Chapter 12: Aroused Too Much To Handle

As I walk downstairs I hear Darius talking to somebody behind closed doors.

"It's not safe, Alpha."

"Do I need you to tell me that?" Darius replies with a deep voice. "We'll collect twenty men and spread across the border. The rest will stay here to protect our pack. We will put an end to this for good."

I've had it with this secret meetings behind my back. I march angrily toward the door.

"We'll meet in front in an hour. You're dismissed," he instructs them in a hurry, just as I open the door without knocking.

"Good morning, Luna," the men greet me on their way out. I wait for their footsteps to fade, piercing Darius with a deadly stare.

"How long have you been standing there?" he asks without coming closer.

I enter, slamming the door. "Not long enough," I cross my arms. "You'll have to fill me in in private, since a Luna is obviously unwelcome to her pack's meetings."

His face tells no story at all. "I'll tell you what," he takes two steps, so that he's standing only at an inch away, "you'll be the first one I invite to all of our pack's meetings," he crosses his arms, "when I'm certain you're taking your Luna position seriously."

"And how do you imagine to decide when I do?"

He tilts his head. "Currently, you definitely aren't. You behave like you're only trespassing. A transfer waiting until her next plane."

"That is not fair," I clench my jaw. "It's my Goddamn life I had to leave for this mate bond. You didn't have to lift a finger. So excuse me if I'm having a bit of a hard time adjusting."

"Reservations is what you have," he looks at me dead serious. "I don't see you trying to adjust. The opposite actually - you're trying to fight the bond. Don't think I can't tell," he narrows his eyes.

"I'm not denying that. But I fucking came here, didn't I? I'm giving it a chance."

"I can't accept you as the Luna when you're being so resilient to our life together, Lila," he runs his hand over his head, "Fuck, this is hard for me, too. I led a completely different life before. I don't remember the last time I was in this much heat without-" he stops himself.

I gasp, insulted. "So basically you're saying you refuse to share info with me unless I sleep with you." I shake my head, "Unbelievable," I turn to leave, but he grabs my elbow.

Even though it's a gentle grab, I can't seem to get out of his grip. He turns me to face him, his face telling me he's sorry. "I didn't mean it like that, I swear."

"How did you mean it?"

"I am trying so hard here, Lila, can't you see? Last night... it's been hell for me to manage not to touch you."

I twist my lips. "Well you did touch me. You had me spooned even though you promised no wolf business..." what is he laughing about?

"Hey, I am a man of my word. You were the one who snuggled up against me. You were so daring to even pull my hand. I was too much of a gentleman not to hug you," he laughs.

"Ugh," I groan, "I doubt it. Anyway, go do your job. I will be here doing my job," I suddenly decide. I will give online consultations to my old clients, since I got no roles in the Carter pack.

He pouts. "I'll be back before you know it. Don't miss me too much."

I turn and climb the stairs. "Woo hoo. I won't be able to blink..." I say sarcastically without turning.

*****************************

I sit in Darius' office, my laptop on his work desk, listening to Megan, my patient of five years via Skype session.

"I can't handle it anymore," Megan bites her fingernails. "I cannot prove he's cheating, but I feel it, doc. My gut's telling me he's onto something bad."

I stare at the young woman with magnificent blond hair and down turned green eyes. She has never been paranoid. Exactly the opposite. She always tended to beautify the truth and be oblivious to things happening around her. I am satisfied to see she is growing. "Megan, you shouldn't end your marriage based on a hunch. If you do believe John is cheating you should talk to him about it. See what he has to say."

"He will just deny everything!" she fidgets a little. "I didn't tell you I hired a P.I."

"A private investigator?" The news doesn't come as a surprise.

"But he didn't bring me anything shady."

"Maybe there is nothing shady. What are the reasons behind your distrust, Megan?"

"I told you. He doesn't talk to me. Not like before. And he always attends all this events with girls sliming all over..."

"If the mere fact he is surrounded by other women makes you suspect him, don't you think the problem might lie in your own opinions of yourself?"

Megan starts crying as she nods. "I never thought it would come to this. If anyone knew I hired a PI..."

"We've already been through this. Other people have their own problems. Nobody should bother with yours. And it shouldn't worry you what others think. You're living your life. No one else."

She nods again. "I know. I keep repeating your words to myself. Nobody can force me into something I don't want. Only I decide on my life."

I nod. "Exactly." But I suddenly feel like a scam.

I don't live by my own words.

Well, I can't. I'm forced to live a life I did not choose. Megan has no idea how good she has it.

Then I hear his playful deep voice.

"Honey, I'm home!"

My heart races. I look at the wooden floor clock. It shows 5 pm. "Megan, our session is done for today, but you can schedule another one whenever you feel the need, okay?"

"Already?" She seems restless. "I don't know what to do with this PI..."

The door opens and Darius smirks seeing me laid back on his sofa, my legs crossed at my ankles, on his desk.

"Missed me?" His hair is ruffled and he has some dirt on his clothes. It makes him so damn hot.

"I'll have to hang up now, Megan. Talk to you soon." I end the skype session and quickly close the laptop.

"Terribly," I say sarcastically and put my feet down. "How was your day? Wait, don't tell me, I probably shouldn't know."

