Chapter 47

I sit back in the rear of the car, staring up to the window of the white room where I can only see Namjoon's face. He looks ashen with worry and it hurts me to be leaving like this, but I need a little space to clear my head and think about what I really want. He is gesturing to someone opposite who I presume is Jimin. I asked Polly to let me leave before telling them I had gone. My plan is to check into a hotel for the night, and kindly Polly is calling ahead to a local B&B for me. She has been lovely, and at no point have I felt judged or like she wanted to find out what was going on just for gossiping reasons. I think she gets that I feel a little trapped in this situation and need an escape.

I turn off my phone, but not before texting Lori just to say:

-This is going to be a long story. I need a bit of time first. I am ok, don't worry. Turning off phone to conserve my battery and won't be home to either flat tonight. I will speak to you tomorrow. I hope you have enjoyed your night. 😘-

I breathe out a little sigh and close my eyes. Panic attacks really take it out of me. I'm sure I will drop off. The movement of a car so soothing when you are sleepy. I pull my coat over me and use it like a blanket. It's gotten a little chilly out and after all I am essentially in just underwear.

I hear a faint voice calling "miss, miss, we are at the B&B miss". I rouse and apologise to the driver for dropping off and he smiles at me. I lean forward and open my purse, asking how much I owe him and he tells me the club pay his wages so there is no money to exchange hands. I thank him and exit the vehicle. I put my coat on and do it up. I don't want to draw attention to myself.

The B&B is very pretty. A large white house that looks like it has been pulled from the pages of a Jane Austen novel. The door is in the centre with large windows either side reminding me of a dolls house. There are window baskets with beautiful red and purple flowers mixed with green shrubs on every window and also a few potted plants dotted along the path I need to walk up. To the left of the house are 2 large willow trees and on the right a large bush with bright yellow flowers on it.

I get to the door and turn the door handle, pushing it inwards and i'm now in a small hallway. There is a bell above the door which rings as it closes. I stand wondering if I need to call out for anyone, but my thoughts are interrupted by a lady stepping out of one of the side rooms. It's about 1am I think, so I immediately apologise for the late hour, and she holds her hand up to hush me and says "No need for apologies Miss Thomson, Polly has explained your situation to me and we understand. I'm just glad we have a room free for you". I smile, again Polly has been amazing and so far this lady seems really sweet too.

"Welcome to white willows. I'm Sylvia, I own this fabulous place with my Husband Jeff. He is asleep as his day starts very early. I'm a night owl and don't sleep much" she says with a faint chuckle. "I have you in room 2 upstairs. Follow me lovey". I do as instructed and we climb the staircase up to the 1st floor. The decoration is quaint, not flashy, very Laura Ashley. She shows me to a door at the end of the hallway and unlocks it, passing me the key. "Polly said you might be in need of something a bit more comfortable to sleep in so there is one of my nighties on the bed for you. I fear it might be a little too big for you though. You have an en-suite and everything you will need is in there. Breakfast is served between 7 and 9, would you like us to bring you something up to the room? I doubt you are going to want to come down in either the nightie or your current outfit" again she chuckles. "That would be lovely thank you" I say back to her. "Ok dear, I will bring you a selection of things in the morning about 8am. I hope you sleep well" she turns to head back downstairs and I thank her again.

I close the door behind me and place the key and my bag on the side table to my left. I hang my coat on the back of the door and glance around the room getting my bearings. The main room is square, a large window on the left wall with heavy mint green drapes and a chair in the corner. A small double bed in front of me with crisp looking white sheets and a bed side table each side with small pink lamps on them. The entrance to the en-suite on my right and small wardrobe behind the door. I step into the bathroom and there is a freestanding roll top bath a sink and toilet. Over the sink is a mirror that has the look of Hollywood, you know the ones with the lightbulbs all around it.

I walk to it and look at the reflection. What stares back at me is a tired, panda eyed wreck. There is a little vanity unit around the base of the sink. I have a little look and find a toothbrush, brand new in the packet and a small tube of toothpaste and some wipes. I glance at the bath and decide I will get in and have a soak. I set the water to a nice temperature and put in the plug. I sit on the toilet and pull off my boots, unhook the collar from my neck with the clasp at the back and struggle to undo the corset. After much fiddling I manage to get enough of the ribbon loose to be able to slip it down and spin it around to undo it fully. I unzip the skirt and pull that off and peel the leather thong off of my skin.

I step into the bath take the complimentary sponge out of its plastic wrapping throwing that in the neighbouring waste paper bin and dip it in the water. I lather it up and start to wash away the night. I lay down and submerge my head keeping my eyes tightly closed. I stay under until my air runs out and sit up with a gasp. I attempt to wipe off my makeup with the wipes and make my skin feel sore. I sit until the water cools. My mind is working overtime. I need to figure out what I want.