the space station is still missing its lead researcher." She says before walking over to the unconscious primogem.

-

At this moment, time began to freeze as the world became painted in a gray filter, and everything froze around me. I instinctively brought out my only bat left before I found myself at a familiar wheel. 

"We meet again, you big wheel bastard!" I say before pointing my bat at it like some anime character. My bat glowed in raw power as I focused on my one true enemy in life, the Gacha.

I was about to attack before a window appeared before the wheel, forcing me to read it.

"..."

[Warp Unlocked!]

[Starter Gift awarded! Thank you for playing!]

'Wha? Starter gift??? I gaze at the mail icon before clicking it immediately. 

[1x Free Spin on the Limited SSR wheel]

[160 Stellar Jades]

'WHOOOOOO!' "Gacha gacha gacha gacha gacha gacha gacha gacha gacha gacha. " I started to run around in circles as the idea of free rolls fuelled me.

After I eventually calmed down, I looked back at the wheel. It had changed and now had a traditional banner, although there was something weird about it…

"..."

"WHY DOES IT ONLY HAVE MY BATS ON IT???"

"I WANTED BIG BOOBA LADIES NOT A BANNER OF MY OLD BATS!" 

I screamed into the empty void as my wishes for hot women were dashed as there was just a billboard sign of one of my stronger bats in clip art form.

"DAMMIT!" I slam the ground with my fist as I rest my knees on the void floor.

-

-

After letting out my frustration on a conveniently spawned training dummy that appeared next to me. I returned to the gacha banner. It apparently took 160 of these stellar jade things to roll once, and I looked at the window which had a display counter of the current amount in my knapsack which added up to 4700. 

There was also an option to exchange these things called "credits" into stellar jade but the ratios were insane as it took a million of these things for a single roll.

Giving up, I walked towards the source of humanity's suffering and did what I did best…

Roll

Roll

Roll

"..."

"..."

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAahaha…

Damn you, gacha… I got absolutely nothing. I can't believe it follows me even here…

Behind me was a pile of plates filled with Mapo tofu and Black keys. 

'I AM NOT EVEN IN FGO! WHY???'

I spent it all, even the credit things I found. I was certified broke right now, and it felt awful.

I looked towards my hand at my last hope as the glowing gold ticket I held still radiated that shimmering radiance. 'One free SSR, huh? Which one of my bats classifies as an SSR?'

'Could it be a bat from the 1000 series?'

Or maybe one of the more forbidden ones…

"Ah well…Caution to the wind and whatnot' 

WE ROLL!

The wheel started to radiate a rainbow sparkle as if it was directly copying a certain gacha game. It then began to slow down before landing on a result that sparkled gold. 

"Ah," I said in realization

[Congratulations! You win!!!]

[Gained 1x Bat-335 | "The Gate Of Bat-ylon"]

Well, if there was a bat to get…this one worked.

Goodbye pockets and hello infinite storage of bats.

Like a certain golden man, I held my hand to my head before…

"HeheheheHAHAHAHAHA" I began laughing maniacally as I held my hand out for a golden bat to appear before golden portals appeared behind me.

The only downside was that the portals only contained my mundane bats, not the series-rated bats. 'Damn you, gacha! Where is the good stuff??'

-

It was then that the space faded as time resumed. There was just one problem, tho…

I had taken off my shirt in my mad Gilgamesh moment and stood right before Himeko.

She looked at me bewildered, as if I had magically lost my clothes in front of her. I could see the cogs turning in her head as I immediately got dressed again. 

However, before she could say anything, the door behind us blasted open as a torrent of water blasted through. Leaving me absolutely soaked… "FUCK I JUST PUT THIS ON!"

As I was about to unleash Bat-ylon on the would-be intruder, their silhouette revealed itself. It was the Genshin guy! He was back, and he had a new outfit! For some reason, he wore a long-flowing outfit with longer hair and had grown horns.

'He looked like some Arknights Character…'

It looked like he was dragging two people behind him as he had one in each arm that was just being dragged on the floor.

"Apologies," he said, looking incredibly tired.

"The elevator wasn't working…" said the dragon man before faceplanting into the floor and joining the other two beside him.

"..."

'Wait, isn't that the girl I clubbed earlier???'

******

[Accessing Database]

[Welcome Admin]

[Asters Bat Log]

[Bat-666 | Codename "Orphan Obliterator"]

Description:

"Techno Never dies" - Aster

This bat was one of Aster's personal favorites when he was on his home planet. He acquired it after a gacha ritual went wrong and summoned a suit-clad individual. He claimed to be someone important from the underworld, going by the initials of L.M. 

This person offered Aster a deal of ∞ Gacha Currency at the cost of his soul. What he didn't realize was that Aster had already given his soul away…to the grind. So, as he was giving out the proposition, Aster shoved Bat-777(Cross Bat) into the mouth of the figure before he exploded into a pile of ashes.

Aster then used the ashes and the blood of his goth neighbor to forge a new bat. This bat, coined the "Ophan Obliterator," was a black obsidian bat equipped with a hilt and handguard. 

It was part of Aster's "Sharp Series" of bats, which did "blunt" damage to enemies and had a (50%) bonus break effect on those without parents. 

During its initial trial period, the bat would give screams of the damned as well as bleed crimson blood in a trail whenever he swung it. 

At first, Aster thought it was cool; however, when he swung it in his room as he normally does to practice his bat angles, some of the blood landed on his limited-addition Kiana Kaslana poster. This enraged him, as the poster started to melt. In righteous fury, Aster spent 12 hours performing continuous "maintenance" on Bat-666 to make it "all better" using Bat-777.

Nowadays, Aster uses Bat-666 to cut his fruit and spread butter on his toast, and when some of those weird folks from the Vatican come by. When people see Bat-666, they begin to tremble and run away. 

This helped Aster avoid Mormons and IRS agents as he would just leave it outside by his door, and nothing would approach. Sometimes, he left his door wide open because he was lazy, and not even the wind dared to go past Bat-666.

To this day, bat-666 is left lying in his room after Aster had passed, untouched. Nobody has gone within a 100-foot radius of the house. If one were to get close, you could almost hear the demonic voices from the bat whimper as if it was still being "maintenced" by Aster. An echo of its legendary 12-hour session that, for the bat, has not ended. 

Time is relative, after all…