He twists his lips as if giving up, and takes a seat right next to me, placing my hand into his. He gazes into my eyes and my heart wants to jump out of my chest. He must be able to hear it beat because he places his other hand over it. "My favorite sound in the world," he says with a rugged voice.

Resisting him is starting to hurt physically. Or am I just imagining it? I must've entered the heat season, too. Goddamn it!

I unconsciously lean towards him, breathing in the scent of his neck. I notice blood on his shirt and without my consent, my hand runs to his abdomen as I lift up his shirt to check where the blood is coming from. "You're hurt?"

"It's just a scratch," he takes my hand and his shirts falls over the tiny wound.

"We should clean that," I say, surprise at how careless he is about himself. "How did you earn it?"

He gazes into my eyes with some kind of longing. Then unexpectedly, he lifts me up onto his lap with ease and puts his arms around my lower body.

"Lila..." he sighs, looking at me, "if somebody told me I'd be this crazy for you in three days, I would've called them a fool."

I force myself to breathe. "Don't think for a fucking second you sweet voice will make me forget you're not treating me like a Luna."

You tell him, girl! I could eat his chicken legged wolf for breakfast, she scoffs. After screwing him first, of course.

He doesn't respond. Instead, he caresses my cheek, pressing hair behind my ear. "Would you like to be my Luna?"

"I can't know that until you show me how it feels," I say bluntly.

He presses his lips in guilt - as if having an inner debate. "There's... some things I have to do to ensure your safety here."

"I was ensuring my own safety long before I met you." Another fact, nothing more.

He inhales an irritated breath, still playing with my hair. "Why does me wanting to give you protection anger you this much?"

"It doesn't," I reply matter-of-factly, then drag my finger down his torso. Two can play this game. "What angers me is you assuming I need protection based on the mere fact I'm a woman."

"That's not true," he says in all seriousness, but his hands slide over my outer thighs, close to my derriere. "I offer it because you're my mate. And I want you to always be safe," his voice goes down as he trails his hands up my thigh. "And to always be this close to me."

My head involuntarily leans onto his neck and I inhale his scent with full lungs - I yearn for it to fill my whole body.

"When you do that," he swallows hard, "it makes it real difficult to contain myself from kissing you."

I close my eyes, forcing myself not to say it, but I still do. "Then don't."

I feel his hand run up my arm determinedly to my face. He cups it gently yet firmly with his large hand and lowers his plush lips onto mine as if it's needed for survival.

I immediately open my mouth, inviting his tongue inside. He strokes my tongue with his and in less than two seconds, raw passion takes over.

Finally! My wolf cheers.

He is our mate, ok? Maybe I'll be able to solve our problems better after we've dealt with this constrained sexual attraction. Let's just get it out of the way already.

Yes, get it out of the way! I'm not complaining.

We kiss each other and it feels primal, filthy, boundless. I rub my body against his addictively, barely remembering to breathe. I hold his head with both my hands and he's holding mine with one - the other placed at the small of my back. And I want it to move over my body. God, I want it so badly.

I feel his groins pulsate under mine and it drives me crazy. I stand up to change my position and sit back onto him with one leg at each side.

He groans deeply and it's the sexiest sound I've ever heard. It makes me lick his throat all the way up to his bottom lip, which I gently bite.

His erection is full on and he places his hands onto my hips, urging me to move.

I start rubbing against it up and down, driving both of us crazy. This is going to end one way only.

I know it's wrong to have sex with him when we have obviously bigger issues to work on but it feels too good to be able to stop. We're mates in heat, for Moon Goddess' sake.

I feel my wetness and as he starts kissing my neck, I twists my back, running my hand up his thigh to his manhood.

He groans with pleasure as I stroke his erection over his jeans and he cups my breasts with his large hands. I am not wearing a bra and I notice it excites him even more.

He impatiently starts unbuttoning my shirt, then simply rips it apart, placing his lips over my nipple.

A moan of great pleasure escapes my throat, as I have been keeping it in for too long.

"Lila," he sighs. "You drive me insane."

I can't wait any longer. I feel like my pelvis is going to explode. I grab his belt with both my hands and quickly pull it out. Then I unbutton his jeans and quickly place my hand inside, feeling his manhood through the boxers.

He suddenly catches my lower arm. "Are you sure?"

I look at him angrily, mad for ruining this moment. What does he want me to say?

"I'm only asking," he continues, "because if I let him out, this is a point of no return. I'm barely containing myself as it is."

I lower my head and give him a questioning look. "Do I look like I want you to contain yourself?" I whisper to his ear and slip my hand into his boxers, now touching his hard, large penis with skin to skin contact.

He chuckled with a strained voice, then pulls his jeans down.

His rough hands run up my bare legs, all the way under my skirt. When they reach my tiny lace panties, he groans a little, stroking my hips. Then, my panties are gone. He ripped them into two in one swift movement.

He gently caresses my butt and then squeezes it hard, and groans with passion. I can't wait any longer so I place myself closer, to make skin to skin contact with his pulsating penis.

His eyes shoot to mine with consuming devotion. "Are you this wet just from me touching you?" He whispers into my ear.

I wiggle with pleasure and rub my head against his cheek. "I need you inside me, Darius. Now."you have